Jow Forums Fantasy Thread

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>tfw no minotaur gf

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Fuck, I cant believe I wasted quads on a fucking newfag. Just shoot me now.

Pastebin link?

pastebin.com/s8cvej28

Thank.

All my internets to you good sir

>I haven't been on Jow Forums in a bit
>somehow I'm a newfag
Nigger I've been on here longer than you have. Go back to your faggot discord and praise kek or whatever else you election fags do somewhere else.

Are you fucking retarded?

>wake up In the morning with a very happy and satisfied harpy
>she can’t stop humming and cooing
>mainly because she knows Sera heard us
>no elf or drow could have slept through that
>harpy is happy that she “established dominance”
>tfw
>accidentally woke up Natalie a few times
>she was worried that Harper was having a nightmare because she was “crying”
>tfw
>Sera goes to head out because she needs to get her report back to her bosses
>”keep the kid for the time being, she’s seems like she enjoys being with y’all. Besides, I don’t want to have to nanny a kid all my way across the desert”
>Harper is more than happy with this
>i don’t think Sera could have took the kid even if she wanted to
>say goodbye to her and she goes out
>the harpy is glad she is gone
>HappyHarpyCooing.mp3
>Not going to lie, I’m received she is gone as well
>very glad that Natalie didn’t accidentally rat us out
>a thought comes to my mind
>’hey Natalie, where did you get those Oreos and milk from?’
>the little tiefling smiles happily
>”oh! The skeleton wearing the funny hat gave them to me! And his pet kitty left the beans!”
>...
>what the fuck?
>look to the harpy
>she just shrugs and mouths “fucking hell if I know”
>...
>new rule: don’t leave the kid unsupervised
>But, I don’t think that will be a problem for Harper
>the problem is going to be getting her to NOT supervise the kid
>”wanna go get ice cream since we didn’t get any yesterday honey?”
>Natalie is smiling from ear to ear
>”really? We can get ice cream?”
>”no”
>Natalie gets really sad
>”oh, why not?”
>Harper is wearing her shit eating grin
>”we are getting something BETTER! user! You’re taking us to get frozen yogurt!”
>Natalie is smiling
>”can we get frozen yogurt Mister An-non?”
>how could I say no to either of them?
>Jow Forumsube help me

Just an update: posting on Harpy user will be slow because of story planning and spring break. ave nex alea, and Jow Forumsube bless you all.

You guys might get a little more love over in the writefag thread. Otherwise, as someone who took part in the /tg/ Harem Knights threads, I wish yall the best of luck.

Come on now no need to get violent

pastebin.com/ShYJ79WG
>Chlorine and I look around frantically for the errant fairy
>"Oh shit Lopata, you dont think she could ha-"
>"No gods no, please dont say it"
>"But the fire, she was flying..."
>I dont need this
>"Shit Chlorine no, do-"
>Chlorine grabs my shoulder
>"There she is!"
>I look around and see Atya tending to a downed Dragonnewt with what looks to be a sucking chest wound
>She's applied a heavy bandage and pad to the hole and is in the process of fitting a valve to get the air out of his chest cavity
>Thankfully the tiny girl is unharmed
>I am loath to tear her away from her patient but Big Mag slaps me on the back
>"Grab yer tinkerbell Lopata, we need ta go on"
>I squeeze up to Atya and her patient
>2 other lightly injured non-humans are helping her
>Its not easy but I persuade her to leave the dragonnewt in their care
>Besides she has done all she can for him
>Already we can hear shouts further in as the enemy regroups
>A mortar 'chumpfs' and seconds later a shell lands a few yards behind us
>"Now or never" shouts a Dwarf wearing a German officers uniform "gogogogo"
>We scramble up the far side of the trench, leaving our wounded behind us
>Small arms fire plinks sporadically from the bush but its hasty and unaimed
>To my left Slavshot screams her fury as Big Mag howls in rage to m right
>The sound unlocks something primal in me and I find myself joining in
>All along the line the cry is taken up, a throaty roar of rage and fear and hatred
>Propelled by this we plunge through the undergrowth and into the enemies hasty positions
>Chlorine lobs a gas bomb ahead of us as we pull our respirators on and those near our group do likewise
>Fire slackens and we burst through into a clearing now wreathed in a toxic mist that scorches the earth where it lies
>The knife ears have a machinegun set up on the far side, not that they are in a position to use it
>One is on her knees gagging and retching blood

