My brother caught me sniffing his dog's ass and might be throwing me out tomorrow morning. Let me back up and give you the full story.
Recently, I've fallen on tough times after losing my job and girlfriend of 4 years. My brother let me crash at his place while I get back on my feet. He's my eldest brother, so he's been married 7 years and has two of the sweetest little girls you could ask for (my nieces). So I've been staying with them for a year and a half now and everything has been going great.
Anyways, his wife has been a "dog-person" all her life and my brother finally let her bring a dog into the house when they had their youngest (we never had pets growing up). To my credit, I wasn't comfortable with the dog when I moved in and asked them to get rid of it. Apparently that was out of the question. If I wanted to stay, I had to deal with it. So, I did. The more I was around the dog, the more I grew affectionate towards it. Maybe golden retrievers are just friendly, or maybe he just took a liking to me from the start. In any circumstance, the dog quickly swapped my sister in-law for me as its new favorite master. Being around the house while they work allows me to take the dog for walks and spoil him with treats all day.
The trouble started one such morning in which my brother had adventured on a business trip and my sister-in-law had driven my nieces to school as is her custom on weekdays. Having not a room for myself in their abode, I, having obtained the blessings from my dear hosts, fashioned my sleeping chamber within the living room upon my first arrival. It is by which during these mornings I frequently dress and ready myself within these chambers, this being of no grand concern as I assume the role of sole human inhabitant of the manor upon their departure. It was in conducting such activity that the beast, my playfellow of many months, had caused a distraction that ceased my activities and unwittingly bound me to my misfortunes and woe.
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Jow Forums humor
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So I'm standing there butt ass naked when this fuckin dog come up to me and starts sniffing my ass like we've never fuckin met before. And I'm thinking to myself what in the fuck is this fuckin dog doing sniffing my fuckin ass? Well Fido is having the time of his life but I can't even get my pants off the ground without this dog's snout tappin my tooter. And you know what, I say fuck it and get down on all fours and start sniffing this dog's ass. I mean we're friends ain't we? I'm going in circles with this fuckin thing laughing my ass off dying laughin. So we make a little game outta this any chance we get. Who'd-a thunk I'd be sittin on my fuckin brother's couch for a year and a half crawlin around on the floor naked, sniffin a dog's ass? But I mean hey, that's life.
So I mean, yous guys know where this is going. I got pinched. Whaddya want me to say? They went out for ice cream tonight and my fuckin idiot brother forgets his fuckin wallet. I'm doing circles naked on the floor sniffing his dog's ass like some kinda jerkoff and he kicks me right in the ass before I even know he's back. He wants me fuckin gone. Hey I mean, whaddya gonna do? We'll see tomorrow I guess.
Post some Jow Forums humor in the meantime to help cheer me up.
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you're just hoping i say something funny so you can post all this on reddit
nigger
Why is Jow Forums the strangest fucking gayest board on Jow Forums?
/thread
>My 2015/16 garbage memes are still floating around here
Please stop
where is this pic from?
Fake, gay, and cringe
Post dogs butthole if true
>Post dogs butthole if true
This. Let us see the offending mudcutter
The Babadook
youtube.com
gun bad
>My brother caught me sniffing his dog's ass and might be throwing me out tomorrow morning
Never before had I ever paused for so long after reading the first sentence of a paragraph
I think sand SUCKS
>Jow Forums fucks a [not a human] again
Color me surprised.
>Please stop
Being right for the wrong reasons never gets old.
Did you read the whole thing ?
That pegged my WTF meter slso.
Here's the mitigating or damning factor....did you have an erection? If yes; your brother is 100% right. If no; your bro needs to chill.
This.
timestamp faggot you know the rules
No. I would never do that to an animal you sick fuck.
Why are you treating me like I'm sick for alleging that people fuck animals? It's ugly but it's real. Does "thou doth protest to much"? You sniffed a dog's butthole it's not a far step to sexual shit.
