Late night feels?

Second part
(2/2)

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Fucking delete dis originally

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That last paragraph is a disappointing non-sequitur.

Nice trips user
No I won't delete
Suffer more.

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The power is phenomenal
You can cut reality apart with it

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>i dont know where she is or what she's doing now
>she isnt thinking about me
>but im thinking about her

hold me robots

It cuts too fucking deep I just wanted to procrastinate on linear algebra

That was one of the last classes I failed before losing my mind and isolating myself from the world
I wouldn't procrastinate if you value your sanity

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i know that feel. i think about her almost 24/7 and it kills me to not be with her for even 5 minutes.

Thank you for posting this user just wanted to say that

I aced the brainlet engineer version of the class but the upper division shit is brutal and my professor doesn't even use a textbook for the class. Fuck man I just want out

Thank the one who sends the messenger and bless the messenger's feet
You seem to be on a roll, chosen one. What are you studying for?

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Physics/math BS. Far from it though, I'm all out of motivation and went on r9k for the first time in a while. I'm in over my head and the self loathing is coming back

The catch of this place is that it is a flytrap for those addicted to suffering
So let me ask, for what do you live?

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As I sit here trying to fall asleep while high on amphetamine, I find myself thinking that maybe if I think it hard enough, I could use the processing power of my brain to create a simulated reality in which I am 17 years old again and it is the year 2005. Then I would find a psychiatrist to prescribe Adderall to me so that I could actually finish high school, and then go to college. So by the year 2018 I would have already been finished with college and be working as a Lead Engineeer for SpaceX where I meet the woman of my dreams and she would end up marrying me instead of that other guy she ended up marrying in this reality.

Maybe reincarnation is real and if I take this loaded firearm to my head and pull the trigger, I could wake up in the year 2005!

don't even feel like going to bed because tomorrow's just another fuckin' day, no better or worse than any other

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I'm sitting in the car about to go into my mindless wagie job and those suicidal fantasies are back again. There's gotta be more to life than this.

Oneitis, liquor, the ego boost of writing a proof, and the fear of disappointing everyone who assumes I have more in me than I could ever hope to.

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ree delete this fuck fuck fuck

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Modernity is living with the constant feeling that you'll be hungry forever

>saw the Grand Canyon today
>everyone around me was talking about how beautiful it was
>could only think about jumping off.
I'll never be normal

I've spent so much time deconstructing anf crushing every dream I've ever had, my mind is just a pile of words now.

>tfw you realized that every fucking waking second is just waiting until your next time of intoxication and/or begging a god you don't even believe in for the sweet release of death
>it's been this way for years and death still won't come
>the drugs and alcohol don't even make you feel good anymore but at least it's something different

oh god kill me what the fuck

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It's gotten to the point that I feel like I have absolutely no control over myself. I don't decide to eat disgusting amounts of junk food and spend all day watching Netflix, it's just something that happens whether I want to or not.

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Powerless. Fucking powerless over my god damn self, the one thing I should be able to control

There isn't. After enough time, life gets really fucking boring. I traveled all over the world, did some crazy shit, fucked a lot of bitches, and achieved everything I thought that I wanted out of life, and now it's just a grey shitting nothing. I think I understand why a lot of rich motherfuckers like Soros do what they do. They just want to fuck shit up for entertainment.

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>knowing your mindset is damaging to your relationships with others but not wanting to change due to an over-inflated ego
>wanting to let go and see how far your potential could take you but not wanting to lose the memories and things you've acquired so far
>wanting change, but forever cherishing consistency
What the fuck is wrong with me. Even when I try getting my shit together I'm still faced with uncertainty

I told them I fully accepted that it was an impossible task that was destined for failure and misery, but in my heart of hearts I still strongly desire to move heaven and earth just to be with them. If we both love each other why would we ever give up and allow pessimistic logistics get in the way of finally being with someone? I have two paths laid out in front of me; I find a way to kill my spirit and every last hope that I can be one with them, or I manage to do the improbable and restart their jaded robot heart enough to allow us a chance. Which do you think I should take?

The struggle towards the heights alone is enough to fill a man's heart

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this kind of things never inspire me, i just read it and think he is right, but what is the fucking point,since the game was rigged from the start why would i even make an effort,maybe im just too far gone,i think i just dont care anymore,about nothing

Sometimes I feel like I'm already dead and I'm just wandering in purgatory.

