Social Gains

I'm lonely as fuck and have never been loved, I crave love and genuine human connection so badly.

But I hate myself and don't feel like I deserve love until I fix all of my problems, which are endless.
If the day ever came where someone fell in love with me I would feel guilty because they could do so much better.

Sometimes I just want to die.

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Oh shit, two in a row.
It depends. I'm not a good judge of that because my uni tends to be a little weird when it comes to being social. It's in a city but it's a hardcore STEM school. You really need to know your friends to get into parties, but I've found my clique. Wasn't too hard, I bonded with people over Super smash bros melee.
I'm personally more social in being able to talk to people and go and have fun, but my friends from HS are my lifelong ones. I made them all when I was an autistic sperg and we suffered through cross country running together. I'll always be friends with those guys because we all shared in the pain.

Yes

i'm pretty sure it happened to all of us, just move on

Boner in HS, frat star in college, killing it as a rich guy in NYC finance

Bros, I went from lame to sick, and you can too. Just go party a lot and you get good at talking to people

>I hate myself and don't feel like I deserve love until I fix all of my problems
That's rationalization talk. Your problems will never get completely fixed and you know it. Don't wanna sound rude, but get over yourself m8. It'll be healthier for you in the long run.

Fuckin kill it dude. I was the definition of a regular autismo in HS, but now I'm in uni and I try to go out every weekend. Now I can pull broads, no thanks to my insecure friends but I do it anyway.
It's not hard. Spergs just need to drink their liquid courage and go for it. Then eventually, they'll get real courage and end up like you, Mr. Wolf of Wall Street

I have 0 friends, rarely talk with family. Generally over think social situations
So anything I do can be seen as social gains.

actually joined in a conversation with my regular group at rock climbing.

Just a few sentences but I feel what I said added to the conversation in some way. Before I'd only say one or two words to people & a bit more if they had asked me something.

Also did my fastest climb today so another plus

>pick up rockclimbing
Fuck off, we're full.

As far as social gains and meeting new people go, as long as you can get the other person to talk about themselves they'll feel you have a great connection and that you're a wonderful conversationalist for essentially letting them yack on and on about their own issues. Later on you can start filling in with your own anecdotes and remarks, using what the other person is saying as a springboard to insert your own input.

Also, if you're really desperate for practice, try talking to homeless people and see how long you can go without getting duped into giving them shit. If nothing else you'll at least get some fun stories to tell out of the experience.

I thought it would all change when i got to uni. I'd lose my virginity, get a girlfriend, have a social circle, and just be a normal teenager. I remember arriving in my dorm room, saying goodbye to my parents, then sitting down on the bed alone with my unpacked boxes around me, in silence, and having the sudden realisation that nothing is going to be different - i'm still the same shy, autistic, awkward guy with poor social skills.

If you're not autismo you should be fine. I was insecure, shy, and pretty weird by normie standards and I didn't have many friends for the first couple of years until I sorted myself out and found a few people i got along with. 5 years on i'm much more outgoing and have a large group of friends I get along with. We all make it in the end lads.

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I used to be exactly like you until I started taking mushrooms and realized that I can love myself if I do things for myself that make me respect my own efforts for myself. So I started treating my body as if I where taking care of a person I love as best as I can, lost 87 lbs and started lifting, got a good job and started sleeping well, started getting good nutrition and stopped poisoning myself with alcohol, started maintaining gay level hygiene and grooming. I see a person I love and am proud of in the mirror now, and my mental image of myself is starting to shift to match. When your inner perception of yourself is very good life is a lot easier and a lot more things just happen for you. I hope you can find a way to love yourself user you really do deserve it, everybody does.

