I am a 300 year old hikki NEET vampire mistress...

Are.... you actually okay with being a mindless servant? Your only purpose to follow my orders?

I'm down but I don't want to do any cuck or gay shit. Is that going to be part of this?

No... I don't know where you got that idea from. I'm not into cuck or watching gay shit. I just need you to run errands for me.

I'm in. It's about the same as suicide so i don't care anymore.

Can I cream your pussy or eat you out?

what errands

>Tfw you will never have a cute vampire girl fall for you.
>Ywn reject the gift of vampirism.
>Ywn grow old with her at your side.
>She will never consider giving up her immortality after your death for the chance of being reunited with you.

Truly a deep suffering.

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No. You don't get that privilege. Your only role is to buy food, necessities, basically anything I can't get online.

Findom

LOL THE ABSOLUTE STATE OF FEMANONS

No thanks then.
I'd glady do it for cooch though, but not for free.

>No. You don't get that privilege. Your only role is to buy food, necessities, basically anything I can't get online.

Wtf bitch just get amazon prime

Not really findom, since it's my money thats getting spent.

They don't have that in my country yet.

Hello there! I'm a *relative time* old Doctor Master of things, I could help you regain your meaning in life. Message me.
Your purpose will be for us to lactate together

This is the world women want, men doing everything for them for zero reward.

>it's another: Internet occult member tricks people to sell their souls to the devil in exchange for power but really just gets them to condemn themselves to hell

this aint my first rodeo, bub. I've been on /x/ long enough to know you're just trying to trick me. I saw someone get suckered with my own eyes.

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> NEET vampire mistress
Which clan?

Well, if you winningly get turned into a mindless, unfeeling puppet who's only role is to serve me, of course I'm going to get you to serve me. Does retardation run in your family? Ot is it just you?

Roastie clan.

I'm not part of a clan, anymore. My bloodline doesn't come from one of the families. Hence why I'm a hikki NEET. Now stop trying to make me dox myself.

So you are a bullshit caitiff pretending to be an elder, I'm calling the scourge on you

Fuck you. I've lived for 300 years for a reason. Call them on me, I don't care.

Do people reward you with sex when you flip their burgers? No? That's because it's your job. Your purpose will be to be my servant.

(You)
i am originally okay with this honestly

Do I get to sex you? I'm a virgin though... Should I go out and lose my virginity?

Don't do that. In my eyes, virgins are more valuable than non-virgins. Forget about me and lose your virginity to someone you truly love.

Will you give me the opportunity to lay down my life for a qt vampire mistress?

The bite is supposed to be more pleasurable than sex

so, can i become your mindless servant or what? i want to stop thinking for myself if thats alright

>non-virgins
wrong board buddy

oregano

Um... Ok I guess...
Most of the time, you'll just be doing errands, but I might keep you around for the next vampire war.

There's no need to hold back. Please, use me until I'm nothing but an empty husk. Etch your name in my skin and bathe in my suffering until my screams become arias of ecstasy. And when the time comes I will be thrown into the pit where sulphur and hellfire shall scour my body until the end of days, but in your cruel indifference to my being I will find the strength to face my punishment for ten-thousand years.

help me to help you, to help me, to help you, senpai

Question, how does a three-hundred-year-old hikki NEET vampire earn money?

With vampire charisma, I can have anything I want. I can't use it too much though, or I'll look suspicious.

where do i sign up to be celibate vampire butler

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Which one do you hate more, the Vatican or nazis?

Do you know any male werewolf? Vampires are sissies.

where and how do i apply to become enthralled?

I came here to chew gum and whip ass
and I'm all out of gum

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good belmont sir, please throw holy water on this scandalous wench

You know you can't get proper holywater in this day and age, right?

I don't really care anymore. The Vatican is a shadow of it's former self, the Nazis are pretty much dead.

do neet vampire mistresses take showers?

am I doing it right? is this the aspersion she deserves

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You see, that's why you need some backup ghouls to kidnap some local villagers, thus functionally having an endless ghoul supply.
You don't seem very smart, I could come over to your place and act as a sort of manager for your entire setup. It'd save you a lot of trouble and would likely increase the quality and efficiency of your vampire operations.
Of course, I wouldn't be able to do this if I was a ghoul, so I would have to either remain human, or get turned into a vampire myself.
I would recommend the human option, as it would be useful to have a person who wasn't mindless being able to interact with the surrounding people in the daytime.