Please, do not be of samefagging newfag
How about not coming to threads you are of not likings Vadim?
Also what is with all the newfags these days? Do they really think that Jow Forums was always "AR general" "AK general" "Muh lee ebic funny storied" "What X is better for Y" threads?

We’ve been getting plenty of love in our own threads, it’s just that one asshole pops up every now and then and tries to ruin the fun for all of us. Just ignore him, he doesn’t know how to have fun and thinks we need more “AK VS AR” threads

Blue board, jackass.

Silly election fags. I'm literally in your Discord, I know how new you all are.

Ah you’re spring break just started too?

>Another has collapsed over the M2HB's receiver and is coughing up pink bubbles as his hands twitch
>The loader struggles upright wheezing and frothing reddish saliva, his skin blistering and peeling in bloody rags
>He's weeping as he lifts a Tokarev
>Before even Slavshot can shoot he puts the barrel to his head and blows his brains out
>We run across the clearing to secure the position
>Big Mag grabs the gunner and throws the dying elf bodily to the floor to crush him beneath his steel-shod boot
>The female tries to rise as we approach, a Luger in her bloodied hands
>I kick her as we come in, breaking her jaw with a crunch
>She falls gagging and coughs up a bloody chunk of something that is probably important
>I exchange a glance with Chlorine who just shrugs
>Atya flits to my ear and whispers "Do it"
>My shovel comes down with an awful finality and splits her skull like a ripe melon
>Big Mag grabs the HMG and turns it around with Chlorines help
>A Dwarf comes running over
>"Gimmae a go a that beauty"
>Mags laughs and steps back as a human and Lamia join the bearded gunner
>By now the breeze has started to really spread the gas and amidst the sound of combat we can hear wheezing and gasping coming from the forest ahead
>Big Mags steps back and we all drop to cover the MG team
>"Light em up stunty" Mags says
>The Dwarf grins and thumbs the trigger
>The machinegun flares into life and sends .50 FMJ death screaming into the underbush ahead of us as the Dwarf pans back and forth
>The rest of us hold our fire
>No point in wasting precious ammunition after all
>The Dwarf fires off a belt and then Big Mag places a hand on his shoulder
>"Enough, save the rest fer lata"
>The Dwarf starts to protest but the Lamia wraps her tail around his mouth
"Of coursssse big boy" she hisses at Mags in a seductive tone
>Mags smiles back and winks
>Chlorine, Atya, Slavshot and myself all exchange a look
>"Roight then ya gits, its time to move on"

Yes fren, the breaking of spring has begun. It’s just a week though, so I will be back in action soon.

Wow, who took a shit in your cereal this morning?

I feel that, my week of spring break is ending this weekend thankfully

>Over the course of the next few days Krom trained Kaylessa on fighting with her new CZ82
>Krom was not gentle.
>When they werent training, Dan was Enchanting the Pistol for Greater reliability, accuracy, and added a fire enchantment.
>Ive got a fire bug on my hands.
>The rash on my head got only slightly bigger
>But it was definitely scales on just dry skin
>I wonder if it hand anything to do with that dream…
>The Medics at the Clinic had no idea what it could have been as none of them had ever seen anything like it before

