Mental health thread

I'm a depressed chad which makes life more depressing. It's one thing to be sad and alone just be sad and alone but it's so much worse to lose all of your friends and girlfriends because you can't just have a conversation with somebody. I'm literally so bored of living I just want to die. I went from being like the king of the world to not leaving my house for days. And I feel like a terrible person for pushing all my friends away and rejecting everybody.
Congrats to you that's really awesome dude. I'm getting a degree in engineering, and I fucking hate it. I wish i had the motivation to learn calculus "for fun". I barley passed college pre-cal. I would switch majors but I'm on a full ride from my schools engineering department so I'm fucked. I just want to die.

>>anyone else try to learn stuff in their free time
Yes, currently GIMP.
There was suppose to be a break in there. Fucking, KMS.

I actually want to teach myself engineering, which is why I'm trying to learn math. I think it's fairly common for engineers to be bad at math and barely pass it.

Was recently diagnosed with bipolar type 2 and have started medication. It's been really tough and have had my first few serious suicide attempts in the last two weeks. Told my partner about this stuff and how I've been struggling with it and she told me to fuck off. It's been really hard finding support when people don't understand or when people are acting like my partner.

Anyway im going to find a new therapist so hopefully that helps.

>I think it's fairly common for engineers to be bad at math and barely pass it.
I think it's fairly common for most people to be bad at math and barely pass it, honestly.

jesus i'm sorry. i went through 3 therapist until i just gave up and now i just stay in bed all day alone so i don't flip out on anybody anymore. i hope things end up better for you then me.

well thanks, that makes me feel a little bit better about my outlook but the present is still shitty.

I would get more knowledge in math before engineering i did a power engineering course and was fucking stumped by the math. Just don't go in cocky

>tfw bpd
>mom forced me to take my neetbux and find my own shitty apartment about half a year ago
>she hasn't visited in about 4 months at this point
>constantly wondering if she will ever visit again
She only answers my calls about once a week and it makes me very sad

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I don't know. I told her some time ago that I might be schizophrenic but she didn't believe me. I got diagnosed but I'm still unsure if she does or doesn't. I sometimes think she might be a spy or a clone and me showing her those conspiracy videos has me feeling unsafe

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>claims to have a personality disorder as severe as autism and schizophrenia
That you're able to type on keyboard and search for futanari dick girl porn

You clearly have not seen someone with actual autism or schizophrenia. Get on YouTube and actually look at these people with these conditions and you tell me if they are functional human beings. Clearly autism is just a name and give each other for fun and laughs

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Schizophrenics are actually functional human beings. It depends how intense the psychotic episodes that they are having is and also for how long they last. They can be normal.

I'm an Aspie and I don't know what I need to do to get a better life anymore where I live. I think my absolute lack of interest in social interactions made me go full alcoholic and now I only want be drunk 24/7 and started want smoke weed since few weeks ago.

I think I should try do new things with my life but my old habits of a hardcore video addict drag me down and I just don't study things that would be more interesting having skills on it like drawing or 3D modeling.
I need courage to delete all my accounts and carry on with my life without play MMORPGS, I really need, but I realized that all contact that I have with other human beings are via MMORPGS things got aittle bit complicated because now I understand that I only tolerate other people because I need then to do things for me and I don't feel "lonely" like normal people.

I'm truly Aspie.

>I have no concepts of gradients
obviously you have proven yourself wrong in your own post because I have seen videos of retards on youtube yet here you are typing

Hey user, can I ask you something re: bpd and neetbux?

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Schizo here. I used to go out at night and randomly clean people's BBQ grills. Had a whole tool kit with me.

Did anyone catch you cleaning their bbq?

gang stalking induced

Interesting. Were you having any delusional/disorganized thoughts that caused you to do this? Maybe voices telling you to do it?

Sounds like you might have OSD underneath there, but not fully.

just fucking shut up and die

OCD* not OSD..

This. I have a job and shit and I have severe schizophrenia. You can function, it's just how willing and/or capable people are to learn how to function. It's really rough sometimes, but it's certainly possible in some circumstances.

i dont usually talk about this so sorry if my writing is really scattered.

I think i'm suffering from depression, but i'm too scared to admit it to myself or even get mental health becuase i feel so god damn guily all the time. I never had a traumatic event or any kind of rough upbringing, so when i come in here, or out into the real world, and see all these people thqat have it so much worse than me, and who have had a much harder life than me i get so scared that deep down i'm just making it all up for attention and i just dont know it, or that if it is real, how i dont deserve to feel the way i do.

its an ever going fight with myself and any advice would be a ppreciated

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Do you have any other family or friends who visit?
I want to get up to multivariable calculus, linear algebra, and differential equations before I start teaching myself engineering. At this rate I'll never get there but hopefully I can start building the work ethic to do math more.
I have autism and people with severe personality disorders are definitely less functional than me.
Maybe you should give her a book you like about schizophrenia, she might have misconceptions about the disorder and have a hard time believing you have it because of that.

