who here been DEVILISH lately?
>go on a dinner date with a 8/10 girl from tinder
>realize 20mins into the date she just wanted a free dinner when she didnt even remember single thing about my profile
>starts telling me about how last boyfriend was into bodybuilding also and how abusive he was cause of roids.
>tell her brb bathroom
>sneak out thru the kitchen and leave her with the bill
>block her number and unmatch her from tinder
/wastehertime2018/
Based. Fuck these hoes
BASED
>break up with gf
>feel horribly lonely
>ex chats me up after months, still lonely
>not fall for her
Did I do good?
well done user
Yes, after you decide to break up don't give them another chance.
>meet a girl while I'm out
>get to talking
>take her home
>reloading press in the kitchen
>beautifully polished .45-70 Starline brass and a box of Norma 201 ready on the table
>sperm whale teeth I found on a rotting carcass on the shore simmering in my biggest pot
>she doesn't freak out
>"sorry about the noxious fumes, maybe this will help it"
>open a window in my already freezing cold living room
>light up a Montecristo no. 1
>offer her a glass of Lagavulin
>house now smells of tobacco, rotten whale and campfire
>sit on the sofa, listening to her babbling about whatever
>put on Boccherini's String Quintet in C as BGM to take the focus off her grating voice
>she suggests I give her a tour of the house
>why ever not
>head to the basement
>she almost falls down the breakneck steep stair and stumbles into my hoard of meticulously cleaned beer bottles
>move to the gym area
>she SCREAMS
>she thought my drysuit hanging to dry from the power cage was someone who up and hanged themselves
Fucking hell women are retarded, who the fuck would break into my house just to hang themselves?
>tell her to chill down and not mind the sheep carcass I've got hanging in the washing room
>"user can we please just go back up again"
>take her back up
>passing the hallway, take shotgun from the coat rack to put in safe
>another SCREAM and she bolts off
>brew a pot of coffee and clean the whale teeth while looking through the phone she forgot to see if she had any nudes
Didn't find any, though.
Similar story
>match qt on tinder
>turns out to be fatty
>take her to pub to get drunk
>starts talking about muh health muh genetics
>getting late desu
>rack up huge bill, tel her BRB bathroom
>walk out and gtfo fast as I can
>leave fatty with bill, has to find her way back home, no way to contact me because I unmatched.
OP's story is /devilish/ but this is just /soy/. Nice try but you are actually a cuck for this.
Kek'd , my dude
Really, who the fuck are you? Capitan Achab?
were you the fatty user?
she thought you were ugly irl and you literally ran away
lol
JESUS FUCKING CHRSIT
ITT: things that didn't happen
FUCKIN BASED
The last Tinder date I ever went on, she "forgot" her wallet. I asked the waiter to split the bill regardless and endured the shocked stare.
She sure as shit pulled a mystery credit card out of her vagina or something because I saw her walking out of the restaurant five minutes later as I was pulling out of the lot.
>ask girl to hang out, since she said shes not doing anything during weekend
>she turns around and walks away fast
>meet her next monday
>she smiles to me and says hello
>fast forward
>shes hitting on me but i cant act on it since autism
>one day find out she started dating some coworker
What the fuck was her endgame bros?
The same as yours, fuck someone.
And you lost your chance to another dude
been there, move on
Fuck user, this is what I'm thinking about right now. She asked for another chance and I told myself not to fall for her and that I'd probably regret dating her again, despite feeling terribly sad and lonely. Now, she's dating a black guy who was a mutual friend of ours. Fuck, I don't want to see them and see her all over him.
>going to dinner with a tinder slut
ya blew it right from the start my man
agreed
nigger you should have confronted her the moment you met
She wasnt worth it to begin with
Feels very bad since shes top qt
top fucking kek.
You might be right... But user, mine was top qt too. And she was the first (so far only) girl I fell in love with.
>Go on tinder date, everything goes well
>continue chatting, she invites me over to her apartment the next week
>watching movie in her bed
>start making out, start taking her clothes off
>she stops me and just say's "not yet"
>awkward cuddling for about 5 minutes
>tell her I need to use her shower
>puzzled, she says ok
>go into her bathroom, turn the shower on and then jerk off and pump a load into her shampoo bottle
>get out of the shower, awkward departure, never talk to her again
>think about her unknowingly rubbing my cum into her hair every once in awhile
whaler masterrace
>cave Johnson here
That's exactly what I always imagined he'd look like
I don't know if I can call this alpha but it's something
Like Jeff Bridges?
