Im tired of this. I hardly find someone nice, but when i do, i get too attached. Little time is enough to become caring and concerned about them, and things build up, but of course it's doesn't works the same way for them because they're not mentally retarded as i am.
I start to project things on them, for example, i have no friends and i dont mind much, i can dedicate myself to the person when it needs me to (of course giving lots of space, i'm not extremely clingy unless the person likes and wants it). But then i start getting jealous of the person friends for some reason. I never say anything because i'm not an abusive cunt and who tf i am to be important in this, but it really hurts me and triggers my anxiety. I can't help.
And some answers sound cold while i'm all warm and etc, but thats because they obviously don't feel the same and aren't retarded as i am. But my mind fails to understand that. I don't want to be like this but thats what happens in my fucked brain and i don't know what the fuck to do. I'd be normal if i could. Its always with one person ofc, i feel a sense of loyalty when that happens.
How do you deal with it? Social isolation sounds good to prevent it, but i always come back to that situation. Fuck, i wish i could be normal and build bonds like normal people do.
I begin to fucking... Express my sexuality, that is, to act out in a sexualize way. You must learn to become sexually dominant and destructive. You must sexually attack and DESTROY...
>Anyone else get too attached to some people? To humans? No.
David Wilson
Do you live near washington OP?
Evan Green
That sounds unhealthy if you're desperatedly romantic and want something meaningful.
How do you do it user? Was it caused by something? Bc i wish i learned to not like anyone, it sounds calmer and more possible to move on with life.
No, nowhere as close. May i ask why?
Isaac Wilson
I would like someone like that in my life, I'm incredibly lonely and have no close friends or family to get in the way.
Luke Hill
This always happens to me. Happening to me rn. Feel like Icarus.
Easton Moore
If you want something meaningful, you have to start something.... You must assert your sexuality, raise your sexual profile... Move in a wave-like manner. Connect with your self destruction and depravity...
I feel like i've known alot of people who act similarly to this. Communicating properly will not only prevent relationships like this from crumbling, but help you stay comfy with said person.
Just be honest with them, and it doesn't hurt to communicate your jealousy either, as long as you do it very gently. As long as your not manipulative your golden.
Ayden Sanchez
I'm struggling with that right now. You can read more of my story here: My problem seems to be that I never think I'm "good" enough so I act uncomfortably clingy if I don't catch myself. But when I do and order myself to do nothing or something more reasonable (less), I feel like I'm not doing enough.
Xavier Jenkins
>How do you do it user? Was it caused by something? Yes. A lifetime of putting up with human evil. I want them to be extinct.
Connor Allen
I'm so fking same as you. You describe me somehow.
If you're a guy grow some balls. If you're a girl you're cute and there are good chances that the people you care about care back.
Nathaniel Collins
I thought that I was unable to become very attached to another person, but it turns out that when I find someone I really like who I start becoming way too attached. Just going a few days without getting to interact with them causes me to get a ton of anxiety, and leads to suicidal thoughts once again.
Carter Myers
I know exactly this feel. I'm disinterested in most people but then I find someone I like and I often annoy them and get ghosted because of it.
Tyler Cooper
It can get boring and annoying fast user. Find someone normal i think. There are too many problems involved, as much as this utter love and care sounds comfortable, idk, i feel like its annoying in the long term for the other person.
Unless you're also like that. I don't know how it'd work in this situation, maybe an extreme love, care and loyalty in a mneaningful lifetime relationship, or maybe a crazy unhealthy one. I don't know.
That fucking sucks. I hope we can find a way to become normal, damn.
But what if i also want a partner that's a virgin like me? (Yeah i'm also retarded of thinking about people pasts... I keep mine clean and serious to be worth of it too and want to be special as the person will be special to me).
>and it doesn't hurt to communicate your jealousy either, as long as you do it very gently That's what i'm actually scared about, i don't want to prevent my friends for having friends wtf. Specially because the people i knew and got attached to already had almost no friends and had to deal with social problems (and i supported them always ofc but my mental illness keep making me anxious). Also lmao i'm a person online, even being gentle i'd be coming off as a fucking creep i think, like, who am i to be jealous over an online person that's talking with another online person?
