Consciousness streaming thread

okay so im gonna kill people a lot of people and i dont know what to do . holy fuck this just came to my head am i fucked?

>fucking a little caribou

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Fuck therapists. Seriously. Fuck them so much. They fucking suck. I fucking hate them. It does not help that all the therapists I have had so far have been women. I especially hate my most recent therapist. She has been ignoring my phone calls and e-mails of me wanting to set up an appointment with her since February. Holy shit I cannot believe that I have already handed over $600 to that cunt. Easiest $600 she ever made, I bet. She must have been laughing all the way to the bank. Those people probably love taking advantage of submissive, passive, naive schizoids and aspies with disposable incomes. What a fucking bitch. That so-called therapy she offers is a fucking joke. And her boss, holy shit. He actually took something I said to him to be a death threat. Fuck that bastard. Jesus Christ. What a waste of money. And do not even get me started on psychiatrists, what the fuck.

Some dumb fucking roasties on twitter tried making a conversation but little did they know that i'm aware of them fucking a thousand guys in my town so i just shut them the fuck down they had no argument im gonna die lonely and alcoholic

With the horror stories I hear about peoples' therapists, I feel like I could become one and do a much better job just half-assing it.

I've always struggled to come to terms with normal people not even thinking twice before piling their problems onto me. Every day is a different person I make the mistake getting too close to out of a desperate grasp for comfort. I get poisoned slightly more each day, my family is crumbling before my eyes. My father is dying of cancer, my sister is a manic mess with a lanky husband, my brother is spiraling into schizophrenia. I never ever say these sorts of things, I just wish i could break free of all of it, so i don't have to keep up the act anymore. I just want to be myself. I want to rest for eternity, or at least be freed of this meatsack prison. Death isn't the answer for me, I just wanted to be a nice person. Everyone pulls the ribs from my chest and siphons my heart from its coverings, a mad attempt at proving themselves to be real. I dont want to fight back anymore, I dont want to have to protect myself anymore, I want peace with everyone. I'll never get my way though, its as if they cant help themselves, always searching for the next piece of soul to suck dry, until they find one strong enough to regenerate by the next time they meet. There is only so long I can act as a pillar before I myself crumble.

Fuck niggers I want to fucking murder my calculus professor I want to cry I want to smoke weed I want to fuck liz I want to fucking chop my legs off I want to fucking die I want to fucking cry I want to call 911 I listen to Tyler the Creator 911 that album is for faggots I listened to his old shit in 2011 I downloaded the OF tape on pirate bay nobody was with it then now soyboys and flimsy fake poseur art hoes listen to flower boy my home board is mu I want to fuck an art hoe I wish my dick is bigger I wish I could lose 50 pounds I am fat with a small dick like the pig whose pant fell down in fritz the cat I remember being high as fuck in mikes treehouse when I was like 13 and Nelson brought over these sketchy burned disks with movies on them one of them was fritz the cat and another time Im not sure if it was th same night he brought over August underground Mordum and we watched it on mikes shitty early 2000s tv with extension cords running 300 + feet from his house to the treehouse and I still cite to this day that that movie is the only horror movie that has actually scared me because at the time I had only met Nelson once before and the only way mike knew him is because they went to the psychiatric high school together and Nelson was a really sketchy character and I was high as fuck and didnt know if the movie we were watching was recorded by Nelson and I saw all this homemade murder and necrophiliacs on an ameteur camera and thought Nelson helped kill people so I silently kept my guard up around him the entire night and the other disc he brought was some ameteur 3D cgi dark comedy porno that had this guy fucking a hellhound on a bed in a haunted house i later found out that Nelson was a brony and stuck a toothbrush up his ass and liked it one time I wanted weed really badly and mike said come over but I had moved across the county at this point so I called a taxi and got driven 30 mins to mikes house and told the taxi driver to pull up about a block away from

