Enlisted Greentext Thread

Well if the plane is coming in to land and a deer runs across the strip then you are going to end up with a dead deer. Pilots aren’t going to try and swerve last second just for Bambi’s mother.

>thousands of years of evolution
>gets scared
>manages to run out in front of giganormous gray thing falling out of the sky
>as opposed to running away from it
Deer are retarded.

Imagine the smell

The us military certainly has enough tax payer dollars to build a fucking fence

>be me
>be paratrooper
>one guy is being a massive dick because he jumped so much as a civie guys
>tribal tattoos, eagle tattoo with "101st airborn" bullshit, jersey shore tan
>got everyone's shit searched because he hid whey powder and cigars
>day of our first jump finally comes
>I shit my whole bowels out from stress the morning before
>"whats going on user you too much of a fag to jump, they don't got shiters one the plane fag"
>in plane time to jump "go go go!"
> fuck fuck fuck.mp4
>feel the fucking wind rush my face, piss is free floating in my blader, dick feels wierd as shit
>chute opens
>thankyoujeesus.psalm
>reach ground, land, I'm alive
>get back up when I hear the worst hellish scream coming from 30 feet away
>shit sounds like you ripped a pig's balls off with a rusty hook
>run over to see massive cunt laying on the ground crying
>left knee is bent 120° to the side
>right tibia poking under his pants soaked in blood
>he can't make a coherent sentence aside from "fuck ma leg"
>dumb ass forgot the PLF was a fucking thing for a second
>I never could jump without his scream coming to mind after that

>close Army service as a commander and discharge
>in city eating lunch in the food place
>1st year conscripts eating at next table get up and walk away
>one girl forget her rifle
>walk over and open the receiver, remove bolt group and return the push pins again
>take from one bullet her magazine
>Hey you forgot your rifle
>girl runs back stressing
>take rifle back embarrassed
>You have everything?
>updown her head in yes
>show her the bolt group and let her put back in
>How many bullets you have?
>do the thing where you push down the tips of the bullets in the magazine with a spare bullet and all the bullets jump out
>make her count them as she put them back in the magazine
>she is almost cry so I stop to being mean
>never lose your rifle it is important
>close conversation

youtu.be/XOsGnaeT03k?t=141

Story reminds me of this.

>PLF
What be?

parachute landing fall

landing technique to help prevent injury

>girl

Parachute Landing Fall

Disperses the shock over a larger area to keep you from breaking your legs

Attached: 300px-Parachute_landing_fall.jpg (300x388, 21K)

Serves her right for being a ditz, I hope the humiliation taught her a lesson.

>taped an ounce of weed to the firing pin
>and then everyone clapped

How fast are you falling even after the parachute is opened?

gory gory what a helluva way to die...

Attached: 1535117115801.gif (250x188, 1.85M)

Not me but a sergent friend had a girl loose her rifle in the woods during training it took 2 and a half hour to find it and she lodged a complaint because he called her every synonym for retard possible during those two hours

no deer is illegal, user.

He didn't die retard

Around 18 to 20 miles per hour so not too much but still enough to fuck you up

Not on some random landing strip in buttfuck fuckistan

Dude that's pretty fucking fast to hit a flat surface

Depends on:
>how much you weigh
>how much shit is strapped to you
The T-10D that the Army used from WW2 through ~2016 was designed to drop a 180lb total load at about 16.5mph (24fps). Now obviously gear has just about quadrupled compared to what a WW2 soldier would jump with, so your average 160-180lb infantry dude is falling at over 20mph with one, hence the drastic increase in the rate of jump injuries.

The newer T-11 parachute has a much higher weight rating and is designed to drop at 19 feet per second/13mph.