>Our final night Neumagh, we were gathered around the dining table at a “One of the best damn taverns this side of the bloody portals”
>Kaylessa had her head down on the table, clearly exhausted, groaning everytime she made a move
>”I tried to tell you”
>”Everything hurts” she said as she reached for a piece of bread
>”I tried to tell you”
>She was pretty fucked up,
>Scraps bumps and bruises
>Sore from being drilled on different maneuvers and the ilk a thousand times
>hands sore from shooting
>had to go back to the gunstore twice for more ammo
>We finished eating and headed back to the inn
>Teach her how to break the gun down and give it a proper rub down
>;)
>We wash our hands and get ready for bed
>The following morning we headed back to the Gates and loaded up all our gear into the carriage
>There are about 6 or so dwarven warriors waiting for us
>a couple are equipped with weird AK looking Dwarven contraptions, others with standard War hammers and axes and shit, all of them wearing
>”These here are the men that will accompany us into the mines”
>Great, backup
>One of them wear golden armor steps forward
>”Sir, it is a pleasure to meet you, my name is SGT Skozzut Firebeard of the Firebeard clan and these are my men”
>Notice that their beards were all ginger Red
>”Are all of you of the Firebeard clan?”
>one of them pipes up
>”Ayy, how’d ya know?”
>Was he genuinely asking?

>”Rest assure ma lord, you have some of the best dwarven warriors to back you up”
>”Alright, lets head out”

>We headed off in the direction of the mine
>Every night we stopped to camp, the dwarves practically partied
>Me and Kaylessa went out to hunt, and Krom stayed back drinking with the Dwarves
>Kaylessa shot a large wild boar on the first night and i shot several rabbits
>This would provide food for pretty much the rest of the journey to the mine
>Finally, after about 4 days of travel we reached the Crystal mine
>The mine looks like its at the base of a… Volcano?
>Where the fuck have i seen this?
>Questions for later
>Right away i could see why They were so concerned with the undead
>There were hundreds of them
>”Where the fuck did all these undead come from?” I asked Skozz
>”Were not sure, Reports we got were the miners breached a large chamber and not to long after undead came pouring from the hole, Though, they didnt say there were this many”
>”I would imagine there are even more inside” Krom said, leaning on his axe
>”Youre probably right. Theres no way we can take this many on at once, even with our guns, we’ll run out of ammo before we can even get inside”
>”What do you want to do?”
>I turned and looked at Skozz
>”Is there another way into the mine?”
>”Im not sure” He motioned for one of the other dwarves, “You, Go scout around see if you cant find another way in”
>The dwarf Put his arm across his chest and jogged out
>”Ill go with him” Kaylessa said and darted off before i had a chance to protest
>Well, now the only thing we can do is wait.

>we continued to observe the Undead through my binos
>Most were armed with swords axes etc
>there were a few armed with rusted out AKs and….
> Was that a fucking Blunderbuss?
>Anyway, they weren’t unarmed
>Continued to observe, seemed like there were more and more of them every so often
>A few hours later, Kaylessa and the dwarf returned.
>”We’ve found a way in” She said

Tonight on Mercefairy: A Fairy Tale

>we roll back to the compound/bar, the dark elf making eyes at me the whole time
>Spera zips up to her
>'you prisoner! I take! I ransom!'
>she giggles and twirls her hair in her hand while looking at me
>uh oh
>shes also 15
>not today, prison
>she keeps asking about how to join, how long ive been in, what i did before, am i single, etc
>name her Brandi, as its the sluttiest college girl name i can think of
>Spera is displeased
>when we get back she throws (has me throw) her into the cells in the cellar, with a promise that she'll get her chance to try out for sure next week
>i dont like that look in your eye Spera
>the night is spent surprisingly sober, with the lolis gathering into the M113 and placing drawings in it and sprucing it up
>the next morning however, Uurg and Elyria are gone
>we find two notes
>one in elegant, high elf script
>'Dearest friends, myself and my betrothed Uurg of Clan Bloodletter have decided to elope to be wed. Our passion is unmatched, and i hope you may find it in your heart to forgive us for the sudden departure. We shall return as soon as we are able, and bring back happiness and tales of love for all to enjoy. Warmest Regards, Elyria Ryuulinari, of House Ryishoni'
>the other was from Uurg
>'Deer Bozz, Me n El-ree-uh iz leevin to get 'itched. Im a bid drunk if um 'onest, El-ree-uh keepz wantn to rut an rut n sayz 'urg rut me rutmerutme' lik 'at. So wez leevin, be bak zoon!'
>well now we need an AR and a battlemage
>the dark elf comes to mind
>Spera grits her teeth and holds trials that afternoon