I wonder if I can pull this off 1 day, challenge accepted
Ive had many crushes through my life, this one stung hard tho
I didnt slept for like 2nights when it hit me i was too much of a bitchcuck to ask her out again, on other hand those signals could be interpreted both ways, so i didnt take action, thought im delusional for such attractive girl liking me.
I think im still not over her but we didnt talk for few months now, im basically ghosting her irl
>break into anons house and hang myself so user has to eat his own words
A B B Y S A L
>broke up with my gf
>she begs me to get back with her
>do it
>fuck
>break up again and leave
Sometimes girls aren't worth the effort, dodged a bullet. There are qte girls that won't fuck around with games.
It's not fucking around.
Lets say you have 2 qts interested in you, you test the waters with both of them (not playing with them), and one seems to not get the hints.
You will obviously pick the one got them and made the move.
i think she was kind of autistic i think, she studies econometrics.
Also i really timed asking out first badly, because i think she was not long after some serious breakup or something.
well, bad luck.
Then SHE asked out local chad, and he of course went for it
>girl from tinder comes over to buddies place
>we're all drinking on the deck
>she tells me she wants to show me something
>get downstairs to buddies guest bedroom
>we're making out
>touching her teddies
>trys to push my head down to her crotch
>"I need your tongue"
>wtf who says that
>"Yeah, well, I'm not hungry"
>leave the room and head back up to the deck
>she stays downstairs for 45 minutes before someone comes to pick her up
>never speak to her again
D E V I L I S H
Probably had a penis.
>eat her rotten vagoo
>get herpes on face
you did well
How long has it been since your break-up?
Head shaved Jeff bridges specifically. From Iron man
This is creepy beta shit. This is male feminist tier. Jesus Christ, dude.
>Not waiting around to make it more awkward
>have first gf
>I am several years older than her
>stay mentally 18 or 19 into my twenties because of her age
>end up fighting a lot but I don't want to break up with her out of principle
>eventually she finds a different guy and leaves me
>heartbroken
>start lifting
>start keeping a diary to get all those thoughts and emotions out and to remember my dreams
>start improving myself
>exchange small talk emails for xmas and bdays, no contact otherwise
>still have mutual friends but told them not to give me any info about her, relationship status etc
>a few years later realize I haven't dreamed about her in ages
>look through attic to find the DVDs with the photo backups from back then
>look through photos
>no feels
>literally feels like looking at photos of strangers
>starts emailing me more
>agree to meet and catch up, cause why the hell not
>constantly reminded of all the reasons why it didn't work out between us during the conversation
>mutual friend lets slip that ex broke up with the guy she left me for
>whatever
>ex emails me saying she still has feelings for me
Now we're having our first proper email exchange in forever, talking ethics, self-improvement etc. Basically telling her what I've learned about growing up and becoming a better person, and making her see how she just wasn't able to move past our break-up and how she has feelings for a "me" that doesn't even exist.
It's pretty interesting, my dick and I are in agreement that we don't want to stick him inside her anymore and that allows me to just talk to this girl unlike anyone else. I can help improve someone's life while getting an opportunity for self-reflection and improving myself at the same time.
I have unJUSTed myself.
Feels good brahs.
Part 1
>date oneitis for a while
>propose
>happily engaged
>long story short, gets it in her head that i cheated despite evidence that I didn't
>"the trust is broken user"
>be a cuck so crawl back on knees
>de-engage, stick it out for another year
>she's a physically and verbally abusive cunt the whole time
>says things like "I wish you'd kill yourself but I know you're too much of a pussy", etc
>finally have enough of it after she gets drunk and threatens suicide and I have to take care of her all night, meanwhile she's still being a cunt
>break it off over text
>spends weeks sending me shit like "i've been working on myself" and "i'm seeing a therapist now" and stuff like that
>don't usually reply, when I do it's with "good for you"'s and "neat"'s
>she reverts to old cunt ways, goes back to insults
>no reply
>join military, get through boot, making good moneu and saving it, have good friends and doing well in training
>get message from her a few months after I leave
> "user, I really hope you're doing well and happy"
>send back "yeah, i'm happier than I've ever been, my new life is wonderful and I'm around the best people I've ever met"
>no reply
>kek
Part 2
>come home for a few weeks, been away for a year
>go bar hopping with friends from home
>at pub, she comes in with her friends, sees me, part surprise, part fuck eyes, half glare
>kek and keep drinking my drink with friends
>she keeps looking over
>turn to qt next to me, ask her if she's ever had a liquid marijuana
>"ooooh what's that?"