That's the start bro. Social gains are just that, gains. It's like a muscle. They'll never get better unless you keep practicing.
I've embarrassed myself tons of times in social situations and I essentially just walk away and forget about it. Here's a fun story:
>be me
>uni
>live in tiny 2 bedroom apt with a guy that turned out to be a whipped loser and 2 girls
>one of them was my ex (very, very bad decision to live with her)
>one night, talking to ex and her friend
>start talking about hair
>friend say "my bf never plays with my hair, wtf"
>ex says "oh, user always plays with my hair"
>I love nice hair, it's kinda my fetish
>I say "oh, really? but your hair looks so soft. can I touch it?"
>friend says "sure"
>start touching her hair
>it's...really soft
>I smell it
>WEIRD
>ex is sitting there the whole time
>can't think of anything to say to make it less weird
>I make some awkward conversation and make an excuse to go to bed
>turn away from them, my eyes widen because I know what I just did was SUPER weird
>ex later tells me that was weird
>no shit sherlock

I've got plenty of stories like that. But I try not to beat myself up over them. I know that in 5 years they'll just seem like a distant memory anyway so I don't think about em.

defo easier. There are societies and clubs in uni if you don't make friends with the people on your courses or that live near you.

I have no friends at 24. What do

Damn thanks for sharing man, how do you get over the pit in your stomach eating itself when you do shit like that?

Thanks for sharing, I'll keep your advice in mind
My next target would prob be to start a conversation, although I feel like im bothering people when I try to,

>as long as you can get the other person to talk about themselves they'll feel you have a great connection and that you're a wonderful conversationalist
This. Finding things in common helps a lot. Anything at all. It makes talking about things so much easier. That chick from last night went to the same uni as me so we talked about that. She also skied and I snowboard, so we talked about the mountains in the area and which were our favorites. I recently went out to Colorado too so that made for some easy stories.

I don't get over it. I just live with it. That's about the best I can do. I guess the closest thing I do to "get over it" is look back on the situation and think "well, maybe I shouldn't have done that. I won't do that next time." There are always social situations to put yourself in so if you sperg out with one of em, there are plenty of other opportunities to not sperg out. Live and learn and all that jazz.
I think that everyone embarrasses themselves sometimes. All part of being human.

Checked.
I kinda feel the same, but I know that humans are social creatures. People love to talk, even if they don't seem like it (unless they're a hikikomori or something). There was this one girl in the elevator yesterday who had a really cool military style backpack on. I didn't say anything so the elevator ride was a weird awkward silence, but I should have made a comment about it. A simple, "I like your backpack, it's so big. What's it for?" would have been a great starter for a 20 second convo and then when my floor hit, I could just say "see ya, have a nice day" and get social gains.

Fuck you

lots of times women will "agree" to a date with no intentions of following through. its just easier that way for them to say yes instead of being asked why, and poked and prodded to agree. obviously not all guys do that but it only takes a few times for that to happen to make them start juat saying fuck it agreeing to a date just to get you to go away. my sister in law does this all the time and she's fucking married.
who knows, a hotter richer guy could have asked her out the day after you met and she reserved her time for him.
it's best to just not think too much about it and move on

They always flake; even a girl that asked me to ask her on a date; she was complaining how we never hung out, but every time I make plans she flakes.
Girls are gain goblins anyways, tired of thots. Looking for a qt Christian wife.

You can't love or even seem like you deserve love if you don't love yourself first.
Bear it all on the cross; we all have a burden to bear but don't have to do it alone user.
Jesus loves you, a local church(Baptist) would take you in, grow with you.

Shit...I could have easily written this. Feels like I'll never be good enough.

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How can i stop stuttering brehs

>At least I got her number. Now when Thursday comes I can ask her out to the local bar for a good time.

>he ACTUALLY believes kissing a drunk slut means anything
>he ACTUALLY believes getting the number of a drunk slut means anything
>he ACTUALLY believes that a drunk slut will remember him 6 days later
You have no idea how this works and she won't even respond. Posting this story shows you're a fucking virign

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>t. MGTOW permavirgin
Are you telling me that you don't have a rolodex filled with numbers to hit up whenever you feel like it? Hate to break it to you bud, but that's how you get laid consistently. Get numbers, hit up chicks, go on dates.
If they don't respond, then you move onto the next drunk slut. That's the glory of bar chicks - it's quantity over quality

It gets harder

I have a feeling everyone here isn't actually ugly, but just slightly autistic.

I went to a party with some pretty high confidence and every single time I'd approach a girl she'd just look at me in disgust and walk away.

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When my mom died it left a big emotional hole that no woman can ever fill and I just don't want to burden anyone with that.