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>Brandi does excellent, setting a few records
>Spera keeps upping the requirements to absurd levels
>'You go! Kill mountain!'
>she kills a dog named mountain
>the fairy is angry
>later in the office Brandi is bouncing up and down and giggling, looking at me
>go away jailbait
>she signs her offical contract, much to Speras anger
>Brandi giggles and leaves, winking at me
>'No like! I hate! We make shoo of her!'
>of course, little one
>in the meantime however, we need her
>i kit her out with an RPK-74M from the Crimson Caravan
>Surprise surprise, Rachelle doesnt like her either
>we're also gonna need a mage with us
>Rachelle agrees on the condition of 'double or nothing', where she gets three dates instead of the one
>thats not double but ok
>i just want to hang out with my fairy
>Lord deliver me from these THOTs
>they just want my tricare
>as im leaving Rachelle pipes up
>'oh hun, got a letter for your little bug... theres a pest control job not too far north by a king and queen'
>huh
>'.... except theyre a fairy kingdom. Id like to establish a branch selling to the fairies if and when we get up there, cutie. Lord knows those little things love some good ammo'
>how odd

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>return to Spera who is having a tea party with several of our lolis
>she chitters happily and motions me in
>boss we got a job
>she reads the letter
>then reads again
>then she pales and freaks out, ushering the lolis out
>she chitters quickly at me
>woman i don't speak bug
>she breaths and i call in Grundr to translate
>'these fairies be mah parents... yer a princess lass??'
>focus grundr
>'shes tha 22nd daughter 'o these little 'uns, hair ta one o there fruit trees. They werent very 'appy wit her leavin like so to be ah, what did they say lass?'
>she chitters and blushes
>'... some 'umans pet'
>well this wont do
>wait a princess
>Spera have i been traveling with my own fairy princess this whole time?
>she rages and begins telling me off in chitters
>Grundr laughs and leaves, chorteling
>after a few minutes i hear a small voice pipe up
>'... fairy princess?'
>turn and 13 lolis are staring at us from the door
>they look like theyve seen the biggest sweets stash in the world
>Spera laughs and tries backing away
>'GET HER!'
>they squee and chase the fairy, throwing me out of the room and locking the door
>well this will be interesting

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friendly reminder that goblins are a horric plague that must be culled from this reality

>Ellior, Ding and I poke our heads out from the trench
>Ellior and I are wearing some Stahlhelms she got on the milsurp run, and Ding has a little helmet she made out of a thimble
>about a hundred meters away is the cursed saber, sitting in the middle of a field, dynamite tied all to it
>Ellior had an idea that destroying the cursed thing would let me heal
>so we went out to the swamp people and bought a bunch of their dynamite
>something like
>ten sticks?
>Ellior motions to the detonator as she finishes wiring it
>where the hell did she learn to do this
>I make sure they have their earpro on, and put both hands on the plunger
>deep breath
>push down
>nothing
>okay maybe the sticks were--
>BOOM
>dirt and debris rains down into the trench as I push Ellior and Ding down
>after a few seconds we poke our heads up and look
>massive fucking crater
>yay we did it
>I don’t feel any different
>what’s that whistling?
>the sword lands and sticks into the ground a foot in front of the trench
>mocking me
>I think this might need a more magical solution

>we walked back into town, the sword hanging on my belt
>might as well use it if I need to
>found a cheap scabbard for it so I won’t accidently give myself more cursed cuts
>met Loreli in the Saloon
>we got a table in the corner, and Ding went with Ellior to get some food
>”No luck?” Loreli asks as I lean back in my chair, sipping some whiskey
>”Absolutely no change. Like putting a goblin in an elf school.”
>she laughs, choking on her beer
>”I heard a funny story from some mercenaries that came through…”
>I cock my brow “Go on.”
>”Apparently some fairy is the head of this growing mercenary outfit, they even did a job for the Mayor while we were away.”
>”A fairy?” I ask, amused
>”Yes sir. A real tough one too, with a human she calls “Doc” and “Mine.”
>ahhhh I get it now
>Ding immediately comes to mind
>”Anything else?”
>”Yeah, they might have a bunch of adorable child soldiers.”
>wat
>these guys sound alright

You are recruiting orcs into your private army, aren't you Jow Forums?

