Any fags here know how to game a polygraph?
Got into some shit with the law about guns, can't really get into detail, fuck the ATF and the police. On Wednesday I have to go to the sheriff's office and take a polygraph test, even though the shit is proven to be generally inaccurate.
I'll need to lie or else I'm fucked. Any fags here have some tips?
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yeah... dont show up to this bullshit if it isnt court ordered. youre going to end up incriminating yourself
Well you already believe that it works, and you already plan to lie, you're hiding something, and you're nervous. So you're pretty much fucked.
Fuck you, dumbass. Whatever you did you probably deserve it.
ATF + Police 4ever
do you not have a lawyer you dumb cunt?
Tell them it's inadmissible in court and then leave unless it's court-ordered. Get a warrant, you fat fuck
Basically they said if I comply and go they'll drop the case but if I don't it'll be SHTF
I'm not nervous. I'm pissed. And I'm hiding something from these unconstitutional cucks.
>t. bootlicker
Don't have money for one currently, been researching laws like 5 hours a day the past 2 weeks.
Anyways, can I get some actual tips to game this shitty polygraph?
>got into some shit with the ATF
>doesn't think they are tracking his active IP
Congrats, you played yourself.
take a Valium b4
Unless it’s court ordered you do not have to show up. Get a FUCKing lawyer and don’t say literally one word unless your lawyer tells you too. It’s expensive but it’s worth every penny.
Just clench your anus really tight. Seriously.
You can't "game" it, it's a way to get people to self incriminate in other ways
Also they aren't dropping shit. Cops can legally lie to you, and will, constantly
Clench your asshole, if your sphincter muscle still has any oomph left in it after the repeated poundings it has taken.
Correct answer, or get halfway buzzed almost drunk
>can I get some actual tips
Don’t trust a word a cop says. They are legally allowed to lie to you to make you show your hand. They have no legal bond to drop the case even if you ace the test. Get a lawyer right now. If you don’t have the money take a loan, ANYTHING then not having one. Well your car, sell everything. Items can only buy your freedom now not later
Are you from NY?
Are you a DEP cop?
Don’t take the test idiot they’re lying to you they’re not dropping shit they just want you to comply.
take a valium then walk n with a super large black coffee that is on 1/4 full (pour out) the examiner will be like wow this guys going to be buzzing, then the valium makes t look like your harts not working..... confuse the shit out the the stooge scientist!
this guys guilty as sin.............. let him fuck up and get ass raped for his stupidity
>I'll need to lie or else I'm fucked
You need to get a lawyer and say fuck off to the lie detector, they cant make you take it, lawyer up bitch if you want to make it out in one piece
GET A LOAN FOR A LAWYER THEN SUCK DICK ON THE STREET. SELL PLASMA. You've already fucked yourself by posting here. This can all help incriminate you if you're serious.
Quick, google search 'How to pass a polygraph' repeatedly.
Do you have that in writing? Do you have a lawyer? Don’t do shit without a lawyer you fucking noob
How would this work? And I don't know how long it will be and if I can keep a clenched anus for 1-4 hours.
>believing literally anything the police tell you
Get a lawyer you dumb fuck, you ace the test, you’re still fucked, but if you fail it, you just incriminated yourself
Yeah this might actually work, I've been sitting in my chair the past 10 minutes clenching it and measuring my heart rate and blood pressure. Thanks user.
So on the parts where I have to lie I clench, and otherwise leave it unclenched?
A judge did not order it, DO NOT GO.
Have you been charged formally yet?
>On Wednesday I have to go to the sheriff's office and take a polygraph test
Polygraphs are INADMISSIBLE in every single criminal court room in the United States. A court cannot actually order a polygraph in a criminal case because it could not then be used as evidence in ANY capacity.
If you take this test or say anything other than what the lawyer you should already have explicitly tells you to say, you DESERVE to be ass raped in prison. Tell them to get a warrant or to "have a nice day".