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delete please, DELETE ITTTTTTTTT

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This is true it's the same for me, i just can't muster up the motivation to do anything, anything at all

>been feeling the best I have in years lately
>could actually go as far to say that I've been happy lately
>yet still have this weird lurking feeling in the back of my mind that I can't properly describe
It's like there's a marble in the back of my brain or something that's just emanating a feeling of "it's all still here, you're just ignoring it" and it's like the more I pay attention to it, the stronger it gets, but at the same time I can't ignore it because the second I start thinking without a distraction then I become aware of it this feeling.

I was trying to think about it earlier and both the idea of not feeling that way anymore and returning to feeling that way gave me a panic attack.

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what if we're all in purgatory and our actions in purgatory determine where we get sent at the end of our time in here

do you guys think you could ever be happy

not anymore. i don't want anything in this life. i have no goals, no motivation, no dreams, nothing. i'm just living for the sake of living.

I was not prepared for that.

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I am having a bad day.I will ruin it for you too

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Did I fail childhood Jow Forums?
>I never had a childhood friend that remembers me
>never had someone come over
>Never been to parties
>never been to school dances
>Never had any relationships with girls other than friends
>Never once went to someones house to play
>Never had a meaningful conversation with a friend
>Never got to hang out with anybody in all my summer vacations
>Never been noticed by anyone
>Never been invited
>Never had a childhood sweetheart
>Always loved a girl who never loved me back
>Study-holic
>Never rode bikes with a group of boys and girls
>Never played outside with school friends
>Was always a distant memory everyone
>Failed to socialize no matter how much I try
>Butted out of groups

Well guys?
Did I pass or fail?
Or am I doomed from the very beginning of my birth?

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where are you now in life? did being a study holic at least allow you to get into college and do well there?

me_irl.gif

Well old habits die hard I guess. I'm still a study-holic and spend my days alone to either study or play vidya. I don't interact with anyone else. It doesn't help that I'm foreigner in the eyes Americans and when I go back to my country my old friends, that never talked to me or even instant message me while I'm here, look at me like foreigner also.

Sometimes I don't even know what to do anymore. I don't socialize or anything. Just study, do well and, that's it. I feel more robotic everyday. And I'm starting to fear that I'm getting more use to it now.

It bothers me but everyday it gets less and less.

>tfw aspie
>tfw no aspie e-gf

at least you can look forward to graduating college with a well paying job. I dropped out of school and I work at a grocery store. not only is the job shit, the pay is also shit as well. I'm too brainlet and lazy to do anything else though

But I can't stand being so alone. When I graduate the only ones who are gonna cheer me on are my parents. I know I sound selfish for wanting more, but when I heard others graduate and a get cheered by so many people, it made me fear of what's gonna happen after that.

Will I live alone forever? Never pass on something great? never find someone to give it my all and find it worth the effort? I don't even strictly want a girl. I just want someone to actually care for fucking once. My parent s don't understand it. They just say "move one" but how many times am I gonna do that?

I just want someone to actually talk to. Someone who is willing to at least listen and try to understand. Even if it's a little bit, I just want to feel it once.

the only one who came to my graduation(high school) was my mom. my dad and his family and my grandparents "couldn't make it"

I barely spend time with dad. I never once went out with him to do anything fun. It either too busy with business or tired

being lonely does suck sometimes. having no friends does suck sometimes. I can't tell you how to make friends, or fill the void of emptiness

My god...

Original comment

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Sometimes I think about my surrounding, about my best friend who found a gf with the same mindset as him, how he managed to do that even with him having another "person" in his head trying to take over, I was never shown attention or love, felt emotionally abandoned by my parents despite living with them, how I often become a bit desperate and tell myself that I'll never have a loving girlfriend.

And then I wonder why I'm still living if I know I'll never be happy

What has made you feel happier recently?

I'm fat and I feel like I'm too far gone to ever look appealing again. Even if I did lose weight I'm going to look like a melted man and never have someone be attracted to me fuck this life. why did I ever lose control.

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Where is that from user?

Grisaia no Kajitsu
vndb.org/v5154/

>lived off NEET bucks till he was over 30 and they pulled the plug on him
In my country if you're stubbornly a NEET for long enough they'll just give up with the therapists, mandatory visits to the NEETbux office, job search workshops etc. and give you early retirement. Shame americans can never have this

I've got this problem too. If I try to fantasize about something it usually just ends up with me trying to make it as plausible as possible