How the fuck do i interact with babies? i hate talking to my family because i dont know what to do with the things

if you have to hold a baby, all you do is carefully receive it from another person and let the person handing it to you know that you've got it. then you should automatically start swaying from left to right. and say shit like "hi baby". Its not hard to hold a baby lol just dont loose your grip, because gravity and babies do not go well together. after about 10 minutes you can pass it off to another person.

is this even a real thread? basically you have to turn into an idiot to be around a baby, talk stupid, say stupid shit. me personally i dont do the "ahh goo goo gah" thing.

Look them in the eye and tell them life is hard and they gotta get tough right now

Only if they're a boy tho

i heard it was the opposite, doesnt babytalk help babies learn?
ive pretty much got that down, i just never know what to say. im dealing with a toddler as well, but shes well behaved so its not a challenge.

Just make gibberish noises at it and dangle shit in front of its face.

From ages 1-10 children are the most innocent fuckers in the world that havent been ruined by life yet

yeah its a real thread im really autistic i dont know this shit man

Babies love that shit, doesn't have any negatives. It is cringe though if you are one of those easily embarrassed ''I'm too cool for this'' sort of people.

Just try and seem happy to be around children OP, you don't have to interact with them really as a guy. Women are literally adapted for it unlike us. When baby is older, around 5 you can start telling them jokes and taking the piss out of them like a good uncle.

i smile a lot and play catch with her so i think im pulling it off then if thats how it is. also im not a guy im an actual autistic female so its especially hard to get away with not interacting with then

im sure theres a youtube tutorial man. i know it feels

babies are so fucking autisitc that it's painful, your best bet is to avoid them all together. If you have to spend time with one just sit it in front of the tv

the worst part is when the kid is more socially able than you are

just say you don't want to drop them so no thanks

putting children in front a television is what turns them into autistic wastes of space. im evidence of that. i fuckin loved the tv, and now im a waste of space. do you want more posters here?

Fuck me my brother wil be having a baby soon and this shit terrifies me, what if I drop the baby? How the fuck do I act without coming off as autisitic? Fuck fuck fuck

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me and you both user, im with a baby and a toddler right now, just smile at it and say its cute and try to give it to someone else as soon as you can.

Ok, so you know how you talk to a hyperactive dog? It's kinda like that, but not exactly like it or it's a bit weird.

i have the same problem with animals

im actually retarded

>used to work as an elf in Santa's grotto at Christmas
>parents with babies only really came for the pictures
>a couple arrive with their baby who was about 1 month old
>take photo with Santa
>mother thinks it's a great idea to have a picture with the elf too
>get handed a baby before I can politely decline
>forget I have to support the head
>picture was probably me grimacing while the mother cupped the baby's head from behind

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Maybe practice with a kitten first or something

>mfw i laughed out loud
>child asks me why im laughing

i will do that for next time then, at the moment i have no kittens available

Ok, just babytalk it and kind of kiss up to it. You know, massively overrate everything it does and congratulate it a lot.

is clapping good?

White people like new things so probably the babies also like interesting things

Yeah, but not very fast clapping. If it lets you, make the baby clap, it'll get a kick out of that.

The world isn't fucking love, it's suffering and children crave attention and learning not fucking meme reddit love teaching them and accepting their existence is love enough

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>supposed to save the white race
>can't even hold a baby

we're doomed

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>aunt has baby in hospital
>baby gets passed to me and immediately starts to cry
>don't know how to hold it
>get laughed at by family while a nurse shows me how

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That baby will turn out just like you but worse

Most babies do that when someone unfamiliar holds them

feed it bread and semen ONLY, and if it starts crying, just punch the little shit into oblivion.

>the sperg touched the baby
Oh god it's going to be an incel

kids are very easy to interact with.
rule of three:
don't scare them, hurt them or neglect them. by scare i mean do obviously creepy, weird shit like stare at them silently and angrily or act aggressive.
you can frighten them as much as you want, that's the fun part. as long as it's not a girl, you don't want them screaming.

No, I'm not talking about being embrassed, you can still play,hug and have fun.
Babytalking too much can cause problem in children, they learn words slower and have lesser vocabulary.

I don't know about the effects of babbling, but babies do like being spoken to in high-pitched, obviously friendly voices, at the least.

Also, you don't have to make funny faces or silly voices. Babies are easy as can be. Just hold them, that's all they really care about.

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Babies are not complicated. If it's a newborn support its head and gently bounce it in your arms. Speak to it if you want but don't expect it to understand anything. Until they are a couple months old they only understand a few things
Being too warm
Being too cold
Being wet or dry
Being hungry
Being gassy or indigestive
And whether or not they feel secure
With a newborn, being tightly wrapped and gently rocked reminds them of the womb and a steady consistent shhhhhh noise also reminds them of life before birth. Everything is new and they don't understand shit yet. At first you are "womb weaning" and slowly introducing them to life on the outside.
When they start sitting upright unassisted and get around 6 months old their eyes begin seeing things and their brains finally begin to comprehend them. Then it's just a matter of showing them stuff and smiling a lot and such and talking to them more. It becomes natural over time what to do.

>tfw you may die without ever having held a babby

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babies and children are the easiest to interact with. you can totally be yourself without care because they are interested and curious and you can just have fun and play with them
>adults on the other hand are just fucking cruel cunts

Why the fuck would you want to interact with disgusting sacks of shit and vomit?

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>I'm about to kick you in the jaw faggot

I like to hold them up to eye level, make eye contact, and basically do this (the first 5 seconds of the vid)

youtube.com/watch?v=gfFW5EQK2SE

him elbowing the bitch in the back of the head makes that.
in fact, Scrubs still had that Naked Gun, shove people the fuck out of the way humor that i loved.