Depression/Boredness/Loneliness Thread

I am like... 65% sure something is fucking with me. I can't guarantee it, but I feel like forces are arrayed against me. This shit right here is not natural shit.

So you think there's a metaphysical or supernatural force behind it? I don't know user, that seems pretty far-fetched. Have you ever had any "signs" or "premonitions" of bad luck? Have you unironically tried reedeming yourself before God? You might not believe in religion, but it doesn't hurt to try, right?

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Try asking God, Buddha, or even Allah for forgiveness or something. Just fucking try it, you don't have anything to lose anyway.

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depressed because every matter is a lie
Bordeness kills, all these thoughts running my mind up the wall
Loneliness, everybody says they "love" you but they really don't

In the possibility for a god to exist, why ask for forgiveness? I didn't do anything bad.

Everything has been spiraling down for my since the end of my childhood, I don't think that I've dobe something that bad to receive these curcumstances as a punishment.

>Loneliness, everybody says they "love" you but they really don't
Yeah m8. That's the fucking worst. Never trust someone who says "I love you", SPECIALLY when it's a woman. The moment you lose your money she'll be out the door faster than you can blink.

> why ask for forgiveness? I didn't do anything bad.
>Everything has been spiraling down for my since the end of my childhood, I don't think that I've dobe something that bad to receive these curcumstances as a punishment.

You didn't. You probably aren't an awful person, but why not do it? You don't have anything to lose at all. Maybe this metaphysical or supernatural force that is out of our reach may change depending on how you "redeem" yourself. Maybe we were all born to redeem ourselves even when we have done nothing really "wrong"? I don't know, but I'd really give it a try.

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OP is Ricebottle by the way.

Origi no Originari desu!

Would kms now that I'm home alone for two weeks but I'd feel bad because my dog and my mums cats wouldn't be fed.

Can you actually throw a belt over a door and pull the other side or is that a meme?

No one ever understands
No one wants to give time
No one puts another before them
Everyone leaves..

Everyone I know...
Goes away...
In the End...

Cheer up user. Life is beautiful! You only have to focus on art and God!

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I'm too autistic and boring to have a conversation sorry mate

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That's ok user! If you don't wanna talk, that's fine. :)

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im 22. i just dont know. i don't really know what to say either.

>I thought that I was improving my life but I realized that I just have the same life under a different light color
Fuck, this hurts to read, I thought my life was great at january but as soon february started everything went to shit again. I'm just tired of feeling alone in this world.

Try some real depression songs
youtube.com/watch?v=vt1Pwfnh5pc

I'm 21 user. Just turned recently. But I don't mind it very much.

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I assume that everything action you make is backfiring upon you?
Can you please define the end of your childhood?

im not upset about being 22 though. it's that my life is fucked. im fucked. everything could be going swell for you (although it's probably not) and it wouldn't matter. yes there's the added prospect of getting older and being that much closer to death but it's the failing at everything ive set out to do that's really starting to get me. if i didn't fuck up so much (and i don't even consider most of it my fault) then i'd probably be happy! But no, I'm living on borrowed time now.

You're still fairly young. I told this exact same thing to other anons about time growing shorter every day and they just told me: "Come back when you're 25, you are but a baby!"

I guess that you're not THAT old and you can still really turn your life around, however, always be mindful that time IS running short and death draws near. So hurry to the finish line and do all things you want before death! Never mind what others say. What would make your life fulfilled?

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if you are 22, start preparing to join the military, it will be the best thing you do in life, you will get free money for the rest of your life, free education, and free training to be a badass. Do whatever you have to to get in.

yes, for at least two years now, ive maintained this notion that time moves in fast forward for me, or faster than id like it to. it's dreadful.

i don't want to do anything except for make some fucking music, have sex more, and not live with my fucking parents. that's all i want.

>i don't want to do anything except for make some fucking music, have sex more, and not live with my fucking parents. that's all i want.
Do you have sex user? Do you have a gf or is it just casual sex/escorts?