Here a lawyer, dipshit. Or go to the public defender and beg.
Do not take a polygraph.
You don't understand, if I go they're gonna be much more lenient and I'll probably get off the hook. And I'm not taking out a fucking loan for a lawyer, I researched it myself.
>Basically they said if I comply and go they'll drop the case but if I don't it'll be SHTF
That's a lie, you dumb nigger. If they weren't trying to prosecute you, they wouldn't want to interview you with a liar intimidator, the only purpose of which is to get you to incriminate yourself.
>if I go they're gonna be much more lenient and I'll probably get off the hook
They are lying. They are allowed to lie to you. Ignore every single stupid thought in your brain telling you to trust them.
The fact that you're not currently in a cell means they have nothing on you. If they did you'd already be asking for money in your commissary.
>I researched it myself.
enjoy prison, boyo
Invoke the 5th and shut the fuck up. Every single fucking question they ask invoke the 5th.
youtube.com
This video applies here.
>agreeing to take a polygraph in the first place
>then invoking the fucking 5th amendment after already agreeing to answer questions
No. They are lying to you and you'll incriminate yourself.
Do you have a dog you can let them shoot?
Polygraph machines are inadmissible in any court and are not an effective way to detect lies. They can detect some physical indicators of stress, but there is no meaningful correlation between them and lying.
These machines literally are useless, except as an interview tool. It's there to make you nervous and try to convince you to give the desired answered by 'proving' they can tell if you are 'lying'.
It's a distraction technique. Focusing on muscle tension and breathing reduces your physical reaction and stress response. By concentrating on something like that a person evens out their response to other questions. It makes them much harder to read.
Note that a stress response, when being questioned, isn't unusual and doesn't prove anything. The exact same reactions can also be attributed to physical illness or indigestion. The machine cannot tell the difference between you lying about killing your mother and having had a greasy breakfast.
Again, these machines do nothing.
Pick a simple story, stick to it, and tell them that you'd like to have a lawyer present during any questioning. Refuse to be questioned unless a lawyer is present. Note that unlike the police the lawyer can't lie to you or try to force a confession. This is true even if it's not 'your' lawyer, but someone present only to act as your advocate during questioning.
Your advocate will say exactly what I said about the machines being a pointless prop and to refuse them, then tell them to charge you or fuck off and suck their own dicks for a while. The police will almost certainly fuck off to suck their own dicks because these stupid polygraph games don't happen if they have a real case and don't need an idiot to confess.
The police think you are an idiot, and will try to force you to confess. Until a lawyer is there your only words are "I'd like to have a lawyer present for any questioning."
>The fact that you're not currently in a cell means they have nothing on you.
Not necessarily. It could mean that the case is shaky, and they've pegged this dumbass as the kind of dumbass that will give a full confession the moment they put the screws to him.
You answer their questions with "I invoke the 5th Amendment", but honestly this guy should've shut the fuck up a LONG time ago.
It's a little late for that so that seems to be the only idea I have besides not going in the first place.
You are going to jail. The only reason they did this is to talk you into signing a confession and you are going to if you walk in there without a lawyer.
The best time to stop talking to the police was yesterday, the next best time to stop talking to the police is tomorrow. If you aren't on death row and out of appeals then it's not to late to shut up and ask for a lawyer.
>You answer their questions
No you don't, because you never agree to take a polygraph.
>It's a little late for that so that seems to be the only idea I have besides not going in the first place.
That's the only correct option.