Blood as the night that falls to earth crushing me I suffucate I can't breathe where once was green gras now is cold ice the egg man has no time for me an the winter is not Tabasco sleep sleep sleep open smile
And her ass is firm as I press her down she is mine regardless he will and are we not all lonely creatures are we not all beautiful in some way but it all fades away one is happiest alone the car drives and crushes and spots on all that is nigger nigger he purchasing ciggarettes? Idk I DONT KNOW
I can't do this anymore it stops flowing

I just want to fucking leave this gay earth already. I'm not made strong I'm not some fucking superhero. I'm just a whiny coward who fears responsibility and not living up to expectations. I was given a shit hand and do absolutely nothing to change and yet expect some girl to rescue me from this hell and tell me it ok. Im pathetic. I can't even call myself man. I will slave away till I waste away and will become just another cog in the machine.

I want to leave earth

I want to be the king of mars

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mikes house then when I got there I told the driver that I didnt have the money but my mom did inside the house we had just pulled up in front of and he reluctantly let me leave the cab and walk up to the house but then the house turned their lights on and I freaked out and sprinted into their backyard and into their woods and the guy was chasing after me with a flashlight but I sprinted through the woods until I got to mikes treehouse and the climbed up and there was barely any weed there after all that but there was a kid there he was literally 12 but he was pretty cool his name was Mateo and he played this SoundCloud song and the thumbnail was a pale pink background with a small 8 bit ghost in the middle and when I went to rehab and the counselor Pete was letting people play music on his phone through the vans speakers and it came to my turn I played that song that Mateo showed me and the rest of the people in the car were like alright. But didnt think it was anything special there was this one guy in rehab that was kinda crazy but he asked the openly gay dude there if he could suck his dick and the gay dude was like wtf no he had a boyfriend but I got really horny thinking about getting my dick sucked by the crazy guy and also about sucking his dick and fucking him in the ass because I usually jerk of every day but I didnt jerk off for like 2 months in there so I almost asked him but didnt. Later he went to the psych ward for smashing a mirror in the bathroom theres only been one other instance of me wanting to try something gay but that was when I was really high with my friend max who was not only openly gay but used female pronouns but was not a tranny he just used female pronouns for some reason but I got horny thinking about sucking his dick because a girl I know says she was in a tbreesome with him and his boyfriend and that his dick is huge later I had a falling out with this guy because I helped some people steal wax from him and when

i want the collapse of society to happen not because i think we need to start over but i wanna put my guns to use and kill people without any repercussions from the law. the unabomber was good and did nothing wrong

he found out he took his multitool pocketknife and hit me in the face with it a few times I was bleeding really badly from a gash above my eyebrow and theb I was bluffing saying I was gonna call the cops and sue him which I would never due because I hate police he freaked out and started pleading with me but I kept on bluffing with a smirk on my face and it was scary for him because this happened when I was 15 and he was 19 so he was getting scared of an assault of a minor charge so he packed a bag and fled to New York City which is only like 25 minutes from our town and he likes the nomadic hobo lifestyle has traveled the whole east coast homeless for months on end and I respect him for that so fleeing to nyc was no big deal for him and nobody saw him for like 3 weeks after that. After I got sober I hadnt talked to him in like two years but his dad still lived in my town so when he wander on the road he was in my town so when I came back from rehab I got hold of his number and we met up at the park and I shook his hand and apologized and we caught up with each other. It makes me glad because up until the multitool incident we were actually really close friends and I was sad that that one thing ruined years of friendship.

What does that me wanting to suck dick while high and horny thing mean about my sexuality by the way?

I want new friends. My current friends are insensitive and apathetic about absolutely everything. But I can't find new friends. I have such fucking awful social anxiety. Even the thought of meeting new people and getting to know them to the point of becoming friends is terrifying.

I couldn't get myself to join a club at uni because it involves me walking up to the booth and signing the paper. Such a small act. Such a small step. But that step means I'm committing to the club. I'm committing to going. I'm committing to interacting with people. I don't want them to dislike me. I don't want to ruin their club. I don't want them to be offput by me or to have less of a good time because of me. I don't want to cause anyone any inconvenience or issue.

