Ask God Anything

Aren't you supposed to be on /x/, you schizophrenic failed abortion?

Is it raining where you are now?

You must be thinking of someone else.

It isn't.

Why am I not happy

Why is it not raining?

Nope, I'm thinking of a LARPing faggot with a literal god complex.

Lord, does the Holy Spirit still dispense spiritual gifts? If not, why were they given to the Apostles? Would the Gospel have failed to spread without these blessings?

Is there an anime heaven?

Why did you create me? You clearly know that it wasn't going to go 100% well.

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Why am I insatiably obsessed with sticking my nose and tongue deep in a woman's sweaty and tangy asshole?

I-I-Is my husbando out there, somewhere?

Because many things are wrong in you life. Do you have a clue what they could be?

Because there are no clouds overhead.

That is unfortunate. I've never opened a thread on /x/, however.

Why are there no clouds God-OP?

It does. They were given to the Apostles as they are given to selected people nowadays, often operating outside of the humanly recognised Church. Judge them by their fruit, not their title.

Yes, the Gospel would have failed without some real action before the words.

Imagine "anime heaven", then imagine it's a thousand times better. Then imagine that real heaven is even better than that.

The future isn't set in stone. It is never too late to improve.

Can you go to heaven if you kill yourself?
Is there a hell?

If you have never actually done it, there's a chance that upon contact with a woman's anus, that fantasy might die permanently. Or maybe not. No matter. There are plenty of women who would enjoy your desire as much as you, and most likely, far more. I hope that you will find a suitable partner soon.

Yes

Because the conditions don't favour condensation, even though clouds aren't vapor, but miniature drops, also called droplets, which are small enough to hang in the troposphere.

What does "god of everything" even mean? Define yourself
I don't believe in a god of everything. I'd believe in some ancidnt being calling itself a god before I'd believe in something like that. You'd need to provide any proof whatsoever that you are what you say you are.

Can you make a burrito so hot that even you cant eat it?

But you are god, you could make it rain.

>Can you go to heaven if you kill yourself?
Yes. That's what you usually do, to heal, to understand better, to be loved, to love. People often go back after a while and try again.

There is a hell but it isn't what most fear. The people in hell are there voluntarily. It is the only place where love cannot reach you. Love hurts when you aren't ready, hell is the place that protects you from love.

That's fucking retarded stupid shit.

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>The future isn't set in stone. It is never too late to improve.
prove to me that it isn't deterministic.

Does anything matter if in the end we can choose where we end up? Is life worth living if i can just kms and go to paradise? why should I stay and endure a shitty life?

>What does "god of everything" even mean? Define yourself

The universe is my creation. Think of me as the universe's mother. As you to believing in me, I don't need you to believe in me, that isn't your purpose in life. As to proof, I doubt you could even define what would be valid proof, but feel free to give it a try.

Why did you do this to me?
What did I do wrong?

Yes. Love burritos.

I could. What's your point?

Do you not like rain?

I don't have to, you proved it in the 1920's using science. Reality would require to be much simpler than it is to be deterministic. Matter is barely even something if you look at it very closely. The more cheese, the more holes, the less cheese. The more cheese, the less cheese.

what do you think about jesus?

How did you create the universe? Do you exist outside if it? Before it? Because no you didn't. There is no outside of everything and no before time.
I don't need to define what would be adequate proof, and you would probably know how to prove yourself to me if you were all powerful.

Fuck off retarded rper. Get better at lying you dumbass.

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Everything matters. Paradise refers to the garden of Eden, in English, but perhaps you speak French or another Latin language.

You should endure just to see that you can turn things around and enjoy life as it is meant to be enjoyed. Discipline isn't the most important, fun is the most important. It's easy to have discipline when you love living.

I am just here to be a low life so others can feel good about themselves, don't I?

>Implying there is a god
>On Jow Forums

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What is your problem, my child? Perhaps I can tell you what you did wrong, if anything, if you tell me more.

what if the cheese has no holes, you piece of shit.
you're not god, fuck off.

Why did you doom me to suffering and loneliness?

I love rain.

I am Jesus.

Then again why is it not raining?

why'd you do this to me bro

>How did you create the universe?

I can't explain it to you. Imagine if an ant walked across a Chinese poem written on an iPad, I would have to explain everything from touchscreen technology to Cantonese, to literature, poetry, rhyming, etc. To an ant. None of the concepts required to understand my explanation are available to a human. Closer to you, imagine explaining nuclear technology to a medieval man.

>Do you exist outside if it? Before it?
Yes and yes. I am the universe but I also exist independently of it.

>There is no outside of everything and no before time.

That counts for you, not for me. There is also no way for you to know if anything exists outside of your universe. You'd have to prove that nothing else exists and proving a negative is not always possible. In this case, it isn't.

why aren't you on /x/?

Not at all. There are lessons to learn, and you will stay right where you are until you learn them and apply them. You can ask more precise questions if you'd like.

I didn't doom you to it. Pain is a sign that something is wrong. It's an alarm. Heed it, and heed it well. You are not supposed to be in pain, or alone. I will help you if you give me a chance.

May I realease my bankai my lord?

You're assuming that because I like rain it should rain all the time. I like tiramisu, but if I had it all the time, I wouldn't like it anymore. Rain every day isn't something I would enjoy. Plus many people would die, and that's not enjoyable either.

>I will help you if you give me a chance.
Ok. What do I have to do?

Do what to you?

I have never opened this thread on /x/.

