You might think youre operator, but what's your contingency when an alligator strolls into your neighborhood?

>be me
>Florida man
>walk down street
>snowbird asks if I’ve seen gators around
>point to 10 foot gator in ditch 15 feet away in the ditch next to the sidewalk

>be me
>Florida man
>driving looking at houses for sale
>stop car to wait for gator to cross street

I’m not worried

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>tfw I’ll never have a 91-96 caprice or impala interceptor

They’re all nigged out and it’s sad.

Just fucking wrestle it to the ground with my 145lbs of pure muscle grrrrrr.
-strong_boi69xxx

This is the only right and true Floridaman answer. /thread

Skip to 14:00.
Deputy with cigarette in mouth dealing with a 5 footer.
youtu.be/8iMogaIon7c

I thought I was looking at a box of golf balls in the thumbnail.

alligators are chill and based. if one is mad at you, you probably did something stupid

t. floridaman

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there was a gator on my dock this morning, i went about my normal business. if i want to use my dock i just shoo them off, they don't seem to know i don't have a gator permit.

>be Floridaman
>walking bulldog
>gator strolls up
>fatass dog wants a piece
>point 10mm edc at gator
>"back off."
>gator walks away and dog returns to normal retard mode
>go 10 feet and see fatass black bear digging through trash
>"knock it off, asshole."
>bear doesn't comply
>put dog inside
>grab Henry 4570
>go back out and nudge bear with foot
>"shoe bear. Skit boy. Fucking SKIT."
>bear leaves

Such is life in the Glade

I wish I had the webm of the dude fucking an alligator because I would post it

Continue smoking a ciggy and go about my day. Tons of them around the lakes and glades where I'm at in S.FL.

We didn't need to know such a thing existed, thank you.

I mean, this is Jow Forums and everything, but even we have... uh... well. Not standards. Not limits. But... scruples. There's certain shit that just belongs on /b/ and doesn't belong here.

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>slip the loop of a slip knot around the jaws and pull it tight
>slip knot around the tail, tie off to a post, pole or bollard
>.22 LR to the "soft spot" at the base of the skull
>skin, tan and make decorative leather goods from hide
>make gumbo from meat
>dry and grind bones to make fertilizer for my weed patch

Nutria furs are quite valuable and marketable. Of course, so is gator hide....

Gotta watch out for them doormat gators. They tricksy devils for sure

Sounds a lot like like in the Arctic

>I mean, this is Jow Forums and everything, but even we have... uh... well. Not standards. Not limits. But... scruples.
Anybody else remember the time Jow Forums went into the scent lure business

An alligator is not that hard to deal with. All you have to do is manage to get some duct tape around its mouth and claws so you can fuck it.

Sounds a bit more sporty than a deer trapped in a snare.
Still perverted.

>Floridaman
>10mm edc
Checks out.

do they have internet in florida now

Yup. Drumphf made sure the state had cables laid out at your expense

'Hey, Elvis
You ain't nothin but an alligator'

>”I don’t care I was born in deez woods”

My sides

Anybody talking about wrestling a gator needs to watch faces of death, there's a scene where a wildlife ranger attempts to lasso a gator and rassle him to relocate him and instead he just flies off the boat and gets turned into a pulpy red mess. I'm not about to fuck with a gator, he'll get a 12ga, 7.62x39, or 10mm to the dome whichever the wife grabs when I tell her to bring me my gun. I'd use my carry piece but a .38 seems subpar for dino removal.

Put a leash on it and feed it chicken.

>Fuck the alligator for revenge
This is the true Florida answer

>Nutria furs are quite valuable and marketable.

Nigger what? That shit's worthless.

There are 5 in my neighborhood and one is in my back yard chilling right now. There's no contingency, they eat annoying things so I let them. We had shitloads of cottonmouths before they showed up.

> t. Archer

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Oh God Oh fuck hes done it again

.303 to the dome and go back in my house.

goddam its been a long time since ive had a basket of crawfish

Vice Chad pls

Now I’m imaging a gator with a gravely cockney accent asking for your permit

Ignore because it's Florida.
They're everywhere.
Pic related, it's my backyard.

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>Alaska.
Let it have my house, it's obviously a new apex predator.

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i live in florida, see them all the time. usually don't fuck with me

Fulfill my childhood dream by wrestling it.

Didnt help that they were sold off for pennies and retards just bashed the shit out of them, pretty much whats happening to Crown Vics right now.
At least the customized ones are being cared for to a certain degree.

Faces of death is fake, that's old fucking news boomer

Tranq and rape.

Literally nothing. They live here, too.
I see them every so often. You can hear them at night.
Sometimes, while I'm working, I shine my flashlight at the lakes/ponds to see if I can see their eyes and I pretend to be hunting gators.
Fucking tourists feeding the damn gators even though there are signs posted that say not to.
>pic unrelated

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Florida Man strikes again!

Tan the hides with the fur still on.
Takes a dozen to sew up into a Sasquatch suit.

mfw no floridans have had crawfish with oldbay big :(

>tried to be a doormat
>'Don't worry human, it's fine!'

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shoo it with a broom. welcome to florida.

gator doormat = nigger deterrent.

youtube.com/watch?v=b5Ysp1FjicU

>inna Mississippi
>gator comes a crawling through your yard
>"looks like were having gumbo for the week, ma."

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The first one used a couple of bits of stock footage, but they got more fake with each installment.

Simple. I dig a steep hole a few feet deep around the perimeter of my property, stand over it with the garden hose for a bit and cover it with brush. I figure it would either not realize there's a hole there and fall in, or see the sweet mud pit I made and hop in anyways.
Bam, not only did you solve your gator problem. But with your new gator pit you've also solved several other security issues.

If I ever live in florida I want a moat around my property full of chill but lethal gators.

Gators aren’t a problem unless you’re an 87 year old frail women walking next to the waterline. I live next door to a lake in southern Florida and have gators in my yard all the time. They don’t care about you. They won’t charge you. Just walk around them or throw stuff at them to get them to leave. Pointing your EDC at it will do nothing unless you actually shoot it. Gators aren’t a problem. Snakes are

I grew up in the south GA swamp and used to have to occasionally deal with big gators too close to the house. I've killed them with everything from .45 hollow points to a 30-30. It really is all about shot placement

>snakes are
This guy gets it. I've seen water moccasins swim across a pond to go after someone because they're so territorial. Not to mention bigger rattlers hiding in underbrush

upboated

Eat em with a side of fries.

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Run it over with my Chevrolet Movie Theater

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I N T E R I O R

C R O C O D I L E

Gelignite~

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This guy gets it

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>.38 seems sub par
Tell that to all the coonass mad lads filling gumbo pots with a .22 WMR.

It blows my mind than an apex swamp predator that eats a diet consisting of every animal that eats anything (shit and all) in a swamp can taste so fucking good. By all logic, gator should taste rancid and yet it's delicious.

God damn that's a sexy Mini-14. How much did all of that cost?

Funny thing is I live in Ohio and only know how to deal with gators from tv. Looks easy enough, but I feel like I'd lose a hand if I tried.

A L L I G A T O R

Krikey, avalookadis one