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you beta fuck

>tfw want to talk about something that happned between me and my friends, but they use Jow Forums, so they could see this and know it's me

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not for over a year. never had an escort. all i can get are one night stands or short flings. nobody wants to date a complete fuck up like me. and i don't blame them

Yeah, but you're anonymous. I doubt they'd see this exact post. Just tell what happened without their names or some shit.

Ok user. I've never had sex in my life. Do you wanna talk about it? How does it make you feel afterwards? Do you think if you had sex all the time you wanted, you would be happy? Sincerely curious.

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Life would be fulfilled living with a possible soulmate out in a country where I'd feel peace and be free, live as a vegan with a bunch of greenery. No desire to work for others because we'd be growing together through discovery and open exploration ? minimal contact with f&f. Goodbye sleeping human world. Life is too short they said! The soul mate is a possible option

I have way too much fucking homework and anxiety about midterms. Just wanting to get drunk again as soon as possible.

>having a hard time of things lately
>put serious thought into suicide
>remember I sold my gun so I could fix the toilet
Fuck.

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Not that user but what if I've say to someone "I love you" genuinely and even I give him money as a gift of gratitude? Now he's ignore me. Yes I'm a man

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That sounds like what a beta would do. Don't fucking do it. Why would you tell another man you love him, except in cases of really, really long friendship? If you are really his friend, he doesn't fucking need your money, and neither will money buy any form of real friendship or love, so this is all wasted.

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>Life would be fulfilled living with a possible soulmate out in a country where I'd feel peace and be free,

Sorry user. I am really sorry, but monogamous relationships never work and women are never loyal. Trust me on that. You can find a gf and make things work out, but don't think that any happiness will last forever, the most I give it is 1 year of happiness and half a year of moderate contentment, everything beyond that is a chore or fights, misunderstanding etc. There's no way to love someone in a monogamous relationship for long. It will just become a partnership like a contract, passion and love fades and dies. It's sad but true. But what doesn't die and grows stronger and stronger as long as you practice is loving-kindness, empathy, etc. These are possible to improve and lead to ever greater happiness. I''m not joking. Learn to like and be good to people indiscriminately and happiness and joy comes easily as a stream goes down a river. Believe me.

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How old are you user? Origi. Talk to me.

>I have way too much fucking homework and anxiety about midterms. Just wanting to get drunk again as soon as possible.

I also have uni and it fucking sucks. But I am hanging still.

27. In college now though. Exams just wrapped up so at least I've got time off I guess. Just a lot of shit piling up the last few months and the last couple weeks piled on a bunch more and I need to de-stress or I'm going to burn out

Where do you live user, in the US? I also have Uni but you have no idea how relaxed it is. it is kinda one of those degree mill unis. I still struggle somehow because I have barely any real friends there and I'm shy and stuff and I'm also extremely lazy.

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How do you know this? Have you met a soul mate before and it did not work? You've written so much but I'm sorry to say everyone is different.

I just feel so lonely...

getting a taste of it is almost worse than not having it at all. you feel good for about 2 weeks and fapping is easier then you just wanna do it again. you also feel pathetic and beat up on yourself for not being able to do it more like everyone else. im basically a virgin. i went all out last year and fucked a big black girl i used to work with just to experience an actual length of time being sexually active, and i was doped up on anxiety / depression meds the whole time. every other girl had only been with 2 times max. i fucked this one though for about a month and feeling her pussy was fun sort of but then i became really disgusted with myself and started talking about suicide again. i don't really remember you forget a lot when you take benzos. so i stopped taking those meds and broke it off with her and i only had sex 1 time since then from a tinder. this was last janurary (2017)

I live in Canada. My classes weren't hard or anything but there's been a lot of personal problems and classes kept me real busy so now I feel like it's all hitting me at once. I kind of find thinking about suicide to be comforting. It's how I got through high school back in the early 2000s. Just lay in bed and calm myself down by saying "None of that stuff matters because I'm going to kill myself soon". But it's been getting worse the past couple years. I just wanna fall asleep and not wake up again.

I have no friends, no job, no money. I dropped out of High School. I wish I could get away from the people I live with, but obviously I'm not in the position to do that. I want to go to College, but I don't know when I'll be given the opportunity to do it.

