Boyfriend has depression

Sit down next to him one day when he's not doing anything and don't say a thing. Just sit, and stare into the abyss, with him. No words.

He's very attractive to me, but I love him. I don't want him to be attractive to anyone else. He's really my ideal guy, and I'm willing to deal with it. I don't want a CHAD

i want beta

Nothing lasts forever, if he keeps this shitty behaviour you will leave and at that point anyone other than him will be CHAD.

CHAD is not a person, he's a state of mind.

>my.boy.png

He won't kill himself, but he wants to. That's not what's keeping me with him.
He's not threatening to do anything if i leave him.

He deserves something when he has nothing. I can't leave, even if I'm under appreciated.
I know I can't fix him, i just want him to work on it.

I can't dump him, not an option.
I just bought him a nmh shirt :(

Nothing lasts forever, but that's because we die ;)
I'll still hope.
I know what chad is, goof

kill me

He has nothing because he's never earned anything. He won't work on it as long as you're around. He's taking you and everything else in his life for granted. He needs a wake-up call and trust me, when it comes he will lash out at everyone next to him.
If he dies, he dies.

That sounds a lot like me a while back. I was basically trying to scare this girl into spending every second of her time with me. It took me a while to figure out what the hell I was doing, and I had to move on because I fucked everything beyond repair. I don't have any advice for you because if she had done what I wanted it probably would've just continued to escalate and get worse. The only thing that helped me was rock bottom, but that's a shitty place to be, and I don't wish it on anyone.

>He says he's self-destructive and that's why he always pushes me away but does that explain why I can't make him happy?
No, the depression explains why you can't make him happy. Your desire to help him is admirable but you're not the answer to his problems. Don't make a martyr of yourself, either: your purpose in life isn't to suffer in order to make others happy.

NOT YOUR FAULT, OP, HE IS MAKING HIS OWN CHOICES.

EVERY DAY IS A NEW CHOICE. YOU CAN MAKE SMALL STEPS TO CHANGE DEPRESSION.

I SUGGEST KINDLY EXPLAINING THAT YOU WON'T BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WHERE YOU AREN'T CARED FOR AND RESPECTED.

I don't have any clue how to initiate that.
I don't want to, but I want him to be alone and be able to work on him, but I want him to be with me too. It's a lot, but I am considering it. There's always a part of me that is telling me I'll never leave him. I have a gut feeling that it just won't work, although we promised otherwise. He does need a wake-up call, but the ones he's had are too light. If nothing happens I'm ending it.

It feels like that, often. But I initiate these things. I've built this up. i've given him too much to rely on, and even then he won't come to me when he's troubled until he lashes out on me. Maybe it's best he does go down, but I feel like I love him too much to let him suffer. I don't want him to die. But maybe it's best I try and lean towards that and break it off. It might help things. Thank you

I know I can't fix him. At this point, I don't even know if I'm helping him. I just wish I could. It kills me. I don't want to suffer any longer. I can't express it through what I've shown. It's getting worse and worse, our relationship. I'm foolish for thinking that these bad things are making it better. They're just repeating. We aren't learning. It's time for a change, or we might have to part.
Thank you

It's not my fault, initially
but I feel like I am worsening it when all I've wanted to do was help

maybe my helping period is over.

I am 3 years younger, so he always has that power over me and I feel stupid often times.

I feel like i have to be strong for the both of us, and I feel like i'm not allowed to have the emotional troubles I do. I have a big problem with myself, but I can never tell the person I love most because his depression is more overbearing.

Your words won't be forgotten.
Thank you.

Your boyfriend is an emotional leech & he's using you as his emotional dump. He's like an alcoholic who drinks until he passes out because he knows somebody will always be there to drag his ass home so he keeps on doing it.

People like him get people like you so they can continue to act in the worst way and put all the blame and responsibility on you. As long as you indulge him, he will never recover. The second you stop feeding him attention, he will either replace you with a new doormat or magically recover and dump you because he doesn't want to be reminded of his darker days.

As someone with depression, I don't think depressed people should date unless they are actively trying to improve their situation. Unfortunately, a lot of depressed people, especially men, are like your boyfriend and they date specifically because they want someone to either magically heal them or to tolerate their bad habits.

