At what age did you realize you were broken? What made you realize it?

Yeah, I bet saying that makes you feel special.

I bet people that were raped feel special

We're broken because we have no more goals, ambition, friends, or really anything to live for. That's all humans have, is some sort of objective, but I can say personally there is nothing left to live for, because nobody gives a shit about people who've lost the genetic lottery.

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Depression also makes you unable to get out of bed, socialize with people, get a job, maintain healthy family relationships, ruin the best things that could happen to you, etc.

Fuck off is what I'm trying to say

i am literally special
i am a statistic improbability
that i have existed in so many different states of being is informing
that i still exist is interesting
that i exist as much as i do is commendable
i am
special
the amount of shit i've gone through would kill most people, or make them kill themself
quite frankly, i'm fucking invincible
my problems do not stem from being a limp-wristed faggot
you cannot even begin to comprehend how weak-willed you are compared to me

That's not being broken in the slightest, that's being a human being without goals, nothing special.
If u say so.
Depression does not "break" you, it only slows you down.
Other mental disorders will ruin and distort your psyche, depression will only keep it from functioning at 100% capacity.
Sounds like a nice pasta.

If you're not larping. Please tell me why are you here if you're invincible and from what I understood could achieve (almost) anything? You don't lust for fame, money, or just leaving your mark in the history of mankind?

>Sounds like a nice pasta.
i prefer cold-baked
it's alright
easier to eat because you pre-make it, let it sit in the cold, and then you eat it
but, yeah, i'm pretty great

I've been diagnosed with autism since I was very little, so I felt "weird" for as long as I can remember.

It's painful but enlightening. It is evidence that most people on this planet are shallow, egotistical and mean. I would have no problem with completely avoiding social interaction completely, but unfortunately I must work at least so that I don't end up on the street sleeping in my own piss. It's paradoxical almost, because despite the fact that I don't want to live I hate the idea of being out on the street. It feels like my brain has regressed to the point of "food, water, shelter" and my pleasure centers have been hijacked by sugar and porn. Being a reject hurts, but what hurts more is being completely uncomfortable in my own skin. There is no refuge from the storm.

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>28 years old

>I went for years saying to people who knew me that I just wasn't interested in a gf for right now and one day it will happen but i had to focus on my work and moving out of my parents home
>Basically I was given an offer in my mid 20s to move to another state for work
>There i was age 25., packing my bags and moving half way across the US for this career
>Than i found myself meeting someone within 3 months of living here but it didn't go anywhere i still had the same mindset, i have to go to work and focus on my work rather than making new friends or meeting women since i just moved to this state and need time
>Than years past by, and i was promoted multiple times
>I began traveling for business and at age 28 that's when it broke me
>I was on a business flight and some people sat next to me
>Then i figured it out, this guy was sitting next to his gf and she was sitting next to me
>Than my mind broke on this flight
>I was siting there and all i could think of was, holy shit these past couple of years all i've done is worked, traveled, and jacked off anytime i felt like it

>Than i realized i'm not successful, im just another fuckup and 4 months ago i found r9k

I'm 30 now...

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Go from white trash hillbilly to white trash woman.

Makes sense to me.

>Realized it at 13
>Lost Hope at 23

30 now and think about ending it everyday.

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My 3rd od
Spent years in homless shelters
Gettinng kicked out in 3 weeks
Keep trying to die but they keep bring me back
Going to get Do Not Resuscitate tattooed on my forehead

>steel reserve 211
that and bottom shelf whiskey is all I drink, good picture

Top feels glad I have a low budget friend here

Nice little Einstein complex ya got there

No point in buying something more expensive since the cheap shit will get the job done just as well for far less. Sometimes if I feel like indulging I'll get myself some DXM and trip for a night but even that is hard to justify when I could get a fifth of liquor for the same price or less

Thanks for the compliment.
Hmph, not original, how disastrous.