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why don't you fags just go binge watch Gate and get it over with.

Get what over with?

Remove Gob-Kebab

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>want watch GATE
>noguns fag that knows GATE is unsatisfactory in plot and firearm usage in the fantasy world
>only replay value is the military action and not when MC is showing how great he is fighting with fantasy HUMENS
>hard nope
Gotta find dos reviewers again

>not remove Ke-Gob
It was almost perfect

anybody have the one with Warhammer 40k and dimension of elves fanfiction?

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>as i run i realize something
>the lights
>they were back on when we arrived
>dako's attack happened about 10:27, right before everyone covering a night shift is sent home
>we have an automatic light control system that's supposed to shut down every light in the facility at 10:45
>this should have been the first indication that something was off
>i could have escaped earlier if i've had payed attention to my surroundings
>fuck
>get to the security room
>my cz is on the floor, fuck i must have dropped it earlier
>pick up pistol and open the the console's file manager
>attempt to wipe all the memory of the console but it's blocked by a password
>write my password
>denied, i must have been changed depending on who's on shift
>fuck it
>pull slide of pistol a bit to check the chamber
>it's loaded
>dump the whole mag into the console
>reload and dump second mag into the monitors
>check clock, it's 11:53
>get the fuck out of there
>i run out of the building
>it's dark as shit but the interior light of my car guide me
>as i get in the clock turn from 11:59 to 12:00
>lucy was already waiting for me inside the car
>unless these guys are swiss clocks we should have a small window of time to get out unseen
>speed out of there
>as we ride off i tell lucy to fasten her seat belt as i fasten mine
>"but i don't wear belts" was her reply
>"nevermind just hold on to something"
>things are gonna get bumpy

bump

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>sudden realization comes in
>im driving a fucked up black jeep with an elf wearing rags and a bloody jacket
>with a metric fuckton of guns and ammo in the back
>heading towards a calm neighborhood in a city
>slam the brakes
>lucy grabs onto the headrest with a scared face
>put the jeep in neutral and pull on the parking brake
>get out
>lucy yells "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!"
>i run to the back of my car
>i grab the license plate and rip it out
>run towards the front and do the same to the other plate
>run back in and throw the plates in the back seat
>"WHY DID YOU DO THAT FOR?" yelled lucy as she slapped my shoulder
>i reply "to not get tracked once in the city, in this condition we are a rolling felony"
>she lets out a heavy stressed sigh
>we are about halfway to get to the highway when i see several fog lights coming our way
>shit, it's them
>ohno.jpg
>the front humvee blinks it's high beams twice, signaling at us
>i tell lucy to hide as i search a way to turn the interior lights off
>lucy won't move, she is frozen in fear as she recognizes the unmarked vehicles
>she stares at a ural truck
>it's the same ural that brought her and the others in that day
>but this time the truck has a logo stenciled on the side
>we pass the convoy
>they must have seen her because the 2 last humvees stop and turn around while the rest of the convoy head towards the deserted warehouse
>shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit
i made a shitty logo for the cape of humanity, i like how it ended up

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Some one make a map of the world

a member of the team is on it, though he needs a little time, considering there are two worlds

isn't this what GATE is based on?

Because GATE was this concept handled poorly.

>a member of the team is working on it
Like this "member" has been for the last 3-4 months? You retards are a joke. Just admit that you want to write modern day fantasy dating sims, you pitiful fucking incels.