>I started taking mushrooms and realized that I can love myself if I do things for myself that make me respect my own efforts for myself

This was my experience with mushrooms, too. 11/10, S+++, would recommend.

Congratulations on making many improvements in your life, brah.

>he doesn't realize he just validated her and gave her everything she wanted and will never think about him ever again after the morning
>meanwhile op thinks he "scored" posting it here fancying himself an alpha

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Tips to everyone: set an exact time and place the second you get a “yes”. You’re almost guaranteed to get stood up if you don’t do this.

Made a bunch of people including girls laugh a lot yesterday. Feels good man.

idk lads, im pretty good at the whole friend side of social stuff. I can make girls and guys laugh and like me. Its just the whole getting girls to be into me that sucks. Any advice?

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how? can you explain?

It's just harder to meet people when you aren't surrounded by peers every day.

>>she's loving my jokes and stories
w-what kind of jokes and stories do you tell?

plz respond

t. guy with no social skills

Can't make chicks be into you. Some will be into you, some won't. It's cliche advice, but the best thing to do is be the best version of yourself that you can be. That's the best way to find a chick that's into you.
Keyword there: "find"

how can i prevent that from happening to me?

Instead of a classroom you have huge lecture with hundreds of students. It is hard to actually get to know someone that way. For me at least.

Also what said

Join clubs, do extracurricular activities, spend as little time as possible at home or your dorm

You still have the issue of living in a shithole.

Why didn't you just go to her place or get a cheap hotel?

>her place
She had roomates. Best not to wake them up by fucking in the same room. That'd be rude
>cheap hotel
Good call actually. Maybe that's the move for next time. My place is kind of a shithole so it might be good to find one beforehand next time. I keep my apartment pretty nicely but I live on a main road so there's lots of traffic.

This thread is about social gains, but you guys have hopped straight to girls.

But social gains involves being able to socialize with everybody to some degree. Being able to listen, have things to say. The listening part is important. People respond a million times better when you can actually respond with interesting, thought provoking followup questions.

When you hang out with your friends, you shouldn't always just hang out at your place and play video games or get drunk. Get coffee or tea, hookah. Have discussions. Master the art of conversation.

If you don't have friends, try a meetup group for something either literary or language learning related. Something that forces you to have discussions.

And, obviously, read more. Challenging, thought provoking shit.

>This thread is about social gains, but you guys have hopped straight to girls.
Hm. Probably says a lot about the userbase of the board. That being said I did start off with a story from the bar last night.
You're right though. I can't tell you how many wacky ass people I've met by just chilling out and drinking at a bar. This one time I met this Vietnam vet who owned an extermination company. He was cool as fuck. He had a tarantula in a glass box for a belt buckle. My one friend was being autistic with girl problems and he gave him some great advice. Basically told him that he was a sperg and he needs to not think about it too much and just do what's natural but don't be pushy.
>you shouldn't always just hang out at your place and play video games or get drunk
Can't agree enough. That's how I spend a lot of my nights. I want to go out but my friends all think that sitting around and playing smash is a better way to spend an evening. As much as I love getting drunk and playing smash, I want to go out and socialize. Maybe they're a little insecure but moving out of your comfort zone is really important.

because they face no consequences. they wouldn't be so flakey if men beat the shit out of them for reneging.

They wouldn't be so flaky if men DIDN'T beat them.

>2k18
>not beating women

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You can dramatically change who you hang out with. If you live on campus freshman year, you will meet new people

If you put in the effort to meet people, it will get better. Don’t worry about how many people you think might assume you are try hard, just go out and have fun.

This

No one deserves to be loved, or to not be loved. You just do it anyways.

You have to forgive yourself, and erase your guilt, and you have to get over your fear and start loving and caring not only yourself, but everyone else as well.

If you want to make it, there is no room for negative emotion, work through it and just accept who you are and move forward. Especially ignore that 'I want to die' voice, that is especially what's preventing you from developing.