All it takes is a second of inattention at the worst possible moment to fuck you up
Got me thinking off all the guys that jumped in WW2 and how many just died before the fight just because of a bad landing

there's something called vagina bacon google it if you dare

Mass repliers should be hanged.

if you’re snap your shit into a compound fracture PLFing would make literally zero difference you fucking chump

>you

>The us military certainly has enough tax payer dollars to build a fucking fence

Deer climb/jump average height fences like champs.

>If you're have go through windshield having seatbelt would do nothing for you

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That's why you don't just land on your feet like a retard especially with round sails

Proteins and shit

It's not "blood" user it's the lining of their uterus...that should probably clear shit up.

Justified.

To the people saying this is fake I could totally see this happening in Israel lol

>blood mushrooms

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You've never jumped you stupid faggot

I got a C in HS biology but good damn y'all niggers are stupid as dog shit. Not understanding how blood could cause a fungus good God man read a book or use your noggin.

that’s funny my master parachutist badge would say differently. if you honestly think PLFing makes a difference in jumping you must’ve just graduated airborne school

And my "Always right" badge says you are a faggot, wrong and possibly the result of inbreeding.

Attached: fag alarm.jpg (450x337, 28K)

like the wall?

>He ain't gonna jump no more...

woah quite the amount of evidence you got there.

bait harder faggot

Get big on blood mushrooms, Mario.

bullshit. how do you land?

Neat, the subject of:
's story decided to reply to the thread.
Nice work snapping your leg, dickhead.

At the US-Mexico border rn

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I remember that thread

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How's it going down there?

details m8, whats really going on since mainstream media stopped talking about the caravan

...Is that Garandthumb?

Marine corps swim qual. The dark green devils never make it.

>commander Mordecai godbergosteinwitz
>commander of 4th shitskin heeb division
>makes females embarrassed and cry
>then at night films them getting blacked.

Thanks for your cervix, ovenfuel.

>The ol' ounce of weed meme
You know I never really understood this one, but I did enjoy it

I wish I'd saved screencaps of that Piss Patrol thread from /b/ years ago. Was probably bullshit but still funny. One of their female squadmates kept pissing themselves during combat. Kept fighting each time but hijinks ensued.

With or without the tampons? I'll look if I got it in my pile of old screencaps.

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>t.city dwelling faggot

>be me
>was sitting down a beautiful girl I use to be madly in love with
>Sat down in a beautiful park
>75F sunny and no humidity
>had a nice picnic with wine, weed and sandwiches
>her beautiful red hair complimented her sun dress
>also not wearing any panties so I know I was getting some.
INCOMING !!
>woke up to a fucking mortar
>realized I'm still in Afghanistan
>pulling security during a night op
>fell asleep for 2 minutes since we had a 42 hour mission
>feelsbadman.jpeg
>was dreaming the whole time and was only on my 5 month from my 18 month rotation.

She is now married with a kid by some dickless loser and I'm here on /k wearing a GI joe shirt next to my amazing gf sleeping on a fucking bed enjoying my food coma from eating pho and not shit tier MREs.

But man, looking back...those days where the worst best days of my life. That fucking feeling when you're so tired and fed up with life that a single shut in makes an intense dream of something you want so badly. words cannot explain how frustrating that is.

Not mine, but one of my buddies from his time in Iraq.

>be crayon flavor tester, circa 2005
>doing route clearance work
>particular route usually gets hit 2 or 3 times per day with ambush fire
>along the route is a candy shop with huge glass windows, miraculously unscathed after 3 months of gunfighting
>be approaching the candy shop, stay getting mortared
>not hitting anything, but annihilating surrounding buildings
>mortars stop, start taking small arms fire
>taking cover behind a shitty stone wall while I reload, look up to see that I'm in front of the candy shop
>wall I'm sheltering behind getting lit the fuck up by automatic fire, no real chance for me to get up without taking rounds
>rounds impacting everywhere, feel like I'm about to get smoked
>someone throws a grenade, hadji's break and run
>we pursue, killing three or four more before the rest escape
>head back to route clearance for the next convoy with half the squad while the other half secures the weapons and shit
>see the candy shop, in perfect condition
>look around, see only my buddy standing nearby
>open up with my 249 into the front of the candy shop obliterating the windows and counters inside
>buddy doesn't say shit
>we get back to the fob, next patrol goes out
>next day, dude from the other squad is telling me how the miracle candy shop got fucked up
>just look at him and say "fuckin hadjis, man."