Even then, we're talking years there when I'm not even sure what I want to do in life, as well as no guarantee of a job after it. All I know is that I'm tired of being a pos worthless neet that's done nothing with his life. I sit in my room all day browsing Jow Forums, listening to music, or watching something on YouTube. ignoring others. The only time I get out of my house is to go for a walk or to the library. I have to get my shit together, I can't deal with even another year of this. Time is going by so fast and I'm just wasting away.

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I just want to drink and forget but I can't forget.

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Currently listening to some of this:youtube.com/watch?v=bRbTV9JlVvI&t=783s

Might help the mood...

how old are you

[aboriginal comment from the indigenous tribe of the robotians kekistani original]

I was looking at a girls profile who lead me on and rejected me back in highschool now shes with a guy in one of my current classes feelsbad

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I only tell my best friend I love him when we're both drunk as fuck otherwise it would just be awkward

What benzos are you taking right now user?

> Just lay in bed and calm myself down by saying "None of that stuff matters because I'm going to kill myself soon". But it's been getting worse the past couple years. I just wanna fall asleep and not wake up again.

I honestly don't think that's a good thing. You should say to yourself something more like "Nothing matters, because youth soon vanishes and death soon comes. Who knows if I could die tomorrow?" Actually, thinking about death can be quite comforting at times, but suicide is not really a good thing.

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>I was looking at a girls profile who lead me on and rejected me back in highschool now shes with a guy in one of my current classes feelsbad

These whores were never worth the fucking trouble. Forget about them. I am fucking serious.

>I only tell my best friend I love him when we're both drunk as fuck otherwise it would just be awkward

I unironically tell my best friend I love him through the internet almost often. I think I have said I loved him IRL too without even being drunk one drop.

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Ironically it's probably the only thing that's kept me from killing myself all these years. Just lying to myself that it's all gonna be okay. Sometimes I th ink about winning the lottery too but suicide is more comforting of a thought

>I think I have said I loved him IRL too without even being drunk one drop.

weird, cultural differences maybe

>These whores were never worth the fucking trouble. Forget about them. I am fucking serious.
I know i will user it just kinda stung a little but ill be fine ty

>What benzos are you taking right now user
none. i said i stopped in the post. they were klonopin

To be honest, I don't really wanna work anymore. It's making more depressed as time goes by.

I just wanna get on NEETbux.

But there's no way for me to get on NEETbux. I hate the thought of working at some hellish job for the rest of my life. It doesn't sit well with me. I just fucking hate it. I hate being fucking told by normies to just "find a better job", motherfucker most of these jobs are shit, and the good ones are likely already taken with no position to be filled.

I think I might suicide by 30. I'm only 23 now. Good god I don't think I can wageslave into my 40s let alone 30s. I'm just sick of this already.

Fuck, I might just get into the lottery or some shit with my savings. I just wanna get out of this hell already.

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I'm only 20. I know I'm young and "still have time". I've been out of High School for 3 years now, I said the same thing then. Then those 3 years passed by like nothing. Next thing I'll be 25, then 30, and so on and only in a worse position if I don't get it together now.

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>they were klonopin

Damn... Klonopin are the worst for brain fog and memory.

Yeah, my advice would be to do what you can while there's still time. Youth soon vanishes.

That's good all you anons didn't think I was gay, though. Yes I'm from another country and culture than from him and yes I wasn't drunk at all. After all this bullshit as the other user said this was a wasted of time and money, fuck

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Stfu nigger you're going to make it! Don't give up! Keep going!

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We never thought you were gay user. I tell my best friend of years and years I love him all the fucking time, specially online.

same deal here, mate. at least being drunk makes it all seem not so terrible for a little while

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I spent most of my life falling for the classical love thing where you find one partner and stick with the other person forever but it's slowly hitting me recently that not many people out there share my sentiment. I see retarded women posting emojis, ebonics, as well as degenerate viewpoints on sex and it fucking repulses me to the core. I was thinking everybody was into Romeo & Juliet style romance - I couldn't be more wrong. It hits me hard because finding a soulmate was one of my big objectives in life.