I'm such a virgin autist that my go-to interaction for girls I find attractive is to tease them a lot. I do this with a coworker of mine who is a beautiful Indian girl. I will tease her about her accent a little, about her being short, etc. she doesn't get upset about it and usually laughs but we usually just end up always bickering like we are married

Why do I have to be like this. I guess it's just that I'm so awkward and weird that I don't want to show any desire to them and instead if I tease them it's a cop out

That quote is me irl. How do I fix this?

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Does anyone else have the problem where the social anxiety kicks in way harder when you are having a 1 on 1 conversation, compared to a group setting? Like at a party or in class or at work or anything Im actually pretty good at being social and talking, but in a 1 on 1 conversation I feel like I never know what to say, and there is more preasure for you to keep the convo going. Especially with girls.

If anyone has issues with anxiety then go to a gay bar. Most times you can pick someone up, granted they sometimes will be fat hence why they're at a gay bar to not by judged. However, sometimes you can actually get a decent looking chick and it just gives you a chance to improve on your social skills by talking to randomers, tho most times it's guys trying to get on you, but you'll be surprised how many straight people go there. If you go to a normal club you will be a easy target.

>goto gallery show last night because friend's stuff was up
>get there 15 minutes before closing
>pay cover to girl working door
>friend isn't there
>look around at the photos
>everyone there is already having conversations
>try to leave
>door girl gives me my money back and touches my arm
>barely say anything
>she asks me back to her place
>fuck her
>post this

All I did was show up, and I'm still fat

>Have gf
>Gave up on my friends a year ago cause all they wanna do is get high
>Haven’t spoken to them
>Every 4 months have some kind of social outing with either cousin or old friends that distances themselves from the group
>Feeling lonely
>All I do is work, lift, come home and sleep
>Workplace is filled with middle aged men I have nothing in common with
>None of them really talk to me despite me trying to keep the convo going
>Not one of the middle aged bois so they don’t make effort
>I’m youngest despite being 25
>Really good pay and hours

I just don’t know. I thought about joining the army reserves a few times

That sounds like ez mode. Was she good in bed?

I'm close to finishing college. I was actually much closer with people in grade school than I am now- I became a social recluse when I got here.

It's going to be impossible to meet people and make friends without joining clubs or groups. I don't recommend you do what I did. Venture out and see what your unis have to offer and meet people. My goal right now is to simply graduate and move the other side of the country to find a job and start my life.

nice larp

I'll probably end it soon. Sorry fort the wall of text, but I have literally nobody to talk to. I do not know what is wrong with me. I am 23 years old now. Everything until the end of Highschool was great (hottest girl of the school as prom date kind of great), since I am not the nerdy type but actually athletic (played soccer in our villages club) and objectively good looking. I had friends among the sport jocks and the gamers, since I practiced both. Also NEVER autistic in social situations.

Here is where it started though:

The last year of highschool I already noticed myself drifting away from the friends I grew up with. All they were into seemed to be partying and drinking. I moved to the city to study chemistry. I can still remember how I told myself "No worries, I will make a lot of great new friends and enjoy my life in the city". Never happened. In my first semester I tried to do it (went to all the getting-to-know meetups for new students and shit). Made some acquaintances that soon left the Uni cause chemistry was too hard for them. Ever since then nobody seemed to take interest in me, although I am definitely always the most attractive guys in the course, because all I do in my free time is lift. I talked to a lot of students during lab work and all that jazz. Everybody usually likes me, I am no asshole and not autistic. I AM GOOD IN SOCIAL INTERACTIONS. But I never made a real connection. During my Bachelors (7 semester), I got 4 phone numbers from other students. I went to all the parties we'd do after a successfull lab course and have fun and talk to the people, but I somehow didn't stay in contact with anyone. It usually always just ended with a “bye see you soon”. Nobody ever hit me up for activities outside of uni work.

Cont.

Time flew, and now I entered my 1st semester of Master studies with no friends in the new city. Whenever I leave the city for my hometown (weekends, because I have no friends in the city to do things with) I always tell my mum how "my week was stressful, and I met with a friend from highschool" when she asked me what I did (literally the only person from highschool left and I in reality see maybe once every 4 weeks as he went to the same city). She doesn’t know any better, she thinks I party, have fun and stuff and just don’t want to talk about it, although by now, after 3.5 years I think she must already feel something is going on. I am not stressed with uni work at all. Never did. I maybe study 2 hours a week at most. Got my Bsc without failing one course or exam. Most of the time I listen to some lectures form 9-12, then go lift and then be pic related in my room until the next day (I live alone). I am depressed in the holidays because I have no uni to attend to and do not know that to do with myself.