I know logically that they probably won't care. I'll just be another guy they see in the club. Another guy to do stuff with. But I can't get myself to believe that. What if they leave the club because I ruined it for them. What if what if what if. I don't want to cause anyone any bad emotions. I want people around me to be happy. I don't want to cause unhappiness.

I hate myself.

w e w
e
w lad

ur gay

its gettiing late i have to eat its a good thing i made enough for two meals earlier but i am too lazy to heat it up because im thinking of all the other shit i need to do before bedtime which is actually about now i need to stop eating all this easter candy i bought on sale because it makes me delay dinner like it is now but it sure tasted good at the time and plus i feel so silicon valley having little candy dishes on my computer desk as if some 10/10 is gonna come in and say 'do you mind if ai get a candy' and i'll say 'no, help yourself' full well knowing it takes more than a piece of candy to get a piece of a*s but theres not a wman within like 1000 miles of me so whatever anyway, but its nice having the candy here

Its 2 am and I need to sleep. 2:30 now. I wake up at 6 am every day for school and i have classes from 7 am to 5 PM Monday to friday. I just got off spring break and I'm going back to school and I fucking hate it. I was born and raised in America but I'm going to university in Mexico, like deep into Mexico on even just Tijuana or something it's close to Mexico city and it's just so horrible. I barely speak Spanish so I have to be studying constantly just to pass and for the classes that are tough I study my ass off and get a pretty good grade but the easy classes I'm failing because they're bullshit classes where you have to give bullshit answers but I cant write in Spanish like at all so I cant give bullshit answers. There's no chance of getting laid or having a love life here because 99% the women are just utterly atrocious and the other 1% are attractive but utterly insane and will only fucking do anything if your dating them which is a death sentence because how batshit crazy they are. I had a girl back home. I saw her over spring break. You ever have one of those people that are just so fucking amazing you cant believe they're real. Shes like that. Shes depressed and shit and she says guys arent into her and its fucking insane because shes so fucking amazing. If I was there I would be with her still, I'd be dating her still. But I cant be with her when were a country away. So we avoid eachother. It hurts. And here I am. 2:32 a.m. i tossed and turned since 11 o'clock but i cant sleep. I don't know what to do. I wish things were easier. I wish I was in a country where I could speak the language. I wish I didnt have this bullshit test from a bullshit class tomorrow because I know I'm going to fail it, even though I could pass it if it was in English. I wish someone listened. I wish someone cared. I want to leave but I know I cant. I have to do this to get my degree. Is there anybody out there? Is anyone even gonna read this? Do I matter to you?

What is the deal with niggers as op as suggested since the fucking of ages in the dawn of time where men and women fuck till dawn to make plentiful babies and populate the earth as God intended where homosexuals will be created as well as tranny posters and retarded dykes in essence we are created to become degenerates whether you agree or not the truth is out there in papers and the internet because BBC is everyone on the internet as well as porn sites like pornhun and Jow Forums and reddit where the degeneracy has been brought because of the first men and women who created people and as God intended maybe God intended for LGBT degenerates yo exist because he wanted diversity because of his liberal wing faggot advisors of his side that spreadth the lies that surrounded degeneracy in turn must perish in the end times

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Why do I feel like this thread is for an AI to analyze and learn from? Whatever. God is real, the bible is the word of God, and everything the bible says is true in the most literal sense of the word. A carefully constructed deception going for centuries has decieved the world's population into doing very unnatural and outright vile things. Society has not fallen from a lack of religion, for religion is what accelerated the fall. Society has fallen for a lack of understanding the truth, the absolute truth of our existence which is all around us and in our faces every day. Everything you think you know is wrong, and the sooner you know this the sooner you can be made free. God bless you all. Amen.

Here's a picture so people read the post

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>word salad
>wanting to kill niggers and being on pol's side
wew

Why can't you leave the country?

And I can't say I care for you, as I've never met you and don't know you. But I will listen to you. I'll read all that you send. Who knows, maybe I'll end up caring about you.

Idk if this is copypasta or not but damn this gives me feels.