You sound like a real winner. Your community would probably be better off with you locked up.
the way the polygraph works is they review EVERYTHING they are gonna ask you before the test starts
>this way a measured change in your physiology is NOT a reaction the the question itself
they will attempt to establish a baseline using easily verifiable questions
>name/age/have you ever climbed mt Everest
if they can't establish a baseline they cant reliable conduct the test
>this is where you attack the test itself
find ways to "elevate" your stress levels
give yourself food poisoning
if you have a food allergy eat it right before you show up(have epipen in your car (and litterally NOTHING ELSE, you are giving them permission to look through your car for the epipen, don't leave weed in your glovebox))
hide a tac in your shoe (don't be obvious about it)
clench muscles (that they can't see you clenching)
but first things last
get a fucking lawyer yesterday
and do not talk/deal with cops without him/her/zim/zer present
>Don't have money for one currently
fuck you, you don't!
if you don't get a lawer you WILL LOSE, and when you lose you will lose your freedom
EVERYTHING gets put on hold, fuck every bill you have, every loan obligation, fuck your rent, fuck your car payment, every cent you own should go to your legal defense because without it you risk losing your freedom
which do you want to take the hit; your fucking life or your credit score?
even an overworked public defender is better than nothing
Polygraph info in other Jow Forums thread
You have the right to have a lawyer present for all questioning regardless of your ability to afford one.
If you cannot afford a lawyer one will be provided for you. They can advise you of your rights and if you should answer the questions of the police or not. For any interview more serious then a traffic stop you should have a lawyer present.
>if I go they're gonna be much more lenient
BULL SHIT
They are going to use everything they can to fuck your shit PERIOD, you must be young and never had run ins before, they will lie, cheat and try to entrap you in every little thing they do, they are not your fucking friends, they have one mission, to make arrest and further their careers, you are just a stepping stone, if they have their sights on you there is NOTHING you can do to change their minds
Dude, pay the fuck attention. You need an old burlap sack and some tuna fish. Open the can put it outside. Catch you two stray cats. Put them in the burlap sack. Swing the two cat sack like a madman. Go to your neighbors house. Knock on his door. Throw one of the cats in his face when he opens it. As he struggles with the unpacked sack cat drop your pants. Shit on his doorstep. Run away giggling. Repeat this the very next day with the same neighbor.
You will no longer need to take the polygraph. You are welcome.
I am intrigued by your ideas and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
My fucking sides, orbit, I tell ya
it doesnt
>public defender is better than nothing
It was a public defender who kicked the shit out of ATF ass over black beards braced pistol SBR case
include me in the screencap
>I've been sitting in my chair the past 10 minutes clenching it and measuring my heart rate
You are a fucking idiot, and you are going to jail, I would ask you to let us know how things go but I already know, you wont be posting here after Wednesday, and you wont have your guns ever again, and your boss will have you replaced by next Monday once he finds out you're locked up
a polygraph isn't a lie detector it's a stress detector, when you get ready to take the test they read a bullshit story telling you how it's a sensitive lie detecting machine and it will pick up the slightest deception but truth is it only works if you believe what they tell you so when you do lie your brain causes your body to show it. just by knowing is all bullshit and just answer there questions without even thinking about what you answer you'll pass but if you don't think you can handle it try taking a sedative like xanax or valium and you'll pass no matter what. there's also a old trick of placing a thumb tack in your shoe under your big toe and after every question you answer push your toe down on the tack so after every question your body will show the same physical state. Good luck
>the retards ITT suggesting OP take controlled drugs he doesn't have a prescription for before going to a voluntary police interrogation
Ha ha, oh wow.
My sides
Ignore the stress.
It's not admissable in any court.
Remember that the questioner is a faggot, what he asks you regardless of what he asks you doesn't matter.
When he asks you a question don't feel compelled to answer at any particular pace, even if he tries to make it "hurried".
Ignore the question in a general way, rephrase the question in your mind to correspond with the answer you are going to give.
Answer to your own question.
Repeat until over.
>5th Amendment is your friend
>Don't even show up unless it's court ordered
>Get a fucking lawyer
>Shut your dirty, whore mongering mouth unless your lawyer tells you to
>Remember that this shit is inadmissible in every single courtroom in the country, its just a tactic to make you fuck up and say something stupid.
