I'll start
>be me 3 years ago
>19 at time
>had just started what would ve a very brief relationship with girl who I had been friends with for a coouple years
>one time hanging out
>we kiss
>she looks in my eyes and says user this might be weird but I think you are my soulmate
>get freaked out
>run autism.exe
>break it off and claim that ai think I am asexual
>not afraid of commitment to one girl but at time was afraid of committing life to someone
>end it
>stay friends sort of
>get more depressed. drink more and drop out of school
>she still contacts me but I don't put much effort into responding. Text maybe twice a year for 3 years
>still not in school over next 2 years
Share your stories
Nolan Hughes
Other urls found in this thread:
Christopher Young
(2/2)
>be last fall
>22 now
>get out of my rut and go back to school
>think about her every so often and how I miss her but always to scared to contact for some reason
>still depressed but not as bad as before
>be current summer
>get great job with inspiring people
>hard at first because so used to being alone the majority of the time
>inspires me to become better not just professionally but in all areas of my life
>trying to get fit as I am very fat
> message girl and another good friend(m) from 2015 that I had disconnected from
>not necessarily seeking relationship as we are far apart now but still have feelings after 3 years despite good efforts to move on
> she was excited to hear from me and nearly immediately suggested I visit asap
>call her last night
>says she has been dating someone for 2 months
>talk for a bit about how we used to be close
>tell her she was always the better friend and that I wanted to give back
>going to talk again next week
>now sad that she is in relationship
Jeremiah Edwards
Too be frank, I was a shitty friend and at the time we were "together" would have made a shitty boyfriend. I want to be there for people who I wasn't before but with her I guess i had always hoped it would someday work out even though I never did anything to make it happen. When I finally did it was too late. We live far apart so a relationship probably wouldn't be realistic anyway. Part of me hopes she still loves me but I can't try to ruin what she has now because I might just end up running again
Henry Jackson
Also any advice on what other anons/robots/cyborgs would do would be greatly appreciated
John Carter
Deserved it. You are a fucking idiot.
Hudson Flores
I know. I don't regret it. If I had stayed where I was then, I wouldn't have gotten the opportunity to do what i am doing now. My goal is improvement but it will be hard if I get sad about her
Carson Howard
All you can do is move on. If that means getting her out of your life to feel better, you have to. Force yourself to improve even on days you dont want to, that's how I improved myself. Good luck user.
Kayden White
kill her bf baka
Andrew Rivera
Thanks. Problem is I just brought her back in 2 days ago and part of improving myself is being a better friend and not just to her. She is just the only friend I have ever had romantic feelings for. I have cut her out too many times and would feel worse if I did it again
Austin Martinez
Ask her to make you a better person. If she wants to she will spend more time together with you and maybe rekindle the feelings she had.
Carter Gomez
I live 8 hours away currently and don't have a car. Also sadness is better than prison
Nathan Ramirez
We will hopefully talk on the phone every week. Last night she said it was weird because of how close we used to be but she is genuinely happy to hear from me and still wants me to come and visit her when I can in a few months
Austin King
>5 months agi meet geeky but attractive guy om dating app
>he goes to the same uni as me
>double major hard worker but still very active in life
>i want him in my life
>we get closer and agree on a wine wednesday in my single dorm
>i prepare, buy supplies, cut up little slices of apples, fancy cheese, crackers, good wine, I want to prepare the best wine wednesday ever
>he comes over, i'm fresh out the shower trying to smell and look as nice as I can
>"user it's so nice and cozy in your dorm, I wish I lived like that"
>we put on a movie on and have a few drinks, he acts silly and I'm all warm and mushy, end up cuddling, fall asleep in his arms
>I never want this to end
>I was struggling really hard with bulimia and depression at that time
>drinking, smoking, self harm, purging everyday
>can't let him see any of that
>we spend another night together and kiss
>I feel like my own real person for once
>he eventually notices my self harm and bruises
>crying that I let them slip like the shit I am
>takes me back to my dorm and takes away every substance in sight, calms me down untill I stop yelling but I hate everything yet it's all like a dream, no one would ever do anything like this for me
>i don't deserve any of this
>have 150mg of clonazepam (2mg*75)
>bottle of whiskey
>start with 10mg
>feelsgood, guess I'm just taking a break today
>fooling myself
>within an hour the entire pillbox is empty, so is the liquor
>suicide notes all over the place
>i just want this to end
>now
>I can't stand myself, can't even have a regular coversation on any day, never have a group of friends or go out, I've never been this close to anyone and don't deserve this
>Pass out
>wake up about 16 hours later in my bed
>pretend everything is fine and put the notes aside
>next week hospitalized for mental breakdown
>text him and call him but he doesnt reply
>this is a nightmare
>get released from hospital
>aunt flies in from another state and picks me up the hospital
1/2
Gabriel Cook
2/2
>on the plane on the way back home
>decide to go through our old texts
>I can't believe what I see
>that day I was attempted suicide I texted him a bunch of messages trash talking myself and how I hated everything that was happening
>his replies were supportive at first but I kept being and abosulte retard
>he eventually stops replying
>go to the lavatory and cry my eyeballs out for about half an hour
>I will never rexperience true affection
>validation
>or acceptance of any form
>I'm just another loner and always will ve
>back home I drink every day and night while mixing with xanax
>5 days later wake up at 5am feeling very sick
>I know I'm severly dehydrated
>decide to tell not anyone
>let it kill me whatever
>eventually someone finds me in the basement in tears and gasping for air motionless pn the ground
>upon touching me my skin is ice cold
>I can feel my blood pressure being so low that my vision is blacking out
>"finally, finally just let me out, I messed up a chance that offered itself to me"
>wake up a few hours later in ICU
>have to repress emotions since showing anything to family is a big flag that I'm not well and they will cling and control me even more
>have to pretend I'm okay now
>already on really bad terms with family
>have no uni, no friends, nothing that I enjoy
>my heart is slowly dying from the bulimia
>tells my parents everything is fine after doc's checkups but im here just waiting for it to stop
>wasted a year worth of uni tuition money
>eventually get out of this and spare myself and everyone the trash person that I am
Lucas Allen
Eh I didn't bother to proof read whatever
Kevin Sullivan
Wanna talk about it?
