BPD relationships

I've been in a relationship with someone for 6 years now and I have BPD tendencies, I'm pretty sure. Never been diagnosed because I can't into doctors but I've not really found anything else which explains how I act.
I think it's very tough but it's possible
>> Whats in it for the non?
Same as any relationship; companionship and love and whatever else. Relationships aren't paint by numbers, takes all sorts.
>> Whats in it for the BPD?
See above, but also having someone who understands my behavioral/emotional issues
>> How????
Total honesty and self awareness. Constantly having to tell them how I'm feeling, why I think I'm feeling it and so on. Keeping them in the loop is often the biggest help, which means I have to trust them not to judge me if I say something mental or upsetting.

My EX had BPD and I kept coming back to her because every time I broke up with her she would start cutting herself or claim I raped her etc

She would constantly switch between worshipping me and telling me I'm a piece of shit.

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>unless they just completely go with the flow

Literally this happened. Basically she chased me super hard, talked to me everyday, then in my head I reasoned 'well there's no harm dating this girl right since she's putting in all the effort, why the fuck not? this will realistically be the only chance I can get a gf so lets just see where this goes' and before I knew it she was quite literally jumping on my dick. Its quite fascinating to watch really its like she just does EVERYTHING. the less you do, the more she does.

>Which will most likely not faze the schizoid too much, considering the lack of connection.

Lol this also happened. But now she's coming back to me so I made this post because why the fuck not give it another go, especially now that I'm way more well-versed to her bs

I literally experienced the same thing as you with my ex. Still recovering from the emotional abuse years later... holy shit.

I'm not 100% sure. But I think my current girlfriend has BPD. It's only speculation... but seems likely
>She was a complete cunt to everyone except me at first. Like being amazing for quite a while
>she became argumentitive much more for every little thing I did
>began encouraging me to commit suicide
>broke up with me
>a while later after finding that I was trying to get with someone else, she flipped out at her and pulled me back
>managed to convince me that I should depend on her, like completely emotionally
>Became really sweet and caring
>says she loves me because she knows she's the only person who can help me

So yeah... I kind of do depend on her because long story short, I'm autistic and am recovering from a long history of childhood abuse... so I'm pretty fragile

My mother has BPD, narcissistic personality disorder and the mental age of a 15 year old due to more or less no education and being a stay at home mother her whole life.

Let me tell ya something; these people aren't human. There's some indeterminate spark of sympathy that all normal humans have towards their fellow man. BPD women don't have it.

They devour anyone kind enough to help them, and despise all those who do offer them kindness for being too weak to beat them into the submission they need. And worse still; they punish people for their virtues.

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Has it actually gotten bad though? I dont know your situation but that sounds like just how mine started. We had great conversational chemistry but i could have easily just left it at a friendship. She was really hot, made the first move and i was a virgin aged 24 so i just let it flow. Eventually though, the flow runs out. The manipulation got more and more intense. I totally conditioned myself into thinking if i could just keep her steady things would be ok, but thats a battle i couldnt win. This girl had a literally limitless ability to drain energy, coerce, abuse and manipulate. I stopped being able to feel empathy for anyone at all i was so dead inside.

I feel you man. The first year after i mostly felt sad and hollow. After 2 years the anger started to come up from all the traumatic experiences id buried. Its a long process for someone who wasnt even in my life that long. Hope you're doing ok.

BPD is a obsessively loving someone with full on rape fantasies to oh I forgot that I had any feelings for you and I want to fucking kill you the second you're apart thing
although I'm pisces bipolar and schizo so I've practically got a serial killers mental

I dated her for several months. Now it's like 4-5 months in and the passion has died down

> Eventually though, the flow runs out. The manipulation got more and more intense

It's getting to this stage now which is why I'm considering whether its really worth it or not and hence this post. Lol its funny how its like we're all dating the same person.

I think the most fucked up thing is I might be kinda ASPD? Like I'm treating the whole thing like a game. At this point all her bullshit is completely predictable

What's with BPD and astrology? My BPD was super into astrology also
Is it because its like a system that gives reason/explanation for things happening? Things that seem unfair or random?