If you absolutely have to do it;
>Plead the 5th
>Tell them you want a lawyer there
>Literally bitch about not having your lawyer there until they literally tell you to shut your fucking mouth
>Picture the examiner in your mind standing on his head, or sucking a thick black cock, or wearing a pony costume, or anything that makes you laugh and not take him serious
>Pop a couple valliums/downers 2 hours before, then have a cup of black coffee or 2 redbulls 1 hour before that way your pulse is erratic as fuck and ruins their test
>Clench your anus for as long as possible
There's one way to do it but you have to do this exactly.
First you need to get some viagra or a cheap knock off of it. Take double the normal dose. It will fuck up your blood pressure and give you the hardest fucking boner you've ever had.
Wear no underwear and sweatpants, since you're in the position I'm guessing that you have multiple options for sweatpants, to the interview.
While you are doing the interview just think about fucking whoever is proctoring the test while looking at them like a complete creep. When you are done stand up and show off that glorious boner through the sweatpants and if there's something you can knock off the table with it for dramatic effect go for it.
>While you are doing the interview just think about fucking whoever is proctoring the test while looking at them like a complete creep.
Forgot to mention that this part should make it so you can pass the test with all the lies you need to throw in there. Don't kinda think about fucking them, get into it in your head. Visualize the whole fucking thing, them licking balls you balls deep in their ass, choking, face fucking the whole nine yards. Lose yourself in this and just have the conversation in the background. You'll be so fucking horny that this shouldn't be an issue.
Can you get hold of some Lotensin or Lopressor? Those are used to treat hypertension, they’ll definitely fuck with a polygraph. You also want to keep your sphincter clenched like you’re holding in a monstrous shit. Concentrate on that. All of these things will be obvious to the examiner, he’ll ask you about it. Tell him you slipped in the shower and twisted your back, and you took some ibuprofen for it. He’ll know you’re full of shit, but can’t prove anything without getting a warrant for a blood test. A bad poly isn’t enough justification for that.
They’re doing this because they don’t have enough to hang any charges on you. This is a fishing expedition, they’re using a polygraph to narrow the direction of their investigation. Your goal is to have the results be inconclusive. Another way to muddy the waters is to give different answers to the same questions. It’ll be yes/no format, the examiner will run through the same 15-20 questions 2 or 3 times. He’ll change the order of the questions, and possibly the wording, so be watchful for that. About a third of the questions are going to be baseline questions, unrelated to the topic under investigation. Change a couple of those answers. It’ll be something like
>are you sometimes known as Princess?
First time, say yes, second time say no. He’ll call you on it, you say you’re really nervous and flustered. Which won’t be a lie. Don’t try to come across as cool and collected, be a sweaty wreck. That’s what they expect. Oh, don’t admit to taking the hypertension drugs.
A polygraph measures 4 things- pulse, respiration, blood pressure, and skin conductivity. I still haven’t figured out how to affect the skin part, but you can make hash out of everything else. Have an espresso 45 minutes before the test. Put a teaspoon of salt in it. That will put your blood pressure on the moon, and make you have to pee. Drink a bottle of water a few minutes before going in there.
its not an actual "test" you dumbass, its just a way for them to interrogate you until you crack or incriminate yourself with contradictory statements. imagine someone asking you a thousand questionis over the course of 3 hours, and if you are lying you will forget certain details from your answers of the first 10 minutes, so by the time hour 3 comes around and they ask you related questions, your story wont add up
the graph and needles are there just for show to make you nervous about lying
just call up like 30 minutes after your scheduled test and say you cant make it your car broke. just keep stringing them on and bailing with excuses until they figure it out and give up
kek, i bet he is
I've passed one. As they are asking you shit, ask yourself something like "am I wearing blue shoes" then answer. Have a single beer beforehand and you're good.
u
you dumb nigga
theyre not going to drop shit
theyre using this to gather shit on you you retarded troglodyte
Judge I dont need a lawyer I read up on this stuff
and that your honor is a list of his internet urls he visited this last year
>IF I GO THEY ARE GONNA LET ME OFF THE HOOK
Holy shit nigga what are you doing. You don't understand what you're up against. If you have committed a serious crime and the cops have already talked to you and see you as a suspect they are gonna fuck you with a hot poker.