If true though than your brother needs to have a coke and a smile and shut the fuck up
Is it hilarious that this was basically me as a kid and a tone down version of this as an adult. I have serious ADHD. Like those little bouncy chairs you suspend from door frames, my mom would put me in those when I was like 1 years old and she said I'd just bounce intensely for hours. Like she was worried i was possessed by Satan or something (we were Pentecostal at the time) because I rarely showed any signs of slowing down doing that or just climbing and running around.
Where the fuck do you think you are? There are NO NORMAL BOARDS!!! Fucking faggit.
dear god why didn't they put you on meds? surely they had to exist when you were a toddler.
When I was in kindergarten/1st grade they tried that. We were in the counselor's office because during nap time, which I hate. I HATE NAPS. Such a stupid thing. Fuck that, I sleep at night, not during the fucking day when the sun's out and I can run out and play. I would make growling and animal noises at the sleeping mat. I also would refuse to come inside after recess because sitting still while the teacher read Green Eggs and Ham for the 8th time that year was annoying. The counselor was suggesting ritalin or whatever because I coudln't sit still. Even in the meeting I was unable to stay in my seat. Sitting too long gets me unnerved. I don't like sitting around too long. There's a big world out there for me to go discover.
Luckily my dad fought for me not to be doped up like all the yuppie parents wanted to do to their kids.
........not only do you have some serious ADHD but you have gotten sweet dubdubs right there., twice.
Shut up, baby killer.
Just reading your post tells me you have some serious ADD. That mini rant shows some serious frustration, possibly depression.
H-Holden? Is that you?
Fuck both you fags, I was just saying it was funny because I was like that when I was a kid.
Must kill John Lennon....
>people who never had pets as a kid turn into unhinges fucking retards the moment they bond with a dog
I wonder how many furries were never allowed to have pets as children
Do it for Jodie.
Wtf is this?
Dog butt
>falling for the drugpill
you sicken me
Meds are thrown at everybody for everything these days. Chronically tired? Here's some wellbutrin.
But psychiatry is a thing and some people have fucked up brain juices that need balancing.
t. Bipolar ex stabbed me in the arm
Let's do the whole village, for Manny and Sal! That's how the normie laughs at you!
You ever see a head come apart like that?
Uh the ADHD guy. I'm actually very well adjusted for the most part, just really really hyper. I don't like sitting still. That's why I got a job robbing people at gun point and raping 12 year olds.
What are you a homosexual Taylor? You saving yourself up to be Jewish, LT?
Vietnam fuckin' shits!
>got a job robbing people at gun point and raping 12 year olds.
I mean that's not really a job. You got a Healthcare plan, dental, or 401k?
If you lurk here youre not as well adjusted as you think btw
I start fires!!!!
Barnes loves killing gook kids and jew jokes. Only time he laughs in the whole movie.
Not enough, Apparently. Keep it up you could be a journeyman arsonist with pension.
He is reality, after all. He shits on all of you.
Elias was a waterwalker that's for sure
You're hanging with Audie Murphy my man.
heres the kicker though; those drugs give you artificially concentrated and produced versions of naturally occurring compounds, chemicals, and amino acids that you can find naturally in foods and supplements. im not a health food nut but simple changes in your diet can change issues with things such as lifelong depression. like all things, it requires effort to work but im not one for feeding the disgusting medical industry and their requirements to bend over and get fucked by big pharma, tax industries, and the college meme.
You can always tell if someone is a sand lover just by the look on their face.
>heres the kicker though; those drugs give you artificially concentrated and produced versions of naturally occurring compounds, chemicals, and amino acids that you can find naturally in foods and supplements.
That's true. But it's only practical to an extent. If you have minor issues you can find ways to manage it yourself. But if you are schizophrenic you need a concentrated drug that is going to tell your brain to limit dopamine production otherwise suffer psychosis. Trying to get foods and supplements in your diet that do the same as the drug would probably make you incredibly sick.
I wonder how many furries bonded too much with their pets.
I wonder how many Jow Forumsommandos bonded too much with their guns
All of us, user. All of us.
There's a clear difference. An animal feels pain, stress, and abuse. A gun is just an idol. You can only sexually gratify yourself to an extent with a gun. Whereas you can abuse animals to sate your sexual needs.
Both are unhealthy only one is cruel and abusive.
Got me there, now polish that barrel user. I say it with love