The thing that put the nail in the coffin now was a girl that left be. Inb4 “normie get out u had a gf!!!11!”. I met her on Tinder, which I used throughout all the time. I do not have any good pictures of myself since there never is somebody to take them. In the 3 years I have been using it, I scored 5 dates and fucked all of them that night. One of them wanted to stay with me and what can I say, I just longed for affection. We never put the lable of a relationship on it, but we stayed together for 15 months so that is pretty much a relationship if you ask me. She even said she loved me. Bear in mind, she was the literal only person that cared about me in this city. I never told anybody at home about her though. Last week she told me she found somebody “for a real relationship and we can still be friends”. Totally cold. I cried in front of her and now she probably lost all respect. No I could not stay friends with her.

Cont.

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And here we are, now it hit me. Since she is gone I realised I have NOBODY. My old friends back home still are only into getting wasted. I never drank. Like they are great guys but I share nothing with them anymore. I am sitting at home right now with my parents. Not out partying in the city nor out partying right where I am now. Nobody cares about me. I do not know where it all went wrong. I am not autistic. I am not ugly. But I never developed new friendships. Except for the one guy from highschool I have absolutely no contacts. I do not know why. And nobody knows, as I never try to show weakness. My parents are proud of me because I do a very good job at uni. My old friends probably just think how I fuck bitches each weekend in the city. I do not know how to deal with this anymore. 2 more years and I’ll have to start work with my Master’s degree. It will only get harder to turn my non existing social life around from the on. The literal only happiness I feel is when working out.

I am so sorry for fucking up the mood in this thread and annoy all of you. But I cannot take it anymore. I have nobody to talk to.

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social gains
>be in 3 year relationship with anxiety-ridden girl
>i rarely speak to family
>no morovation to go out and meet people
>workouts stagnating
>eventually stop working out
break up and she moves out
>2 weeks later begin dating a very active girl, runs marathons and shit
>I have more energy
>I am motivated to go running
>I run most days now, and on days I don't, I do another form of cardio
>talking to family on daily basis
>more outgoing in every situation
Being in a relationship with a depressed girl will suck the life out of you.
it's constantly her starting fires and you putting them out and telling her it's not her fault
Jesus Christ I was blind to it for so long.
Anyone here wanting to make social gains, end your relationship with your depressed girl if you have one.

w-what if you don't have a gf and you're socially awkward and have no friends?

user i....

I mean, you could have always asked for more numbers in school and made an effort to reach out to people more to hang out. But that's the past.

You're still young as fuck. You don't need to drink or go out partying to socialize. How is your relationship with your fellow students in grad school? Do you work at all? You could always just invite people out for coffee from time to time. Get the ball rolling, and once trust is established, people will invite you out more, you will get to know their circle.

I had this problem. It was the worst. I will never go back to a "muh panic attack" girl.
Absolutely the worst kind of gf.

Thx for talking to me..
I can reach out to friends from highschool no problem, but it would be weird as fuck. After 3.5 years. Many have had new social circles for quite some time.

I am in Europe, there is no such thing as grad school. I am basically still a student. I do not work. I just visit lectures and courses that will eventually grant me a Master's degree. So same system as with the Bachelor. Only that I am older.

I do not know who to invite for coffee. I never "penetrated" into a real student social circle. They all have their own by now. In their eyes I am probably just "that guy that doesn't seem to deal with chem students". But I'd love to in reality and try all the time. But so far all has been gone as soon as the course is over...

faggot

All you need is a faithful woman and a couple of close friends, why do you need to impress anyone else? Use the next couple years to make yourself into the kind of person a faithful woman wants to be with and it'll fall into place. Your other option is to kill yourself, it's rly your choice.

