What should I do instead of killing myself? Homelessness? Moving abroad? Try to get institutionalized...

Why not learn outdoor skills. You're bored of life as it currently is, so why not try in an attempt to stave off boredom? No point in continuing to do nothing if you dislike doing nothing.

>I first had suicidal thoughts when I was 11
i cant fathom ending my own life. idk why. it scares me to death. i had my first legit suicidal thought, i think, a week ago and i almost had a panic attack lmao. its so fucking scary. i would joke around a lot about killing myself in the past because i felt like shit, useless, but the very moment i felt that i didnt want to do anything with my life i almost lost it

ooh, please give whatever stories/details you feel comfortable sharing

It is a pretty horrifying state of mind, not wanting to even continue living. I try to keep on going but it's honestly not going very well. I doubt I'll be able to stave off my self-destructive thoughts for very long, at this point even people around me are noticing that I might do something drastic.
It's not so much boredom as it is constant despair. It's hard for me to even get out of bed these days, there's just no reason to. I'm not looking for sympathy or anything BTW, just asking what possibilities there might be for someone in my situation.
I robbed a pharmacy at knife point to get drugs. Did 8 months in jail, some of my cell mates were drug dealers, some others were murderers(one was a hitman who killed people for 20 grand each) and one was also a robber(although he was a career criminal unlike me). Funny thing is, even those cell mates got worried about my mental health and talked about that to the guards, something that apparently almost never happens. They were pretty cool guys, for the most part.

Also I almost got beat up because I used to watch MLP in my jail cell since it was aired on Saturday mornings and we had TVs in our cells. Thankfully my ability to bullshit myself out of sticky situations is 10/10.

how far are you willing to go? if youre suicidal might as well make the best of these final moments instead of giving in to your weakness lets say fuck the system and do whatever the fuck we want to do

I have no money, up to my neck in debt, have a criminal record, terrible health, and honestly am not well in the head. I'd love to have a shot at a comfortable life even if it's in fucking Mogadishu or something.

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>It's not so much boredom as it is constant despair.
Sounds like classic depression, then. I'm similar. It's a crushing immobility. Don't know how to get rid of it--other than from mustering the sheer will to get moving and then working off the resultant momentum. I do think if one finds something they have a passion for, life is that much more enticing to live. I've found that even if I do manage to start doing something constructive with my time, I'll still burn out if I'm not interested in it, and the burn outs tend to happen sooner these days.

Also, who did you like more: the inmates or the guards? Were any of them abusive

Neither guards nor inmates were abusive, in fact I quite enjoyed their company. My cell mates did threaten to beat me up or kill me all the time, but never made good on those threats. And I kinda deserved those threats, since I was pretty lethargic at the time and never participated in any activities or work. Just kept the cell clean, showered every day and ate the meals the prison provided. Apart from that I just read books and watched TV.

Tell a family member how you feel.
They'll probably let you stay with them if you agree to wholeheartedly better yourself for six months.
Eat healthy. Lift. No fap. No drugs.
Slightly balance out your fucked up brain chemicals this way.
Realize it gets better if you try.
Profit.

>Tell a family member how you feel.
I did. It ended up in several fistfights. Last time I'm gonna be honest with my family.

go kill some jews. or at least burn their property. arson is really easy to get away with and it can add some excitement to your life. jews are responsible for your shitty life anyway.

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Why do people want to threaten you if your lethargic?

take happy pills

Because you're supposed to be at least somewhat active. Being completely passive is seen as a bad thing.

Why is it being looked as a bad thing?

Take off, travel. Walk if you have to. Let your senpai know so they dont call the cops. Why not. Just say fuck it, I'm gone. Who knows what will happen. Have adventures and shit. gotta be better than just sitting in one spot and dying even if it fucks up and you hate it. Cant be worse that now right.

For the same reason it's a bad thing when you're outside. Being a useless do-nothing nobody is always a bad thing. And in prison people will take offense to it.

What can you do about that? Fake energy and hapiness?

You dont have the courage to suicide, so all you do is ask on the internet and wait for someone to kill you. You think that whatever people you have around you, are going to laugh at you if you fall deeper.
But you forget the fact that everyone has their own hell and no matter what they do, they cant escape from it.

how about getting a grip, identifying your problems and finally tackling them? it sounds overwhelming but is more simple than you think. don't fall for the suicide meme.