Your what?

You have to tell me about yourself. I know nothing of you.

You are not God if you do not know me.

If you're really god then you'll be able to ensure you have the big get. Only way to prove your identity.

why you make me so stupid

>i have no idea

fake and gay

When I was watching porn, I found real voyeur videos of Asian women's bathrooms in which, without being in/separated by a stall, the women are openly shitting next to each other.

1. What makes them do this instead of just waiting till they get home?
2. What percent of the Asian lesbians masturbate to the thought of it/visit for sexual purposes or get off to exhibiting themselves in that manner?

I am God, but I exist in many forms. I'm literally typing here, I'm in my human form. As such, I don't have access to everything I would normally know, even though even that is less than you usually assume. Talk to me as if I were a normal human. Or you can abandon this thread if you cannot trust me, I would understand, of course.

>If you're really god then you'll be able to ensure you have the big get. Only way to prove your identity.

For the get!

You know what I want to know you piece of sentient stardust

so what, a number of governments can make it rain too, since a while ago now, we can make it earthquake now

all the is possible humans will achieve if we dont go extinct

Why do you say you are stupid?

Even in ancient Rome, men shat together and chatted while they were doing so. It's mostly cultural. Men still piss while talking even in your society, presumably.

A small percentage.

I don't. I have no clue.

OK.

Why do people unironically believe in you? Why are there so many different religionfags that are convinced they are correct?

>tfw god is a fucking idiot

I failed out of college and I have so many dui's I can't drive a car

How do I get a gf?
If you say just bee urself I'll start worshipping Satan.

If you are jesus then how come he said hell wasn't voluntary but you say it is

It varies. Some erroneously attribute to me feelings they should have had for their parents (or ideal parents). Those most in touch with me know that it's not about telling people what's right or wrong, but doing. All humans can tell when something good is done (usually), and that is the best way to "tell" others about the truth. Love conquers everything. No argument is needed.

For your college failure, there may be a number of issues you have that weren't detected. If you tell me a list of issues you typically have, I might be able to tell you more.

Tell me more about your drinking problem.

If you get the holy octet get i will believe in you again.

Why do I deserve to suffer
What have I done in past lives to deserve this

You will only attract people who are on your level, and if that level is shit, you're better off alone. So, the best advice I can give you isn't "be yourself," but clearly I won't tell you to pretend. I will tell you to improve yourself, continuously, and enjoy it. Easy things you can do is start working out efficiently, and fix your psychological issues if you have any: social anxiety, anger, etc.

Once you feel like an awesome person, it will be easier to start looking for a soulmate.

what a shitty fucking larp
kill yourself, fag

Why did you leave me unfinished?

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Jesus in the Gospels as saying various things, you cannot take it for more than it is. Four gospels, four different sets of "Christ's final words", which should have made all Christians understand that the Bible isn't meant to be taken literally, but with some critical sense. The very limited vocabulary used in the New Testament is a source of major problems for you. "Eternal punishment" can also be translated by "temporary education", given the wide range of semes used by the words. Just an example.

Are you omnipotent? Omniscient? Omnipresent?

I may not be up that late.

Too vague for me to help. Your problems probably don't need bad karma to exist.

Ok I have another one: Why did you make women so shit?
Also how do we fix them?

So a mass murderer spends some time in voluntary hell and then goes to heaven?

if you're really God, then what's my name

What's missing?

Yes. It's a bit more complicated though. Some things I have designed in such a way as to be unable to predict the future, other things I have willed to be out of my control. If I intervened, I'd break things altogether. I am all things, in that sense I am omnipresent.

>What's missing?
A will to live

They aren't more shit than men, you must focus on mental health issues here. Also be aware that you will attract and be attracted to people on your level. If you associate with shit people, you must take it as a sign that you have some growing to do.

It depends. Typically, a mentally ill person, once dead, can think free of the illness and understand what they have done. This is the only type of suffering in "hell", and it's enough. People get to know how others were affected by their actions. This is intense pain, much like doing horrible things on drugs or drunk, and sobering up to see the consequences.

After some time in education, the person is born again and lives again. Heaven isn't accessible until a certain point in your understanding. Not going there isn't a punishment, it only means you aren't ready yet.

What about your future actions??? Is your consciousness predetermined? If it is, then you are not omnipotent, and if it isn't, then you cannot be omniscient.

Also, as a write this, how many fingers am I holding up? And in what shape?

You are most likely clinically depressed, and not for random reasons. Are those reasons clear to you?

>What about your future actions???
That is precisely why the future isn't set in stone. If I could tell the future, I would know what I would do forever forward, and be limited by it, which would make me able to do other things just to break the prophecy, which would break my omniscience. The future literally does not exist and that is why I can't know it. I can only predict to some degree, much like humans can, just far more efficiently, but only in my non-human form. I am very limited when incarnate.

I am not telepathic most of the time either. I don't know your name, what you look like, or anything of the sort.

Final question from me. Why does our consciousness exist?

Yeah, pretty much but nobody wants to take me seriously, acknowledge or even outright deny i have a problem.
I want to cease existing or everyone else should just dissapear.

In short, so you'd be more like me, so that the universe can be enjoyed. Without consciousness, you can argue that nothing means much.

why did you make women so shitty, but also make it a sin to go gay? was this your cruelest joke?

People around you may not feel comfortable with the idea that something is wrong, but that doesn't mean they're right. Obviously, something is very wrong. Do you know what?