I'm actually bipolar and not sure why I typed it as bpd

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Ah okay, was just gonna ask what kind of criteria they used to determine eligibility. No problem user.

Thanks for replying anyway, I hope you have a good day/night!

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Wow. This is actually exactly, world by word, how I feel. Even marked the thread to watch it so I can post a similar confession.

Proposing BiPD so we dont have to type that shit everytime

Chased my cat for a few minuets thinking he was telling me some where turns out he was just meowing.

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tell me how you feel user, i wanna hear how you feel too

Thats cute user pet your cat for me when you catch it

who /SPD/ here?

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I think the guys who feel lonely and complain about it here have the drive to change it since they want not feel like this, I mean, what makes the average robot not accept himself and go outside without worry about the opinion of other people? What makes them not go for average girls and have sex with such girls like a rabbit?
I know that we are responsible for few things that made us absolute urban hermits, but how we can help when we born this way like myself? I'm an Aspie since 1987, I don't know how other human feel about a lot of things and they are confusing or inconceivable to me.

I think I should fix some food because I'm absolutely hungry.
Goodbye.

>Do you have any other family or friends who visit?
I'm completely alone and only see other people when I walk to the store every two weeks for groceries

>I have autism and people with severe personality disorders are definitely less functional than me.
In what ways?

how do I tell? originaloriginalfucktherobotoriginal

Go get diagnosed.

Not him, but I'd say that Autism is kind of like a barrier, and while it is very disrupting the individual behind the barrier is still a human being the the same drives and desires as any other, while certain personality disorders are, as the namesake suggests, disorders of the actual fundamental human aspects that allow people to interact. I might be wrong but that's my 2 cents.

Well I am currently at the point in my life where I never thought I'll get this far. Currently graduated HS, turned 20 and I have no motivation to move on to something at all. There are times where my mind tells me that I'm worthless and that everyone around me thinks I'm a disappointment, but I know that's not true. I've tried talking to people but they don't quite get what it is I'm trying to say or get to. It's always "you're fucking lazy that's why" and that gets me, what if that's the reason why? But then again, I know it's not so I'm on a constant battle with me self, I try to hide what it is that I am feeling from people, the man side of me kicks in and tells me "you ain't no bitch". So I isolate myself. But I'm not at rock bottom, I'm able to move, get out of bed and do my regular everyday shit. I have hit some points where I don't wanna eat, starve myself for like a day or two, but I recover quickly.

People with severe BPD can't hold any lasting relationships, severely harm themselves, and are at high risk for suicide. People with severe AVPD have such low self-esteem and are so afraid of criticism that they never try to form any relationships. I only mildly harm myself but that's not autism, can hold lasting relationships with the right people, and don't care much about criticism unless someone I care about is doing the criticizing. Just two comparisons I thought of.

>start having hallucinations at 15
>they continue but aren't very concerning
>start abusing drugs at 16 to cope with depression, anxiety etc. the usual
>hallucinations gets progressively worse because of this
>have a breakdown last year and run out of my parent's apartment like Sara Goldfarb
>wander for a week until police pick me up
>been home since and developed full blown schizophrenia
>19 now
>life is getting worse every week and i'm losing the ability to tell reality from hallucinations
>every night i see hundreds of shapes and people trying to kill me
>sometimes swear i can feel one laying right behind me breathing on my neck
>don't move for hours out of fear
>pass out around 6 am
>wake up at 1 pm
>clean apartment and cook for parents
>wait for dad to get home knowing he'll be mad
>try my best to not go crazy during the day
>usually finish the day watching a movie with parents
>spend the rest of the night/morning on Jow Forums and watching movies
REPEAT EVERY DAY

are you retarded or just baiting? the guy who made TempleOS was extremely schizo, fucking insane on the streets. having a mental illness doesn't mean you become mentally disabled, browsing the internet is really common for autists and schizos

>But i;m not at rock bottom, i'm able to get out of a bed, do my regular shit.

oi fuck m8 i really wish we could share a drink.
I think why no one understands is that you know when you're trying to descirbe something to someone and they like say a word or phraset thats like restating what you said but in a way they think is correct or easier to understand. it seems like that happens every time i try to open up, and the message gets lost in translation, and the other person just ends up finishing my thought and i just give up on explaining it. no one just shuts up and pays agttention to whayt other people say anymore, they just wanna relate it to themselves and i',m really sacred i'm no better than them, that i just want them to listen to me so i can talk about myself
sorry for the rant

jesus user that sounds like s special kind of hell, is there any medication that could help you?