You don't have to be responsible for that. You should think about yourself and how to live life most beneficial FOR YOU.

I would guess he's building expectations of you without telling you that grow and grow in his head until he realizes they won't happen. Totally not your fault. No way you can know what he's thinking, but it is dangerous. If that's the case, he's completely objectifying you as something to comfort himself. The only times I felt like my relationship was in a healthy place after this shit started with me was when she made me listen, and I was forced to empathize and remember that I was in a two-way relationship.

> boyfriend

what are you doing here?

Attached: 6f4.png (960x720, 568K)

You're completely right. I know I'm no good for him. But if I were on his side, I don't know if I'd want to be given time to change or if I'd be able to handle being left.

So you don't think theres any way it could work? he's really the first person I've ever loved,
all I've ever known.

I'm coming to terms with your advice, and I think that you're right. He said he wants to be happy, but he's also ready to be miserable for the rest of his days. I can't live like that, and I can't let him rely on me when i don't even make him happy anymore.

I know I'm not responsible for him, and it's his choice.

I just don't know how I'll go on without him. He's really my entire life.

I wish it could work.
Thank you, I've saved your response and I'll never forget.

Support your man you roastie bitch. If you were feeling down you would want to be able to lean on him.

fucking,

right. the way i'm speaking makes me seem very normie, but i don't think i'm too bad.
i was going to call you a nig, but eh.
just beung serious because i need advice.

>an hero
well no wonder , with friends like those

I feel like i dont't even meet his expectations anymore, so yes, they probably are growing. I'm not the godsend I used to be. he doesn't seem to like me as much as he did and feel like i'm all over him. I still wont leave him, as hard as it is. I know him. I think he will come around

You might want to check out these comics: depressioncomix.com/posts/characters/satellite-character-19/page/2/

(In particular this link follows the arc of a character in a position almost identical to your own, but the rest of the comics are great too [the beginning of her story starts at the bottom of the page]).
As someone with depression myself I can say that they might help you better understand why he acts the way he does or at least give you a sense of sympathy in that other people experience these dilemmas too.
Beyond that all I can say is you shouldn't ever let him purposefully manipulate you with his depression or the threat of self harm since that isn't healthy for either partner.

i know but he's helpful and I am not. of course im not going to leave him this easy, but I just want him to be able to help himself when i cant. He's had this depression his entire life, and I don't want it to last forever. sigh

I have a gf and she loves me like you love your bf
But I kinda wish she was as understanding as you

I get depressed sometimes, but she gets mad at me and thinks I'm doubting her
She told me she fantasizes about my friends and got frustrated when I went kinda silent and mopey

I was a miserable sack of shit when she found me and she taught me to be happier, but now she's tearing down everything she ever did for me. What should I do?

I know how your bf must be feeling. Life feels crushing, and miserable.
I felt like I was gonna die sometimes.
Tell him to keep moving forward, and that it's intrinsic of all things to change eventually.
Let him know that happiness is a reward for putting effort into things, and that it's never a state anyone can achieve forever.
Help him find some way to put time and energy into something - anything
Get him to start jogging or playing chess
Something meaningless and silly like that
And I promise you if he commits himself, there will be improvement.

It will never come immediately, but make him stay with whatever he does, and it will come, slowly, and in waves. But it will come.

I don't deserve all of this help.
Of course, I'm not giving up or leaving him, and I understand it's his depression doing this, I just hate that i always feel responsible. we know it's depression, but I feel useless now. I'm willing to stick around. I won't let him manipulate me, but I also won't leave him to rot. I'm going to take a look at those. I am so sorry you're in a similar position as him, I've seen the very worst of him. I know it's indescribable. I really wish you luck, and I know there's not much else I can do. thank you for everything, i won't forget.

Make sure he's still there for you.

God dammit, this thread is bringing up so many feels. I just wanna say I'm sorry that I did this shit, even though it wasn't to you, and I'm sorry you have to go through it. I know how shitty this situation is for both sides. Dammit I miss her. I'm so sorry. I hope you can help him or he can help himself. That's such a shitty place to be at.