>So yeah... I kind of do depend on her because long story short, I'm autistic and am recovering from a long history of childhood abuse... so I'm pretty fragile

fuck dude get out now. autism is no match for BPD you'll regret staying in this. this will only end badly for you and deep down you know it. rip off the bandaid now.

Bipolars should be euthanized. If any argument could be made for killing off vegetables and other people who are in constant pain and and/or drain resources without being able to contribute to society then bipolars are far worse because not only are those things true of them but they also actively destroy anyone and everything around as well. I hate them so much.

Would you say it's all been worth it?

Welp good thing this thread is about BPD, not bipolar people
Also I think you should be euthanized. No one else, just you. I think it would be good for society and our opinions are equally valid. Have a good day friend.

Tbh so far yea. Like she's the only person in my entire life I've been able to feel genuine 'love' for. I have low empathy and can't connect to most people but she knows how to push my buttons right. In a way its like a placebo pill? even tho i know it might be fake I dont care as long as I get the results I want right. Also having been a KHV who just cant relate to normie girls, the relationship taught me a fuck ton about myself, about women, everything. Like it was more educational than any psych visit or self help book or whatever.

But then now all the bullshit is coming up so I'm considering that the relationship had run its course and its better for the both of us that we separate. Like this sounds really but she was my friend before this and I would hate to lose a friend that I can share my mental issues with.

I can only imagine how this feels user, having it be a family member. The BPD girl i was with definitely had NPD and i think both her parents did too. What a fucked cycle it is to be human. I have hypothyroidism, depression, trauma and a bunch of other shit but at least i feel grateful that my mind is my own. Fucking makes me sick sometimes working hard to improve my state of being seeing all these people who got lucky with their place in the social/genetic hierachy being so proud to be there and selling everyone else products to make them think they can have all that too. I've met enough normal and broken people to believe the robot/normie thing is much more of a blend of good and bad aspects, and change is possible but damn, existence hey. Id never kill myself but im glad a life really isnt all that long. That final sleep is gonna be chill AF.
Peace and love to everyone in this thread. Be kind to yourself and if you cant be kind to the person youre with, leave them be.

What's it like being worshipped. I want a crazy gf to treat me as a living god and literally eat my shit since it would be like the bread of Jesus to her.

It makes you feel powerful af
she finds out what makes you tick and says the right things to validate them
then one day she flips and does a 180 and you crash from your pedestal to ground floor and are left reeling from the mindfuck

What's the difference? Maybe BPD is worse, it's definitely not better. Your opinion may be as valid as mine but mine is shared by many others. Yours is just shared with my bipolar mother and sister.

Why don't you just beat her up then and rape her until she goes quiet and starts worshipping you again.

I don't want to go to jail ? This is exactly how BPD make people go to jail btw, they do outrageous shit and make the non assault them

I feel mean, I obviously don't want you euthanized and I was just making a point, seeing as you flippantly called for my execution.
The difference is huge actually and there's so much to it that I'm not sure a Jow Forums post would do it justice. Bipolar people fluctuate between manic and depressive states, BPD people have emotional/behavioral instability. That's a very vague description though so I'd recommend looking into it yourself.

I clearly have some baggage and perhaps shouldn't have involved myself in the conversation. I'll look into it as you suggest.

No worries, it's all good. It's fine to weigh in, don't worry about it. Have a good day mate

I guess it's hard to explain but there's a corelation between fucking INSANE people believing in zodiac and normal people not, I have normie friend who is a taurus and always goes on about how next to nothing about it is accurate for him but pisces and scorpio are dead accurate on all kinds of details. I'm scorpio ascendant but I don't know enough about astrology to know what that means XD

Not that guy but wanting to keep the friendship is how i felt. I made friends with her friends too and it all seemed to be working out. It was only later on i realized that the friendships were hanging by a thread, some of them were close to her because she had cultivated a dependency in the friendship and was holding their self esteem without them realizing, some were also broken and could only connect with other broken people so they were terrified of losing it. Others were drawn in by her charm and social status but never got close enough to see the facade was fake.