That sucks user. And damn, i know your feeling. Even when the person keeps ensuring that we're the most perfect person they ever meet, even if you believe in everything else the person says, those words specifically come out as hollow and i can't associate or accept them.
Sorry to hear about that. I won't say that you're wrong, most people are truly bad.
Do you live in the American south? You sound familiar to a person I know.
James Hall
I get super attached super quickly, but it tends to fade with time. We could always get attached to each other for fun?
Jeremiah Barnes
Virginity is a meme. lolololol
Easton Mitchell
THIS. Just be painfully honest. The worst thing that can happen to you is getting embarrassed and realizing they don't fit into what you want and then you can move on.
Lucas Johnson
What letter does her/his name start with?
Samuel Robinson
Every time I read a post like this I hope it was written by my oneitis.
Gabriel Mitchell
Same here, though It's silly to think since she ghosted me 9 days ago.
Evan Rodriguez
This is exactly me, I know how you feel. It's hard to admit something like this.
Lincoln Gomez
Mine has ghosted me a few times too b-ut maybe is because she likes me so much she can't deal with it, right?
Sebastian Flores
Come on, fellas. You're better than this. Some girl is going to love the affection you can give her.
Benjamin Ross
OP, you have to clarify: are you male or female? It really affects the way you respond to people and how people react to you in return.
Jace Long
>Get attached to person online >Think they care for you too. >Through certain events, realise they don't. >Get hurt again. I'm asocial and have no friends, never cared for the people around me. But online it's a bit different, you can meet so many lovely people and it's easy to get attached. I'm basically in the same situation as you, but on the net (spooky amirite). It always end in tragedy, of course, what else could there be but misery.
Seriously, didn't anyone find a way to cope or lessen the effects until now?
What about the comedown? It's always bad when it ends
...Please don't mind me. I just want to stop being poison and fucking up things, and build healthy bonds.
Everything is a meme, user Follow the meme(s) that makes you happier and realized
Hopefully i don't have a letter for now, i wouldn't adventure with this again before fixing my state of mind first, just a few meaningful online friends i wouldn't let my illness break. I do care alot with those, but that's my personality, not my illness yet.
I don't know if I'll be able to like another girl. She was basically my ideal girl in every way, so it's going to be hard finding someone else when I'll also just think how much better she was.
Jayden Bennett
You could try doing therapy on yourself to change your automatic thoughts of clinginess into something more productive. That's what I'm working on.
Hudson Gonzalez
But what if she does like me? Ofc she has never said it and she mostly speaks to me when she has no one else to speak but still...
Ryder Kelly
Who says it needs to comedown? If we both get attached, why wouldn't times stay good? Even with my attachment lessens, it only makes it so I can deal with them not being only associated with me.
Of course you will, m8. These things just take time. I never thought I'd get over having my heart crushed by my first love, but I did.
Then you should ask. Is not knowing worse than being able to try getting over the situation?
Jack Thomas
>just a few meaningful online friends >meaningful Fuck. At first I really hoped you were my oneitis but now I'm really hoping you're not.
Caleb Kelly
What kind of people have you become attached to? Where they friends, or romantic interests? If the latter, where any of them ldr's?
Alexander Hill
Have you ghosted, or been ghosted by someone recently?
Juan Bailey
Just say if you're a guy or a girl.
Wyatt Morris
I know the feeling. I too don't have irl friends...
The thing is that online you can find people with similar interests, and be yourself without fear of judgement. Even if some people laugh at this, it's the kind of thing that only happens online... I mean, try to be clingy and caring or attached in the real life. It never works (unless you meet the person online and go irl?)
I'm interested in that convertion, i heard about it many times (robots talking about channeling rage/sadness into productive things for example). But i don't get how it is exactly done, any hint? I could use it on a hobby.
>Who says it needs to comedown? If we both get attached, why wouldn't times stay good? Because things like that are unstable
Don't worry i'm pretty sure i'm not. But even with meaningful friends she can still be loyal to you as a lover, don't worry.
Always a friendship first to know each other. But then things start getting deep for me even if not the other way around.