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Sorry for that, I thought like you so long ago. I hope you find a way to cope so that you can achieve what you want, that there is still hope, I think it's just a matter of looking for more

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Yeah... im sorry but reality hits you like a fucking truck. The era of romanticism and the like belongs to the 19th century but died around the half of the 20th. There is no hope as all hot girls nowadays are pure whores, but there might be just a little bit few ones that are pure and want monogamy forever if they are those christian fundamentalists. I haven't even had sex in my life and I have a classmate christian fundamentalist girl that is already married at lik 22, and she's super hot while the guy isn't even that hot. She tells me they met at church service, and she lost her virginity after being married. Besides these girls, there is no other hope.

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>It hits me hard because finding a soulmate was one of my big objectives in life.

it is for me as well, i thought i had gotten lucky and found her at 18 but she came out as a lesbian so rip relationship.

I've been single for almost 2 years now and i have no idea how the dating really works. I managed to get one recently and i thought it went well but i ended up being ghosted by the girl afterwards. Another one agreed and then immediately blocked me.

I never wanted the romeo & Juliet style romance, i just wanted a women i could call best friend while having a good romantic side at night. But i mean, i just feel like my emotions are toyed. I don't want the best women, i just want a women that can make me happy and that i can make happy.

I still have hope and i really want to get that person in my life again before all the roasties reach the wall and start lying about how they actually feel to at least get the consolation prize

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Anons, kinda unrelated... But how do I tell my mother I have incestuous feelings for her and how do I let her know without it being weird? Like, not in the sense that time want to seduce her, but in the sense that I want her to know that I've got a serious Oedipus complex.

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if you want to be less lonely and have a discord feel free to message me at minigame master#9637

I don't know if it's gonna happen user. You might find one, but you're gonna have to go through hundreds of relationships to find the right one. It's like... You can search for people that want strict commitment but it's something really serious and it's hard to find a good match. I think you should realize the odds are against you and just give up, but I hope the best to you nevertheless.

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well user you are still young.
I was there before where i would just lay in my bed and try to decide if i should just kill my self.
I dont know your situation but my best advice to getting better is slow small steps forward.
set small goals for your self.

Oh look another discordfag ruining the only good thread what has happened today, well at least you can take with you another of its kind and be in its containment botnet.

I'm actually OP user! :)

OP is Ricebottle!

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don't tell her you weirdo unless you wana ruin your relationship with your own mother for the rest of your life

what's wrong with you

Good night frens I'm going to try and sleep again.

oh man. ur that guy who's got it bad and made that thread detailing all ur fantasies and shit. is ur mom a gossipy type? would probably help if u look sad and pensive when telling her, dont make too much eye contact. that sense of shame and hesitation might make her pity you just enough so she doesnt kick you out (if you live with her) or laugh in ur face and tell all her brunch friends. puppy dog route is probably the safest, without any context or info on her personality and ur relationship with her

Was it wrong for me to apologise for getting angry and essentially cutting contact with a person who seemed to not care about/dislike me? Should I have stood my ground and never talked to them again?

They're the meme-y shitpost type, never had a serious conversation with them. I suspect that, like most other people who act this way, they're lonely and are much deeper than they appear. A lot of the hate/not caring about me could have been in a joking manner but it happened so often that I don't even know anymore. I've known them for more than a year and I have no idea what my standing is with them, meanwhile I feel like I've made it perfectly clear to them that I do care about them and wanna be genuine friends

So one day they pull the usual the "fuck off" game and as I was lonely and depressed as shit at the time I kind of freaked out. Not in an aggressive way but I definitely gave the impression I was angry with them. They didn't message me after that again until I apologised just recently and they responded to that apology with nonsense

I apologised because I was afraid I caused them pain and I felt like a piece of shit for ditching somebody who I suspected had issues. Was it right for me to do that? Or am I just encouraging this apathetic attitude

