Reason for being a robot

Post yours,here is mine:

>Beginning of college
>Had my personal problems but had a bit of hope for a future
>Always demotivated and quite pessimistic but had interest in history,philosophy and a little bit in sociology
>Looking back had a great high school and college at the time hasn't looking bad
>Had tons of friends but always had a huge self-esteem issues,lost most after high school
>For years wanted a girlfriend more than anything else,fantasied about it a lot,lack of confidence comes from romantic failures
>Have this chick that lives together with me and my family since i was in high school,parents basically considered her a daughter,i never saw her that way throught
>We ended up going to the same university and talk a lot more,started feeling very comfortable around her

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>Time passes and i stupidly fell in love with her,since she seemed to be attracted to me even if just a little and i a sucker for this kind of attention
>After a dramatic night we kinda hit it off
>She reciprocated and for a time i felt like my dream had come true(to find love)
>All the time she was scared to death about being found out and end up being thrown out
>I was naive and always tried to convince her that it wouldn't end badly,protip:it did
>This goes for two months
>Till one day i finally decide to tell my mother
>She was a fucking huge breakdown
>The house was on fire that day and was easily the worst day of my life,i plead to my parents and they let the girl stay
>She says that she hates me and the whole situation is seen was me being a teenager and doing stupid shit,they consoled me and i hated it
>Reach the conclusion that all my efforts are in vain and i shouldn't even try to change,just going to become a neet(before i was trying to fight the urge to desist)
>tfw she was the first girl i french kissed
>tfw she was my first somewhat romantic success

Since then i lost all interest to everything and only really use the internet and play vidya.I also have no hope for the future and will probally kill myself in a few years

How is your relationship with your parents now?
You do realise there are other women out there right??

>How is your relationship with your parents now?
after things calmed down,it came back to normal,at least in the surface
>You do realise there are other women out there right??
Not with my current lifestyle,i was always predisposed to being a neet(mom very protective),so little outside experience,also i dont have any skills whatsoever,i weak,a 6/10 at best and real only interest is vidya.

>i was always predisposed to being a neet
That's making excuses. Your circumstances leave you with a more challenging road ahead, but it does not mean the easy path to ruin is your destiny. Pain is your friend, both physical and emotional it reminds you that you are human and you are alive. Give yourself a routine and a goal. Prove to yourself you can do something of value. Vidya should not be a hobby, but a reward, something you can enjoy because through real achievement you have earned temporary comfort.
Make something of yourself user, distract yourself from women until you can protect one.

thanks for the words of encouragement,is just that i always feeling so worthless that is difficult to think of anything else,i think i maybe addicted to porn and masturbation which drains my willpower,it not that i never tried(used to go to the gym),is rather after that experience i fell jaded to most things,like i lost purposed to do anything.

All of my friends are members of one discord server and I haven't talk to a girl in 2 years

Finding purpose is a really hard first step but once you have it, you have something and that's how to make the day go by. Quit porn for sure, I still come back to it every now and again (I've never been a regular watcher) and feel gross afterwards. It's real bad for men. Give your dick a break and then just fap to photos. The less you wank, the more you feel and the more you'll want to be better for women.

Seems tough,i hope you the best user,i also haven't talked to my friends in a long time,they are kinda like the leftover from high school,but even them is just me having they contact and knowing they are alive.

I didn't even have friends in high school
A couple of acquaintances I haven't bothered to keep up with

Idk
Is something wrong with me?
I have absolutely no desire to use social media but that's basically socializing now

I will try to not masturbate for a few days,see how it goes
I also don't like and don't use social media,you are not normal but that is not bad,to try to help you i think what a person needs is not various friends,just a few that a really close,so maybe try finding someone that thinks and likes the same thing as you.

I fucking hate Social Media and I actually have a reasonable social life. There's something weirdly disconnected about messaging. I feel I can be honest here, but that's the power of anonymity. I feel part of the reason I've never had a gf is my failure to comply with messenging. (it doesn't help that the last girl I messaged on the daily was a psycho cunt who only used me to vent and fish for compliments).

How does one do that?
I mean I felt too geekish at math club
And how does one maintain a friendship?

Well I think it's because I have a large disconnect with people
I couldn't give less of a fuck about them outside of the time we're usually forced to spend together
I never remembered the name of my "best friend" at college

Yeah that's something else entirely, i don't know

I feel the same thing about messaging,feels too robotic i guess?I vastly prefer talking to people mano a mano,feels more personal and you can express your emotions better.
How does one not masturbate?I dont know,gonna try to focus on video games or something else to try to forget about jacking off.To you other question,you gotta ask my younger self about that,he was the one who made all my friendships,i kinda lost that ability(not completely).

I was only responding to the friendship one

I opposite,always gave more importance to other people,and in the process gave less importance to me.

Well maybe try to be more mindful of other people? Try helping then when they are in trouble,that should build up a feeling of gratitude and help you make friends and maintain them

Well truth be told I don't really want friends
But I kinda do want a gf but it's impossible to find one in my room

my parents fucked me up by basically treating me like a nuisance every time i tried to interact with them so i kinda learned to be antisocial. not trying to be one of those faggots who blames his parents for all his problems, but its the truth. i don't even really care tho desu, i don't mind being this way

Buy a dakimakura,there it is your portable gf
As long as you're happy there is no problem in being antisocial.