I'm telling you now, it will never be better than it was. You won the gamble, but if you stay in the casino, you will lose. Gradually at first, when you're hooked. It gets so deep you wont be able to form the decision to leave. Then you're a conditioned abuse victim. I know exactly how it feels now for all those women who cant leave their husbands that beat them bloody. Follow this road for too long and you may you lose the ability to choose.

One of my exe's mom had type 2 BPD and while I never really witnessed the negative side of it first hand, I heard all the shit going on with her through her family.

Her dad was just an apathetic shell of a human being after their ~10 year marriage. He was only in it for the kids at that point because he was so worn down from the mom. 90% sure she would go cheat on him "behind his back" almost every time they would get in a fight, which was constantly because of her BPD. After their screaming matches she would go to a bar and go home with a stranger, he was beyond giving a shit. She was also manipulative af, once when I was at my exe's house I overheard her giving him this speech that sounded like she had written down about how she wanted a divorce and how she was going to sick him dry and make sure she got all his money (he was an an engineer and make like 130k/year) and the house, and would never let him see the kids. Also all her kids had shitty childhoods and basically PTSD because they all saw theit mom attempt suicide more than 10 times. Like they found her with her wrists slashed and shit multiple times. Oh, and they never had money and we're in a bunch of debt because of hospital bills from her suicide attempts and psych ward shit and the fact that she secretly was on a ton of drugs.

She was a fucking freak in bed though and a nympho, which is probably why he married her in the first place

I dated a girl with bpd too and there's literally no way for it to work since they'll just cheat on you no matter how lenient you are with their fucking retarded mental issue

Churchill celebator?? Incell?

I have bpd and my boyfriend is getting sick of it. I'm trying really hard to be self-aware but it's so hard, I bet myself up so much for demanding affection and cheapening our experience. I want to fix it so bad but I feel damaged beyond help. I think it's a simple matter of controlling myself and not throwing my stuff at him. I'm never mean to him and he's never mean to me (he does put up really strong boundaries and won't tolerate some of my stuff which we have agreed is best, though it can hurt when I'm denied reassurance I'm seeking) and we care about each other a lot, I just have this intense fear and paranoia that he doesn't love me and will abandon me. I hate it so fucking much. It's so incredibly painful, and I find myself forcibly stopping myself from falling deeper in love with him because of how terrifying it is. And I have all of these terrible terrible thoughts I can call upon at any time to just fuck me the fuck up. Luckily we only really have incidences about once a month (when I'm going to get my period..) but I struggle internally a lot. I want to fight and conquer this so badly.

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To clarify, the self awareness isn't difficult and comes naturally. The self control is the hard part.

I have schizoid personality disorder and I genuinely think anyone from the cluster B or C are sub-humans.

I have no idea what you are on about.

go for therapy! DBT or whatever its called
also keep a journal record your daily emotions and try to chart patterns in your behavior
i have nothing but empathy for people with bpd all the best to u and ur bf

well we're all different. i had a semi-good experience with my cluster B she was really high-functioning i guess which made it possible.

why do you hate cluster C tho. cluster B i completely understand why you hate them but cluster C? they're harmless

resident BPD femanon here
I have been dating the same robot for about three years now. We have been living together for 1.5 years.

I can easily say that at least 80% of the people in this thread posting about how their BPD ex "ruined their life" were shit partners to someone who is going through immeasurable pain and confusion. It takes a special kind of person to understand and get along with BPD and most people - robots especially, as they are usually inexperienced, self-centered, and paranoid - are not really the best types for this.
However, I did meet my boyfriend here and he is definitely a robot stereotype.

I can answer any specific questions you have.

Thank you user...that really helps. It's hard seeing everyone call people with BPD subhuman. Luckily I just started therapy. I wanted to do DBT in the 3 times a week for 3? hours form but it was crazy expensive.

Why are you lying this much on the internet man?
Are there no games or youtube you can watch/search for?

