Retarded weapons story

Per chance, is your last name Dundee?

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>be me
>walking out of the gym at 2 in the morning.
>gym is near the ghetto so its kinda bad, but cheap
>nigger pulls a pocket knife on me and demands that I give him money
>literally tell him that I dont have money on me since I just came from the gym.
>literally just puts his knife back into his pocket and walks away.

not even sure. this was before I had my CCW

I fucking lol’d

>be me, 17 at the time
>Local tweaker is causing problems with my friends and I
>The guy rolls up to our park with one of his friends and a baseball bat
>We see the bat and all of us go to our friend's garage down the street and grab what ever we could use as a weapon out of the garage
>Guy sees about 12 of us running up on them and they booked it
About a week goes by
>I'm walking around my local mall waiting to meet up with some friends
>Said guy sees me and tries to start shit
>Threatening to beat my ass
>I tell him if he even tries to lay a hand on me he'll get a knife to the throat
>Guy doesn't really respond to that so I just tell him to kick rocks and go about my business
Another 2 weeks goes by
>Sitting down at the local park
>We see the tweaker come walking up so we all perk up
>He walks up and apologizes to all of us for starting shit and that he doesn't want problems anymore
>Says something about how this ain't worth getting cut over
>We all start busting up laughing tell him to fuck off then we go back to getting stoned
Never saw him after last I heard he was locked up for a b&e

>get shot

>be me
>a few years ago, 16 yrs old
>always home alone since single parent
>steal beers from dad
>steal A LOT of beers from dad
>drink prob 6-7 regular bud lights and a few tall boys
>go outside w/coyote gun pic related but camo
>unload wildly in any direction really since deep in the country
>come inside for more beer
>listening to aggressive punk rock
>jammin out
>load up the gun and start wildly shooting inside the kitchen while dancing
>this has happened before
>but this time theres a huge shatter
>the stove has been shot
>glass everywhere, huge mess
>stood there trying to wrap my head around what has just happened
>not sure if this is the real life
>decide fuck it, pass out on the couch
>older brother by some miracle decided to visit
>he shakes me awake hungover.jpeg
>"idk what this is, but you have to clean this shit up before dad gets home"
>beer cans tactically stored in milsurp laundry bag I usually hid them in in the barn
>glass is swept up with shopvac as best as can be done (glass under the stove cannot be reached
>fold a full size towel over the handle of the stove
>dad doesn't realize stove is broken for
2 days
>has made meals in the stove but the towel is proper concealment
>he goes to change out the towel with a new one and just stops, stares in disbelief at the bare steel case that is behind what would be the glass
>wtf has HAPPENED TO THE STOVE
>there is a noticeable thumb sized hole in the first layer of steel
>no denying it was a bullet
>"well uhh I was cleaning the gun and I guess there was still a round in the chamber and I uh dry fired it and it shot the stove"
>user wtf you HAVE GOT to be more careful wtf
>tfw I never got reprimanded
>tfw when he never noticed the missing beer
>tfw the stove still worked so it was never replaced
>tfw when I shot out the stove

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So what about all the other rounds you shot in the kitchen? Do you live in such a dump no one noticed?

oh yeah it was trash, like mold, water damage, a layer of must on the walls, and the gun was a 22 the holes could easily be explained as bugs borrowing into the wood

>mold, dust, spent 22lr
imagine the smell

>be me
>romping through the marshes looking for the game I just took down
>there are TWO arrows
>hear something coming up behind me and barely react in time
>pull out my cc
>some jack ass comes at me out of the bushes
>he's got a big cleaver
>he introduces himself, kinda weird
>I pull out my own knife
>we slash each other up a bit but nothing serious
>my brother and gf come rushing over
>gf shoots at him but doesn't hit
>jack ass runs away
youtube.com/watch?v=jnyYkDtbnuM

DO NOT watch this if you have any interest in watching Gurren Lagaan. It's a scene from very early on but it contains something that is most hilarious when it's a total surprise.

So you have .22 caliber bugs, too?

>haha guise aren't I cool for shitting on that druggie?
>hits bong