How do i get rid of my emotions, my anger, my sadness, my desire for love...

>focus full time on art

Closing off your emotions isn't going to help with that, mate. Without emotion your art will have all the soul of a paint-by-numbers picture.

You DO know that a lot of the greatest artists were deeply disturbed people, right? And that they channeled their emotions into their art?

i got rid of all of this shit a long time ago. and it is better. when you reach a threshold of suffering you will eventually automatically reject all the emotions from your mind and become a pure robot - only your survival and/or the destruction of others matter to you. at least this is how it was to me. it is better like that. good luck apprentice.

sounds nice, ill look into it.

I do my best to understand them, but my emotions are childish and immature, they only push me in the opposite direction of the person i wish i could be.

if my suffering is what makes me human than i am too weak to be human and dont want to live anymore. Alternatively i have some mental illness that makes it harder for me to deal with. I wish the emotions were gone.

That makes sense, the only issue is that my emotions prevent me from working on my art, My mind is constantly twisted by a crippling sadness which makes me just shut down.

i really hope i can get to that point without killing myself first, every day just reminds me that i am different than those i am around and that my own self demons prevent me from being in happy relationships. maybe i should drop out of college and just work a shitty job full time, that might speed up the process.

>My mind is constantly twisted by a crippling sadness which makes me just shut down.

Bull. Fucking. Shit.

Plenty of artists have gone through shit a thousand times worse than you probably have, they were waaaaayyyyy more depressed than you are, and they STILL worked up the energy to make art. So don't give me that "but I'm so saaaad" shit.

Do you really think your life is worse than, say, Vincent Van Gogh's?

I had long periods of time for 8 years where I sometimes did not feel a single bit of happiness for months.

I went into therapy three times. The first time helped a lot, but I still felt incredibly numb and was full of despair for months. The second time helped less.

The third time I finally really started applying myself. I got a job, which helped a lot with my self esteem and gave me a purpose to get out of bed each day.

Now I still sometimes feel terrible for a day, but it keeps happening less and less. I no longer feel like I wasted my life and I lost a lot of weight and I take better care of myself in general.

It also helped that I discovered I just don't really get a lot out of relationships. They don't make me happy and it helps me be more friendly with people, since I no longer feel the pressure of having to be respected and loved by everyone.

So, I'd suggest you start looking for a job or something to do as soon as possible. Do a lot of soul searching and learn to speak the truth about how you are feeling, not to other, but to yourself. Therapy can help set you on the right track, but the change has to come from you. And that is a whole lot harder than it sounds.

It might still take a few years before you get to a stable point, but I'm real happy I stuck it out and always tried to pick myself up again, even if it sometimes took a year before I was able to.

Don't give up user, the road ahead is long and difficult, but you aren't a lost cause. Take it from someone who felt like a lost cause for more than a third of his life.

i dont argue that others do not have it worse than me, I only state that the way my mind works prevents me from getting things done when I am sad. Its not a matter of who has it worse its just that i am different from those other artists. not every sad artist becomes a master, its a rare case.

I really appreciate the kind words user. I've been working jobs since i was 16 and i agree it really does help to distract your mind, The only issue is that i'm currently in school and its hard for me to work and pass my classes

>It also helped that I discovered I just don't really get a lot out of relationships. They don't make me happy and it helps me be more friendly with people, since I no longer feel the pressure of having to be respected and loved by everyone.

I really Hope that i can get to this point because it really harms my mental state... It just really hurts to know that you will never start a family with someone you can share life with and who loves you because you have a mental illness.

Maybe dropping out of college and getting a job is my best bet at this point, I just don't want to let my family down who has sacrificed so much to help me get an education...

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please don't get rid of your emotions, try to fix your life while you still have them

i haven't felt literally anything except for physical pain for two months now and it's FUCKING MISERABLE FUCK FUCK FUCK LIFE IS SO GODDAMNED FUCKING BORING NOW HOLY FUCK JUST KILL ME

lol

>I only state that the way my mind works prevents me from getting things done when I am sad.

You know who else says that shit?

Chris-Chan.

Are YOU Chris-Chan? Because I'm starting to think you are.

Keep yourself busy with technical work/craftsmanship that requires a lot of learning. Eat super spicy food and exercise vigorously. Adopt risk-taking behaviors.

These things require a lot of attention and will leave little for existential worries.

