ITT: Times you were autistic

Yeah

>be me
>be a kid
>was looking at soap novels with my grandma
>got hard at a thing
>first time I got hard at anything
>look at my grandma
>"look grandma I can lift my pee pee up and down"
>her look of discomfort
>never talk about it again

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I usually try to imitate characters i like when speaking in english.

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>be brazilian
>live around horny mullato whores that wanna have sex 24/07
>the country don't have chads so height requirements are not a thing

Tbh if someone said they were brazilians they should be expelled because you can't be a robot if you're on south america

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That's cute as heck user.

That was not original maybe cuz u posted in another thread before, cute

Literally a myth, not everybody lives in the shithole that are big cities.

I, for one, live in the south which is basically Germany. Everybody is hot af and out of my league

>be me not born yet
>don't cooperate
>get stuck
>doctor tries to pull me out
>i somehow apparently bite his finger

Literally newborn Chad

If I did that, I don't think I would survive the cringe flashbacks. Is your grandma still alive? Do you think she still remembers?

That's cute as fuck.

Yes to both probably

Also, yesterday I was eating spaghetti and some fell inside my underwear and I only realized when I went to pee a few hours later

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Pic related of the mic, tried putting it next to the case cuz it helps a bit with grounding

>Inb4 rayzer

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>inside my underwear

Nigga, how did you accomplish that feat?

>put cash into the card only checkout because I wasn't paying attention
>had to wait 5 min for a manager to open it
>tfw I work there and am now deemed the retard of the group

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Some dropped into my shirt and slid down

i want to fuck you...

originally

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I'm straight user

>that was original but this isn't

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o-oh.. gomen

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Nah it's kay everybody thinks I'm gay anyways also I'm not attractive at all

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you sound like a pretty nice user either way i would be your friend desu

Thanks, you sound pretty cool too. Post discord, if you have it.

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>be talking to a woman
>Ask if she's married
>She says yes, and I have two kids
>Proceeds to ask me if I'm married
>"I live with my parents"
the whole conversation in Russian btw.

>After Liturgy
>Playing with kids
>See young teenager
>First thing I ask and (for some reason, it's on my mind)
>"How old are you?"
>Didn't even ask her name first

I have more

I have a discord sadly, i don't really have any social media besides a email but i am not sharing that here sorry user

Smooth as heck on both cases user

Ah shame, I don't really use any other social media.

>at friend's place watching movies and drinking
>we decide to watch Justice League next
>already bit tipsy as of the end of the first movie
>only stream we can find is on some shitty site with korean subtitles
>goodenough.jpg
>keep drinking while watching the movie
>begin to enter the shadow realm
>my drunk brain starts to recognise the subtitles as the credits starting to roll
>I keep thinking the movie's about to end every time I look at the subtitles
>say this out loud to my friend
>he laughs at me like I'm retarded
Justice League was pretty shit desu

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Not really that autistic. Also you sound like a total bro

Haha thanks, I guess the involvement of alcohol does lower the autism factor a bit.

That's called being drunk not being autistic

Yeah this doesn't really fit under the standard social autism umbrella but I thought I'd share it anyway to keep the thread going. I'll post more if anything comes to mind that didn't involve alcohol.

People actually mistake me for American, that's why when I visited America once, I put on a fake accent.

>be 20 year old college junior edgy iconoclast
>have some friends over from a student group I'm in
>get drunk watching some movies
>afterward we sit around talking, the topic of conversation is the new Mother Theresa statue on campus (she visited one time in the 80s)
>I start talking about how she was a fraud and she took money from convicted con men in California and Haitian dictator Baby Doc Duvalier
>one of the girls says "user shut up"
>ignore her and keep talking about how her anti-abortion hysteria helped turn India into an overpopulated nightmare and how her hospital really wasn't a hospital at all and it was a place where poor people could go to die in horrible conditions
>everyone is extremely uncomfortable
>but I'm not so I start tlaking about how all these "heroes" are bullshit. Ghandi slept with underage girls and he hated blacks, Martin Luther King fucked prostitutes and plagiarized his college thesis
>a black girl literally gets up and walks out of my apartment
>dead silent
>someone awkwardly changes the subject
>I pass out drunk shortly afterwards

I don't even remember it but a friend of mine told me after the fact what I said.

We should be friends, I do the same thing.

You sound like an interesting person to talk to. Sad that normos refuse to partake in anything that resembles intelligent conversation.

>at friend's place helping him develop the plot for a novel he plans on writing
>we go to the supermarket to buy some snacks
>grabbing some corn chips and Doritos, I see that there's a rack with gift cards on it at the end of the aisle
>get friend's attention and point at the gift cards
>start talking about how gift cards are pointless because you could just gift someone money instead of buying one
>wonder if you can buy a gift card, then buy another with that card and so on
>we've been talking about gift cards for several minutes at this point
>look to my right
>the woman at the checkout is staring at me
>keep talking
>checkout lady still staring every time I look
>tell friend we should probably stop talking and buy our shit
>buy the chips through self-checkout and leave

Idk what that lady was expecting

>movie night with my sister and my mom
>it's some romcom shit with a sick girl that has some lung issues and has to wear an oxygen mask everywhere she goes
>sex scene commences
>she starts taking off the oxygen mask
>the guy goes "are you sure you can do that?"
>I blurt out "exactly she's gonna cough and spurt blood all over his fucking dick"
>"what the fuck is wrong with you"

reminds me of why I tend to stay quiet

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What the fuck user

I would have said the same thing tho

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>you can't be a robot if you're on south america
Don't be stupid, of course you can. And trying to get a qt virgin gf is harder because they're even rarer here.

>On psuedo date with childhood friend and crush
>We're going Christmas shopping
>Was fun she was giving me a lift home
>Been Hyping myself up to ask her out
>Been trying to do this for like 8 years
>At my House
>Leaving the car
>Mutter "love you" in an intelligible quiet way and leg it to the house, almost tripping on my bag
>tfw she didn't even here it but i fretted over it for the next few weeks

Ayo we wuz germans and shiet

The one thing I remember from that conversation was the girl telling me to "shut up"
Bitch, it's my apartment, I'm going to speak up if I want

God people like this are what I hate about college. Too afraid of being wrong about anything to enjoy what should be the renaissance of their lives. They are fine with intellectually challenging anything but themselves.

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You were rlght though

The most autistic thing I consistently do is try to explain things to people who dont have the capacity for it.
>Spent hours once just trying to get a liberal arts freshman to comprehend the allegory of the cave.

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>be Finnish
>be autistic all the time

>Speech in front of the whole class
>told to write a speech
>write some page and something load of bullshit on why people shouldn't be forced to do speeches
>get called up
>too scared too nervous too anxious
>stutter and mumble
>class keeps laughing at me
>teacher tells everyone to shutup
>forces me to say something I keep forgetting every time I look at a face
>skip half the speech and mumble out bullshit
>everyone claps because I ended it and I seemed like the extra special child
>got made fun of
>tried to reply back
>stuttered multiple times while talking
I don't even have a stutter it's an after affect I get from speeches
>

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Had a finnish exchange student at my HS I liked. The attachment she had to her coat-jacket was adorably autistic lel

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Please, anao, record your voice for us.

I can't my mic makes my voice sound metallic and it has a hum =(

You're so goddamn wrong. Here people like me (shy and introverted) are treated like shit because everybody is promiscuous and extroverted.

Alright explain it originally

And then you realize it's not because they lack innate intelligence but because they lack prerequisite knowledge.