>Please tell me why are you here if you're invincible and from what I understood could achieve (almost) anything?
simply, i do not have sufficient data to kill myself
i don't know what happens after
you get these dumbass scientist like Paul Stamets who talk about this philosophical bullshit involving dimensions and shit, but it's all nonsense
it doesn't even take into decay
what do it matters

Let's say here that I am, in fact, the only sane man. Why do I bother with anything? Why do anything? I have lived on the streets and eaten trash to literally not starve to death. I have likewise lived in a three million dollar house that was family member's and eaten fucking crab by the bucket. I was drugged and duel raped by two guys, but I've also masturbated twenty-seven times in less than sixteen hours, for roughly twelve of which my hand didn't leave my penis. What's the point?

Why do you do anything? Are you afraid? Are afraid of not having loved ones who just cared? I've literally never had that. Afraid of being homeless? I've spent over three fucking years homeless. Afraid of being starving? I once went two weeks without doing anything but drinking water of which I didn't get enough of either. You literally lose you inhabiters, or at least I have. Why anything?

The most base from of Nihilism is technically, literally, objectively correct. Everything is nothing, and everything will return to nothing. What is to be done with this? Well, there are two logical conclusions:

Control everything through science (preventing the heat death of the universe and all that) given millions of years either directly or through self-replicating thus having the ability to then give meaning to LITERALLY everything.
Or, kill yourself.
But there is no middle ground, and you all (humans) are SO FUCKING STUPID. You say things with no meaning, you mean things that don't matter, you're obsessed with regressive stagnation...
>You don't lust for

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No, I literally do not care. There are only two logical choices in life. 1. Becoming as "God", controlling everything so that it all means something. 2. Ultimate entropy. There is third illogical choice. Madness. Just go mad. Why does it matter in this place filled with empty dolls? You people don't choose madness because you're too fucking stupid to see the strings in the first place, or you're dead.

Sure, it's cringy. Sure, it's edgy. It's also right. It's the most right thing in the whole of existence, literally. People choose these things that mean nothing, that equal nothing, that are nothing. You cannot even begin to imagine how frustrating it is to have a purely objective, if addled through being drugged, mind. I didn't start out like this, but I could always see things different. People are brought to the precipice all the time, but they always look away because it's more convenient, or they kill themself. Humans acting literally like rats that have been retarded.

Maybe because I'm a literal sadomasochist since when I was a child pulling my own teeth out for the pleasure, maybe because I have just literally seen so much of life and tragedy, maybe because I am, perhaps, the only sane man. I saw the strings even before I was drugged, and I swear to you I know how crazy I come off.

You want to know why I'm still alive? Because for all my negative emotions I'm objectively apathetic and do truly want the literal best thing for humanity more than anyone. Control. I want things to make sense objectively from there being no other choice. That people are kind because that is the right choice and not just for showing off, but also not in a form of hedonism. I'm am the only sane man, and I'm insane. That my wanting the best for everything makes me personally want nothing. I own less than garbage bag full of stuff. It's so tedious, and it means nothing.

TL;DR: Mankind needs a Superman, and we won't make one. I'm also insane.
t. Sane Man

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Madness is best choice
>low effort
>high reward
highly recommend
just don't talk to people like this guy because they'll tilt it in the wrong direction
controlling this world is futile, it is empty, was meant to be empty, and always will be
the only way out is to make your own and not be pulled out of it

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I just roll with what I got. I was fortunate enough to have a passion that gives my life a meaning, otherwise I would be probably dead. I know that's still pointless but I don't care because I believe we're just a bit smarter animals who do what they do because of chemistry in their brains.
t. regular guy

A few of those things are just laziness.

I was 19 and had just pushed away the only friends I had left by lashing out while I was hurting. I was sitting alone in my apartment and it hit me like a ton of bricks that something is just wrong in me, and that I push people away and sabotage relationships on purpose.