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>implying I can't make it myself

Yeah, I'd like to see an impure sinner like you make holy water.

>so many assumptions
You don't even know me, m8.

eternity is a long time when you are just an errand boy

I don't think ghouls are immortal.

I know if you're posting on r9k, you're a tainted sinner. When was the last time you picked up a bible?

Today, faggot.

>not just using garlic
bro, it's so much easier

Is the vampire gone?
Was she just toting us along the whole time?
Fucking roasties.

So where does this happen OP, do we meet at the derelict supermarket at 3am, behind the dumpsters? I'll bring my nightvision goggles. Im ready to be useful

This isn't fucking Bram Stoker's Dracula. We can eat garlic, you know?

Is Dacula real or is that just a story?

Of course it's not real. I've met the guy.

piss off, that book is the only reason your fictional ass gets to live in a cool castle instead of being a big gangly monster in the woods

That didn't come out right. I meant I met Abraham Stoker.

well op how did you manage for 300 years before the internet hmmmm?

Terrorised people, went to high class parties, the usual vampire stuff.

Are vampire hunters a thing? And, if so, have you met any?

Maybe in Eastern European shitholes, but not in the civilised world.

you should try coconut water I hear you can use it as a blood substitute when you're in a real jam

Hey, miss, how about you make some kind of resonse to my offerDon't ghost me, if you don't want it, a simple "no" would suffice.

Thanks for the offer, but know. I've been around for centuries before you were even born, I kinda know what I'm doing.

>know
*no

>I kinda know what I'm doing.
>begging for ghoul converts on Jow Forums
Sure, you're the epitome of competence.

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Can I be your personal foot stool, OP? I want you to step on my face

Ummm... Idy prefer not to. I'm trying to separate my current self from the past me.

were you close with the pillar men?

Real life isn't like anime, user.

What do you mean?
I want you to step on my face NOW

>hears about vulnerable Jow Forums losers being manipulated into a tranny cult
>decides to try and exploit some more of them for easy money/whatever by LARPing as a vampire

I hope some mentally ill robot decides to track you down and drive a stake through your stomach you LARPing cunt

Anyone buying into this, get a fucking grip on reality.

I'll join your dark covenant, but my only skills are tetris and making flapjacks

BTFO
how will vampires ever recover

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what would you want us to do?

Do you like being sat on?

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Use my money to buy food and necessities, defend my apartment.

>defend my apartment
From what

REEEEEEEEE ANSWER ME ABD STEP ON ME

What are the positives and negatives of being a vampire?

how many shekels to we get paid

I mean I'm trying to distance myself from the atrocities I committed in the past.
You don't get paid anything, you become a mindless puppet whose only purpose is to serve me.

You know what, let's just analyze this for a second.
We know robots who are pathetic enough to willingly become your slaves wouldn't have the means to reach you, even if you did post your location, which you would be unwilling to do due to your aforementioned unwillingness to 'dox yourself.'
Since we've already established in the OP that you don't have any ghouls, because you failed to have the forethought to store backups, as I said, hence the reason for this thread existing in the first place, you can't send them to retrieve these people.
Since your a NEET, who isn't even willing to go to the grocery store, I doubt your gonna travel around the world yourself to get them.
(honestly, I would love to see you trying to get through airline customs, while obviously being a vampire)
How long have you been a NEET, anyway? Do you even know how to drive? If not, I'd like to see you try to move across the country via public transport, because you likely haven't had face-to-face interacting with a sentient person in decades.
In conclusion, I deduce that the probability is high that you have lived a 300 year existence largely devoid of the intellectual stimulus necessary to produce the ability to plan properly, or your mind has degenerated, due to your years of NEEThood, from one that was relatively sharp, to a slow, useless, shadow of what it once was.
How's that?

I'm not begging. I'm trying to find people who will consent to becoming ghouls, instead of turning the unwilling.

do slaves get to wear a fly-ass outfit to signal we are collectively yours?

This is beyond ridiculous
Back to incel.org you go

Damn user
Fucken roasted

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