What the fuck do they put in these things? I've been constipated for a fucking week

Only if you drink lots of water. Else you're going to shit out a dry fiber brick.

Sodium

I don't get this meme. I ate two of them a day and nothing else for four days camping last summer and my shit was regular

Its cuz you don't have a horrible diet like OP, user. People who have problems shitting at least once a day run into these kinds of problems whey faced off against MREs.

>you will essentially fold your colon out with a fist wide, arm long shit

This is the best thing I've read all day.

You have to mix them with other shit like ramen/beef jerky and a shit ton of water. Really just drink fuckloads of water. I ate pretty much nothing but MREs and ramen for a year in Afghanistan and had no problems shitting, wiping is another story though, I suggest baby wipes.

That chicory root powder they use as a sugar substitute sends most people running to the bathroom within an hour or so.

This, drink enough water and it's fine in my experience.

What if you shit like 8 times a day on average? Asking for a friend.

My brother says they're suppose to not make you shit because when you're out in the field, the arabs wont wait for you to whipe your ass and get back in the fight
>pic related
It was how I felt when I ate MRE for 3 days straight and took a shit on the 4th

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Eat more protein.

>never taken a combat shit before

It’s a right of passage user

the turd or the granola bar?

Those are designed for EMERGENCIES...

>you will essentially fold your colon out with a fist wide, arm long shit.
Where to cop MRE's? Asking for a friend.

id legit buy em for innawoods if theyre cheap. im too lazy to deal with food unless im bringing a full on grill n big cooler, etc. and i shit great so im not worried about that

Just drink the ration heater water you dolt. They pack the laxative right there.

A shit ton of salt, a shit ton of preservatives, and very low fiber content in most items. As others mentioned, eat fiber bars and drink a butt ton of water.

The brisket entree (just the entree packet) alone has 66% of your daily recommended sodium intake.

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That pic is pretty accurate and good god the smell

You might have torn your asshole a bit. Just keep that area squeaky clean, take it slow on the shits, and you’ll be close to 100% after a few days. Hitting a doctor up for some cream would help, but it’s not necessary

Oh and avoid running for a few days as well if you’re into that.

That's the old joke about MRE's: it stands for Meals Refusing to Exit

Meals Refused (by) Ethiopians

eat the vanilla dairy shake.

What anime is that from?

Enough vendors are on Amazan so you can get just a whole box of briskit. Some of the actual sites like XMRE can get the freshest shit to your doorstep...legit one month old

Army gets 3~5 year old at best

Feeling your insides relax after all that pressure will be the best thing youll feel innawoods or down range.

Hell, might be why so many are revealed as gay and just wanna chase that full-to-empty feeling all the time

>oh it's already fucking rek't I think i have a hemmoroid or a sore or something on my ass now
Lemme guess: You didnt accept youre constipated so you sat on the toilet and pushed until your head was purple? Several times of course?

Salt. Hydrate dumbass.

How the fuck should I know, I just use anime pictures to get you autist to listen to me

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When I was in stan a box of C rations got issued.

I don't understand you autistic fags. You can order any MRE you want online. You could order a French of Italian MRE which is know for its pretty decent food...and yet you opt for the American garbage. It's sucks ass. It's just preservatives and stuff designed to give the low IQ welfare queens cancer in 20 years.

I ate a 20 year old MRE this weekend and felt fine.

Anyways, if all else fails, infirmary solution to MRE constipation is Magnesium Citrate. Be prepared for a complete evacuation. This stuff is not gentle.

I've never been troubled with constipation from MRE's, it is usually the other way around.

I ate two 1998 production MRE entrees and a bunch of the sides from three MRE packs and I didn’t suffer any more than if I’d ate beer and pizza all weekend.

>it is usually the other way around
The MREs have been troubled by constipation from you?

Generally people with shit diets do well with MREs because they are adapted.

Same.
>I don’t understand...
Fuck off then.

t. virgin manchild who likes to watch MRE videos and cosplay as a marine

SEMPER FI FAGGOT

bruh are you me? I eat those all the time I'm going to go get one right now.

I love having comfortable shits.

DEAR OP: TAKE MAGNESIUM CITRATE. IT'S A SALINE LAXATIVE, IT WILL ABSOLUTELY ROCK YOUR SHIT.

DRINK
MORE
WATER.

TRIPLE YOUR DAILY INTAKE. NOW.

Steve my man!

Diarrhea is the opposite of constipation.

Since the topic is MREs, I got a couple of these old things. Not sure why the white labels are there, but both MREs are labeled in black as "pork and beans".

Are these things still edible?

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"pork with rice", my bad

New MRE review soon...right...?

Those do not look like any US issue MRE ive ever seen.

Old school bb. I think Steve had a guide for determining era by bag color.