I know. That was always my plan. So far I have one friend that probably doesn't see me as important to his life as he is to mine.
Atm I do not think I can meet a quality woman/woman at all. I should focus on a social circle.
Thank you for your advice.

oh god she did that shit too.
I once took her to the fucking hospital because her tongue felt weird at 2am.
God damnit, I'm glad I went through it because it led me to my current gf who I for some reason feel more secure with than the panic attack gf even though it's only been a month.
everything happens for a reason, or it seems that way sometimes anyway

>I once took her to the fucking hospital because her tongue felt weird at 2am.
Hoooooly shit that's retarted. I've had so many things similar to that. This one time, she called me crying because she had a dream where I was mean to her.
And dont get me started on all the panic attacks in public.
Good for you with your new gf tho. Someday I'll find a sane girl too

hmh I'm 22 I feel you sort of but being alone doesn't bother me that much even tho I feel it should. I drifted away from my friends as well and I see them maybe a couple times a year but there's nothing connecting us like it used to be in high school. I sit on my computer 90% of every waking moment,maybe it will hit me like a truck in the future. I also feel like life isn't as real as it used to be back in highschool like I've been in a fog since then, maybe that's just what being alone too much does to you I don't know.

I felt the exact same way before I met the girl I mentioned. But now it just all came down crashing to me. I wish you all the best.

And we actually left because once we got to the parking lot she calmed down, and then we came back 20 minutes later.

it's hard, you don't know what you're signing up for when you meet a girl and you can feel trapped once you've been dating her for a while. I felt too guilty to break up with her over a mental issue but god it really ruins your life.
glad I finally did it.
good luck finding a good one user, my current one is the least needy girl I've ever dated and it's wonderful.

Fuck this is me, but idk how to get out of the relationship

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I agree with this post.

it sounds harder than it is, I felt like I couldnt do it either user.
then one day I realized there's no reason for me to stay in a relationship that's ruining my life

25 here. typical depression/anxiety combo. same deal with the loneliness. take up climbing maybe. bouldering is fun and chill and its easy to start conversation at the wall. if you go around the same times you run into the same people and its just like making friends in school except you guys share a common hobby. as for making friends in adulthood...man if you get a number you have to ask them to do something. everyone is a fucking pussy that just sits on their ass and hopes someone asks them to do things. its a combination of anxiety and perceived social superiority by not being the one to initiate the interaction. its fucking stupid as fuck but bite the bullet and commit to making the change you want to see in your life. im still struggling with this too. godspeed user

Thx user. Wish you all the best.

this is actually something i struggle with, meeting people and getting them to pass their wisdom to me

after which i can talk to whatever girl is eyeing hardest

fuark too real

wtf
for me 1 on 1 is ez mode
group situations though, thats a fucking joke, the jesters of the group tend to get the attention

>When you hang out with your friends, you shouldn't always just hang out at your place and play video games or get drunk. Get coffee or tea, hookah. Have discussions. Master the art of conversation

o shit, think I need to do this. hanging out at a mate's place is always the go-to

Have been where you are, I'm 28 so can maybe give you some advice:
1. Real friends are hard to come by the older you get
2. You can look into acquiring acquaintances for specific reasons (gym bro, party bro, hiking bro, chess club bro, etc)
3. Your family matters more than any friends could ever matter
4. Put as much effort into your studies as you can, disregard parting unless it is for celebration/acknowledgement
5. Keeping relationships going takes effort on your part (but there should be a reciprocal effort on the other party - tit for tat style)
6. Learn to love yourself, and being content in your sole existence
7. Fill up your free time with something productive that will keep you focused and occupied (gym, hiking, painting, etc)
8. Most people are fucking scum and will take advantage given the chance

A few years ago I used to want to connect to people because of loneliness, after some shroom and LSD trips, and some guidance it has gotten to the point where I rather miss out on social activities, stay at home and do what I like - but each to their own.

>friends all get married
>still single
>they invite you out all the time to dinner or things
>always the one that shows up alone and is the odd one out
>they make fun of you for working too much and only going out to go to the gym

This is real pain.

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You guys are too obsessed with sex and relationships with girls
I think you need to start off small. You shouldn't even be thinking about relationships until you can say hi to someone without stuttering.

hey man at least you go to the gym

what kind of clubs and stuff can you join in you're home town to meet more people?

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