Mom Science

>you can't fast for 24 hours, you'll starve
>you're going to be a normal person and drink this soda, ginger ale is even good for you! You can't go your entire life drinking just water!
>I read a study that says Advil prevents heart attacks and cancer!
>you don't need to diet you fox hunt (equestrian fox hunt)
>I'm not fat (shes really skinnyfat)
>eat this twix, chocolate is good for you
>this cereal has whole grains it's healthy (frosted flakes)
There's more shit from my mom if you'd like

>bread is good for you it helps your digestive system
>you need sugars, here eat these chips
>you need to lose weight, but here are some pringles nougat and suasage

Let's hear it

But first and third are literally true. First one depends on the intensity of your workouts so it can go both ways. Work out hard enough and you won't be able to walk the next day. Good luck working through that doms lmao.
The third one is especially true. You get fat by eating too much, how is that momscience?

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This woman is crabs in a bucket personified, I get mild PTSD whenever she calls my name
>you can't sleep without a pillow, you'll get neck aches
>you can't take a cold shower your immune system will weaken
>you can't use straight baking soda for brushing your teeth you need the regular toothpaste
>you can't eat salad without dressing here this has Olive oil so its good
>has an actual temper tantrum and breaks plates when I ate pancake and scrapple without syrup
it's not just food and fitness
>I went to secretary school that's basically college so I know how it's like
>Don't throw out that garbage it might have something valuable in it
>we have to do this tradition in my very specific way
>can't navigate for the life of her
>it's gotta be the official MapQuest because I once clicked on the wrong link

>So What if you didn't eat today? Just eat double tomorrow.

It Hurts to even think about it

I literally had this conversation with my mom yesterday.

>telling my mom about my cardio exercises
>”oh user, you shouldn’t do that, cardio is bad for you”
>what
>ask her to explain
>”if you do cardio you’ll die quicker, it depletes your energy and weakens the heart”
>can’t believe what I’m hearing
>ask her to provide evidence, get told to “look into it”
>try to explain basic health to her, get told to “check my sources”
>TRIGGERED
>realize that she’s must have gotten this insanity from somewhere
>research on the internet
>find this
>cnn.com/2017/05/15/politics/donald-trump-exercise/index.html
>mfw my mom gets her health advice from the god emperor

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>user you are too skinny
>user, eat my food
MOM I DO NOT WANT TO EAT YOUR FOOD I AM CUTTING

>bulking
>mom tells me to stop because once I gain that weight I'll never lose it
>cites her pregnancy
>point out to the fat bitch she's never exercised or watched what she ate

jesus christ user

>(frosted flakes)

KEK

>protein powder is fake protein
I thought this was just a meme, but she actually said it last week.

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oh god

just wait till you hear about "fake muscles" since you got them at the gym.

>"check your sources, 9/10 doctors recommend to get off that fucking treadmill and sit down with a donut to preserve your heart, look into it"

Mine isn't too bad about it, but the household environment makes it difficult to maintain anything effective
>she's veggie so little protein sources in the house
>Whole family is fat af so house always full of sugar shit
>Thinks diets like weightwatchers sin counting is effective and stuffes face with pasta
>"Oh annon, you don't want *insert sugar shit snack*? you must be ill here take like 30 of them"
>"You shouldn't fast it's not healthy"
>"I don't want you taking supplements they're damaging and will hurt you"
>"Why do you need dip bars? You can do pushups its the same thing"
Most of all they really don't take me wanting to get stronger seriously, so I'm fighting with people who encourage me to do less and say I'm good enough already. I know I'm not good enough yet

Because some moms don't actually care about goals(bulking), they just like to parrot out all of their knowledge and advice, regardless if it's relevant.
>Work out hard enough and you won't be able to walk the next day
nice job outing yourself as a DYEL

My sister's a vegan or something so she's paranoid of my lifestyle choices
>why can't I sleep (watches TV at 10 at night)
>don't you dare turn that TV off I'm only here a small while (she's not even watching it)
>you have post workout soreness in the muscles you need Advil
>don't you dare throw out your old toys I want them (goes dumpster diving)
this is a big one:
>have everything in moderation
>so have these caramels and frozen food
>gives father greasy shit which he complains about heart pain later
at least my dad is catching on to her bullshit and tries to eat healthier and jogs a lot despite being 50 and >200

>people who work manual labor are unable to work back to back days

>Mom I need to get a gym membership or bigger dumbbells these aren't heavy enough and I can already do a bunch of reps
>Did you try doing them more user?
>Eventually you won't be able to lift them anymore if you do them enough times son.