Can't say there was a LDR because the person wasn't as attached enough to declare one.
It doesn't need to be unstable. I don't see why we couldn't be friends that love each other.
Nathan Diaz
I'm not sure how I'd use it on a hobby, I want to become aware of the thoughts that make me clingy and retrain them into more normal thoughts. Not getting rid of the clinginess, but making it less suffocating.
Joshua Reed
Lmao this fucking guy just has to make a few posts like an insecure 15 yo girl and y'all losers acting this way kys
Jose King
So basically you started a friendship with someone online, developed strong feelings for them, but they don't reciprocate your feelings. That definitely sucks.
Chase Adams
NO! Shut up! There's a chance she's my oneitis. Don't talk about her like that!
How often did you talk with this person you became attached to?
Evan Martin
I know that feel, OP. Sometimes, I feel like it's too late for me. Every time I try talking to people, they've got their established friend circles, or they end up not wanting to be friends, or they end up too young, or something awkward happens in conversation that makes me think we're best off not talking (and I follow up on it). A guy that I was talking to for months and thought I had a nice friendship going on? Exposure to his friends made me realize that our conversation is super stiff and that he seems much more at ease and happy with them. Another person, with whom I thought I was starting to develop some form of rapport ghosted me. Yet at the same time, I don't want to lose hope that one day I'll have friends who might have friends of their own, and that I won't be feeling jealous of them or imagining my own problems to avoid the whole thing.
Lucas Taylor
i suspect OP is actually a girl or in the very least a trap
Michael Phillips
Yeah, that's pretty obvious since this: >i'm not an abusive cunt Implies OP was referring to themself as a girl.
Noah Cruz
Being "friends" when you love someone is a constant rejection every day. It's a reminder every time that you weren't good enough to choose.
Josiah Cox
I'm talking platonic love, m8. You don't love your friends?
Cooper Moore
that or aussie since all they do is call themselves cunts
Brandon Campbell
Obviously this person was in love with the other. That's why it can't be platonic.
Jaxson Sanchez
It's already obvious ffs
The problem isn't that user. I created this thread bc i'm tired of it and wanted to see if i was just fucked up and should kms already or if there were people like this and how they cope with it.
The idealization phase is always so good, and your words sound like words i'd write and idealize. This phased is beautiful. Until it inevitably ends.
Maybe channeling the anxiety into death metal music on drums lol... How do you do it user, is there an easy explanation?
lmao ikr hahahaha
There even was reciprocation in the start, but i guess i expected too much and became dependant on the person. Even if at a point i forced myself not to, my fucking brain slipped into it.
Do your oneitis know it? If not, it's not me, don't worry :C
Literally almost daily
Aaron Collins
I'm talking between them and I, m8. You and I just have a small misunderstanding.
Lucas Mitchell
You shouldn't kill yourself. I promise I wouldn't do anything to hurt you. I only want to help you be in a better place every single day that we know each other.
Owen Foster
This and the fact that every girl on Jow Forums writes the exact same way doesn't help.
Brayden Russell
I think I understand that because I'm always disappointed when someone who claimed they were a robot suddenly tells me about their hundreds of friends. While it's nit as bad as you I also get attached too easily and care too much. My concerns are different because the magnitude is not the same but I don't want to become clingy, and at the same time I want to be able to selectively care and be able to let go. Even in real life I end up taking up other people's burdens and this fucks me up because I bear all costs but only they reap the benefits. How do I become normal?
Robert Sanders
I know how you feel op
Im completely apathetic to everyone but once i find someone I like then I become too attached to them and start thinking about them for days on end.
In fact there is this girl I really like and share interests with however im afraid of her finding me creepy yet at the same time I know I dont have much time left.
I'm currently reading a book about it to understand it more completely, but it can be summed up as this:To save mental processing power, the brain forms automatic programmed thoughts called schema. Sometimes these schema are maladaptive, one reason someone might be clingy is fearing abandonment and automatically responding by being suffocatingly close in an attempt to make them like you too much to leave. One of the most important parts of cognitive-behavioral therapy is identifying what your automatic thoughts are so you can retrain them into something less maladaptive.
