Inb4 "I have chairs with wheels and can go anywhere" and "muh dick"

Muh dick in a chair with wheels

muh Hitler suicidator 3000

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>tfw standing

>tfw laying on the floor

My chair is an office chair. I'll just scoot it past my bed and grab my german bastard sword, ignoring the weeb stick beneath it

My little cheapo chink Smith & Wesson pocket knife with a 2.5" blade.

oi m8 lemmie see ya license there ol chum

my desk is a mess but I have a G19 loaded with 9mm 124gr SIG JHP to my left and a cheapo wal*mart folding knife immediately in front of me

no pictures because my desk is a mess

entrenching shovel

penis.

second would be a .357

I'm in bed. I can probably reach my 1917.

My AR. Or without having to spin my chair, I can just grab my G19.

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Modern shit copy of tanto blade

Got muh trusty desk axe

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Is that a glock 19

No ammo for it though.

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Hmm, there are two rifles across the room but without leaving my chair I'd have to say the new clutch and flywheel for my car sitting in a box on the floor right next to me. If I could get within swinging range I imagine it would crush a skull pretty well

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my chair

muh romanian bayonet

Katana with Japanese steel folded 1000 times

I have been consuming nothing but cheddar cheese and energy drinks for the last seven days.
Should some miserable bastard attempt to jump me, I will pull down my pants and stand on my chair.
I will squeeze out a nugget of hardened shit with such force, a sniper could calculate its ballistic coefficient.
I expect the Newtonian reaction of this shit to send me forward into my desk with enough force to fracture my skull.
My ass is currently the deadliest I know of, both for any poor soul that earns my ire, and myself.

You best fear my ass. I wisely do.

Yes, it is a Ruger-brand Glock 19 in 45mm.

Puukko

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A safety-tampered lighter and whatever I can grab out of the paper shredder.

You need fiber fren.

A nail clipper

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How's Wisconsin this time of year?

>what is the deadliest weapon you can grab without leaving your chair.
My cousins roastie girlfriend.

My vagenis

Deutsche Werke Ortgies pistol in 32ACP

is she single

An empty revolver that I can load or a machete

A 357 magnum snub nose

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I am proud of the trigger control my fellow Jow Forumsommandos displayed so far

A WASR and a bulgarian AKS-74

a fuck-off heavy large format bourbon bottle.
seriously evan williams what the fuck is wrong with you? this is just needlessly bulky.

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Probably my bug gun.
Next would by a spring assisted folding knife.
Then a glass bottle.

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I mean we might stick our dicks in the chamber, or the barrel up our asses, but everyone knows that trigger discipline is key to firearms safety.

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It's a tossup between Saber, the paperclip, and the chopsticks. Probably the chopsticks.

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My weapons have wheela so they come to me without me having to move

A Fallkniven F1D

I taught my girlfriend how to clean her Shield today, so a Shield and my VP9 or P320.

>no gf
>noguns
>no lube

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My gf's dildo

Oo anything fancy? Lightweight flywheel? Heavier ass clutch for drag? What's it going in?

An unopened can of Monster

Without moving at all pic related kept underneath my pc case, in easy arms reach, specifically in case I need to stab someone without getting up. My grandaddy's WW2 Combat/Utility Knife he carried in New Guinea, as far as I know it was only ever used on plants, wildlife, ration cans and woodwork, he was a aircraft mechanic and never saw personal combat, though he did get bombed quite a bit.

Shotgun I have to turn around and get up to get to.

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I'm doing a T56 transmission swap in my '14 mustang GT. I decided to go with a Spec billet steel flywheel since it's my daily driver. Aluminum would have been cool but I was talked out of it by people saying it would get annoying in a street car. Clutch is a Stage 3+ since the engine is stock right now but my goal is to have 600-650whp in the future. I've already done wheels, tires, sway bars, suspension and brakes on the car. The transmission swap was necessitated by me blowing 2nd gear out, I've been shifting 1st to 3rd for a couple of months now.

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Does a glass bottle count as weapon? If not I guess a gut knife is the closest.

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My chair
If I fall out of my chair then I can reach my m1895

Those look like some insanely comfy pillow pants

muh glawk 19

>textbook
>phone
>wire
A closed fist probably doesn't count, but I'd consider it my most personal weapon and critical tool in my toolbox as well (stronger than average, and a 140 IQ)

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They are extremely comfortable

AR, somewhere between basic and gucci, waiting for full gucci parts to come in. Boring choice, but it works.

Honestly? Probably my cat.

An antique wooden baton or a can of bear repellent. I live in a very cold, unpleasant place.

some chinesium balisong trainer. I think ide rather hit them with my laptop though

Me

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Turn around and put together my MK18. I'll keyhole 'em to death.

a wooden pineapple

I always hold contempt for people who bring up their IQ.

A soldering iron, or a mossberg 500 if i scoot my chair 3 feet.

A gladius I made in middle school.

Folding knife without moving, there's a Mossberg 590 within reach but no shells.

There's a Galil on my bed I can get by scooting and not leaving my chair, as well as a mag and ammo.

My AR. Id say im ready.

1897 3 buck followed by 2 DDuplex slugs, and a Beretta 92 Inox within arm’s reach

Usually when my cousins at work she is.

tapatio bottle or lamp
maybe mini bad dragons

Goddamn them some soft lookin hands how much lotion you using?

9mm Shield fully loaded and one in the chamber so 8+1

20,000 times folded nippon steel Katana in sheath weeb but it is quite sharp.

Hammer but I'd have to lean for it.

Bottle of Fireball. Not exactly deadly but if I squeezed the bottom and forced the liquid into the eyes or nose you would be inthefuckingcapacitated.

Just a typical Saturday night.

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It's been above freezing for a week now, there's hope for some of us to make it through second winter.

have one of these on the pullout keyboard thingy on my desk.

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Also, an XD-40 and a cheap Kershaw folder.

This until I can get to the gun 5 ft away.

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forgot pic.

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Like 5-6 different knives.

>muzzle out of focus

driving me MAD, this is /p/ good tho

It's a FAMAS

On sitting on my bed so probably my ar.

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clean your shit jr.

M&P9.

A deadly high capacity assault chopstick with a multi-clip and a chainsaw bayonet.

staging pics for these threads is real lame faggot.

Sphinx Subcompact

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clean your counter you disgusting fucking slob

I hope this is your garage but im pretty sure its your bedroom

The only staging done was clearing some cumrags off the desk.

If it helps you understand how autistic I am, there is also an AK and sword within arms reach of me.

How many waifu pillows do you own?

My PC tower.

>be melanin enriched individual
>break into some wypipo's house
>have brains smashed out by heavy metal box