Trust me when I committed my crime there was a cop at my parent's door less than 12 hours after we did it. This isn't a fucking joke man.
You have two simple choices. Keep fucking around and go to prison, or sell your shit get a fucking lawyer and maybe you can be free. A decade later and I am 1000% happy I paid 10k and didn't go to prison.
this
OP either they're going to trick you into admitting a crime, get you to commit a crime (such as grilling you on trivial shit from a long time ago you aren't likely to remember, so they can get you on lying to the police or whatever it's called charges) or they're just getting you to come in so they can arrest you without having to fuck around sending out a patrol car. You need a criminal defense attourney asap
Thanks anons
Will that shit show up in a drug test?
I don't think you fags understand. They're going to ask me a shit ton of questions and there is ONE specific question I need to lie about, that's it. I'm not going to give shit anymore, I'm not a retard.
Don't snitch on yourself
I'm not going to give shit away*
When they ask the comparison questions (ones that aren't relevant to the charges at hand), clench your teeth together every moment that you aren't answering the question. Sit normally when they ask the relevant questions. Alternatively, count backwards from a large number by 7s (i.e. 100, 93, 86, 79, 72...) When they ask the comparison questions and then don't do that when they ask the relevant questions. Both are proven to work about 50% of the time in clinical settings. The teeth clenching thing might be noticeable by the test administrator so maybe go for the numbers.
The point is to raise your physiological signs during the comparison questions so that you appear to be at the same physiological level during the relevant questions.
t. Studying this stuff for my major
Also, the results of a polygraph are not admissable in court, but any statements you make in regards to the polygraph are. As always when dealing with the cops, lawyer up and don't say anything. Anything you say CAN and WILL be used against you in court.
Seriously though, just don't go if it's not mandated by a court. If they arrest you, tell them you will not speak to them and you want a lawyer. Repeat that if they say anything to you. If they seem like they might be arresting you but they haven't told you that you're under arrest and/or you aren't in handcuffs, ask them if you are being detained, repeatedly if neccesary. If you aren't, ask them if you're free to go, repeatedly if neccesary. If you are, then leave. If you are being detained or arrested, tell them you will not speak to them and that you want a lawyer, repeatedly if neccesary.
Don't be a fucking nonce.
storytime?
whats the one specific question?
>On Wednesday I have to go to the sheriff's office and take a polygraph test
>Basically they said if I comply and go they'll drop the case but if I don't it'll be SHTF
You dumbshit, it's obviously a fucking trap. They're not going to just let you off the hook that easily, they're going to play dirty during the test. It's not even about 'fooling' the polygraph. Quit being a motherfucking retard and don't talk with them.
>and there is ONE specific question I need to lie about, that's it.
You knew she was 13
is that chris chan?
>I don't think you understand, fag
there is LITERALLY NO BENEFIT for you to go do this
Holy shit OP is ignoring all the good advice.
>Walks into station, rash all over body
>Projectile vomiting
>Blood pouring out of shoes
>They're filled with tacs
> Nearly ODing on vallium
>A mix of puke and white foam streaming out of his mouth
> Starts sharting due to worsening food poisoning
>He's clenching his asshole so tight it sprays over the walls like covering a hose with your finger
>All while yelling "I INVOKE THE FIF" repeatedly
>Dies before he makes it to the interrogation room
> All he did was have an SBR at 27 inches
Are you seriously this fucking stupid? Get a lawyer right now. And listen to all these autists, if it's not court ordered don't even think about driving by the place.