Samuel Sullivan
Do you still talk with them daily now? Does the other person ever initiate conversation or is it just you?
Benjamin Rodriguez
>If not, it's not me This doesn't make sense. How can you be so sure none of your friends secretly likes you?
Ryan Parker
Hey, I know this all seems like something I would say but none if this is me.
I'm not wallowing. I miss you. Deeply. However, I am my own person. I'm good. I'm healthy. I can relate to all of this but I'm not trying to contact you through obscure r9k threads.
I love you, I hope we can reconnect some day.
Just in case.
Nathaniel Roberts
Does the word geo sound familiar to you?
Jace Morales
>met girl on Jow Forums >discord >she warns me she's clingy and gets attached easily >unsure about it because I'm not sure if I can deal with that >keep talking to her anyway >get attached to her >slowly realize she's actually cold as fuck I won't fall for this again
Jackson Edwards
Lol what did her name start with?
Colton Gonzalez
Not who you asked but is the first letter of geo wrong?
No, it's right. It's the username of the person who ghosted me.
Juan White
I won't tell. She may see it.
Samuel Powell
Not even a letter? I'm wondering if I'm in the same boat.
Nolan Howard
Why do you want it? Just to know, you also have the same i do or smth?
I'm not implying i am anything but i thought cunt was not gendered?
This is awesome. Do you have the name of the book please user? Sorry for being annoying, this can really help me. I'm very interested in psychology too.
Not really, we talked for a bit until things died. At the start she was the one to always start conversations. When i felt in love i was faster than her in initiating conversations every day and the last goodnight. And in the end when i got tired of it, the person was the one to start always until things died.
Oh i mean, his oneitis probably know, no? If not, it's probably not me Also my friends can be counted with less than a single hand, no one to secretly like me.
This wtf I always end up with friend collectors
Even if i'd be bothered with a few friends bc i'm fucking retarded, that's doable, but when they say they're introvert but are in 1001 servers, wtf?
I'd like to help you, that's why. I don't care if you're a guy or girl, but I'm a guy so you may not love me.
Adrian Adams
yes, i thought a co-worker was the nicest person to me there, she quit i was sad. i met up with her again and i waited to long to ask her out. she is married and has a kid.
Landon Fisher
Cognitive Behavior Therapy:Basics and Beyond. It's 414 pages, but if you're interested in psychology that might not be a problem. You can get it off of Library genesis, you can pirate just about any book there. What are your favorite psychology books?
Ayden Martin
I wish I could find someone as clingy as me. Although, I'm so clingy that I beg people to sleep on the mic with me (it would be kinda nice though). I remember there was this person who was just so mean about me being clingy, they just blew up on me. I just really wish I could have someone to be nice to and have someone be nice to me as much as we are able to.
Jordan Hernandez
I really hope you aren't a guy.
Sebastian Hall
I know that feeling well, user. People add you knowing full well that you're clingy thinking that they can handle it. In the end all that happens is that their nerves are worn down and you end up hurt. It's easier not to try. >comes to Jow Forums to find women
I am, but I guess that's what happens when you have a neglected childhood. I'm pretty sure if I were a girl it wouldn't even be an issue to a lot of people.
Bentley Gutierrez
Are you feminine? Would you be clingy to a male friend?
Nicholas Torres
To the boy who never talks to me anymore, Are you in this thread? Does it remind you of me? Call me on the phone. Just say "Hey, A****". And then you can hang up. I could so badly use hearing your voice.
I promise this is not true. :c
Cameron Jones
No, I wouldn't say I'm feminine. I might like some "artsy" stuff, but I used to work as a construction worker in my early days of college. how is it not true? I always see threads of people asking for clingy girls and stuff. The few girls who added me that said they were clingy were great to be friends with. I'm sure to some it's probably an issue, but like I said, no where near as bad as if you were a guy
Carson Garcia
Where do you live and how able to travel are you? I believe, but so not know, that this works for me but I couldn't deal with this if it was a purely online relationship nor if it was online for too long.
Owen Morris
I live in the western US, and I'm pretty able to travel. I have a car and a job.