You must be new here if you've never seen me post.
I am in every BPD thread and my story is true.

oman thanks for this

so basically my bpd gf started becoming really distant, like pushing me away, not really talking to each other anymore, so i took it that she was no longer interested and i distanced accordingly. she then got angry at me over some completely trivial thing and then after that incident both of us havent spoken for like a month.

so the thing is, i dont know whether i should reach out because i do care about the friendship (and i mean this sincerely, we were friends before we dated so its not as like a 'nice guy trying to get laid' thing), but understandably im not sure if her talking to me will trigger any negative emotions? like is she upset at me? is she angry? whenever i ask her to tell me whats going on she keeps going 'im fine' so i dont know how to press further. how do i know that shes really trying to distance herself from me, as opposed to her fearing getting close to me? if you get what im saying

The delusions go deeper than I thought.
Bye

Thanks man, I'm slowly getting better, but it's changed me as a man. I used to have principles, but now I randomly sleep with girls cheating on their boyfriends because I have suppressed anger and hatred for women...

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I gave so much empathy and support i literally couldn't feel positive emotions anymore. I sat and fed her soup after hours of her screaming and throwing things at me, telling me to kill myself, that i was scum, that she wanted to kill me. I remember that day absorbing so much bullshit from her my heart didn't drop below 140bpm for more than 24 hours. She was over 'the fight' aka me absorbing abuse within a few hours but for me i was so rattled i couldnt function at all. The point is its not a matter of giving enough care because this girl just fed on it and used it as fuel for more abuse. So great, you have a handle on your disorder and can make it workable, i wish you the best of luck. But dont pretend to know the situation of people just because they have the same disorder as you.

I'm and feel lucky I'm not abusive like that...except in a mild emotionally manipulative way, in order to get affection (which is bad and really cheapens the affection). I think my boyfriend putting up strong boundaries has been really helpful.

You should definitely reach out to her.
The biggest trigger/symptom for BPD is "overreaction to either real or perceived abandonment." These feelings tie into childhood neglect and abuse and by causing her to feel abandoned, either directly or indirectly (accidentally), you triggered this self-preservation response. She is distancing herself from you to protect herself. The way a person with BPD sees it: if they dump you first, then you can't dump them. If they act distanced and pretend the relationship means nothing, even if it's important, then if you do break up with her, she can more or less pretend it's okay because she "moved" first. It's not about besting or one-upping or winning against someone. It's self-preservation driven by irrational fear.

You should try to initiate some conversation with her. Let her know right away that you understand how hard it can be, even if you don't know what her situation is like, and that she can talk to you without judgment. The safer she feels with you the fewer episodes you will see.

shit
i feel kinda bad now
the thing is there was once she wanted to have a talk 'about something serious' (possibly her breaking up with me) and after that we kinda had that mini argument thing and since then i took it that she doesn't wanna talk to me anymore.

ok i will reach out thanks

I really don't believe you, but I don't think you are a bad person or at all at fault for what happened and you certainly don't deserve any abuse.
It is very very difficult to deal with someone with BPD but it can be done. I stand by what I said, that at least 80% of people complaining about a BPD ex were not doing the right things to make that relationship work.
For one, letting her do that to you and not just leaving was actually a bad thing to do on your part. It just fed the fire. It's not very intuitive for people to deal with those with BPD because normal people don't understand it. What you see is an angry, irrational, manipulative and violent psycho. A person with BPD is just very very scared, confused, and most of the time not in control of their own actions.

Good luck user.
If you need more advice on how to talk to her - google search for info on SET-UP talking to BPD. It's an acronym that gives really great advice on how to avoid an overreaction when talking to someone with BPD.
S - Support (I want you to know that I'm only here to help you out)
E - Empathy (I understand that this must be very hard on you and scary too)
T - Truth (But you need to see things from my perspective. I truly care about our relationship but I don't always know how to react to your emotional outbursts.)

The point in talking this way is to avoid accusatory statements ("You make me feel...") and to help reinsert logic into the situation. Imagine how you feel all amped up on adrenaline, if you've ever wrecked a car or had another serious accident like that, that's what it feels like to have a BPD episode except that it can last days. It really helps to have a calm presence sort of explaining the reality of things.