Does it even matter? Or am I just doubting myself for no reason

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i should add that you shouldnt go in with any delusion that it'll play out like some hentai or jav. if ur western, which i assume you are, she's gonna be disgusted right off the bat due to the huge stigma and the chance that she'll actually reciprocate the sentiment is nil. but like other user said, probably shouldnt even tell her, man

Please let me die in my sleep

tricky situation. you care about the person but theyre a quasi-jaded, histrionic "meme-y shitpost type". those kinds can be hard to crack unless youre stable and arent dependent on them like you obviously are. you should try your best to get them to have an actual heart to heart and let them know how much they mean to you and *imply* that you would be relieved and happy if they had corresponding feelings (dont explicitly ask them, they'll just get defensive, shitpost, and wont give you a lick of sincerity and you'll end up feeling worse) how old is this person? and if it's a girl, i say this with absolute sincerity, drop em, if it eats you up this bad after one instance, the chances of it getting any better are infinitesimal

Depression will not go away from staying on r9k. Go away from your computer now. Do something productive.

also, i noticed you said
>game
i have my suspicions that that wasnt just a random choice of word, and you may, if only subconsciously, see the relationship for what it may actually be; a game to them that they cant or wont put equal heart and energy into the relationship like you have and see you nothing more than pixels they occasionally send funny image macros to. dunno, not saying it's the case but you should think on it

I just want to care about a good person. That's it.

I want to send someone thoughtful presents, something they mentioned months ago. I want to comfort them. I want to be someone they can count on.

crying a little desu

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They're a dude, I think they're around 20-22.

You're right about me being dependent and unstable I think. I have a tendency to let my emotions control my actions at random, especially when I'm insulted or made fun of. I've gotten better over the last few years but I still need to work on it and keep it from happening less often

That's definitely a possibility. You might be right. It's kind of fucked up though. You know how chicks are attracted to "bad boys" who dump them after they get what they want? I think I have that sort of complex but with people like this guy. Only I'm pretty sure my tendency to want to be genuine friends with these people has some decent ground to back it up. Based on some conversations with other people, I think this guy might be afraid of being genuine or appearing narcissistic. I want to try and be a friend for this person and stop them from being lonely. Though I don't know if that can still happen after me getting angry and apologising like I did. I may have taken things too quickly right?

>posting the shitty cover version instead of the original

I've slept like shit for a month and i'm tired all fucking day, it was going good for a while and now im back to a shit sleep schedual.

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I haven't slept properly in like 5 years. Completely fucked me up. I'll sort of fix my sleep schedule for like a week and then not sleep properly for months

i too desire this more than anything
you're not alone

It's hard not to seem manipulative when you desire this. BEcause most people want something in exchange for affection.

I do too, but I think i'm just so lonely that i fantasize about all parts of social interaction.....not just the ones that directly benefit me

I can't function properly anymore. I got broken up with by my online girlfriend (I'm a khv so this was my first "relationship"). She's the first time I ever got nudes from and some nice videos but more than that I loved being able to call and FaceTime her or message her and know there was someone who loved and cared about me. It felt like heaven. Now my old single feels even worse and I feel like killing myself.

Don't worry user it will be awful for a while but you'll get over it eventually.

how long were you were talking for out of curiosity.

4 months, I'm still a khv but the love felt real

from my view, it looks as if you may be trying to carry more than you can withstand
>Your back ain't strong enough
>For burdens doublefold
>They'd crush you down
>Down into nothin'
im sure youve heard the peterson "meme advice" but it can truly help this relationship become something honest and valid. im not saying to cut ties with them, or stop trying to pierce their cynical shell; but you need to internalize the fact that it's going to be a LOT harder to help them if you arent helping yourself foremost.
>Though I don't know if that can still happen after me getting angry and apologising like I did. I may have taken things too quickly right?
hard to say. depends on how they construed it. and how serious they may be about the relationship (regardless of whatever they actually express). stupid of me not to ask already but, what kind of activities do you guys do online? is it just talking, or do you play video games, voice-chat? it'll be hard to loosen him up from just talking and it may take a connection through the mutual enjoyment of a hobby. may help to write down what you would say to him in notepad or something, without sending it to them, just to get your thoughts out freely

Stay strong brother. oregano