Taking a dump

>taking a dump
>spend 30 seconds effortlessly passing a couple sizable logs
>spend 20 minutes straining every muscle in my body and giving myself an migraine to pass a few penny-sized pellets
This is normal, right?

Attached: 1517860406028.png (810x860, 603K)

y-yes, i hope

Me too...

>drink coffee
>blast out entire huge shit from deep in my bowels in like 15 seconds
>satisfaction

I have my own theory on why some turd are hard to push out. After much experience with it, I've come to the conclusion that it's a matter of gas being stuck behind the shit. This make it so that when you squeeze, the gas compresses and acts as a cushion, absorbing the force and making it so that the turd doesn't get pushed.
A solution to this is to make way for the gas to exit. Pull one of your cheeks to the side, or try to push the shit in and maneuver around it.

>have to wipe 20 times to get totally clean

Eat more soluable fiber dipshit.

feels good being vegan, not having problems like this. enjoy ur dump retard.

>Its like wiping the tip of a marker

>feels good being vegan, not having problems like this. enjoy ur dump retard.

Attached: a30.jpg (252x256, 11K)

Use baby wipes

>eat plenty of fiber
>70% of meals is leafy greens
>shits are awful and I get hemorrhoids constantly
>eat mainly meat for a month
>shits are nice and hemorrhoids are gone but only shit twice a week
I can't escape my awful digestive system

Attached: older-man-drinking-glass-of-water.jpg (765x800, 70K)

I’m defecating right now and I’m laughing my laugh off at this shit

Attached: 5EEAE6D9-D011-4170-8CC7-B887CE749C93.jpg (248x189, 32K)

im not sure if you realize this but your body uses peristalsis to move things around, it does not use some sort of gas to create pressure behind an object.

That's why I shave my butthole, no homo. If I don't it's like trying to get peanut butter out of a carpet.

welcome to 2018. get a washlet toilet bro, it'll change your life

This. I'm pretty much vegan (whole food/plant based), except I eat salmon/whitefish on occasion and I can confirm if you're having solid/clean/compact logs, or straining at all, it is not a good sign.

All that milk+protein supplements and meat without an adequate amount of fiber+vegetable is just raping your colon from the inside.

>Eat a healthy balance of both
>Drink a shitload of water
>Shit a fat one once a day, at the same time everyday.

this confuses the American

Have you ever busted ass with a shaved ass hole? Imagine a Tommy Gun that made wet slapping sounds.

Mate, just spit on the TP next time. It's like baby wipes but cheaper and better for the plumbing

>Spit on tp
>Forget that tp breaks down with moisture
>Wipe millions of little fragments of tp all over your asshole as it dissolves in your hand,

Your move, gay boy,

I don't think you understood. The fart stuck behind the turd makes your body unable to push the shit out. A normal turd without a fart behind is no problem to push out, but when you notice one tricky trickle not coming out, it's because the fart.

That wouldn't stop peristalsis. Your body isn't pushing anything, its just flexing and relaxing in different areas to move solids. Same with liquids. Gases use a pressure gradient.

I just lean forward and raise feet for that easier shit passing form. At times i wont push but just let it slide out like some alien hatching in my toilet.

Like pooping through a net.

You can't be serious...

The longest shit I've taken in my life is about 5 minutes counting the bidet and wiping time...

No, and if you continue pressing whilst shitting you'll get hemmorhoids since you're clogging the small veins in your assholo which is known to be full of them.

God placed them here so homosexuals who can't avoid the sin of prostate stimulation get cancer and bleedy assholes.

-Linus Log Tips

Attached: linus.jpg (842x575, 41K)

Righto faggot. Some of us arent accustomed to having godzilla visit the shadow realm on a regular basis. Whats that diet like for turbo shits?

too much fiber makes you constipated.

shave bhole