Suicide

This post was too real for /b/ I guess. Trying for real responses here.

Okay, real talk here.

Or maybe not so real talk, I don't know.

How do people have more than 1 or 2 suicide attempts, and then at that point don't admit they aren't just doing it for attention?

Like dude, I can see one or two fuck ups MAX that your suicide didn't go as planned. Anything beyond that you are intentionally leaving room for error as a cry for help. Sorry. You should fucking figure it out after that point.

Tie a fucking belt around your neck TIGHT and also make sure no one is going to be home in the next 10 minutes, maybe? Oh wait, you're planning on that.

Every time I see someone post something along the lines of their 5th "suicide" attempt and being in the hospital all I can think of is that you are intentionally surviving your attempts.

Change my mind. Maybe? I don't know. Highly doubt you can. Because they totally are.

They're still fucked up and need help, but they definitely aren't attempting suicide the way other people actually do.

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My aunt grew up in an abusive household and has attempted suicide, that I know of, twice.

Severe depression doesn't just go away. She tried to kill herself with medicine when she was a kid and was saved by my grandfather after my grandmother told her that she wouldn't satisfy her need for attention by taking her to a hospital. I know that she did it like 10 years ago as well, she was well into adulthood, and she spent some time in a mental institution.

There's people that want to escape the pain and then there's people who just want to die

It's not about intention, it's more about the actual physical fear response. Even if you want to die, your body doesn't, and planning for every contingency of struggling/time isn't always possible when you only have the guts to try and kill yourself when you're in the depths of despair (so only a couple hours of this extreme sadness to kill yourself before you'll talk yourself out of it).

Also, there are probably tons of these badly-thought out attempts that work, but you don't know, cause they're dead. So.

I suppose as a kid that might be one of the few reasons why your attempt had failed.

I know depression doesn't go away and have literally been on over 15 different antidepressants, over 25 sessions of ECT, and starting an experimental Ketamine trial soon. Like man, do I fucking get it.

But when I go into a psych ward and hear people talking about the N'th suicide attempt all I can think of is #1: Pretty sure I would only need 1 attempt to get it right. #2: How many attempts is it going to take for you to figure out how to go about it?

I guess I've just met a lot of people who love to show off how many attempts they've made. And try to use it as an attempt to show how much more depressed than other people they are. I guess it's made me a little jaded.

Not my attempt, I'm mentally fine. My aunt's attempt.

Basically, she swallowed a shitton of aspirin (something like that, I honestly can't remember which) and then after like an hour, she was in severe pain, she went to my grandmother, and she said it was just her trying to get attention and wouldn't take her to the hospital.

Maybe getting attention is part of it. There are "desperate cries for help". Also, some people don't want to be in pain anymore. Some people want to die. The ones that just want to die are the ones that are more likely to be successful.

Another thing is that people usually won't take you serious unless you show them that whatever ails you is real enough to drive you into suicide. Pretty sure there's nothing worse than having a severe depression while also being somewhat functioning in society.

I guess that's my point. I'm not saying that these people don't need help, but their intention is very very different from a legitimate suicide attempt.

Even when I think about suicide, it's very natural to think about ways you could survive it because of the whole self-preservation thing. I guess I realize I think these things and know I might not actually want to commit suicide because of them.

If you've been institutionalised etc I can understand how you'd meet people like that. For me, I've really wanted to die all my life, and I think soon I'm finally gonna have the privacy and agency to do it.

I think I attempted a couple of times before (repressed), it was half assed but I really want to make sure I do it with medical grade helium so then I can not be scared of waking up brain damaged and being forced to live the rest of my life. That's pretty much my worst fear so physically it's terrifying to bring myself to seriously attempt it.

Nobody truly wants to commit suicide. At least, very few people do. As humans we innately want to live.

Oh trust me. If you tell the right person (whether it be a co-worker or even just a normal doctor) that you are thinking about suicide and you're pretty sure you know how you'd do it, you're likely going to get the cops called on you and sent to a psych ward.