Perhaps you have a discord of some sort? I'm willing to give more detailed advice. I guess that's sort of iffy since many people could reply to you, but let me know.

I understand what you mean. I think she's expecting more than you can give right now. But in a way, I understand her too, I get impatient and feel like I deserve something more sometimes.

But the thing with depression and relationships, is it isn't easy. And it requires patience and love. You both need to be thoughtful. Have you addressed her about it? Maybe she's not seeing your side.

I hate to hear that you've ever felt like that. It's ugly, and it breaks people. Your advice is all I could ever need, I am so thankful for it. I am going to put it into action. I'm trying to better myself, and i hope he can try to work on him a little too.
He is talented, with guitar and writing and video games, he just doesn't see it. I will do anything to get him back to doing those things, or anything. Thank you.

Tell her you are going through things, and what you need is for her to be there with you through it. Support each other, and tell her it's not her fault. Remind her that she's helped you so much, but she can't expect you to be cured. Why on earth would she ever tell you those things about your friends? I don't know, but I understand the silent mopeyness. Sometimes I trigger that with him. Today he asked why I didn't message him. I told him it was because I was waiting for him, so he went silent and hung up eventually.

Speak to her. Be honest with her.

I understand you to great extent.
I sort of thought it would break, though I claw at the cliff I am sliding down. I see a future with him.

This is all over the place, but I hope you see what I mean. Again, discord, possibly?

desu id probably shank her when she said that.

valid, valid, valid. Thank you, I will make sure of it. It's two way, but I'm patient for now.

No problem, just trying to help people where I can. If you want to ask me any questions about my depression feel free to do so. I hope things work out between you and your boyfriend.

Feels are alright, they're necessary to live. I hate bringing up those memories. I know, and I'm here. It's okay, things happen. Please forgive yourself. I know what regrets are like. no more.
I am so sorry you miss her.
I have hope.
I really hope you have some too.

It means the world. I hope things work out too. I know there's hope. And yes, please can I asl a few questions? I've been more than a little sad, and I've always hated myself (more than my body. not really even my body, just the way I am as a person) but I'm definitely not depressed. I just want to try to understand more. Are/Were you more easily frustrated? do you see any hope, or is it pretty much pitch black? did you understand why you did the things you did/do, or did you just do them because you felt there was no hope (if you ever did much)?

Thank you, it's a big help.

where everyone go

Stop boning dudes faggot maybe thats why youre sad

I dunno if you really wanna talk to me, I'm kinda boring and my username is gay
but ye I have discord, and I could use a friend

I should probably give more background on our relationship - I've always stressed honesty and openness. I'm a paranoid person and not knowing tears me up inside more than anything she could do to me.
I asked her about something small one day, and it sparked a whole conversation about the things she's thought.

She was always the sweetest girl I'd ever known, but, she tells me that she used to think of my best friend when we got intimate, and that now she still imagines doing sexual stuff with all my attractive friends.

The night I heard that I said "I love you" and "Sweet dreams" and we fell asleep together, but I woke up half an hour later and never fell asleep again that night. I was shaking, sick to my stomach.

Whenever I get sad I apologize, and I make her know how much I care. I spend my night writing messages about how I'm a space man (it's my dream to be an aerospace engi) and she's the world to me.
She says sometimes it's all a little too much.

I understand it's a mistake to smother her with my love, but it's all I've ever been good at. I was just okay at everything I've ever done. The only thing I ever had was a heart of love to give to her, and only her.
I was so crazy about her even in my dreams when girls would try to fuck me I'd say "No, I could never do that to my love."
I had so many faults when we were younger and I recognized that, but I've grown, and I made myself into so much of a better person for her.

I see a future with her just like you see a future with him. Sometimes I don't know what to think.

Writing is good. You should help him with writing. Charles Bukowski said writing was what depressed people do when they didn't have time to kill themselves. Or was that Emil Cioran?
I dunno, but writing has always been the most genuine way to stave off depression.
I've done a little bit myself.

ME?!
am the virgin

and you fuckers wonder why nobody loves you

No, I do want to speak. I'm sure of it. I could use it too. Let me know, and I'll message you on discord, is that better? i'll reply to what you said here, unless you'd rather I reply here.

