well good night my fellow anons i will try to answer all your questions this night
but first a robot song
lyrics:
Adding up all the pain
Left in your brain
It's just another black day
Feeling alone and full of decay
Some skanky alchy'
Looking at me in an understanding way
Friends don't exist
Friends don't exist
No one's going to give you a kiss
Who cares if you exist
Friends don't exist
When you're sat at home alone
You may is well be asleep for the week
I'm so weak
But some how I exist
This song has been hitting me bad these past days.
The sad thing is that I cannot relate completely because I am sure that one day I will give up.
Life is strugle and pain
But is what we do of it and what other do woth us
Strugle and figth
Rage and despair
Is fine to suffer
Find something worthy of suffer and figth for
I will stay here for one hour more maybe two
I can talk with you if you want
youtube.com
This really reminds me of the dilemma I spent my childhood in, stuck with my alcoholic mother and her abusive boyfriend yet the state shot down all of my dad's attempts to get custody of me. No friends, nowhere to run (my dad lived in another county) and no one to talk to as an only child only could go on day by day. After 12 years of this only to be saved by getting into an accident while she was driving drunk its no wonder why i'm so mentally screwed up.
that hit pretty close to home
my mom have BPD,was alcoholic for a time
so she had violent and depressive episodes when i was her way t release pain ......
i know exactly how you feel
that looks that said ''i shouldnt had,give you to born.you were are mistake''
take a song user
youtube.com
lyrics:
Thank you, I'll say goodbye soon
Though its the end of the world,
Don't blame yourself now
And if its true,
I will surround you and give life to a world
That's our own
Thank you, I'll say goodbye now
Though its the end of the world,
Don't blame yourself
And if its true,
I will surround you and give life to a world
That's our own
Thank you, I'll say goodbye soon
Though its the end of the world, don't blame yourself now
And if its true,
I will surround you and give life to a world
That's our own
Thank you, I'll say goodbye now
Though its the end of the world, don't blame yourself
And if its true,
I will surround you and give life to a world
That's our own
lol even here i manage to be ignored
well this ride never ends ha.....ha.
My mother would always have a tape recorder to record when my father would call her to try and use it against him in court, right after CPS took custody from her and granted it to NY state a week later I got to go back for the last time to my home and pick a few things to bring to my grandfathers. Her boyfriend who when drunk abused me began to sympathize with me, he left in my jacket pocket a tape recorder he hid there and recorded my mothers rambling. I listened to it, might have been the biggest mistake. The first hour was the day after she was released from the local jail she stood there for a night. She drunk admitted that she couldn't care less that I was gone, said it made things easier and thought that the doctors were exaggerating the injuries I sustained. There was 10 hours on that tape recorder, I have only been able to make it 1 hour 30 mins before breaking down.
Suicidal thoughts aren't delusional. They're actually the only moments of clarity in your whole life.
Can I post sad movies?
Not leaving you hanging we both felt the same pain to varying degrees
of course
any feels is welcome
anger,sadess,numbness ,despair
movies,pics,music,storys,books
you are free to share what you want
i had something similar with my mom,her BPD make her agressive and paranoic
and one time she take me,beat me up
and menace me of sending me with my father
unless i confessed i had betrayed her and make a conspiration with my fahter to spie her
(she use to say my father wanted to kill me,nd i used to believe her)
thanks user
i truly apreciate it
a fan edit of mr robot series that fit really well the live of the robots
I think child abuse is the worst form of torture the sheer damage it does to ones personality and views of the world to the long lasting psychological issues, the endless questions, the memories and even worse having to deal with the one who dealt you the pain afterwards.
o fuck yeah it does
but i dont completly hate my mother
she had her shity childhood that fucked her too and make her develop her toxic behavior in first time
the same go for my father side
im ending this madness this generation
my father get a new wife,a good sane woman and had a girl,my half sister,she is gonna have a healthy and happy childhood
im gonna cut this genetic and upbringing shit with me
i will not have any kids,or firends because im unable of giving love
and im toxic as my parents
>any feels is welcome anger,sadess,numbness ,despair...you are free to share what you want
thx user
The love hate relationship is truly the worst I spent the past few years recovering my relationship with my mom on the road to reconciliation even though I know she has not changed. But one day I can't even so much as look at her without becoming enraged, it makes it so much worse when you look back and say to yourself "how did I do these things with my mom and not think of all the suffering" now I can't get over how much my life was ruined, how to others when I was young they said I was intelligent, confident and strong willed, oh the little did they know. I failed most my classes I was in complete apathy, I had over the years developed a mentality that I could only trust myself so I lied to everyone and kept everything to myself. All the good things others would think of me I lied to create a false reality where they were true. I felt so bad when the walls came falling down on my lies, what little friends I had most had gone and now those that remain I don't think they trust me.
no need to thanks is always a pleasure
another robot song with their lyrics:
I want God to come and take me home
'Cause I'm all alone in this crowd
Who are you to me?
Who am I supposed to be?
Not exactly sure anymore
Where's this going to?
Can I follow through?
Or just follow you
For a while?
Does anyone ever get this right?
I feel no love
Ain't no confusion here, it is as I feared
The illusion that you feel is real
To be vulnerable is needed most of all
If you intend to truly fall apart
You think the worst of all is far behind
The Vampyre of time and memories has died
I survived.
I speak, I breathe,
I'm incomplete
I'm alive - hooray!
You're wrong again
'Cause I feel no love
Does anyone ever get this right?
Does anyone ever get this right?
I feel no love
I feel no love
youtube.com
im broken and im a human waste even if im younger
but shit i know how it feels being a bad person
there is a point when you arent longer a victim but you become the same monster as them
thats why i keep my self isolated of friends and family,i will not fuking continue the cycle
it ends with me
and about my mother,we are similar monsters,yet i hate her
too right I feel too jaded as if there is no chance to find love like being damaged goods in a supermarket. That statistic of those abused who abuse later on is why my mother is who she is. I remember all the horrible habits I had the lies I created and what I think of the world is why i'm a psychopathic, Machiavellian, schizoid and chronically depressed that im now just as fucked up. No medication has ever helped my issues or therapy, once you open yourself up to reality the door can't be closed. I feel Jow Forums is the only place that can understand this feeling.
if you are broken no matter how much you love others of how much love other give you to help you
we are sick and damaged at our core,and anyone that is close with us will be damaged by our corruption by asociation
thats why even if we try to repair our relations with our moms we cant,our moms are self detructive and we are worthy sons of that legacy
lyrics of the next song:
I need a catalyst, to rekindle the flame
That once burned within these fists where defeat remains
The night has fallen down the staircase...
I need a catalyst, to rekindle the flame
That once burned within these fists where defeat remains
One Februrary night, we screamed our agonies
And I swear I tried to care
I tried, I tried...
But the icicles hung down like prison bars...
I need a catalyst, to rekindle the flame
That once burned within these fists where defeat remains
One Februrary night, we screamed our agonies
And I swear I tried to care
I tried, I tried...
(And) I lost the will to fight...
The will to fight...
(I lost the will to fight... I lost the will to fight... I lost it... I lost it...
I lost the will to fight.)
I always thought I would leave once my father is dead, the one left whom I care and love and does the same for me. The sorrow I would feel once he is gone the effort he put in to try and save what was left to save would be enough to drive one to suicide. But once he is gone im all alone, my cousins on both sides were alienated, only child, very unlikely my mother would live longer from all the drinking and smoking it would be just me, just as it always was as a kid feeling that again the feeling of being lost. Where instead of waiting I could join my family where I remember when they were together. Maybe I could live forever in a memory of spending my first visitation with my dad for Christmas when my family was together.