This is the only way I can get my degree. I'm getting a degree in medicine and I cant afford to get it in the states. In Mexico it's cheaper and faster and this is the only school that's approved in the US. I have to be here, and it's the only school my parents are willing to help pay, so if I tried to go to the states to study, I'd have to wait around 8-10 years and around half a million dollars deep in student loans, where here its 4 years and a shitload cheaper

That does sound a bit better. Although if it's ruining your life and making you hate everything, maybe it would be better to take it a little slower. Student loans aren't the only option.

Perhaps go to a trade school first, get a decent job and use that money to fund college.

Obviously that would take more time, and may not be something you remotely want to do.

But how much is your happiness worth?

I really fucking hate you and wish i was dead inwanna fucking die hate sex niggerd niggere helo me

It's a whole thing of pride. It's my family business, it's the career of my parents, all my uncles and aunts and grandparents. My cousins are here too studying but they're Mexican, they've been speaking Spanish since birth. I don't have a choice but to suck it up and keep going. I just want something that makes my life better

Fuck it here I go,

Slight shop of the water fall faggots on the last hope of the world is inside my asshole and its your fault for fuck sake in a cuck cake it's not like I even pot in nowhere yes to cocks no to cock to suck socks in locks in good hel is good pill is good dill dick is pussy fucking hell where the fuck is the us in the world in the us in the international space station is caned lambs of the holy shook to not be disturbed do to not live here in this car of kale is the fart of items on the face of tops.

You happy op?

Ok so why is it that I can't and you three because who me and berate thee teehee wow that sucked but what can I say, you're gay. Anyway, why bother caring anymore, she's a whore like them all, don't bother just relax sit your backs and let society rot around you. Bring a mask.

That makes sense. Living up to family expectations is a bitch. Especially if they are so deeply rooted as yours are.

Be careful about saying you don't have a choice though. You really do, it's your life, and you can do whatever you want with it. Even if it's hard.

Are there any people in Mexico who are in similar situations? Or speak English fluently? Perhaps you can befriend them or something. One of my friends is studying abroad in China, and he only gets by with friends who are also studying abroad.

Yeah there's a couple other people here that I can talk to in English. It helps alot. But I'm sick of the blistering weather and the dust and the dirt that's fucking everywhere and the fact that it smells like sewage constantly. I'm sick of being alone and I'm sick of not being with her. I'm tired and alone

i wanna die i wanna kill myself how could i be so stupid thinking that she wasnt in love with me i fucked someone else now all my friends think i'm an insensitive cheating whore every day she's crying and i'm just a giant ass hole and i have to apologize to everyone and its probably not gonna work out with the girl i fucked either god kill me now

Dang man that sounds pretty shitty. I wish I knew what more to say, but I guess just know some random dude is thinking of you. I genuinely hope it all turns out all right for you.

From my experience, you could sit in a chair and do nothing but stare your patient down for 2 hours straight and still be better than 90% of them. Mine made me take a bunch of shit that fucked me up later in life.

It's a day just like any other day. Just sitting here in my calm somewhat comfy space.
I'm awaiting progress, hoping for the better future that most likely won't come.

I'm enjoying my life to some extent, but I desire more. I'm not social. I'm not skillful. I'm not oblivious either. I'm just almost empty.
I want entertainment. I want fulfillment, but my hesitation and anxiety gets in the way of achieving it. Will it ever be in my life? I doubt it, but I'm hoping.

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my mind is starting to go bad. i cant remember what i need to remember. the past i try to correct that haunted me for a lifetime seems to be someone elses memory and the more i reconcile with those that have harmed me the more i lose what it means to be me. i hope no one notices that its just deadness. i dont want to do anything. i am alive to watch anime and admire delicious catgirls waifus and their beauty. who knows? maybe i wont live much longer. one day, one of these people is gonna kick me out and i'll be left in the cold. I lack true friends. I am a chore. I have no skills and I betray my little time on this earth, my biology, for my desire of the intangible.
I DO NOT REGRET MY CHOICES FUCK YOU ALL NORMIES!

Ah, that felt good to type out. I want to scream that.

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