Origipasta
Landon Russell
i am sorry about your heart break. I have to go to work but if the thread is still alive at lunch I will try to reply more. You aren't worthless, don't tell yourself that. Try to make small improvements every day and don't beat yourself up if you slip up. No one is perfect but we become better by being arlund people who can pass knowledge onto us. If you have a job or school or just a foctor that knows you somewhat well try to find a mentor in them. Don't worry about your family controlling you wither. Do what you need to do to improve your mental health. Seek a mental health professional, there is nothing embarrassing about it especially if it helps you be the best pwrson you can be. Have a good day user, I believe in you
Ryan Baker
That is really fucked up. Do you want to talk about it?
Ryan Wright
That's... really tragic, user
I trust that you can rebuild, you don't seem like a bad person, simply a very troubled one
Wyatt Gomez
are you a queer or a roastie
either way you should have died
Adrian Hernandez
edgy as fuck
origigigigigigianiosdnasndlawd
Justin Evans
I don't really have much to say, food is poison more than joy or health at this point, I no longer seek anything other than escapism or self harm. I've been speaking to a bunch of professionals for a couple of weeks but I just go to pretend that I'm doing something for myself and show my parents "yea im getting better see" but all in all i can't give myself/brain anything that it wants, a good relationship, friends, good social skills or anything really, can't even give it a decent body either so the best i can do is hurt it until it leaves me alone. Loneliness really hits me hard sometimes, and I assume it's the same for a lot of people here
This sense of belonging and validation is so addictive and feels leagues better than anything else due to how rare it is, the lack really makes me wonder why I wake up every morning in the first place. Alcohol and other substances tend to "let me feel" as I think to myself sometimes, my emotions are expressed whether thinking alone or watching something, I let myself cry/laugh etc. As if nothing else bothered me and gives me this "individual real human being feeling"
Bi-
Honestly i should really have but cant even do that, the original plan was 50mg of xanax instead of the clonazepam but I couldnt wait for my plug to supply back then, I know substances are "bad" but really give enough warmth to pretend they are good, can't even enjoy anime without them since they really boost the emotions I like having while watching some of them
But I love helping others I always want to do something for others I really don't care just enjoy what I am and what I can give, someome telling me "wow this cake is good" and watching them enjoy it is enough to make my month, I just want to be able to enjoy a gift without questioning why it's being given to me, or just get that one kind of hug that makes you feel safe. A lot of people here probably "hate" being around other people but it's so hard after a while
Eli Ross
Devrim#5553
add me and let everything out
Dominic Adams
>please let me save you my fair maiden
[thirst intensifies]
Zachary Moore
kill yourself faggot, i genuinly want to help this person and you think im in it for the thirst
i havent been interested in female over the past 3 years and i dont plan to have that happen to me anytime soon
Ian Clark
Im a whatever the fuck(male)
Jonathan Garcia
nigs be nigging
Jayden Hall
John King
>25
>Alcoholic
>Depressed
>Divorced
>Met a girl through a work connection and ended up falling in love
>Date for a while
>Propose, get married, whole deal
>Marriage is great and loving except I can't stop drinking
>Once I start it's all over
>"I'm grabbing a beer after work with a friend (worked in a bar) and then I'll be right home!"
>End up staying out long after friend leaves and close the bar down
>Multiple times
>Can't stop
>One day I break down and tell her I need help but I'm scared
>"I think it'll be good if we separate for a time, both work on our issues."
>Depression gets worse
>Drink even heavier
>End up in the hospital 3 times in the same month
>Move in with my sister to try and get serious help
>Stay clean for 2 1/2 months before I relapse
>All the while keeping contact with wife
>"I think it'd be a good idea if we got divorced."
>Fucking drink myself blackout for 4 days straight
>Finally start to accept the idea but not happy about it
>She drives to the town I live in and we meet up to sign divorce papers
>In line at Starbucks getting coffee and she's showing me pictures of her dog I got her when we were married
>Fucking nudes all over her phone.
>bitchwutthefuck.png
>Lose my shit
>I stayed faithful and tried to follow through with what I said
>This fucking whore didn't even wait a month
>Drug abuse starts up again
>Start slipping up at work
>Disappear for a few days and don't remember what happened
>Boss pissed
>Family pissed
>Convince my boss to let me keep my job as long as I go to and complete rehab
>Get better and stay clean for over a year
>Have a beer at my house after work one night
>Keep it under control and in moderation for a while
>Try going out to a bar one day
>Blackout and wake up on some random persons couch
>Try again a week later
>Same shit
>Can't keep living like this
>Currently going through withdrawal for drugs and alcohol
Been a shit past few years and I don't have a lot of hope
Gavin Mitchell
Giving up is weak. It's not about having hope, it's about staying stong.
Austin Hall
Youre a retard and got what you deserved.
Colton Taylor
I am not a normalfag but I am trying to become one. Normal people don't sit in their house all day avoiding caontact with anyone who genuinely cares about them
Mason Cruz
You sound like you have a lot of strength. You keep trying to better yourself no matter how much you fail so congratulations for that. I am learning to not let my fear consume and conttol me and to just be open and honest about my feelings. If people are rejecting you when ypu do this, like your wife did, then they are not people you want to associate with. Keep trying to be a better you user, I believe in you