I hope I'm not reaching out in vein, but I believe I can't be alone in these feelings. I just need some closure, or maybe help. I don't know anymore.
It started a couple months ago. When I look at other people, it's not the same anymore. Even when I look at myself. My own hands are full of blood and flesh. There's tissue and sinew and bone underneath all that red, living substance and I can't stand it. I just wanna do something about it, scrape out all the giblets out, pour the blood into a bucket or something, you know, clean up.
I know that doesn't make sense to most of you, but I just see too much now, I can't not think about it. It's constantly on my mind.
Every flesh machine walking around is so uncomfortable to think about, everything is too alive and pulsating. Nothing is ever still.
I can feel my vein in my body, I think about the blood my heart is pumping every day, all day. I can't function. I don't want to see people, I can't talk to them because I'll start thinking about how their jaw muscles are moving inside of their heads when they talk. I keep thinking about how their tongue is wriggling inside of their mouth.
Oh my fucking god someone understands. I absolutely fucking hate the feeling of being alive I hate that im just made of weird shit and i have to put chemicals in my body to keep it functioning. Sometimes I have episodes where i cant recognize what anything is in a human way and everything looks really unfamiliar and foreign. I feel like a fucking tweaker and I don't know how to stop
Psssh, that's nothing. I'm wondering why I'M the only one who sees in 1st person, why people can't share their eyesights. It makes me think that everything is fucking fake. And it irks me. I don't think I'm alone, but there better be a fucking good explanation to why I can't close my eyes and see through a Stacy fingering herself.
Our brains work as a computer for our own bodies. If it was moved into a matrix you may have a chance to see that but the odds are very slim for you sir. Because when you close your eyes you are most likely resting. That means your brain is relaxing and not focusing on seeing. It does this so it doesn't have to take in anymore unneeded information. Everyone sees in first person, nobody can see behind their shoulders because our eyes will always be first person.
Jose Taylor
he'll get addicted to it. then we'll have another jeffrey dahmer on our hands
Owen Ward
I guess that makes sense. But I still wish I could just exit as a spirit and do, well you get the picture.
I think about it all the time, too, but it's actually pretty beautiful. You sound like a tweaker.
Connor Howard
to do that wouldn't you have to kill her conscience so you get all the brain senses from that action? Leaving a dead corpse and many questions
Lucas Long
Yep I thought about this before too and I understand your thought process, I reccomed you dont obssess about it and distract your mind with something else
Ryder Campbell
I think they call this depersonalization. It's happens to me when I look into a mirror and am genuinely surprised I have a reflection and there's a human being looking back at me. I'm just too used to thinking of myself as a floating camera.
Gabriel Diaz
I guess you could say you're a pretty sick guy.
Jose Hughes
finding like minded people wouldnt make it normal OP ya cheeky bugger
Good. The world needs less fags and more serial killers.
Owen Cook
Hello user. The thing is, you're right. That is the nature of things, and it's gruesome and strange. You're seeing the world as it truly is
...but this isn't a good thing for happiness. There's a concept called "depressive realism", look it up on Wikipedia. It the fact that depressed people often have significantly more realistic viewpoints about themselves and the world than neurotypical happy people. But they're miserable.
People don't want to be this way, but their minds are closer aligned to a different viewpoint of "reality". Your condition is very similar
I don't know enough about psychology to name your condition, but I suspect it's OCD related and seems like compulsive cleaning type urges.
Don't worry, there's nothing philosophically strange going on with you. Your brain just isn't processing things by filtering such thoughts as usual. See a psychologist and see if you can avoid these thoughts through cognitive behavioral therapy, WITHOUT medication.
Tyler Adams
I've experienced some similar obsessive thoughts though they were not entirely the same. You could potentially have OCD though.
I got over mine if that provides any sort of relief for you.
Sebastian Campbell
OP, don't worry about this too much. I've definitely had similar thoughts and feelings. I remember I was on a plane a few years ago and i thought about how my stomach was this bag full of acids inside of me that dissolved the food i put into my mouth, how my mouth was just a weird hole, how it was all just kind of wet machinery that did its thing automatically to keep itself alive. Most likely it's related to anxiety. Try to get more sleep and do something that makes you happy. Cus honestly you could apply this thinking to anything. and there is nothing inherently negative about your body being made up of flesh and blood. if you feel like you have to think about it, just think about the positive sides, like how "smart" your organs are to be able to keep you going. and if you're spending so much energy thinking about this, you could think about something productive. would recommend seeing a therapist. You aren't crazy but a professional might be able to help you better understand these thoughts and feelings and prevent them from getting in the way of your happiness.
Camden Hill
I disagree with the whole depression is reality thing. I think it's sort of a trade off. Like there are things you see when you are depressed that are closer to reality and then there are things you see when you are happy that are closer to reality. But then again I also feel like it's all real either way so you might as well just see the good stuff and ignore the bad things.
I mean in reality why should you find it strange that you are a walking sack of meat with a bunch of blood shlushing around through your veins when that's about all you could ever be. u kno what I mean?
Camden White
>I mean in reality why should you find it strange that you are a walking sack of meat with a bunch of blood shlushing around through your veins when that's about all you could ever be. u kno what I mean? This is a really good question and I think it's one of the most interesting philosophical and psychological questions we have to answer
You're completely right, that's what we are so why do we find it weird? But the answer is because our conscious brains act at a high level of abstraction. We aren't consciously aware of how our muscles work or how we type, how our heart beats, or how our stomachs process food. That's not a part of our conscious perception. It's abstracted away from us
Similarly, lots of things in society are abstracted away from us too
How many of us have been to garbage dumps or slaughter houses? Probably nobody in this thread has before, but they are integral to our life in society and we'd find them gross and disturbing. Our bodies are the same way if we cut them apart and looked inside
Brandon Ross
Well yeah, I wasn't really saying that it's pointless to think about these things from time to time or anything, just sort of demonstrating how I rationalize these thoughts when I get them.
Chase Miller
These a symptoms of OCD, you should seek help
Adam Perez
this seems like some basic-ass serial killer roleplaying and it still doesn't stick, because you should have said that you've always seen things that way.
