In need of advice

im in a really weird place right now i just lost my virginity yesterday and i dont know how to feel about it heres the full story

>be me 18 year old virgin
>did terribly in high school girl wise but went through major glow up on way to college
>get first kiss and what not near beginning of first semester
>get better and better at flirting and talking to girls as time progresses
>one day i meet a girl through a mutual friend
>solid 8.5/10 who draws like me
>at the time a bunch of my guy friends were hitting on her so i just let it be
>at the time i was talking to another girl
>text her one day asking if she wants to work on art w me over study break so i don't have to do my school project alone
>she says yes
>day comes were in the studio at my school during break
>halls are empty so privacy
>start flirting a little show her some drawing tricks
>after tickling her a little she ends up lying down in my lap
>look her in the eyes
>my body kind of just automatically goes in for the kiss
>she reciprocates
>first time ever making out w a girl
>im shaking
>eyes are open in shock
>we stop for a little and she says close your eyes so i do
>i start feeling her
>we stop
>i awkwardly say "i should get back to my art" and start drawing again
>still shaking
>we make out like two more times but we dont go far because windows
>this happened again one more time when i asked her to be a model for a differen drawing
>try to go further because were in a room with blinds now
>she doesn't want to because were at school and there is no lock on the door
>so im happy now i made out w a girl for the first time and someone who a bunch of my friends were checking out
>i didnt mention it to too many people because im not sure whats going on at this point
>im afraid that she might be a hoe and that it meant nothing
>but also afraid that it did mean something because im such a inexperienced child

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>school is back in again and we see each other after not having really hung out in a few days
>she doesnt show any affection in front of friends but when were alone she does
>im the same way
>eventually i talk to her and ask her what this was
>neither of us knew but we both liked each other
>she had never been in a real relationship either but all her past experiences had been pretty bad
>she has cuts on her arm and scars on one of her boobs
>find out later shitty ex left her heartbroken
>we both didn't want a relationship so we continue to hang out
>when she left we'd kiss
>we were pretty affectionate towards each other
>she was actually really cool and i realized she really liked me
> think to myself i might be able to get laid but cant think where
>this Thursday was the perfect day no school the next day and mom comes home at 9 on Thursday's
>ask her if she wants to come over she says shes down but she has to get a replacement for work first (she works as a lifeguard at ymca)
>get really excited but nervous since its not her first time but it will be mine
>im almost 100% sure that were gonna fuck if she comes to my place
>the day of comes and she says that she still hasnt gotten a replacement
>get nervous because im afraid this may e my only chance
> but only a few hours before her shift someone covers her
> she texts me in all caps "I GOT REPLACEDDD"
>its go time

POST PART 3 I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS

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>so now were together
>were taking the train and bus to my place which is really far from my school
>shes being really affectionate on train and bus
>good feels
>not really used to PDA but am o with it
>we get to my place i try to put a show on with Netflix but my laptop is being really shitty
>decide fuck it and tell her ill restart it cuz it usually works after that
>put my laptop down go to her we start making out on the couch
>take off her shirt
>take off her bra
>she says "already?"
> i say "if your down"
>i start foreplay n shit
>eventually she asks if i want to move to my room
>we lie on bed and continue to make out
>now i start taking of her pants and underwear
>she undoes my belt
>i take off my pants but am still in my boxers
>start feeling pussy ask her if i should get condom she says yes
>run upstairs get condom
>this is finally it
> i put on condom and get back to making out except now my dick is in her
>feels good
>we fuck in a few of different positions until i cum
>realize my condom is filled with cum
>say i need to go wash my dick
>about to go
>hear jingling of doorknob and knocks
>holy shit
>its 7 only like 7 oclock mom was supposed to get here at 9
>thank god i put on the second lock
>thank god laptop didnt work
>quickly tell her to put on all her clothes
throw on pants and undershirt
>go to open door
> i had already told her a friend was coming over
>didnt say it was a girl
>she meets my mom and apparently it went well
>i was downstairs in my bathroom cleaning my dick
>she comes back down and i put on tv show finally we sit and watch that for a little
>im scared y mom will walk in and see us cuddling so im a little more distant
>she leaves at 8

>next morning when i wake up i got called to my moms room
>she starts talking about my friend from the night before
>and then she asks if we were making out i immediately said yes
>i didnt want her to think we did anything more
>she realized when i answered the door i was flustered and my undershirt was inside out
>also i was only wearing an undershirt
>she starts to ask me a bunch of questions about how we met and what i like about her and what she likes about me and where we dating
>what i was afraid of
>what i didnt want
>she says you didnt have sex right
>i said no
>she goes on to say that sex should be something special with someone you really care about
>she keeps on lecturing me
>she says i shouldnt have sex this early on even she wants to because its disrespecting her and i shouldnt use women like that
>i like her alot i care FOR her but do i really care ABOUT her do i really really like her
>i start to think
>i didnt really feel anything special after
>i wasnt even shaking like when i made out w her
>i was too confident and i feel like i used her now
>i didnt do it on purpose its just i wanted to lose my virginity so bad i didnt care about making it special
>i dont know what to do now because im a still a little boy who doesnt know what hes doing
>im afraid of whats gonna happen now
>if it doesnt work out is she gonna feel used
>she said before she didnt want anything serious is that gona change?
>is this gonna become a public thing are all my friends gonna know were a thing now
> should be excited but i feel so bad and so conflicted
>will i grow to love her and it'll finally be special and we can make love instead of just fucking
>because i think it was special to her but it wasnt special to me
>and so my first time didint even feel that great

im confused if anyone has been in the same predicament please drop some advice

we fucked just yesterday btw and my mom talked to me this morning

How are you supposed to feel? Youre such a fucking robot its Im not gonna harp on it, but you should feel like a CHAD for fucking the girl everyone else wants. Also GTFO u nonvirgin faggot

>normies will judge you if you lose your virginity to someone that isnt "the one"
>normies will also judge you if you dont lose your virginity before you turn 20
what a world we live in

Stop worrying and have fun with her. Be in the real world, not in some fantasy hoping things up and getting confused when reality intrudes. My first time wasn't great and from what I hear, that's not uncommon.

Don't listen to your mom. She's doesn't have your back when it comes to girls. Her priority is apparently trying to protect other girls from you.

Also, be careful about taking advice from people here. If you knew me IRL, you wouldn't ask me for advice.

just play it as cool as a cucumber.dont text alot and dont be needy

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