Quite unironically just stop giving a fuck about other people and what they think. I used to agonize about the correct approach but then would just decide that it was easier to just not try. Now I ask myself "why not" instead of "why". Be adventurous with your life, it's the only chance you get, do things you're skeptical about to find out if you enjoy them.

Now I examine things that make me uncomfortable and often that uncomfort gives me the motivation to see it through - just to see what it would be like. Life's a game and you're choosing not to play.

Oh, and shit is gonna not work out sometimes, and that's fine. Just laugh it off, it diffuses tension between both parties quite well as long as you remain calm. Oh, and seek mastery over your body and mind, they are tools at your disposal, train them and make the best of them and you can handle even the most absurd situations.

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i don't care for others and i am content on my own but that does not mean i am not in anguish 24/7

You can drive yourself crazy trying to bring order to the chaos. Leave it to our Father in Heaven to bring order to all of this. We are here with Earth Mother, She will protect us. It's okay.

Boredom would be better than suicide because of the emotional pain right? at least i could do things that interest my non emotional side, like read, cook, travel.

lol, I wish i was so i could easily kill myself, but my life looks great from an outside perspective...

might be my best bet, i should drop out of college.

ive wanted to do this for so long, Society is a game and it seems for me that the only winning move is to not play. I just will feel so sorry for my family. But i guess i have to realize they only want me to "succeed" so they will look good, they dont actually care about my happiness.

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user, if it hurts you to think that you'll never have a family you probably do get something out of relationships.

I genuinly enjoy being alone and realizing that helped me, but being a unwilling loner isn't going to make you happy. If you get something out of relationships you should start to work on social skills.

A good start is making small talk with people you don't know and probably will never meet again. Talk to someone when you are both waiting on the bus, a cashier when it isn't busy in the shop, whatever. Say something like "Hey, how's it going?" That's difficult the first few time and you might fail to even say something. Don't give up, keep trying. It will take a long while, but you'll get better with practice. You'll probably make an ass out of yourself a few times, but that's okay. As long as you keep trying.

When you can do that, it will get easier every time. That's how I learned to talk to people again and now I can easily hold a conversation with a stranger or with someone from work. It takes courage the first few times, but soon it will feel like second nature. You must keep applying yourself every time.

Also, don't drop out of college without a plan. If you do, make sure you can get an apprenticeship somewhere in an area that you enjoy working in and that can earn you money. There are a lot of job that don't require a higher education, but at least finish your school and then start looking for an apprenticeship.

Only do this if that is what you really want though! You have to be honest with yourself. What do you want and how can you apply yourself to get to that goal. Don't pick things because they seem easy for you. Pick things that you want and apply yourself to get them. Make plans to get them. That is really the only way to feel content in your life.

Then do it, it honestly is that simple. Realize you have control over you actions and if you want to do something then you'll have to put forward efforts to get it done.

You won't be perfect the first time, or maybe even the first hundred times but revel in new experiences because you've never done it before. It's the human initiative to experience, why hold your instincts back.

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First thanks to you and everyone else for your advice, It is really comforting.

The issue isn't my social skills, i make friendships, i'm good at small talk, people constantly say i'm fun to be around, I'm often told that this or that girl likes me. But as soon as i pursue any relationship i tear it apart because i am an emotional clingy mess. I get upset that they don't care only for me and then become toxic out of resentment, pushing them away and becoming lonely again. it has happened multiple times and it absolutely tears me apart from the inside, I don't know if its possible for me to be in a loving relationships because of my toxic emotions.

second, School is the source of all my pain, i don't see another option but winging it in the real world. I just want to hop in my car, cash out of my banking account and start driving. maybe take a plane somewhere else, buy a gun so i can kill myself once i run out of money and become homeless or something, at least i can experience more of the world before i die.

only issue is i just took out 6k for student loans, but maybe i can just get a job and work to pay it off.

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what do i tell my family and friends that trust and rely on me?

drugs are the only way out of this, or put a pencil underneath your fingernail and take out all of your fingernails that'll be a temporarily distraction itll be cool i promise

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no you are wrong.

Is right, As soon as i stopped caring i felt instantly better. Drugs are artificial that just mimic the effects that life can already have, drugs are not bad, i enjoy them, its just they are not the only way to happiness.

Thank you everyone, im a free man now, I love you.

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