You will be taken seriously, even if you weren't entirely taking the notion of suicide extremely seriously... just serious enough for others to send you there.

Why don't you want to live, user? Is it fear of the unknown? Is it that you don't think you can take the rigors of life ahead?

"and I think soon I'm finally gonna have the privacy and agency to do it."

I guess that's a huge dividing line between a lot of people who do it and those who don't. I'm an very slowly, but steadily, getting to the point where I no longer tell people about my suicidal ideation because I know it would help in preventing something like that from actually happening.

The best way to commit suicide is to not actually let anyone know or have any idea you were even considering it at the time.

Yeah, people who have a legal obligation will send you on your way really quick but I was talking about family, friends and all that. If you want to let them know that you are having a real tough time most won't take you seriously until you back it up by openly speaking about suicide or attempting it

Rigors of life ahead. My best skill is writing. I am never going to be a writer with money enough to survive, my family view me as a burden at best, and I'm gay for someone from another continent so I need the money that I can live with them/vice versa (visa). It's untenable.

That said I was suicidal before all that. I suppose it's fear of other people, and I don't want to disappoint my family. Every time I fail or decide something for myself, I disappoint them, and they berate me.

When I die, they'll act like they gave a shit, but in a lot of ways they really did drive me to it. For instance, I was meant to stay home for 2 weeks and then leave, but I got a sudden severe infection as my wisdom teeth come through. Haven't been able to eat for three days and I have a constant temperature, but my family are so desperate to get me out of the house they aren't going to let me home after I get emergency surgery tomorrow morning: they're going to make me walk sedated to a 2 hour train to my university city.

I'm inconvenient to them. They might emotionally react, but my absence won't impact their lives.

Yeah, me too. I don't want to get put on involuntary entry to a psych ward during my degree: I at least want to kill myself quickly, with dignity. I don't think I'm going to get better.

To be fair, you likely won't even be institutionalized for depression from even a Psychiatrist or Therapist unless you dwell on the suicidal ideation.

I've mastered the phrase, on talking to both my psych and therapist, of "passively suicidal". An easy way for them to think you aren't coming up with any plans.

You can feel like you 100% want to die and then chicken out any number of times, it's not necessarily so people see it. It's just that if you don't do it well, it's very likely someone will find out.

Dude, listen, I know from experience that often people's worst enemies are themselves. You've got a lot of self-doubt. Fuck your family. If that's your driving force to suicide, then fuck them. Not in a bad way, what I'm saying is, you've gotta do you and do you hard.

Look, this hits me hard, because I'm the type of guy to befriend someone who has intense suicidal thoughts unwittingly and then be devastated by their death.

I think your family would rather you be a disappointment than be dead. Live your life the way you want to. Take a fucking wagie job and write your book while doing that. Fucking Stallone wrote Rocky while he was homeless.

If nobody else believes in you, I believe in you. I'll pray for you, user.

"I don't think I'm going to get better."

You know, I didn't mean to make this thread to make people feel like they should commit suicide. You should, at the very least, see a psychiatrist and therapist. I've seen ECT therapy and a lot of other off-shoot drugs to absolute fucking wonders for people.

I guess it comes down to the question whether or not your willing to give it a shot. I don't believe in reincarnation, after-life, or any of that jazz. So I kind of have a "might as well try" mentality to it. My patience is wearing thin after 6 years of on/off hospitalizations and many different medications, though.

Also, I'm a writer and I gotcha famalam. Writing is fucking hard. I have this great idea in my head, but putting pen to paper is fucking awful.

Self-preservation truly is a bitch, isn't it?

this is accurate. the body has an intense biological urge to survive, and some people that response is stronger even if their mind doesn't want to live.

That means a lot, user. I'm not Stallone, but it's nice that you have some degree of faith in me. I know they'd rather I be a disappointment than dead, but emotionally, I'm just not sure I can take being treated like that.

