Need some help from the other combat vets

Hope you guys can help me. How do you deal with killing another human being? Deserved it or not, it is still killing another person.

Honestly the question has been growing larger as further time elapses, it never felt like this right after it happened. With increasing time ,the weight of doing such grows.

How do the rest of you deal with it? I drink myself stupid every night (and right there now), but that is far from the best option.

They were good shoots, and I've recognized as such right after the events happened. Nonetheless, it sticks with me, and in a way, haunts me. These days, it is getting pretty bad. And I'm not sure what else to do.

Appreciate any input from guys that have been there, and done that.

Respectfully ask everyone else to either not comment, or not be an ass.

>OIF 06-07

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Honestly just suck it up. You kind of sound like a pussy, it really didn't bother me nearly this much

op destroyed!

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I Don't feel bad about it at all. If there is a God and he Judges me when I die. I'll tell him why the fuck would you arm a teenager and force me into that situation, if your Truly all powerful then you know i was gunna smoke that motherfucker, yet you let it happen anyway.

What parts of it have "weight" what's the feeling you're having like? What is the drinking blocking out?

DESU, I Don't have a gun yet, or ever served, just want to help keep this thread alive. Thank you for all you've done.

Here's hoping you get some constructive input.

Might as well ask: Was Lt. Col David Grossman's (Sorry if I fucked his title up) On Killing or On Combat any help/ in touch with reality at all?

Speaking as an anonymous person on the internet, talk to someone about this that isn't us. I don't mean that to be rude or brush this off but look into talking to a therapist. I have a friend that self destructed when he got out of the service because he never reached out, and to this day it bothers me that I never tried to talk to him about getting help.

>How do you deal with killing another human being?
You just gotta learn to live with it, man. It was either them or you, and you won. But honestly tho, if shit's getting to tough, maybe you should see a therapist. HOWEVER, don't EVER mention to him/her that you own guns, if they try to press the subject, lie.

Okay Mr. Honesty, have you ever done as much? Or are you just talking out of your ass?

Have you ever killed some Mom's or Father's child? A Husband or someone's Brother.

We had another time where we justifiably killed some guy in the morning out at beginning of patrol. When we returned late in the afternoon, the funeral party was ahead of us, and I'll never forget their mourning and finger pointing at our patrol.

I get that, and what I did was righteous. That said, it still fucks with me.

The weight doesn't feel like a fucking thing as long as you are in theatre, it only starts once you are removed from that environment. Killing is the norm in the job, it is the status-quo.

Move into civilian life, you have difficulty comprehending how such a thing happened, and why you had to be the asshole that pulled the trigger. I have zero doubt about the validity of my shoots, but something I can't immediately identify has been fucking with me for some time.

On Killing is a great book, which I'd recommend to any combatant. Explanations or rooted theories still don't seem to fill that growing void. I did nothing wrong, but I hate myself all the same.

My best theory is I joined too early, and didn't have the emotional maturity to do and experience what we did.

VA keeps canceling my appointments.

He was a warrior who chose to be there armed and with an intent to kill you. Nothing older than such a contest between men. He would have done the same to you and perhaps felt the same way 12 years later. Politics don't matter, there is nothing wrong about a contest between 2 warriors.

>VA keeps canceling my appointments
Without digging into your situation is making an appointment with a professional outside the VA an option? If not that are there any veteran support groups in your area?

OIF 07-09 was my hardest Deployment
I've talked my shit out with a lot of people and legit think of myself as a terrible person. I drink a lot but I've reconciled that anything I did was to protect my soldiers.

The part that fucks with me isn't whoni shot, but what I told people to do. Like HE from a Brad or directing a 203. I think shits an individual path.

If you need to talk and you're not a larping faggot I'm onicos on kik

Did my undergrad in military history after I was medically retired (was wounded, but that is another story).

All I read about was the experience of past combatants who experienced far worse. Knowing the past didn't really inform my reality, even after I faced it. Know all too well, know what we did was right (every shooting), but I can't explain how it still fucks with you having done nothing wrong.

All the same I appreciate the majority of the comments here, and your feedback. Just something I need to keep working on. Saying it out loud is half the battle. Wish all you the best, and a good day/night.

Take care Jow Forumsomrades.

You are fine mate. Had been using my Universities' health care center, but they recently refused to keep seeing me (mental health) because of my alcoholism. Had to go back to the VA.