What do you mean you don't believe me? This was far enough into it that i'd obviously lost the capability to have proper boundaries. The abuse cycle had been in full momentum at this point. I understand objectively that this isnt a skillful way to deal with a BPD person but i was so broken down it was past the point of having a feeling of personal agency. So no amount of care at this point would help. I get what you're saying but this was basically the point of being a battered housewife. Just leave like its that easy, thats victim blaming. I dont know what you're like during an episode bit hers was fierce powerful rage, actually frightening. As much as she was suffering she gained immense power during episodes. I think her NPD layered in and fed off this too, so she was less vulnerable during an episode. Again, i find it a bit condescending like i dont know how BPD works. You sound like a decent person, she wasnt. Not at the best of times.

>i was so broken down it was past the point of having a feeling of personal agency
It should never have gotten to this point and for that you have only yourself to blame for not respecting yourself and setting and keeping healthy boundaries. This is important in any relationship not just BPD.

You said, "The point is not a matter of giving enough care" and that's totally correct. Giving enough of just anything is not going to help. It needs to be the right kind of attention and some tough love. I'm not saying it's your fault either; you just didn't know. But you surely did not help her situation by bending to her insane demands; especially if she also suffered from NPD that probably made things exponentially worse.

It's also very true that not every person with BPD can be dated at any given point. When I first met my current bf things were very turbulent as that was actually the very worst part of my life, it was like a yearlong episode, everything was overwhelming and I was in and out of hospitals four times that year. We were on and off because he couldn't handle my problems and that's fine - sometimes they can't be handled. We broke up for six months during that time.

But I was trying pills too, and doing therapy, and I got a better handle on myself and now I daresay I'm relatively easy to date as long as my partner is courteous and lets me be a bit needy. I rarely have full blown episodes anymore. For me now, an "episode" is a late night when I've had too much to drink and end up cutting myself while watching Garden State.

I'm a guy with bpd, how fucked am I?

pretty fucked m8 just like the rest of us
I'm the BPD femanon poster. my first ever boyfriend ended up having BPD
he's a 6'4" broad-shouldered Chad-jawed tranny now, completely non-passing

It's hard to say but I could see arguments on both sides for it being either easier or harder to be a man with BPD vs a woman.
On one hand it could be worse because it's an emotional illness and men aren't usually expected to be overly emotional. So it might be very unattractive.
On the other hand women are more empathetic and kind and nurturing so I think you might have an easier time finding a woman who is truly interested in you than women seeking men, because most men don't want to be bothered with someone else's emotions so they tend to avoid BPD women.

You're just telling him the obvious of what he could have done instead of bending down to her will when he was at a vulnerable state of being confused and scared just like the one with bpd whom you say is. When well you didn't even know who that person was in anons case. You just spoke for people with bpd in general. You didn't even answer why you didn't believe him either. And then you go on to give more of your own personal experience for the rest of your post when you've pretty much marginalized all of anons story in his last posts he made. Something about you doesn't feel right or rather feels off. It feels like you're playing off an unfair advantage because 1. you said you had bpd and 2. you are trying to speak for other people's experiences and people with BPD and giving them obvious solutions of what they could've done when it's already over. It feels like you're either just baiting or being a huge narcissist right now

Can anyone love BPD boys or am I fucked?

I'm sorry? I didn't claim to be anyone's therapist or to be able to defend everyone's fucking problems. I only have BPD so I can only speak for people with BPD. Whatever the dude's problem was I can't help him because he didn't tell me. He said he was very subservient to her and I said that was a bad choice. He acted all high and mighty saying things like,
>" i find it a bit condescending like i dont know how BPD works."
If he knew how it worked he would have known not to do what he did. I can't keep people from making mistakes in the past.
>you've pretty much marginalized all of anons story
He didn't give me any story. He came at me aggressively telling me that I don't know his story. Yeah, that's right, I don't, and my first post was not answering questions or asking for stories or anything like that. I offered to answer questions and his post asked no questions, only demonized his BPD ex which I felt was unfair especially given the context of the thread.