Sorry for late reply, but I'm an engineer and lately we just put up concertina wire on top of the wall that's already there. It feels really pointless though, since there's a lot of gaps anyway. I saw a big ass family walk through one and they got like 10 steps in before they all got detained by border patrol.

Nothing crazy, to my disappointment. It's just a lot of tedious work of putting up wire. I ripped up like 3 pairs of gloves so far since November. Every now and then you'll see a couple of chicos hop over before we can get our wire up we have to let them go. A few minutes later you'll see a border patrol truck chase after them.

And it's not a real mushroom. It's uterus shit that falls out.

It's a timeless feel

Attached: Untitled.jpg (400x500, 68K)

Lose*
And I can't believe the idiot fell for the "men and women are equal, so treat the same" meme

Now we know why Peach is so important to a plumber that crawls through sewers

What's the significance of busting a window?

>be my dad
>conscripted, 2 years of service, get it over with etc
>sent to island famous for spooky shit for training
>one night, it was his guard duty, patroling the fence line with his buddy
>suddenly the sound of someone or something hitting the fence, in the silence of the night it was very loud
>he and his buddy goes "what the fuck?" and continues on their route
>noise continues
>guard commander evidently heard it and is pissed as fuck, radios all the patrols
>"WHO THE FUCK IS HITTING THE FENCE?"
>All patrols reply that they are not hitting the fence
>eventually he got pissed enough to get out and trace the source of the noise
>my dad and buddy is the closest
>"WERE YOU GUYS HITTING THE FENCE?"
>"No sergeant"
>"BUT YOU ARE THE CLOSEST PEOPLE TO THE SOURCE OF THE NOISE, IF IT AIN'T YOU, WHO IS IT?"
>at this moment the fence near them starts shaking rapidly as though someone is hitting it at that point
>there is no one there
>the 3 of them immediately got the fuck out of there

The mad lad is still here! God fucking bless, user

A little island of untainted purity in a sea of chaos.
You just can't let that go on when you live and breathe sailing that sea.

Because it had survived intact for so long. When they busted the windows, they busted the legend.

Shit, jumping seems less scary to me than the PLF. I am sure they train you to muscle memory it but looking at the visual guide I could see myself fucking that up in the panic/stress of the first jump. I mean you're supposed to all that what, in the split milasecond you hit the ground? Or do you start to bend over and kind of crouch/bend your knees before you land?

Couldn't find it with pics, but found it on google for anyone who hadn't read it.

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>pho

I also enjoy Vietnamese women, it's important that I let you know

Windows are just fucking meant to be broken, user.

>>be my dad
>>be me
>>be poos
>>uh oh we both indian

I swear why do you fools keep on living, you poops are gonna be the fitsy ones to go, when the Government microwaves the brains, with volcanic radiation,,,,,,,, none of us are the targets, but we will all be zombies of the slavers,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

> be me, artillery platoon sargent
>less then 3 months to go
>section chiefs constantly getting hurt due to dumb shit
>hopping crews like im getting paid for it
>heading down to the range for a day of position defence
>direct firing using max charge
>crew comes down with another wounded chief
>notthisshitagain.jpeg
>go to the gun to see whats up
> chiefs knee was sticking out breech recoil left a paper cut on his knee
>youluckybasterd.wmv

good commander

youtube.com/watch?v=2f4CqyjZaOw

Just another day in Garrison at Colorado.

So pray tell me what else do you do? I'm an air assault wannabe airborne and even I find your statement to be dumb as fuck.

