Coworkers invited me to a party (I'm a buscuck at a restaurant. We're all in college...

Coworkers invited me to a party (I'm a buscuck at a restaurant. We're all in college, and it will be normies with a few Chads and Staceys.

How do I survive?

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By not going to the party

>By not going
came to say just this.

Slip your coworker a mickey

I have to go. I need to appear sociable and normal, so I'm not viewed as the "creepy guy at work".

if you were a true robot you would have automatically stalled or given a maybe or invented some excuse on the spot

If you're actually intent on going though, try alcohol but keep it to 2-4 drinks if you've never drank before

ask one of the staceys to sit on your face and shit in your mouth, they'll laugh awkwardly or they might agree to it, lots of closet weirdos in society right now...take advantage of it.

By getting really drunk and doing stuff normalfags find funny but no so drunk you die of alcohol poisoning. Or you can observe and make tons of small talk.

im pretty sure the odds of a girl voluntarily shitting in your mouth upon request is virtually none

Just go. If you enjoy it then have fun, if not then say you got somewhere to be and leave.

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dont go and use "family issues" as an excuse. ez pz

if you do go though, stay as sober as possible. you dont want to look like an idiot

well i just had another miserable social experience that reminds me why i don't do social activities and stay in my room, similar to you OP

>be typical autist at work who just makes jokes and makes people laugh but never really any real conversation
>work with a handful of coworkers who invited me to a hike they were going on, decide to go
>hike itself was okay, i was kinda quiet but it was enjoyable
>at the end they want a photo and immediately go to me to take it, not wanting me in a photo at all, whatever okay i hate photos anyway
>we go to dinner and i basically stay quiet the whole time like i was on the car ride there
>go in car with two of them after the other few go home
>i go full autist mode, one of them starts asking me questions about my life and i don't really give answers because i'm a complete shut in autist loser so i dont want to expose that to people so i dont give straight answers about anything
>she just says how mysterious i am and how every question that i dont answer makes her more interested in finding it out
>"wow user that makes sense that explains everything now" when i say im an only child which ive been told before as well

and this is me at 26 years old. i will never be normal. i will never have sex or ever have friends.

It's not really hard.

>Go in
>Say hi to everyone
>Find a conversation circle you can sneak your way into
>Look interested in the topic of conversation, add your two cents in here and there, laugh at socially acceptable times (like when someone says a joke)
>Avoid all socially unacceptable topics (like r9k and pol shit, mlp shit, etc.)
>Stay for an hour or two if you hate it, then just say bye to everyone and go on your way

But funny thing is you might actually enjoy yourself. Humans were meant to socialize and the weirdos on here are the vast exception.

Just push yourself out of your comfort zone. It's hard, but you have people actually apparently interested in at least being friends, if not more. And you're letting this opportunity slip though your fingers.

That's what will end up happening anyway. Just accept it now and you won't have to endure any parties.

what comfort zone though.

Your comfort zone of just shelling up in quietness when you're around people.

i talk to people though, at work, on this trip i talked as well just not at some times, and even with my autism i always have people laughing

the real thing ruining my life is the not having friends and being a loser thing. i wish i could be honest with people and not have to lie about stuff (like telling my coworkers i live with roommates and making up stories instead of that i live with my parents) or never give any straight answers to hide it, but if i told people i know how i live i would get even more ostracized and ridiculed and humiliated

How the fuck do people manage to work while they're in college. I can barely catch up will all my studies

>How do I survive?
Drug everyone, and take photos/video of them under the influence. Blackmail everyone there into being your friend.

Shower, shave, cut your hair if it's long. Don't drink, sneak your way into a circle of friends. If you're just smiling and nodding on the edge of the circle, leave and find another.

>but if i told people i know how i live i would get even more ostracized and ridiculed and humiliated
I doubt they would care that much. I am aurist, and even I think you're exaggerating.

if they invited you it means theyve at least warmed up to you enough to want to see waht youre like outside the workplace. just go and have a few shots with them together dont feel pressured to be the life of the party. even if you dont stand out they will remember you beig there and remember having fun and associate that with you. if it happens more you can get more comfortable around them and crack jokes and talk more in general. your situation reminds me a lot of what i went through when i worked retail years ago. took me a few weeks for my coworkers to invite me to a party but once i went i felt accepted. good luck OP, have fun too

>How do I survive?
Alcohol

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Drink until you feel comfortable and confident, then have fun.
If you dont know how to have fun, drink until you get a "Oh this'll be fun..." idea, and do it.
If any say anything to you the next day, just use the "I was really drunk excuse"

Get goats blood, taint the goats blood. Then when someone at the party asks for blood, give them the tainted goats blood

>Coworkers
Do you want keep your job?
If not drink rum and get wasted
Go full retard unleash your power level
Go on the roof