>order it for her, put hand around her waist as she drinks it
>turn to grab phone out of pocket
>glance in ex's direction
>ex and friends are storming out
>kek
>next morning, get messages fron ex saying I'm a piece of shit, scum, etc
>reply with "easy there"
>on with life
absolute kino
you dodged bullet there user
Based, disregard thots.
proud of u user xo
Nice
you should have called the police for her telling you to suicide
come to /lit/ and post more my dude
this gave me an awful sense of deja vu
women can be fucking crazy
Check mate user, good job.
>go to pub with chick from tinder on a friday nighy
>she's a 7/10, alright personality, a little overconfident, the type who thinks she's the shit because she works in branch accounting for a well-off company
>eating my delicious bangers and mash, drinking a beer
>she's sipping wine
>thinking about how I need to go to England because this food is tits while she babbles on about whatever
>reach across the table to put some salt and pepper on my taters
>says my arms look good, makes a joke about me doing roids
>we start talking about them
>she says she's 100% against them, her ex roided, etc
>ask if he was just an asshole
>"well yeah but the roids made it worse"
>asks how I feel
>tell her that I think they should be legal, like any other substance, and that the effects aren't often as bad as we were told in the 90's/2000's
>she spins it to make it about her and how anyone who isn't against steroids is for domestic abuse, etc
>talk about it some more, she's getting pissed
>"you know user, I should just delete your number"
>wave of former hopeless romantic incel khv emotion comes out of nowhere, realize fuck this chick
>look her in the eye and say "that's fine. You know that I don't need you to chat with."
>call waitor over, check please
>ask him to split it
>she scoffs
>"are you at least going to take me home, or are you gonna keep being an asshole?"
>"Nah, I'm gonna stay for a bit and feel it out. You're free to leave."
>mumbles something about how she could leave whenever she wants
>"alright, do it"
>she storms off into a corner while I go to the bar and order another beer
>chat it up with qt 7.5/10
>angry chick finally walks up and says "I can't believe you, you're a fucking prick" and storms ouf
>okay
>new girl asks who that was
>"nobody of consequence"
>few days later, get text from original girl asking me to come over
>she's a few blocks away, why not
>she answers the door in her underwear
>invites me in
>pours me a drink
Cont'd
2/2
>tells me that I was a real asshole and wanted to give me a chance to apologize
>"no, that's not how this works"
>throws a bathrobe on, flips me off and calls me a bastard
>kek and leave
Need to try this
this is sad.
You failed to make her wet
I ghost all hoes I fuck on tinder just in case they get pregnant
Found the fatty
fucking kek
pls be real
wish i had looks to pull such shit but im ugly ass dude
If this is real, seek help
Part 1
>travel a lot for work
>spend 3months in a different city per assignment
>pretty lonely on the road
>try online dating
>meet a grill, seems pretty cool
>tell her I'm not sticking around and looking for something more casual
>"ok, user. that's fine by me"
>starts acting weird(possessive, increased drinking habit, lying, unstable)
>try to distance myself
>she starts laying on a guilt trip saying all I'm doing is using her
>fall for it and give her another chance
>things going ok for the most part, still some weird behavior
>assignment ends, travel back home several states away for a while since I haven't seen friends or family in over a year
>two weeks after getting home grill says shes pregnant due to "faulty protection"
aaahhhh no bud
Part 2
>keep my cool since I knew something like this was a possibility
>bitch trying to trap me
>won't offer me proof and tries to string me along
>seeing this isn't going anywhere and I won't have conclusive evidence
>think of a civil and "innocent" way to back her into a corner in order to get full evidence of her pregnancy
Ok grill, go to your Dr, get bloodwork done to confirm that you didn't have a false positive and send me the invoice so I can pay for it
>grill realizes she's got no way out
>tells me I'm gonna be shitty father anyway and that she'll "just take care of it" /abort it
>play my same hand again for irrefutable evidence
Ok grill, "take care of it", send me the invoice so I can pay for it
>walls closing in all grill, pressure is on
>panic.jpg
>"Since you don't want to be with me anyway, I'm just gonna kill myself!"