>Peanutbutter is a great source of protein

>user your pullup bar is going to break the door!

>Meat isn't good for you user you should eat these veggie patties

>These Nature Valley bars have a lot of protein

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>peanut butter is a great source of protein
this meme is utterly maddening. I don't know why so many people believe it

in an airplane bathroom
thottery has no limits

how the fuck you count micros?

>what are weekends

>my work schedule is one day of work one day of rest

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Wait, what exactly is peanut butter? I buy something in my country which is just peanuts, but crushed into a kind of paste, and I think it is a great source of proteins (and calories, for that sake)

Baking soda is true it's too coarse straight and will ruin your enamel

Literally what's wrong with peanut butter protein? I put that shit in every smoothie except pre-work out.

>you dont need rest days
found the guy who has been training under a year

Manual labor is the same labor every single day which your body gets used to quickly. You dont get doms from manual labor past like two weeks in.
Ask me how I know you haven't lifted for more than 6 months.

when your (((recommended protein intake))) is 30-50g per day 7g of protein from a scoop of peanut butter is a substantial amount

You're good enough user, you're just going to get even better.

Agreed. (I actually thought that when I had trained for less than a year)
A scoop, bitch? I eat 140g of peanuts every day, that's already 36g of protein.

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It's not the protein itself, it's the amount. 7g protons in 190 calories is shit, especially for a food normies think is high in protein

Your mom was telling you that cardio is killing your gains.
Enjoy being a dyel all your life user.

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He said "back to back" you fucking retard.

>>you need rest days
>>cholesterol/fat is bad for you
>>you're eating too much food you're going to get fat
>tfw user's mother is smarter than him
Shameful tbqh

In America most “peanut butter” is a sort of frosting-like spread that is made of multiple ingredients. Usually has some kind of vegetable oil, sugar, and skim milk or something like that. You can however buy fresh peanut butter like you’ve described at most organic or health food stores

>"Just get under [weight that is 25.7 BMI for my height while I have 30% BF] and that should be plenty healthy enough :)"
>"Be careful! You should only increase weight after a month of doing the same weights."(Bear in mind that I'm a beginner making noob gainz)

I'm pretty lucky though. She's been cool about my new fitness route overall and is open to explanations.

>Being able to run a 5k in about 33 minutes one year, then never, ever doing cardio over the winter, and then only being able to do it in 38 minutes the next year.
>Using ineffectual home workouts with kettlebells, stupid light weights (like the retarded 2 lb weights), buying workout video after workout video on DVD and then never even using them.

tell her you'll be getting lots of cardio down in texas when you volunteer to help build the wall

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macros aren't superb.

lots of stuff has a better protein per 100kcal ratio

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So are people who actually train hard you dyel weak faggot

>[weight that is 25.7 BMI for my height while I have 30% BF]
150kg is still pretty fat user. try losing some weight

The Advil one might be true. I'm not sure if it's Advil or Tylenol but one of them is a blood thinner and could actually prevent heart attacks if taken fairly regularly.

There's no way you can have such a good command of english and not know what peanut butter is, are you autistic?

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My mother was a terrible alcoholic who died from heart failure in her early 50s.

this dumb motherfucker never did german volume training

one by one

advil isnt used to prevent heart attacks. You're thinking of aspirin which is regularly prescribed as an 81 mg dose taken daily to thin the blood. Advil can cause stomach ulcers and intestinal bleeding if used like this. please no

What do you think about having 2 tablespoons for a caloric surplus, I've been 190 pounds for like a year now and think I need to bulk up further before a cut? Will a 200 calorie surplus be enough

I never heard of the baking soda. Does it work?
I want to unfuck my yellow teeth I got years ago from drinking Coke daily.

But 1-2 times per month shouldn't be that bad, right?