Does anyone know some good enchantments to get on a Mosin Nagat? What would work the best? Money is not an issue here

When the pin is pulled, Grenade-chan is no longer your friend.

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We've made plenty maps of the world but we want it to be just right.
People have other things to worry about, If you dont like it get fucked.

A bolt action has a simple enough action and slow enough fire rate that a bottomless magazine is theoretically an option. You'll need to put down some sizable cash if you want your rounds to regenerate as fast as you're normally firing them, but even a cheap enchanter will allow you an infinite but very slow firing nugget. Think 1 regained round every 5 minutes for a cheaper enchantment, 1 round per minute for a mid to high level enchantment, and 1 round immediately regenerating as soon as you pull the trigger for "Oh fuck I have so much money and nothing to spend it on" price

Grenade chan is always your friend

Ok, so say I had enough money to put the last enchantment on SEVERAL nuggets, is there any enchantment that could shrink them down to fairy sized? Just a theoretical question, not that I am actually looking at doing that. I definitely need normal, human sized nuggets, but I am just curios.

Absolutely, the market is growing as well vecause fairies are becoming larger brass addicts as time goes on. Be sure to enchant the rifle for more stoppin powah to counteract the size, or enchant the ammo

careful, some shady wizards will scam you by adding an enchantment that just takes ammo from your pack

Which is honestly still a pretty good enchantment but not what you wanted if I'm reading correctly.

like I'll take it but that stoner wizard didn't have to lie...

Once the goblin raids are over, the last dragon falls dead from 597 bullets in its body, and the dwarf operators have run out of battle brew,

what is the expected meal for the night?

Tell me your favorite recipes to cook in the fantasy world before, after, or while you scrub clean your raifus from all the blood.

but if you dare mention mres, at least make them good for a celebration or just how your buddies would have wanted it

also art is not mine, check pic title

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Now, just theoretically, would there be any nobles or people who would be willing to hire a small group of fairies with these weapons? I know fairies are often just considered to be pets (WHICH WE ARE NOT) Bri would anyone take a group of fairies seriously?

Easy. You take a steak, and tenderize it. Rub with freshly cracked pepper and kosher salt. Fry medium rare with mushrooms and onions. Serve with a salad consisting of spinach, shredded carrots, shredded cheese, diced tomatoes and cucumbers, half a lime's worth of fresh-squeezed juice, and ranch or Caesar dressing. For starch, a baked potato with green onions and sour cream or butter. Guinness or another thick stout for the drink. Of course, this assumes you have access to a full kitchen after the fight.

>leave civilization to live a life of questing and adventuring
>get kidnapped by a mob of harpies 15 after leaving town
Fuck

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Well there's worse ways to lose your virginity.

With the Sparkling Brass Company becoming more and more active, fairies are being considered far more battle worthy by most humans and (surprisingly) Orcs. Elves however still seem to hold prejudices against them, possibly due to jealousy over them being closer to the forest spirits than elves

Niggers also have mad respect for fairies because they fuck with the white man and keep fighting even though they're tiny.

In fairness they fuck with anyone and anything, the more uptight the better to prank in their mind.
Make fairy friends lads, theyre wonderful pocket friends to have when the going gets lonely
And they can be very horny

>people wanna talk about weapons on a weapons board
WHAT?!?!

I exterminate as many knifears as I can. Hopefully all of them.

Sounds like you’re in for a fun time :D

Ok, but why if a couple of different fairies who, lets say as an example, managed to kill a dragon and claim its hoard and get their hands on some magic Mosin Nagats wanted to start their own company, would they be in conflict with this so called “sparkling brass”?

All merc companies are in a constant cold war with eachother for clients and gold

However they do take applications

>fairies posting on a computer
Imagine them hopping from key to key

Excuse me, but fairies don’t “prance from key to key” like some fucking little faggot when they type on computers, they go and push each fucking huge button with their hands because they are hard workers who should be taken seriously. And also, how DARE you say that I am a fairy posting with my fairy friends, that is retarded you faggot.