Ok grill, I'm gonna call the cops now so they can protect you from yourself
>grill says if I don't drive 20 hours to come see her she's really gonna commit Sudoku
>I know shes not but I still think she needs help
>still insisting she's pregnant
>tell her I'm going to call her parents
>try to do so, can't get through
>she's pulled all the phones out of the wall
>realize I still have her parents address saved in my GPS
lost it at the lagavulin
There has to be some more c'mon
Part 3
>overnight letter through UPS to her dad explaining everything
>put fake return address so she can't track me down
>get call from her dad 12 hours later
>"grill will call you within 2 hours regarding pregnancy"
>2 hours later, "hey user turns out I'm not pregnant
No shit
>I go radio silent for the rest of eternity
>nasty text messages for a few weeks from her....then nothing
>her parents send her to a mental institution due to suicide threat
>more nasty messages when she gets out
>start getting calls from blocked numbers from her pretending to be a different girl
>finds my email address, more harassment
>nothing for a few months
>finds my parent's home phone number
>calls my parents and tells them she has cancer and needs to reach out to me
>asks them for my number
kek, fuck no you crazy cunt
>nothing for 9 months
>one night in November get 250+ calls from her new number
>must have an auto dialer app
>go and get no contact order from the cops
>nothing since
She's either homeless or her parents are still keeping her afloat. Never stick your dick in crazy. Never.
You're the madman that I hope to be.
this is the worst devilish tactics thread i've ever seen.
>rydin on these thots
that's not cool that's just cruel, pathetic
>hit up this thot on tinder
>shes a solid 6/10 but havent fucked in a while
>get a message out of the blue from her while Im at work
> "how quick can you come to this starbucks Im at"
>Uhhh idk give me an hour then Ill be off work.
>meet up with her and shes a solid 4/10 and about 50 pounds heavier than in her pics
these bitches are masters at angles
>small talk cause kinda bored and maybe wanna fuck anyway
>walk her back to my car and there is an alley way nearby
>bends her over in the alley and rough fucks the shit outta her while thinking of a hotter chick
>busts a nut in her
>throw her down on the ground and go for round 2
>her phone fell out of her pocket
>shes too into it to notice I opened it cause no passcode and deleted my number and messages.
>nut in her again
>get up, pull my my phone out with my pants still unbuckled and unmatch with her.
>she looks confused "what are you doing?"
>buckle my belt, turn 180, and get into my car and drive off.
>as I pulled away I saw the look of genuine panic on her face while she was lying there with no pants on and covered in sweat.
I sometimes jerk off to the look on her face that night.
This isn't sad
Your creativity is wasted on this board but thanks for bringing it regardless
>dating a black guy
unless she's black herself
then...
>Be 20
>Go to college party.
> /fa/ and Jow Forums as fuck.
> Horny as can be look for most horny or most weak insecure girl(s).
> Target spotted.7.5/10 (literally screamed who wants to fuck me out loud.)
>Go up to her ask her if she is having fun.
>Tell me I look sexy, asks me how tall I am.
>6'1" master race.
> Tell her I want to show her a room in the house.
> Start kissing,my cock is hard,she pulls it out.
>Shove her on her knees,pump some and blow load in her mouth.
> Still jerk off to image of that huge load in her mouth and her wincing face.
> Party host comes into room sees me with cock out. "Get the fuck out of here."
> "Alright bro. Just let me get my friend."
> Mad at not getting more pussy, go into his room steal his Tissot watch,cologne,and $84 in wallet.
> No one out douches me.
> T-t-thanks Jow Forums Jow Forums
The prelude is a bit complicated, but I can assure you it makes perfect sense. We begin at ten o'clock in the morning that same day:
I run a small fish business; I buy it from the boats, get the fish gutted, then either dried, fileted, salted or whathaveyou. This day, the weather was dreadful, and I was certain no boats went out.
I was, however, mistaken, and got a call from one who wanted to sell me some fish, but had also caught some line in his side thruster. Not one to pass on a chance to make some money, I offered to dive down anducut it loose for a nice price, which he agreed to.
After work, I took my diving gear home, cleaned it in the shower, and hung the drysuit to dry in my power cage because of the awful weather outside and because it's too heavy for my clothesline.
Once I had done that, I got a call from a sheep farmer I know, who gives me a sheep in exchange for the use of one of my tractors. He had the sheep for me, but had not the time to part it out. Not a problem, I'm fond of butchering and have a friend who does it for a living, so that wouldn't be too much work. I hanged it in the washing room because it has a drain in the floor. I couldn't hang it in the shower because I needed it as I had to get ready for a pre-party. Arriving at the party, I soon heard about the whale. My interest was piqued, because sperm whale teeth are of ivory, and that stuff is precious. I absented myself from the party, went back to work to get my oilskins, face visor, hacksaw and boots to perform some dentistry. In hindsight I should've grabbed a pump and some cans too, to retrieve the sperm oil. Oh well. With the teeth well home, I set to boil them clean like any other trophy, and figured I'd reload a little while waiting. However, I had but set up everything before my mates called and asked where I went, so I left it as it was, reduced the heat on the whale teeth, took another shower and went out on the town to find my mates again.
