Why not just literally fuck yourself?

Why not just literally fuck yourself?

>bussi on demand

>get to give and receive at the same time

>no STDs

>no pregnancies

>totally free

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My dick ligament too stronk, can't point that shit more than a few degrees past horizontal when I'm hard

All your problems can be solved with this 1 simple trick:
git gud

Very solid advice, I'll try that next time

Ok, where do I get my portal gun?

I don't think my penis bends like that, user
this does not seem like a solution for me

You are right, if black salami can do it anyone can!

>he doesnt jelq to increase the length and elasticity of his erectile tissue

Well theres your first problem

I'd rather not destroy my benis, thanks

>not destroying your benis every day/night/morning/afternoon/brunch/middinner/dusk/dawn
Absolutely amateurish

>he doesnt intentionally damage his cock

GTFO Norman

jelqing is one of the most moronic things you could do to yourself

there are about 5,000+ accounts from guys who permanently maimed themselves doing that, even guys who did the pseudoscientific "warmups" and "post jelq routines" and "blah blah whatever the fuck totally safe jelq method".

it's all stupid. don't jelq.

My benis is like 4.5 inches when it's fully erect so it won't reach my asshole and on top of that it doesn't bend at all, it's very stiff.

I can't even bring mine to horizontal state. Thank God I'm a fucking virgin cause missionary is probably the only position I could do without breaking my dick off.

my dick is too high up and short
i can't even tuck it between my legs

my cock reaches beyond my ass but it hurts when i bend it into my ass, or rather it is physically impossible when im hard

>That 30 year old boomer that still doesn't jelq
Have fun being stuck in small pp land

Because hand method means I receive and I don't have to give anything. I'm a greedy bastard.

Yeah but when you're done there's cum in your ass
Miss me with that gay shit

wtf you're supposed to wear a condom
How do you think you avoid giving yourself STDs and pregnancy?

I thought OP said no STD or pregnancy

The joy of getting fucked in the ass in the sense of submission and being a fucktoy to another man.

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Exactly, the condom was implied. Otherwise you might end up giving your butt herpes or a baby or something

Well I don't need the condom because I'm not doing it because it's gay, just like masrurbation (you are giving a man a handjob)