>Be me, salty E5 sister FISTer
>Not be me, rest of rifle platoon
>Also not me, stupid ass cherry LT
>Stuck out on some fucking FOB as QRF during bullshit hadji elections
>nothing happening, we're getting bored between 12hr guard mounts
>There's all sorts of animals wondering through FOB
>See a goat
>See LT go into porta-shitter
>malicious_idea.wav
>Direct private to grab goat by horns, bring it to porta shitter
>Others gather around, remove name tapes, put face masks on, ready cameras
>Yank door open
>shove goat in
>Shut and hold door for about a minute
>LT screaming like the bitch he is
>Pull door open, take pictures
>Everyone scatters into FOB, cameras hidden
>We all get called to formation, get the shit smoked out of us
>Unbreakable.jpg
>Still have pictures, occasionally send LT now Major pictures of him with his pants down and a goat in the porta-shitter.

Also,

>Doing food patrol through fagot swamp behind our FOB
>Carrying SAW because I like dat dakka
>See shit trench
>figure I'm too heavy to make the jump
>Try and step on rock to cross
>Slip
>Turn body, save weapon, only get half my person covered in shit
>Abosultefuckingrage.png
>Hit last stop on patrol, walk back, come to shit trench
>Try to jump this time
>don't make it
>Cover other half of body in shit
>Weapon still good though
>Get back to hooch
>Get hosed off like some kind of convict

The first week or so of training is just the PLF over and over again until it becomes second nature( i've actually jumped off a chair after changing a lightbulb and rolled into my coffe table like a retard once), it's not that hard really just rolling with the impact and once you start the motion it pretty much does itself

ALSO,

>Two days after shit bath
>Platoon decides to pull some basic bitch prank on super moto D-bag Plt Daddy
>His only redeeming quality is the amazing mustache he managed to grow
>Someone gets fake mustaches
>I have mustache already so no fake one for me, I get to be distraction instead
>Brief begins, need to distract him
>"Hey Sgt. I need to talk to you", Daddy looks at me like I'm stupid but agrees
>Takes me back to his room
>Tell him I have horrible rash on my balls now from shit trench
>There's no rash though, I stretch my balls out to show him as much as I can.
>"Is this it?" Daddy asks and touches my taint.
>"Uhhh... yea?" I say trying to keep my shit together
>"Well go to fucking sick call you moron, now put your pants on."
>Go back to brief in
>Everyone has mustaches on
>Plt. Daddy rages, shaves his mustache out of spite
>Threatens me with AR15 and a dozen other things but doesn't follow through when I ask how he plans to explain away touching my taint.

>Tfw in IDF right now
>Tfw the most interesting thing to happen is shooting gas nades at goat herders in Gaza
5 months left out of 32, lads.
Ask me any questions if you got em.

why don't you leave the Palestinians alone?

what's the quality of training like? assuming ur a conscript so considering continuing after ur mandatory period?

Why don't you "accidentally" lob some HE instead of gas? Make sure you're wearing a camera so I can watch it.

If we do we will just start exploding like in the intifada. They try their hardest to fuck with us as it is, if we let up they'll just get cockier.
I'm a conscript, now a staff Sgt. I used to train newfags for a while. In my unit we have a serious shortage of people so I sadly couldn't trash the people I wanted to and they brought the overall level down, but it was ok in the end.
Units with more "prestige" and more money have very good training though. We have a shitload of relatively spec ops units compared to "normal" ones and you can be sure these guys get the best training possible.
I'm not gonna continue, no. I've got a uni to go to.
Because I'll get court marshalled and serve jail time. Snipers sometimes accidentally hit people in the face instead of knees though. I hope it's really by accident cause we don't really need more trouble than we have already.
Also Ive seen more than one picture (uploaded by Arabs because they have zero respect for their dead) of people that have a gas nade inside their head.
Again, it's not on purpose, we are all aware that the situation is hot enough as it is.