> be me 6-7 year old in Indiana > have next door neighbor friend > go over to her house every day > one day she doesn't answer > tryagain.gif > still doesn't > start to walk home > notice that the garage door is slightly open > me being not a fucking Manlet yet was able to squeeze under > get inside > go in house > play with her toys > nice beanie baby >itminenow.bitch > take it > turn on TV to see what's on rn > get bored and leave Another neighbor saw their tv go on and assumed someone had broken into their house
>mfw when I sat down on my bed and then saw two police cars come. >mfw my neighbors got home and noted the only thing gone was a beanie baby and some jewelry >mfw I threw the beanie baby away to hide the evidence
So robots what criminal mastermind stories do you have?
>Indiana Hey same bro >Borrowed book off teachers shelf in 2nd grade >Never returned it Forever a rebel
Jaxon Edwards
Routinely steal small amounts of money as well as alcohol food medicine and Gatorade and chewing gum from work. Stole about $100 from envelopes in the Glacier nation park paybox and then camped for free. Teepeed and totally wrecked a guys house in college, like rotten vegetables and milk and mayo and stuff. It was the night before their Halloween party and the whole thing was ruined. This was an act of revenge and they deserved even worse desu Bought, carried around, drove around, and did a lot of cocaine Used to drive really drunk every night I am a chainsmoking alcoholic drug user and my parents have no idea (though to be fair I live across the country) Tell homeless people I have no money or smokes even though I do Have backed into a couple parked cars and ran away, one was even my neighbor. Hell one was my roommate Stage managed an improv troupe performance while out of my mind on LSD Routinely drink before and during work Go to job interviews drunk
Ironically btw I just lost my job for a really dumb reason that even the manager thinks is a joke but the big boss said he has to can me so whatever, when meanwhile every day I do at least one thing that should be fireable on the spot and just no one notices
Parker Clark
>stage managed an improv troupe while on LSD Tell me more user...
Hunter Hill
Why do you want to know, do you know who I am? (V paranoid from chemicals btw)
Asher Reed
No I don't know who you are, It just sounds like a cool story. Impressive, honestly
Samuel Cook
>> me being not a fucking Manlet yet was able to squeeze under >> get inside >and some jewelry Make sense faggot
Levi Phillips
i stuck my cock in my sisters cup of water once
Jaxon Adams
Eh it wasnt that bad. My friends and I dropped at 8am, my first time. Some gel tab. My buddies did two tabs I did one. So around like 6pm they are coming down and I think I am too. Show was at 8 and I had to be there by 7. So I get in my car and drive home around 6:30. When I get in my house I realize I am still losing it. Mirrors looked weird and my face was fat. So I changed into my black dress clothes and drove to the show. Dark at this point. I think this next part was because of my colorblindness. Streetlights and car lights turned 2D and blurred together, barely made it, lucky to be alive. Walked through an empty cold campus paranoid as fuck losing my mind. Got there too early and chainsmoked like 5 cigarettes in 12 minutes. Stood at a urinal for 10 minutes trying to act natural. Couldnt figure out a water fountain. Cast and crew shows up, we start setting up the chairs and getting the stage ready. Very unfocused but able to keep it together. Show goes well, my friends joined and sat in the back row with me. Grew increasingly afraid that everyone knew and hightailed it out of there at the end. Then we went to the cast party later and my friends ditched me and I kept telling everyone about the globalist plot. My trip lasted over 24 hrs and I thought I went insane
Jace Ortiz
>be me >last week >steal daddies medical weed >mommy confronts me about my discord convos >get grounded for talking about smoking pot >feelsbadman.jpg >still have the weed >but no tendies or phone >at library computers >typing this know
Hunter Jones
>I kept telling everyone about the globalist plot. Alex I didn't know you visited Jow Forums
David Howard
Never broken the law at all, you degenerate fucks.
Dylan Perry
Smoke kiddo
Kayden Perry
>smoke weed all day even at both of my jobs >steal and drink alcohol from my first job >smoke weed and drink beer on my delivery job >drive high every time and drunk on the regular >raped this girl twice while i was a teenager while she was asleep drunk >look at hentai some times and no on knows >used to sell a qp a week for like 9 months pretty /devilish/
>Be me >Go to shitty local private school >Borrow book (on magic trix) >Don't return it >Parents don't re-enroll me >School closes down year later >Fuck yeah, free book
Ayden Kelly
There is the law and then there is whats right user.
Eli Johnson
kek you will never give it back
Jonathan Campbell
>at the cinema with my lithuanian friend at night >go behind the cinema before the movie starts to smoke some weed >friend has a large amount of cocaine on him for some reason >smoking a joint together >see cops in the corner of my eye >tell him ''feds'' and we both run >they lose sight of us for about 10 seconds >it's a dead end >we empty our pockets and throw all the shit like 10 feet away >cops catch up to us >start questioning us on what we were doing and why we ran away >searching us but find nothing apart from a few beers in our pockets >they literally start scouting the area around us but don't see the drugs because of the lucky spot they landed >keep asking why we ran and their tone is getting increasingly more serious >my friend hasn't said a word because his english is kind of bad >its all on me >start acting drunk >''were both pretty drunk and we came back here to drink more before we headed into the cinema'' >he asked why did we run because we aren't committing a crime >tell him some really terrible excuse ''it's just a natural reaction to run from police, I didn't know if we were allowed to be drinking in the cinema'' >the police accept what I said and told me they don't want to ruin anybodies night and since we were doing nothing illegal we are free to go >give us our beers back >we go into the cinema >go back to the spot 30 minutes later >after about 10 minutes of searching in the dark we find the cocaine and weed still there >take it, smoke a joint then go back into the cinema high as fuck
to this day I still can't believe how we got away with that
>Steal panties >take pairs from friend's gf, friend's sisters >take pair of panties from a porn star >fetish develops >go on movie date girl gives me panties (public) >shamelessly take panties from the last girl I fucked, she did not protest
And I was never caught neither
Joseph Johnson
>lrn 2 greentext fgt
Logan Carter
reading your story reminds me that i used to regularly sneak into other peoples houses to play with their toys when i was a kid. also never got caught what the fuck was wrong with me?
Jordan Flores
>you are a gaylord
Landon Morris
>be 11ish >have good friend, go over to his house after school every day >summer comes >going to his house to hang out a lot >one day after going to the pool, get to his house, masturbate into panties in his mom's laundry basket >bury them under other stuff >never get invited over again
>be in the army >getting kicked out a few months in for mental reasons >government cutting off my paychecks >have to turn in gear soon at the issue facility >say fuck it and wanna play a big flex on the shitty us army >buy shitty knock off airsoft versions of the gear I have >turn that in instead of real gear >issuing facility people don't notice >take expensive military equipment home >sell the real stuff online when I got home >get the equivalent of my paychecks back via the shit I took and sold
>lived with entire family (about 6 people in my house) >tried to commit suicide a few years ago >took a bunch of pills >get sleepy >sleep for like 2 days straight >wake up feeling really sick and feeling really weird for a week after >Nobody even noticed I wasn't around for 2 days because I just stay in my room 24/7 anyway >Got away with attempting suicide Feels bad man.
Jayden Watson
Respect the game homie heres my military story
>be in navy on deployment >fapped through all my porn 10 times over >need new porn gets idea >break into buddies rack while he's on watch >take his phone, guess his password >find preemo vids of his wife doun naughty things for him >preemospankmaterial.webm >transfer it all to my computer >put shit back to normal >fap for weeks