Sorry about missing your post, I got distracted with the other one. It's hard to get friends in your situation, most people get them from college or work. I was going to try to be helpful and suggest you ways to get friends but I've got nothing and I feel dumb now.

tell me what lead you to seeking a diagnosis

I got really into learning about bugs, I own a millipede and some hissing cockroaches

thats really cool man, bugs and things like that with too many legs creep me out personally.
what got you into them?

i've tried a few but unfortunately i have no way to get pysch help where i live because no license or money. i'm sure if i got a psychiatrist we could find something but alas i'm trapped in this hell. i hate to admit it but as a lifetime loner, having voices to talk to is neat sometimes when they aren't being evil.
>tfw somehow get a date from tinder
>sitting in restaurant waiting
>sort of "black out" for a few minutes
>get message from date
>says she just got here and some weirdo who looks like me is talking to himself
>tell her i'm in the parking lot
>wait till she goes out to run out the carryout door

Wonderful choice to not study up on hallucinogens or any drug, I'm sure now you know that hallucinogens can cause schizophrenia in people prone to hallucinations, in some cases even people who have not hallucinated previously. Though I'm sure there's an explanation for that.

Exactly. I've also hit that point that my mind tells me I'm the only one that can help myself, but I don't know how and need help doing so but reaching for help is the obstacle.

well, im happy that atleast some of the voices arent gnawing your brain away. sorry about your date but its good to see that youre putting yourself out there and, if at the very least, trying to stay connected with the world. shame that things got in the way

i never used hallucinogens, and i did study the drugs i used. sadly, i figured i could manage my use and do healthy recovery habits to avoid side effects. i was 16, certainly not at the age of brilliance. add that to an extremely shitty life and numbness to death, you get a moron who does more drugs than most lifelong addicts
it was meth, cocaine, heroin and too many bad days that caused it

it is a shame but it was probably for the best, i wouldn't want a relationship while i'm so unstable. i've been watching a lot of Charls Carroll and his idea about isolation is what keeps me going outside even when i'd rather be in bed

do you have family that will listen?
here i am dealing with the same problems but i think its just the blind leading the blind tonight, i wish i could offer some sage old man wisdom or something like they do in the moves, but those are all just fake anyway.

i would tell you to get a therapist or something but i guess that'd make me a hypocrite

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maybe youll find a friend who can stick it out with you and keep you grounded, but good ones are rare. keep going man, in time hopefully you learn to better handle things. GL

Yeah there are other things happening on top of that, like much bigger, but it's something a professional will understand which is why I've recently have thought about getting one. That "I'm not sure if it's depression or if I'm too afraid to admit that is", is just part of it. A professional will probably help me put all the pieces together and show me the final results of the puzzle.

>tfw use drugs to lessen mental illness during the day
>making it worsen over time
>binge eat
>obesity causes mental illness
>decide to go all in and just see how quickly my lifestyle kills me
>that way i won't break my parents heart with suicide
>have daily conversations with the supreme gentleman

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Meth will fuck you up good just on it's own. Cocaine isn't too bad, it's once the drug wears off with all of the side effects it has. I had a temporary depression for a few days after going coke and felt like absolute shit but the rush. Meth is where you really fucked up though. (imo)

i completely agree, i would give anything to have never done it in the first place.

>brain fog is getting worse
>haven't left the house in 2 weeks
>mom told me ive been screaming in my sleep
>all motivation is gone
please someone just fucking kill me already

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>literally me
don't despair user, this is the part of your miserable life when you try to beat Cho's high score. you have nothing to lose and soon you'll be drooling in an asylum

i wish but im a fucking leaf. no way im beating cho with a 5 round mag

>Polytechnique
>knives
>homemade kabooms

>un-pin magazine
>now it's 30 round capacity

Whoa

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sorry im retarded, ive never even held a real gun before

Almost done with my benzo taper, I'm doing well considering I've been taking them daily for 8 years but the underlying anxiety is just as bad, if not worse than when I started.

Also, fuck CBT, that shit doesn't work.

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nothing works if you don't do it right, for long enough or with the right intentions/mindset

paranoid depressed autistic here

yeah so, anybody else just impulsively get on the bus at really random times? i was having a bit of a panicky episode last night at about 10pm and just decided for the fuck of it to get on my usual bus since I was at the bus loop and just ride it to a few cities over. ended up getting off at the very end of the route and wandering around while trying to keep my 2xl shorts from falling down (because ive been losing a bunch of weight but cant really get new clothes atm) and listening to the new (leaked) mom jeans album. ended up writing a bunch of emotional bullshit lyrics on my phone whilst walking which probably made me look like a colossal idiot, but whatever. at one point felt like this one car was following me through this huge parking lot so i kinda darted out then j-walked to get away from it. it probably wasnt. idk. i caught the last bus back to my city and and eventually got home, but just felt weird the entire time. yeah. that was my night.

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>muh mindset
kys

it's all about mindset though, i'm not just talking shit. whether cbt works or not, you certainly won't know if you ignore the fundamentals

ofcourse it's all about how the mind is set.
that's all there is to brain diseases: how the brain is structured.
how fucking retarded can you be to think you're saying something helpful?

>brain diseases
are you retarded? i was discussing CBT, not his illness or how to solve it.

lol at your reading comprehension
re-read what I said

i did...it made no sense in relation to my point about CBT. thanks for telling me how brain diseases work in the most oversimplified way though.