I don't have any worth beyond what my family allows me. The only people who praised me when I was younger were my family, for (at the time) exceptional academic scores. But I'm not exceptional, as I quickly learned, and now being a disappointments all that I've got left to do.

No, please don't worry, these feelings have been around a number of times. I've only had very sparing access to psychiatrists or therapists - usually only 1 session with each before I end up moving somewhere else, or a family emergency. So I've not had consistent therapy. I tried antidepressants, but they made me sleepless and ruined my exams. I think I'm going to try and do them again, and then try a different drug or dose.

If none of that works, then I feel like suicide might be the only thing to do would just be to die, though.

>suicide might be the only thing to do would just be to die though
Good sentence by me. Sorry dudes

" I tried antidepressants"

Man, trust me when I tell you there are a shit ton of different antidepressants. For most, you just need to find your niche one. That on top of a therapist you jive with to help you sort out life goals after you regain motivation from medication. I had gone through 5 therapists before I found one that suited me. And, like I said, literally over 15 different antidepressants and a slurry of antipsychotics.

do most people not know how easy it is to die from neck compression like how robin Williams died from a belt?

Yeah, I mean you can even do it with the paper scrubs they give you at psych wards if you twist them enough before tying it around your neck.

They check on you 15 minutes intervals, tops. Enough time do die from asphyxiation.

is hanging like that even if you can stand up a "serious" attempt?

You don't even need to actually hang. It just needs to be the proper knot and not to loose over time as to allow blood flow to your brain.

People who've survived hanging attempts describe a ringing of the ears and flashing lights, but probably the most uncomfortable thing about it is difficulty breathing.

thanks, that gives me hope. do you know if BPD can be medicated? i don't know if i have it, though.

Oh yeah, totally. You're likely going to be prescribed a combination of antipsychotics with antidepressants if the symptoms you describe to them warrant it.

My number one advice is patience. Finding the right combination can be difficult

>Tie a fucking belt around your neck TIGHT and also make sure no one is going to be home in the next 10 minutes

Not suicidal but i've tested the belt method(without the intention of killing myself, had my brother in the next room to make sure) to test out what happens, put a belt over a door and close it and use your own body weight to choke yourself out, seems to work because after you pass out your legs go out and you're still choking from your own body weight. I lifted myself up before that happened though.

If I'm not mistaken that's how Robin Williams did it.

All I ever read about was people telling me there was no medication, only therapy. I had no idea there was a chance I could get medicated for this.

If there's hope of a solution, then I'll try over and over. I've always felt so hopelessly trapped in my own head, and I'm fairly sure I have BPD.

this really gives me something to hope for.

I am going to go the doctor when I'm back in my home city and I'm going to push to see the university psychiatrist, see if I can get any semblance of a diagnosis or referral. the difficulty has always put me off, as therapy has been so unsuccessful so far, but if there's something to work for, then I can at least try.

Thank you user and thank you as well. Best of luck, if I write a book, I'll credit you, but I doubt you'll ever find it. Even so.

thanks.

Yep. There was a movie about a guy that had sex with his mother when he was taking care of her because she a cast on her leg, he tries hanging himself in the bathroom afterwards with a belt and the mom kicks the door open, cant remember the name of the movie buts its 90s junk.

At the very,.very.least you will be prescribed antidepressants. They may want to try therapy in combination with that to help BPD before resorting to antipsychotics, but try to give them an honest shot. Your psychiatrist will be much more willing to negotiate and work with you if you are treatment compliant and giving them a fair try.

this way seems too easy. ive tested it too

it seems less traumatic than being fully hanged too.

Yeah from what I understand by the time you start panicking you're unable to life your legs. However, one you are unable to lift your legs that's about the exact same point you start to pass out.


After that, well, nothing other than maybe some ringing ears as it all goes away

Writefag here. If you're still here, I would ask for a genetic test to determine what would work with you best. My dad did one, and it turned out that the one antidepressant he was on literally did nothing.

Hi, I'm around, what kind of genetic test? Is it a place you send off to or can you request it?