Appreciate it Brother, truly. Take care of yourself as well. Working it out is a two-way street, I'll be here in the future if you ever need to unload.

Going to try to sleep it off. Again, thanks to you all.

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Take care user, hang in there.

العراق الحلو

>And I'm not sure what else to do.
You know what to do.
2A put an exit door into our back pockets.

They were fighting for their land, their country, their traditions. and for their freedom (whatever that meant to them).
They were not a threat to you family and to your house, until you barged into their land.

You were fighting for the rich kikes in DC.
They're rofling at you now, while making sure to avoid paying tax at all cost. And they didnt send their sons to die for the country, oh g-d forbid.

As many have said, it happened and there’s nothing you can do about it. If you really did kill someone then more than likely in that moment it was the right choice no matter the reason. You’re still not to terms with what you did, accept what you did, respect what you did. killing is only half the battle, the other half is trying to live with it and you’re more than half way to winning the fight. It’s OK to ask for help man, but don’t just think about asking for help, fucking do it.

Me personally, I still use an enormous amount of hate, it’s been more than 10 fucking years for me and I wake up most days not in a good state of mind. I’m literally fucked in the head but i’m ok with that as I’ve accepted that this is what my life will be like from now on. What gets me through the truly tough times is laughter, i’m a goofy train wreck when I start laughing but damn it feels good to be close to a normal state of mind even if it only lasts a few mikes. Sometimes I look through the photos of those fast times and remember everyone who didn’t make it back and then I’m glad I did what I did.

>OIF 05-06 kirkuk-fml.jpg
>OIF 07-08 baqubah-fucking god damn palm groves can fuck off....hell I still can’t look at a palm tree state side and not want to burn it to the fucking ground

The civvy again. Thank you for the reply. Glad my post, and On Killing wasn't shit.
Posting from my bed now, that cliche notwithstanding, is safe because of you.

Do the times you showed restraint, kept your cool and kept people alive when joe civvie would have panicked and caused needless death give you any solace? I wish I could shed some light on why it had to be you, but that is way beyond me.

Try having a thought that isn't about Jews, every TIC, I fought for the guys immediately around me. How about you key-board warrior?

A lot of my buddies get by the same way, with hate driving their worldview. It is far from hate without reason, all of us who did the Surge have reason.

Curious Jow Forumsomrade, were you 2nd ID? We were suppose to join you guys at Baqubah, but are retarded as fuck BCO kept us where we were.

>What gets me through the truly tough times is laughter

I haven't truly laughed since I've been out, but the funniest shit I ever experienced was my time in uniform. Agree, it is good to keep that perspective. Honestly innumerable stories that make me chuckle everytime I think about them, and I'm thankful to have every such memory.

We really didn't do much better, but local security forces were worthless. We chased gun-fire and explosions more than we prevented them, practically every fucking day during the Surge. We'd show up and it was all over, outside of one incident, we had no one to chase down and kill (not my shot). Otherwise it was nearly daily pandemonium, innocent people killed because they simply had a spiritually different worldview. I never held anything against the majority of Iraqis, they were only try to get by and survive the same as we were. They paid the price more than we did, it is easier to attack defenseless civilians than guys with weapons who know how to use them. Local National security forces were a secondary target (we were tertiary) because they were undertrained, many times corrupt, and complacent.

Had several days in a row where they'd place some policeman on a high-volume intersection, we'd pass them alive only to see them shot to pieces on our return to base.

It really was more Wild West than the objective Wild West.

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First and foremost:
IF YOU HADN'T KILLED HIM HE WOULD HAVE KILLED YOU!
Keep this sentence in your mind all the time. The only reason you're still alive is because you pulled the trigger back in the situation. No what's and if's, it's just like that. It was you or him, you won, end of story. He ded, you're alive
Then:
- Join your local church community. Talk to them about your feelings. Most of the "weight" you feel is because you're not really able to unload your worries - and no, posting on a malayan bottle scratching forum is not the same
- Have a real friend. Not a buddy but a friend. Pro tip: your friend can also be your significant other.
>I drink myself stupid every night (and right there now)
- Doesn't help the slightest does it? Quit it bro, it's a road leading nowhere.

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What the fuck is wrong with you?

I mean, he's not wrong. Nobody that fought and died in the middle east made the average American any safer, and nobody forced them to go there either.

You want to go fight a war because you want to fight a war, feel free, but don't expect sympathy for your shitty life choices.

Lol, pussy.