The rest you know.
>blows load in sluts mouth, walks out with new watch, cologne, and some money
Alpha as fuck bro mad respect
My man, this sounds comfy af. so fucking comfy. I wish I lived a different life.
Part 1
>show up to party my 2nd year of uni
>everyone is already raging and fucked up
>earlier that day bought new shirt and shoes
>been lifting for 3 years now so new clothes are lookin good on me
>walk over to the drink area and see a cocktail shaker next to all the liquor
>been watching videos on bar-tending
>start whipping up a drink when this hot goth chick with tattoos comes up to me
>"hey you over here making drinks?" "Wanna make me one?"
>whip her up a tequila based drink and make it strong
>hand it to her and she takes a sip "whoa thats really good!" "whats your name?"
>start talking to her and its clear this wasnt her first drink.
>she finishes it and she starts feeling up my traps and delts
>"oh user these are so firm. Can I see them"
>take her upstairs to some bedroom, never been in this house before and dont know where the fuck anything is.
>lock the door and she immediately shoves her tongue down my throat.
>holyshitthattonguepiercing.webm
>get down to my boxers and she starts kissing my chest and drunk mumbling about how hot I am.
well done user
more
Part 2
>get her undressed and shes wearing this little g string that says choke me
>chuckle and say "thats adorable"
see the thing is Jow Forums Im a violent fuck and whenever I get the chance to just absolutely fuck up women I take it
>I grab her by her ass and bite her right on the tit and she moans while trying to rip my hair out.
>Place one hand on her throat and with the other push her g string to the side and slam my cock full force into her and I feel the head of my dick slam into her cervix
Been here before and the thing is some chicks love it and other chicks curl up into balls and wont touch you for the entire day. this chick was the former.
>she starts screaming and moaning all at the same time and I just tighten my grip around her throat more.
> gets to the point where her voice is barley a squeak
>she starts panting and calling me daddy so Im about to bust the fattest nut in this bitch
>Pull out and grab the back of her head with my hand and nut all over her hair, eyes, covered the whole thing.
shes blind and this point and is just trying to catch her breath
>user, can you get me a towel
>grab pile of clothes off the ground and walk into the hallway in just my boxers.
>my friend sees me
Well I can't argue with that. Good on you, mate
Absolute pro I enjoyed this green text.
Hearty kek
part 3
>"hey user been looking for you. I told this chick about you and she bet me you couldn't bench press her"
>hes wondering why Im in my boxers and I just shoot him a grin, he gets the message
>put clothes on and walk downstairs.
>he leads me to a group of girls and introduces me to the soon to be gym equipment.
>shes a solid 8/10 and about 140 pounds with pretty big tits
>lay down on the coffee table and she lays down on my chest.
>lift her for 5 reps
>all her friends are going on about how cool that was.
>one of the other girls in the group said they were gonna go out to this 24hr diner and wanted to know if me and my bud wanted to go with them.
>Hellyes.jpg
>oh shit wheres my wallet
>say brb gotta hit the restroom.
>walk into the room me and the goth girl were fucking in and shes passed out. just laying there covered in nut.
30 min have passed by now so nut was drying up.
>see my wallet on the floor next to the bed and pick it up.
>feel kinda bad for the goth chick but then think of a plan
>go to bathroom and wet a hand towel
> come back and clean her up in her drunken haze
>"what took you so long"
>I reply with "its only been like 3 min babe you fell asleep"
>she immediately knocks back out.
>fold her clothes and leave a note with my number on it
>leave the house with the other girls and end up plowing the shit outta the girl I bench pressed.
>get message from goth girl next morning talking about how good the dick was and wanting to get coffee sometime.
>fuck the 8/10 barbell chick for like 2 months then start dating goth chick
>been with the goth slut for 5 months now and shes actually a pretty good gf
mfw I covered a goth chick in nut and fucked another drunk party slut in one night and goth chick never found out about other slut
alpha af
body pic of them?
Wait, I'm on /fit?
love this tread
Genuinely good post user. Rare these days.
I commend you, bud. That's some serious chad shit right there. Tom Leykis would be proud.
Wont share pics of the goth chick considering shes my current gf but heres a pic of the other slut
>not yet
>gives up
>doesn't just make out with her until she gets horny
>starts taking off her clothes before you start rubbing her puss
bruh. you have to turn them on before you strip them