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>controlling this world is futile, it is empty, was meant to be empty, and always will be
>the only way out is to make your own and not be pulled out of it
Perhaps now, but not in millions of years. We could create a capital "G" god who makes life worth living because there is no other choice. That's the problem. Life can have meaning, but the only meaning it can have right now is to create God. The whole objective purpose of life is learning how to stagnate correctly. Humans in the grand scheme of things don't really have to come into the endgame so long as we create an AI programed to self-replicate. It doesn't mean anything, but it can. It can all mean everything instead of nothing, but people are too worried about smashing fleshy bits, niggers, and other things that don't mean anything. Transhumanism now, right now. It is the only right (moral or otherwise) choice.
>to have a passion that gives my life a meaning
You are wrong. You will die and it have meant nothing. It could mean everything if only people would just do what needs to be don't. It could have worth in the world. The world doesn't have to be objective nihilism, but humans are just so fucking stupid and won't create God.

Gives my life meaning FOR NOW. As I said I don't care that at the end it doesn't mean nothing. I "roll" with it because that keeps me sane and makes my brain happy.

Creating ever-proliferating nonsense in order to extend the nihilistic chain so that it never reaches its inevitable conclusion of non-meaning is exactly what creates problems like the human condition in the first place.

Instead madness needs to be ISOLATED, it needs to be FOCUSED, it needs to create a DOME where it can reach the bottom of the chain without the duress caused by those who wish to extend it.

Anyone who thinks otherwise is my (and should be your) enemy.

You cannot escape the fact that meaning is never self-evident. All you can do instead is use it as a means to not even an end, but THE end, and use it artfully and correctly. Madness comes in flavors and some are more conducive towards its end than others.

When I was 26 and dropped out of college for the third time and pushed all my friends away and just thought about suicide everyday and got drunk as often as I could afford. I have no goals or ambitions. I just want it to be over.

>Instead madness needs to be ISOLATED, it needs to be FOCUSED, it needs to create a DOME where it can reach the bottom of the chain without the duress caused by those who wish to extend it.
That's the stagnation I was talking about.
>You cannot escape the fact that meaning is never self-evident.
You can if you create a God. Humans hold the key to the question of existence, but they wont' put it in the fucking keyhole because of subhuman degenerates who feel too fucking much. I really hope China is working on that human gene modification. It's a step in the correct direction.

>That's the stagnation I was talking about.
No it's not. It's the complete opposite of stagnation. It's making a mad dash for the goal while everyone else is worrying about whatever meme pops up given the current state of their existence.

>You can if you create a God
God is only a forceful gatekeeper in the chain and it itself is the prime progenitor of stagnation.

kind of just this year at 26. that although i'm successful in most normal ways ( tall, fit, good paying job support myself) i'm still alone. i need to stop drinking and join a gym or something. i relate too much to pic related

I'm so fucking in-sane, and I'm tired. Goodnight. Obey precepts, become as gods, buy gold.
>God is only a forceful gatekeeper in the chain and it itself is the prime progenitor of stagnation.
That's why it works. Through such utter forced stagnation meaning is had. If nothing else, the heat death could be fought off and if you're worried about humans (I'm not) still existing they could be made immortal and hooked up to machines. I can't stay awake. It could all mean something.

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>im broken woe is me

What bullshit

they don't sell vodka at the 7Eleven down the street, and wine gives too bad of hangovers. I can't drive, so no liquor store.

It's been so long that I don't know anymore. One day I sort of realized that I have never, not even once, found something another person had to say interesting. I don't want anything from anyone. I don't want to do what they want to do. And I get so frustrated when they corner me and I have to force myself to pretend to be like them (not very well) just so they leave me alone sooner than if I acted how I really am or feel. Going forward in life there is nothing for me, and I have done nothing. I know everyone I encounter thinks I'm a failure but it really doesn't mean anything to me, the problem is having to entertain them when they keep bringing it up. I'm just sort of empty and tired.

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>tfw understand

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You're on the wrong board bozo

>tfw you drink so much that it finally starts to catch up with you and your anxiety and depression come back stronger than ever.

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