"How are you doing, sir? You're not in trouble. Just stay where you are at. We're here to help you"

This desu. They cannot even come up with an answer half the time. I called a suicide hotline, and the only thing they could do is act sympathetic and suggest going straight to a hospital. Then when I said I didn't want to go through that, they threatened to have someone "escort" me.

Even when I asked them what I should do, how I could possibly enjoy life, and how I could possibly live another moment, they came up blank.

I think they're not allowed to give any advice because they're not qualified, they're just volunteers. So all they can actually do is listen to your problems

You should have asked on here. The answer is to just fall down the rabbit hole of waifus and escapist fantasy anime.

Funny how so many things can be likened to a prison. Underrated.

This is the only way to go.

>Implies a female officer even could tackle a robot

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How the fuck can someone who knows nothing about your life tell you how to solve all your problems?
How about stop being a lazy shit and do what you know you are supposed to do?

Doing what I'm supposed to is what lead me to this state of mind in the first place.

>t. retard who has no idea how hotline conversations start
They literally ask for the information the moment you call. I explained everything.
I actually did ask on Jow Forums and here, but Jow Forums gave me fuck all except "Just hang in there", and you shits just gave me suicide advice.

>female officer catches you trying to commit suicide
>"Eww! Officer Stacy, look what he's doing! What a creep!"
>takes a selfie with your corpse

You missed the part where she plays the victim because she had to witness your suicide.

It's their job. They're good at psychological manipulation and it's not illegal.

Just watch this become a thing.

ive watched enough meme television to know that you should immediately jump as soon as you see anyone, they dont want you to do it because itll upset them, they dont give a shit about your problems

Here's your (You).
(it's fucking original)

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For some people life is suffering from start to finish.
Some are blessed with wealth giving them the freedom to explore and indulge in their fantasies. Others are gifted with beauty and charisma and can enjoy the company of good friends and always feel welcome. They have loving parents, a good support network around them and feel that they belong somewhere.
Some of us, however, are cursed. We aren't particularly attractive, charismatic or wealthy. We face hardship like any other, but aren't well-equiped to handle it. We come out bruised from those experiences, with no one to help us heal on the other side. For us, a life of wrestling with mental illness and poor finances is a given.
I come here to find fellowship with other failures, and hope that I can die peacefully and painlessly sometime soon.

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I actually had two female officers stop me. They talked me down, I got in the back of their car and they talked nicely to me as I cried, they put me in contact with the NHS crisis team and that was it. Didn't arrest me or yell just really nice people.

just physically angry on reading those, good job

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>proceeds to tackle you, shove you on the ground, handcuff you, and commit you to a hospital
Unfortunately a single female officer isn't going to tackle me unless she decides to pepper spray a suicidal person, ready to pull the trigger. And that's a good way to get shot yourself

should've reported them. could've made fat bank off the city for encouraging suicide

>*proceeds to tackle you, shove you on the ground, handcuff you, and commit you to a hospital*
yeah maybe if you're a weak manlet which i guess you would have to be if you're in this situation to begin with

If suicide isn't illegal how are they allowed to use force to stop you? Is it a exception or something?

>i point my gun at my head
>"put the gun down or I'll shoot!"
> officer puts her gun down, reaches for taser
>i quickly shoot her multiple times in the head
>do a 360
>get the fuck out of there
>get shot and killed by her buddies
worth it

>NHS
Commie Brit scum detected. In glorious US the privatized police force taze you and arrest you before imprisoning you in an expensive hospital ward.

>I actually did ask on Jow Forums and here, but Jow Forums gave me fuck all except "Just hang in there", and you shits just gave me suicide advice.
>you shits just gave me suicide advice

And yet here you still are, alive, like a little bitch.

>Just hang in there
user Jow Forums told you to kill yourself as well, they're just a bit more subtle about it than we are

Jow Forums is lame shit for snowflakes, Jow Forums at least lets you feel like you're connected with other people in suffering. If I was suicidal I'd come here for it.

Fucking kekked so hard (originally)

Now, my interpretation of philosophy isn't exactly masterful. But, hear me out. Here's my theory:

There's no way to successfully jump off the bridge and truly die. Quantum immortality dictates that for every timeline in which you did do it, and you did die, there are equally infinitely as many timelines where you didn't. It also postulates that when you die in one timeline, your consciousness ends and picks up in another timeline where and when you're not already dead (meaning what, I'm not sure).

Here's what I think happens: You climb up on the bridge, and some of you (you in your timelines) jump. Those that do, are doomed, and they die, and those timelines end. The timelines in which you have no chance of surviving and have died are already ended. Those yous already jumped and died. What became of those "yous" is debatable. I'll comment on that only if asked.

In summation, if you were going to jump, you already did, and died, and you're just not that you anymore. You're forever stuck being the you that didn't do it. SO, it can't actually be done.

I don't know what you have been taking, but please give me some. It looks like some fucking heavy sheit.

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I called a sucide hotline once and I got some fat black women who LITERALLY didn't care and spoke in slang. I swear to God I wish I was joking. She sounded bored and imspathethic and kept like doing the black mhmm thing? Like "Mhmm girl you needs a new man" just hung up after like 2 mins.

Pic unrelated

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I'm high on stupid, and lacking sleep.

Is this like a masturbation scenario or what

Suicide is illegal, actually, at least in the UK. In the US, they'll take you down and lock you up because you're a "potential danger to others."