Or just ignore us all and drust the cops :DDDD
You don't fucking get it OP. You're not going to get them off your ass by doing this. It doesn't even matter whether you "pass" the polygraph. They are not trying to figure out whether you're innocent. They are building a case, and all that matters to them is getting enough evidence to secure a conviction.
Get a fucking lawyer OP, the best one you can afford. It doesn't matter how much you think you know, having a lawyer on your side who can deal with the police for you will SAVE YOUR ASS.
>game a polygraph
Plan what you believe beforehand
Believe it
Relax
that's it
Just remember they test for stress responses. So just get randomly nervous or be constantly nervous throughout the entire interview and you might be able to throw them off. Just have your heart rate absolutely pounding. Think of the charges that will be brought against you. Can't establish a baseline of normal for truth if you don't have a baseline at all.
The purpose of a polygraph is not to actually measure anything. They know it's not admissible in court. The purpose is to make you very uncomfortable while asking you questions to see if they can trip you up and catch you in a lie. With pre-employment polygraphs that means you won't get the job. When administered by law enforcement, it's a strategy to generate a crime with which to charge you. It's illegal to lie to the police, and they will ask you the same questions in multiple ways or ask you questions they already know the answers to in order to catch you lying, then will charge you with lying. This is a very common strategy when they can't come up with quite enough evidence to charge you with the crime they think you committed, but want to lock you up for something nonetheless. You're well past the point where you should have shut your trap and got a lawyer, but don't make it worse. Do not do the polygraph and do not say another word to the police without your lawyer present.
The trick is not to make the polygraph think you are telling the truth( takes too much practice to learn hoe to lie well enough, and no if you lied to your mom it does not count as lying), the trick is to make it think you are always lying.Put a sharp piece of wood, a thumbtack a rock, anything that will cause pain in your shoe. Everytime you answer cause yourself pain so that the polygraph will fuck up. You must do this for every question so the polygrapg picks up your raised heartrate and will show that you are lying even when asked about your name.
But for real, get a lawyer, you are retarded if you think they will let you off, if the don't gave a warrant tell them to shove it. Otherwise you will simply self incriminate. Even the method above is rather hard to do conaistently without practice, and by what you are posting i can only assume you are too retarded to do it properly (will stab yourself so hard that they will notice).
Op for real get a lawyer otherwise buy yourself a dildo to prep your virgin ass for the pounding you will be taking.
kek
>there is one specific question I need to lie about
confirmed retarded.
imagine being such a cum guzzling boot slurping government indoctrination slave that you post any of this shit on a polish metalurgist forum
>they'll leave me alone once I just bend over and show them my tight little boy hole, if I don't then they'll rape me!
i wish you the best of luck OP but if you're really this arrogant and naive after doing "research" online, you deserve to get your shit pushed in
Masterful bait thread, OP.
10/10
>They're going to ask me a shit ton of questions and there is ONE specific question I need to lie about, that's it.
Were you aware this airsoft Glock accessory was actually intended for real Glocks?
>No.
So you had no idea it would make a Glock full auto when you ordered it?
>Nope.
Well, we subpoenaed your phone records, and on Febuary 6th at 9:44PM someone using your phone Googled "Glock full auto." At 9:51PM, a thread was created on 4channel's weapons board entitled "What's the deal with these Glock switches on Wish?" The body of the post included the text "Do they really make your Glock full auto?" At 10:26PM, your debit card information was entered on Wish, and an order placed for a "Glock full auto switch airsoft happy fun accessory."
>I'm not going to give shit anymore, I'm not a retard.
All evidence to the contrary.
cry and tell them you will be their confidential informant, you will do anything but the polygraph
>if it isnt court ordered
There are no court-ordered polygraph tests since polygraph tests are inadmissable in a court of law for being unreliable pseudo-science.
>It's illegal to lie to the police
KEK. Unless you are under oath, you can lie all you want.
100% untrue. Courts can and do order polys. It's been that way for a very long time.