Something feels "off" about you nit-picking my conversation with "someone else" (aka pretending it's not still you) so autistically. Stop typing in the third person.

Thanks for the reply

I'm about 6'4 too but I don't see myself becoming a tranny that'd be pretty extreme and I wouldn't be able to live like that anyway.
I haven't had any problems with me being too emotional because I try to cover it up so much. Sometimes I can't control it though and I'll overreact to the smallest problem in a remained or have little to no reaction to something I should have a strong reaction to.
It sucks though because every time I try to have any kind of emotional conversation I get told "I preferred you when you weren't so serious" I guess that's kind of my own fault though because I try my best to be a fun loving person so people aren't expecting this side to me.

My main problem in relationships is I can be a bit manipulative in getting attention and I just do dumb and impulsive things in the heat of the moment that have huge repuccsions.

Do you have any advice on how to be better in relationships or anything you do that helps?

Except you can't speak for everybody with BPD. You're unstable from your post and you've made every point a projection and still do at this moment. Youre patronizing him and other people who've gone through the abuse of similarly related issues and you can't even practice what you preach without sperging out in a post when someone calls you out.
It's not even a matter of if he knows how it works or not because Im sure he's thought out a lot of different scenarios and played it all back in his head because it affected him a lot. It's just that youre literally an apologist and even worse a disgusting person for calling other people out saying that you don't believe them and then contradicting yourself after that. Your credibility has just gone down the shitter because you can't reply like a normal person and even realize your hypocrisy
And so what if he comes at you aggresively? You literally just said "I don't believe you" and expected that not to instigate any hurt feelings or anything? It's an xyz pattern. You're telling other people to take accountability without even taking some from your end.

I never dated anyone with bpd but one of my best friends for a while was a girl with really obvious bpd. It was a really hard time in my life and it was around when my bipolar started really fucking my life up but you really can't trust anything they say. When it was happening I believed everything that she said because I was also pretty crazy at the time. Thinking back on it I'm pretty sure half the stuff she told to me was lying but I really believed her when she was telling me about the things that happened to her, it's only know that I look back and think that a lot of what she said was probably bs. It was weird because she was one the only friends who stayed with me during a hard time in my life and she constantly was texting and calling (we talked on the phone 3-6 hours a day for months) me so i became really dependent on her and one day she just left and when she left the school were going to and was really fucking harsh and made it way worse. In the end we were both fucked up and both hurt each other with our mental illness so I guess i can call it even

You are worthless and cannot read anything. I am amazed you found your way to this forum and can read the letters on a keyboard.
>you've made every point a projection
Proof? Examples? You have none.
>you're patronizing him
No, I'm giving advice based on what I know and he is/you are getting offended because you have made mistakes.
>literally an apologist
Howso? By understanding how a disease affects and even incapacitates people? Why even come into this thread if you just want to be free to demonize people with disabilities?
>disgusting person for...saying you don't believe [someone]
What? lmao fucking retard
>And so what if he comes at you aggresively? You literally just said "I don't believe you" and expected that not to instigate any hurt feelings or anything?
No, his VERY FIRST post replying to my VERY FIRST post was aggressive. It was not until after then that I said I didn't believe him/you and the reason that I don't believe him/you is because you're clearly very emotional and not logical. I can imagine you are a right fucking pain in the ass for someone with BPD, as if they needed any more irrational emotional shit in their lives. You contributed to your own misfortune.
>You're telling people to take accountability
No, I'm telling them how it might work out better to approach some difficult situations in a different way.

I'm closing this thread to play Civ VI and then I'm going to go buy coffee and cream. You may reply if you wish but this is my forewarning that I have no more time to waste on your illiterate posts.

I've been with my gf for 5 months who I'm pretty sure has bpd. The entire time she's been seeing her ex, and I've confronted her about it and she's promised me she was going to stop 3 times but still ends up seeing him behind my back. How do I go about this? Should I just give her an ultimatum? Should I be ok that they see each other? She tells me so many lies that I later find out about. I don't really trust much of what she says. Please help

holy shit have some respect for urself
tell her if she continues to see him then u leave her and do it