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I am in awe ate the size of this lad

>mom was a collegiate gymnast and coach for years
>she gives me an ultimatim after i graduate elementary school that I need to pick a sport to do
>pick swimming
>she sends me to expensive swim camps and forces me to practice and swim meets
>just after i graduate middle school she gives me an ultimatim, either i work toward getting a scholarship in swimming to go to college and she'll support me for the rest of my education or i get a part time job and save up to move out after highschool
>pick swimming
>she controls practically every facet of my diet, sleep schedule, competition schedule, makes me a sport specific weightlifting/stretching/calisthenics routine, hires nutritionist to consult once a month and sports masseuse once a week, gets in contact with swim gear manufacturer reps to get the latest and greatest in swim gear (literally beta tested things like forward facing snorkels a year before they hit the market and goggles with built in MP3 players that send sound to your ears by sending vibrations through your cheekbones), video records me swimming and sends footage to college coaches to analyze my technique
>obviously i rapidly improve and by the time i graduate highschool i am fucking jacked and very close to olympic trials qualifying times
>2008 economic crash happens
>make it into a UC anyway
>the summer before I get in, the men's swim team gets cut
>no local teams worth joining
>master's swimming is for hobbyists
>my team back home gets disbanded because my coach was literally making can't transfer due to my major
>give up
>start smoking cigarettes and drinking heavily
>drop out of college
>switch on-and-off between part time jobs and dicking around in community college till now
>could have been a well adjusted C/B-average college graduate with a social life if I didn't swim

Lol can't say I didn't try, thanks mom

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Sounds like your mom hooked you the fuck up

Dang, sure sucks she didn't let you settle for being a fat mediocre piece of shit like mine did. (love ya tho moms f'real)

meant to reply to this guy

>you can eat more calories than you expend and lose weight and vice versa

>MP3 players that send sound to your ears by sending vibrations through your cheekbones
did they work?

>protein with steroids in it
>I saw at Target
brb running down to the shop

Behold the nutritional value of real peanut butter. 25g protons/100g.

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>You can't go your entire life drinking just water!
W E W
E
W E W

Wow, and only six hundred calories! I'd only have to eat 3600 calories to meet my protein goal for the day! NICE!

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Because it is 25 wt% protein and 500-600 cal/100g

>need 3200 daily for bulking
>don’t wanna spend time cooking another meal
>eat 200g of PB during the afternoon or evening for 1000 calories and 50 gram of protein which would be a third or fourth of recommended protein for muscle growth

The perfect bulking food

How do I know you’re a moggable little manlet?

>6'2"

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>cheese is healthy because muh protein and calcium

She weighs 400 lbs

Have you ever bulked in your life? How much do you weigh?

Both ibuprofen and acetaminophen are horrible for you if you take them too frequently

Just never take meds except for migraine shit and those necessary to live if you have a condition. The testing they do is completely irrelevant because we barely know how the body works

>work manual labour (mechanic)
>hit the gym 5 day a week
Feels good nibba

100 miles ran a day keeps you out of jail.

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Yes, but only while they made contact. They were these disk shaped things built into the goggle straps that flapped around unless you tightened that shit down and only swam at a mediocre pace like you might during distance/endurance swimming. IIRC sound quality was phenominal compared to earbuds but with practically zero bass. Kinda like listening to music in an airplane without popping your ears as you gain altitude, but without the associated reduction in volume.

>if you really wanted abs you should do 300 sit ups everyday before bed

That 6'1" and 185lbs is "too skinny"

>all legit concerns

welcome to /fit and enjoy your stay my new friend

>you're a handsome young man and you'll get a girlfriend in no time

>yfw she's right.
I'm 6'2" and 190lbs. and still look DYEL as fuck.

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Actually it's literally 30% of weight in protein, more than any type of meat. Not to mention way cheaper.
1kg of it(500g of protein) costs as much as 2 big steaks.

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*300g of protein

You don't do maths good huh

>5'10" 170
>"You're getting too big user I think you should stop"

mine said that to me at 5'8 150 lmao

>5'8
>getting big ever
oh I am laffing

please user I can only grow outwards, don't take that away from me

>You are getting too big!
>Only been jelqing for 6 months

my mom usedto jelq me now I have partial ED

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eat your moms food, user

drinking detox water to lose weight fast

>doesnt matter how deep fried the meal is as long as it has vegetables its healthy and you wont get fat
Shes 5'3" amd 280lb