>[chitter chitter]
I just wanna scratch between your wings and throw you and your friends in my pack to enjoy my spent brass

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Holy shit they're the range jesters of reality.

We need an edit of this pic showing used Brass instead of bread

Just be careful. Rifles have an enchantment limit that means you can't just pack on an infinite number of enchantments. The rifle's magic limit depends on the power of the enchantments, the number, and the purpose if I recall correctly. I asked a mage about it once and he told me flat out that I wouldn't be able to grasp the explanation without a year of intro magic courses under my belt, if I was talented

>Fuck
yes thats exactly what'll happen

you sound like a knowledgeable human, maybe you can answer a question of mine.
having never met a fairy, how tall are they? In drawings I've seen they range from 2 to about 12 inches...

>Imagine them hopping from key to key
>implying fairies wouldn't be phoneposters because with a ~2" onscreen KB they don't have to acutally walk several steps to type "walk"

>mfw the range jester gets into pyromancy

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>tfw no crushed pelvis

Fairies typically are from 4-8 inches in height depending on where they are from, however they can be bigger or smaller than that

This is a blue board! Don’t mention such lewd, erotic sounding things

just make sure you don't drown in a pint, will ya

>be me
>be spelunking innaground
>locals put bounty on lamia that's been harassing young men
>come across snek woman's lair
>she is obviously upset at my intrusion
>unholster pistol and aim at her center mass
>she throws her tail at me
>she connects with my pistol, coiling the tip of her tail around the frame
>good thing I foresaw this
>let go of pistol to reveal nambu type 94
>she practically shot herself in the chest
>laugh as I skin her tail
Filthy snek woman can't against superior japanese engineering

Shows what you know about fairies! Pints don’t make for good swimming, coffee cups do though. Nice, warm coffees is best to sit in, and some people don’t mind when you do it at all!

have you heard about this decadent thing some humans do
its called hot chocolate

eight inches? Tallest most have seen are 4! The hell kind of roided out fairies have you been fighting!?

>Be farmer
>Live in Midwest USA
>Morning is spent herding pigs from one shelter to the next
>Dwarfbro separates the shoats from the swine
>New Hand, a Half-Elf, inspects the swine and looks for diseases
>Other hands muck out enclosure
>Same old shit
>Alarm goes off
>Perimeter sensor indicates something big tripped tumbler wire
>Everybody reacts instantly, dropping shovels and picking up Mossbergs from nearby cabinet
>Draw my Ruger Super Redhawk and check the cylinder
>Six angry .454 Casull
>enclosure is filled with the sounds of shells being loaded into tubes, then finally the satisfying sound of the pump action
>Everyone ready, we rush out of the door and head for the pens
>Not hard to figure out what set off the alarm
>Twelve foot tall ettin roars at the approaching mishmash of humanoids, clutching a giant tree trunk in one hand and a bleating hog in the other.
>Without hesitation, all seven shotguns begin barking fire
>Squeeze off a round of the .454
>Ettin's body jerks around like it's connected to a car battery
>Shotguns click empty as the ettin pitches forward in the dirt
>Coup De Grace courtesy of Dick Casull
>Dwarf and Half-elf argue over who did the most damage
>Other hands gather up injured hog and carry it away
>Stare down at the giant corpse
>"Shame to let it go to waste."
>Chop it up and feed it to the hogs

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Hot chocolate? What is that? Is it like coffee but with chocolate?

Take tour time fren you are doing great

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Nit wit! Fairies can be tall! Some men like tall fairy! We better than the short tramp that follows you!

b-but little p-pocket friend...

pretty much, though its more of an emulsion than a brew. you mix chocolate powder in with hot water (or milk if you feel so inclined). or if youre really brave you can mix the chocolate powder into your coffee.

Just because not fit in pocket doesn’t mean not friend! Bad bad stereotype! Fairy’s Want to be friend even though not fit in pocket!

Wow! Heavenly drink! Sounds like must get! Thank you human!

Wow! Heavenly drink! Sounds like must get! Thank you human!