Idk what they are. I will bring one to open next meetup I go to

update, been taking miralax for a few days. painful hard shits are better than popping a turtle and breaking it off with toilet paper 3x a day

this miralax stuff apparently isn't too powerful

chew the fucking gum

i drink a fuckload of water already, I just had no idea these things would really constipate you so bad.

i assumed it was just dehydration from army bullshit.

not sure that works user

I looked at mreinfo.com. Bag color matches the '88 design, but its super weird since these two MREs dont have any text or imagery other than the off-centered and slanted stamp of what is supposedly in them. No idea why there is a white label on it as well.

>No idea why there is a white label on it as well.
That could be contingency packaging for a contractor that was unable to properly print the packages. They can sometimes get a waiver if there is an urgent need.
t. used to work at a contract house

There is a reason the US military is a huge buyer of and often has you eat an apple or pear with your meals. The fiber in them keeps your digestive track working normally.

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eat the gum, it's got laxatives

If you need to shit eat a bag of Sugar Free Gummy Bears.

You'll probably shit your pants halfway through the bag.

So i just ate 3 1998 MREs over the last weekend while camping and i was fine and they were mostly intact. Only the orange drank and tasters choice packets were spoiled.
However, i really wouldnt want to try a 1988 MRE outside of a comfy place within reach of a hospital. I know Steve1989 does it, but he knows what to avoid and what the signs of spoilage are, and even he's gotten seriously sick before. MREs that old shouldnt be used for emergency food IMO. My case of 1998 ones shouldnt be either, which is why im eating them on camping trips, theyre no longer viable for SHTF storage.

>Where to cop MRE's?
Optics Planet has pretty good prices on cases; one each of menu A and B (12 meals a case) for $115, free shipping. They're always on backorder so they're usually fresh out of the factory when they ship.

While the myth that the gum found in MREs contains a laxative is false (however, they are sweetened with xylitol, a mild laxative), the crackers in the ration pack do contain a higher than normal vegetable content to facilitate digestion.

im a big fan of that

Is do you know if there are other bags inside those bags? Is there any numbers inkjet'ed on the outside bag, or any of the little bags inside?

If I feel constipated, I eat a big bag of popcorn the night before I want to drop the kids off at the pool. My turds are fluffy floaters that sometimes require multi flushes. Pro tip: popcorn is high in fiber.

Yes, I can finger fuck it and it feels like there are bags inside. On the cheese tortellini one, I can feel something the exact size and shape of an MRE cracker. There are no inked numbers besides the [possibly correct or incorrect] primary meal content title.

Only one way to find out user

I don't want to open one up at home and waste the experience. I will probably take one to nuggetfest or another meet to open up with frens

I shit in poor farmers irrigation ditches several times.

You can open the main pouch and it does nothing to the contents inside, which are kept in smaller pouches, sometimes inside a box.

fineeeeeeee. I opened the rice and beans one with the white "pasta with vegetables" label. Pic is the contents

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I would also like to note that there was no weird smell when I opened the bag (I sniffed that brap immediately). There is no heating element and no nutritional value for the applesauce or crackers; nutritional value for the main course is pic related. The pound cake is also weird, as it takes up only HALF of the package (I have had MRE pound cake before and know it should take up the entire package).

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Interesting. The pound cake packaging resembles the brownie i have found in mine, but the cracker is completely different, and the entree is far more sparse than in mine.
Did you get a field ration heater? Does it say "Rock or something"? Im wondering if you have some kind of civilian MRE or its just a much older military issue. The manufacture date is usually on the main package, the last two digits are the year.

>Did you get a field ration heater
no see I can open up the pound cake and see if it tastes like what I am used to

1998 chili Mac and FRH

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Something is off, it is almost like it was re-packaged.

Remember the part where we told you to read the FRH instructions written specifically for the lowest IQ dumb motherfucker who scored a 30 on the ASVAB and then you did it wrong?

I remember.

It was an old MRE my dad had in his basement for a really long time. I have had proper MREs before (National Guard for 6 years), ended up keeping these two just in case. The contents of this MRE seem a bit bare, and the civilian style utensil and condiment package is pretty odd.

If it had any meat product I would tossed it faster than a Chinese type 13 ration.

none of mine have any meat, just 'Cheese Tortellini' and 'Pasta with Vegetables'

nigga u got left with the veggie options lmao

I like the modern vegetarian meals, only meal I don't like it lemon pepper tuna

Do you hate yourself for some reason? I mean, I have the whole 24 sets made in the last 3 years. My god man, why?

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I was talking about these two old rations I have. I probably have a couple full sets of modern rations, pic related; I got over 140 MREs

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These meals were never meant to be a long term nutritional replacement. During a real WW3 scenario their would still be field kitchens serving meals as close to the front as safety allows.

Damn son youre like the MRE baron. How you get cases like that? You in the mil and just keep asking supply for some because yo "need them" every few weeks?

I ate these twice a day for a week straight and was fine.

Was in the military, not anymore. I would just ask for cases of MREs and they would just give them to me. That pic is my cold cellar, where I store MREs, wine, and bulk ammo. The two bland cardboard boxes at the top are also filled with MREs

We reserve the right to serve refuse to anyone.

>Home brewer

Wonderbar

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