Every morning my mother brings me breakfast to my room...

I'm just terrible with emotional things. Really autistic. I don't know what to say, I cringe at the idea of saying I love you or whatever. I can't hug people or hold hands or anything like that.

I still live with my parents. But, I am strait edged and do stuff for my dad's business. So still a loser. But one rung above you I guess.

This, I felt this. It made my heart sink, be greatful you have a mother who gives a shit about you. Some of us don't even have that.

You're lucky, you've hit rock bottom which makes the choice of dropping all your vices and starting over very appealing.

>why don't you just stop being mentally ill bro?

OP tell your mom you love her but that you can't seem to find the drive to do anything about your circumstances.
you need medical intervention if you're living like this, it'll make working hard at fixing yourself possible.
I can read that you've tried some medication before, can you list the meds you've used and for how long you've used them approximately?
Also what drugs do you use other than alcohol?

Thanks for posting that image. Might motivate me to do something because the prospect of her suicide being my fault is too much to take.

I can understand these feels we all can, that's why we're here. We all pretty much happen to be like this. Some worse than others

>Tfw mom is too religious to kill herself
Nice I get to sabotage my own life guilt free

Understandable. At least quite smoking and drinking, that'll make you feel better and productive.

It goes beyond that OP, most kids are in debt in college for degrees they can't get jobs for so at least you're not entirely a fuck up.Help your mom pay the bills get some realistic goals in mind to keep you going.

Yes. You can make changes in your life despite the past. Start by getting up early. Make your bed. Making your bed first thing in the morning is a good step in the right direction because it gives you a small sense of accomplishment. Sure, the feeling may be smal, but you can build on this throughout your day. Eventually, go out and get a gym membership. Start pumping some iron. Start reading some literature, too. Build yourself physically and mentally by turning everything that has plagued you into power. It's just small steps, take it one day at a time, but eventually you can get where you want to be in life.

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I've taken many anti-depressants. Sertraline, Fluoxitine, Mirtazapine, and some others. Probably about a year combined time on them. I have read a lot about these meds and it's becoming more and more evident that they don't work. Statistically they're only slightly better than placebo but cause horrible side effects.

I drink mostly but sometimes take opiates and benzos too, not a lot though.

Fuck off.
No two people's mental illness experiences are exactly the same. Don't tell someone that they're in some limbo state where nothing they can do could help them.
Your personal experiences are just that.

tell me about what all of this has helped you accomplish.
genuinely curious, no need to lie if you haven't accomplished much though, tell me about your goals instead, I'm looking to dig out of a hole cause depressed after passing mcat and just becoming chronically fatigued during doctor training.
Considering changing my life philosophy.

I see, you probably suffer anxiety judging by those drug lists and your benzo addiction, there is however plenty of drugs you haven't tried, and there are drugs that are way more effective than ssri's, I assume you're US though, and ssri's are quite "trendy" at the moment.

Have you considered completely different classes? if you show a doctor your medical history, he will likely not mind experimenting with some new drugs for you to try, tricyclics or beta blockers for example, they have really good treatment rates. (better than ssri and snri)

At least your mom cares. I never had that. My mom kicked me out a month after I turned 18 because I didn't have a job and couldn't pay rent. "This is what it's like in the real world," she told me. I'm lucky that my friend let me move in while I look for work, otherwise I'd be homeless.

normies will never fucking get it. kill yourself and get the fuck off my board

Thanks for the responses everyone. I am reading them.

Please go to fucking therapy and tell that doc everything. Get off this board, and GO TO THERAPY. Stop hesitating, or feeling bad, or getting high on god knows what, and GO.

You literally described me perfectly.
It's almost as if I wrote this status... apart from I'm never awake until mid-afternoon so no breakfast.
I don't ignore her but I don't do anything to make her worry less... the past few weeks I've drank A LOT, daily because I broke down crying infront of her.

I promised her I'd do therapy but when they called I was too hungover to deal with the phone call so told them I'd arrange another phone evaluation and still haven't after a week.

Sounds like we're literally twins.
But I bet there's a lot more out there like us.

I really appreciate my family though, best people ever and care probably too much. My mum is the most lovely woman ever.
We should try harder for them OP.

IT'S NOT FAIR I WANT A MOMMY TOO FUCK YOU

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Best advice I've seen

Stop drinking, and smoking. You're prob a chronic wanker and porn user too. You also prob smoke weed. You dummies blow out your reward systems by over stimulating them, and then you wonder why you feel bad. If you want to feel better, when you wake up tomorrow, don't do the same dumb ass shit you did totay. As long as you keep overstimulating your reward system, you will continue to feel like shit.

I thought the beginning of this post was a poem.

Lucky cunt >:^(
My mum only ever says she loves me when I start to actually tie fucking nooses other than that she never cares
OP you should find the source of your depression

tell her to stop helping you she is not doing you any favours

I'm sure there are plenty of NEETs and hikis here who are also alcoholics.

I've also been drinking heavily last few weeks, it's starting to worry me. Shakes, sweating, aches and pains... I have booked an appointment with a doctor and I have to somehow sober up in the next two days.

>OP you should find the source of your depression
this,
i'm "in depression" too, but at least i know why, that gives me a little perpective on things that helps me keep it together at least for now...

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Those are what we in the alcoholism world like to call withdrawals and they can kill you. I've had seizures from them before and have been hospitalized at least 15-20 times in the last year alone. I wish I was joking.

I just want to buy that face mask...

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my mom is awesome

I have a shit job, she has a decent job that keeps us a good place to live and more than enough left-over, to the point where our only arguments are who is paying for what. Even though I have a shitty job, everything that isn't spent on bills goes back to her in a check. She doesn't ask for them, I just try to help with money when she will allow me to.

The things we say most to each other are "I love you" and "thank you", almost always multiple times per greeting, parting, or in the middle of whatever. She's great, I really do love her.

I still want to kill myself and have for as long as I can remember. She told an ex of mine that I tried hanging myself locked in my room when I was 5 or 6

It's easy to blame your feelings on her, and those annoying articles that she leaves for you, which you take as a passive aggressive snide against you. In reality, you could be best friends with her in a month, but you'll still be on r9k and suicidal

>She told an ex of mine that I tried hanging myself locked in my room when I was 5 or 6

Shit, I'm retarted

The reason I mentioned that is because I didn't know until she told my ex, who told me, because she was in shock that for nearly 20 years i've been suicidal.

Lol your such a faggot and you then post German propaganda what the fuck if wrong you cunt?

Young men at their lowest are always preyed upon by the fringe cult that eats lives whole led by a bunch of IC members larping as neo nazis

Fuck off.

I had trouble reading this post.\

Kids with problems while getting advice or help from anons are never free from the life destroying cult that is the alt-right.
They prey on kids when they have no defenses and are alone.