Fuck my comment was too long sorry

Encourage him to write what's on his mind. Keep a dream journal together and share weird dreams for inspiration. Pass a notebook back and forth and write short stories to each other.
Maybe on good days get him to write a real fleshed out story.
Tell him they don't have to be good, in fact stress that they probably wont be
Let him know that no writing is good or bad - it's all quirky, and some people like it and some people don't
If he doesn't believe you show him James Joyce and he'll understand that there's no such thing as good writing.

Make sure he understands that all you expect from his writing is effort, and all the effort he has - absolutely nothing less.

Don't force him though, make sure everything comes from within.
It's hard, I know it's hard, but it's worth it, to see someone you love happy.

Expect him to get frustrated the first few times, even for a long time he might be resistant, but there will be a day, if you keep at it long enough, that he looks at something he writes, and sees himself staring back at him. And when you see yourself in your writing you smile because it's the one time in your fucking life you're not alone and there's something out there that fucking understands you.

That's the most beautiful feeling in the entire world and if you can give that to him you're not sliding down a cliff you're floating through the fucking sky

gave me a laugh.

Go to another board roastie

I used to think about that before I met her. About fucking killing people.

I can't though. It'd kill me too :(

he is just an abusive punk who uses muh depression as an excuse to treat people poorly

t. used to be a depressionfag

Yeah messaging is probably the best if that's okay with you

I'm uh
Dr. Class#8612
It was an inside joke

I added you, it's nai

he doesn't even call it depression it's just him but he knows.

Tell him
>Boo fuckin hoo you're not the only one whose live's a piece of shit
And yet miraculously somehow we all seem to deal with it
Did anybody think that you would really seriously slit your wrists
In fact I think that everybody thinks you're seriously full of shit

1. Yes, I've definitely noticed that since I've been depressed I tend to get frustrated and angry more easily. I guess it's like when you're at the bottom of a hole even minor things can make you feel like the world is just doing it's best to kick you while you're down. In general my mood is much more unstable since I've been depressed and at least for me has certain tendencies at certain times of day.
2. Do I see hope? Sometimes. It depends on my mood. Sometimes (rarely) I really do believe that I can work my way out of this and get to a better place in life and even do some planning to that end. Other times I feel like I'm doomed to be the same way I am now for all eternity (or until I kill myself) and my conscience eats away at my self-confidence telling me I'll never be able to motivate myself to do any of the things I need to do to "fix" myself. Right now I just kind of feel flat and neutral.
3. In the heat of the moment when I'm lashing out at someone I do understand why I'm doing it (i.e. that I'm really just doing it because I'm emotionally unstable without much real substance behind it) but only to a small degree. For the most part in that moment there's not much thinking going on and it's more just venting my emotions in an unhealthy way. It's not until maybe hours or even a day later that I begin to understand why I acted the way I did on a deeper level. However for me personally I simply clam up and refuse to discuss things/ bottle things up much more often than I ever lash out. Also sometimes I really do lash out at myself when things have built up.

Sorry that took so long to type, I hope these answers help.

fuck off and stop blogposting, please

he hates himself. You could try to get him to accept and love himself. Easier said than done though

YOU WEAR A UNIFORM

Please don't apologize, it was well worth the wait.
They really are helpful. I know depression is different for everyone, but seriously, that's so much I needed.
I understand to some extent what you mean by these things, and I feel like I can more easily help him, even if it's not by much. I felt broken reading that, I wish I could give you hope. I can even slightly see what it might be like. I just think it's easier to understand than to deal with. It's going to be difficult, but like a lot of things that require hard work, it will be worth it. I hate to hear that you've felt like this, and I'd seriously do anything if I could. Just know how helpful you are to me. I am so thankful. Those comics are now special to me, and thanks again for them too. I wish you the best of luck on this journey, and I really hope you will keep trying.

quite near impossible for a lot of people. They always say you must first love yourself before you can love another but that's far from the truth. I think it could be rephrased.
Thank you though, maybe eventually we will both love ourselves and not just eachother.