William Torres
You also want to be helped/wants this annoying clingness or just wants to help me? Be sincere with your answer please.
Damn.... I wish you find peace user. This is too harsh
Thank you so much. I'll give it a try, it'll be very important to my mental health and even my formation if i decide for it later. To be quite honest with you, i like to read about conditions, theories and experiments, but never actually read a book, which is pretty bad...
>I beg people to sleep on the mic with me Sounds good. I'd be up to it if i ever found someone with a similar sleep schedule, but i vary alot so it was never an option.
>I'm pretty sure if I were a girl it wouldn't even be an issue to a lot of people. It wouldn't be any better i think. People THINK can they endure it but it'll probably be the same bullshit
That sounds like an attachment disorder. Talk to a therapist or do some research on attachment theory if you don't want to talk to someone about it
Chase Thomas
As long as you're getting plenty of information on each condition, you're not missing too much. Books organize information a lot more neatly than scouring the internet for articles and research papers though, which is why I like them. Research papers are often more up to date and give you more different viewpoints, so each has its disadvantages. What types of conditions are you most interested in?
Isaiah Bennett
I meant I don't beg for people to do that, although it has happened and it is nice. I live a pretty structured life, so my sleeping schedule has always been the around the same. Yeah, I suppose they do go through the same, but I just think that as a girl, you're more likely to find a guy willing to accept that.
Michael Evans
I live in eastern canada, where nobody else ever is, which is why I was asking about travel. If that's fine with you do you want to trade contact details? I can also travel or get you over here.
Jason Jones
I want to help you. I'm good enough with my clinginess that I can bounce back when things have the "downturn" as you say.
Bentley Jackson
Yes, travel is fine with me. I actually just got my passport not too long ago. You can send me your discord or I can send you mine if you want. Just email me [email protected]
Xavier Taylor
Sent you mine. Tell me if you're not receiving anything.
Hunter Martin
I just got it. Adding you now
Juan Perez
>add someone new >feel bad when they aren't replying to me near instantly >browse boards all over to try and find servers when I get lonely >never make any friends through them, either lurk or leave
You and i are the same in this regard. Am extremely lonely but i dont let just anyone in my life, but every now and then i meet someone who's literally perfect and as lonely as i am. We'll talk all the time and have fun and i try to be there for them as much as i can, but then she goes and finds friends again and go about their life while i sit here and cry like the retard i am for thinking i made a good friend i could spend all my time with. Idk im just stupid as fuck for thinking i could find someone who wants to put most of their time in me as much as i do
To add, i get a bit clingy, i miss having someone to fall asleep on mic and be awkward with but i also understand some people have lives. I guess i just have abandonment issues
Jace Brooks
>tfw too brainlet to read That's it, it's time to kms for real this time
Eli Sullivan
don't worry about it, buddy. Mistakes will be and have been made before.
Eli Garcia
I thought you were for some reason. I should be the one to apologize, I got your hopes up for nothing and your situation is much harder than mine.
Brayden Hill
Nah, dude, it's cool. I kinda laughed it off already. Good luck with finding a gf though.
Ethan Sanchez
They sound awesome exactly due to that, they gather most relevant information you'd find scattered over the internet in an organized way. But its true that the advantage of being always updated goes to research papers.
I'm interested in mental disorders in general, like psychotic disorders or PTSD and its causes and specific occurrences. But i know little. If i'm being specific, i wish i someday could work in the criminal area, to closely study the roots of the desires and impulses to go against social laws and morals, and how each specific case differ from normal people, i love this but gave up on actively seeking it (thus my complete lack of knowledge) because i think i'm too fucked mentally for it.
If it makes you feel better maybe girls are more likely to find someone willing to accept that, but with secondary interests, and many times it will go wrong. Now, when you find someone as a guy, you have way more chances of building something stable and lasting.
Thanks i'll read about that, i didn't knew the term before. It may be that, if things match too much maybe i can look for a therapist.
No promises, if you like to we may talk about it. Please take in mind everything i said, i'm seriously far from normal.
Also pardon me if i take until tomorrow to see the email, it's very late where i live... [email protected]
