ITT: Mental Illness General

i hate mental illness
i hate my life

diagnosed general anxiety, social anxiety, depression, ocd

the anxiety and ocd make a hell of a combo and its fucking with my sense of reality and time pretty bad to where its gonna drive me to suicide

That doesn't make any sense.

originio

I don't like remembering my childhood. I've forgotten most of the memories, but whenever something reminds me of one I feel extremely anxious and get into a depressive thought loop that doesn't go away, sometimes for days.
Things that have set me off are seeing kids playing, seeing a game I played when I was young, remembering the year 2000, and really I'd rather not go on anymore than just those few examples.
I don't know how to express or handle my emotions either. My emotions used to be so overwhelming that I would hold them back until I snap into a fit of rage, usually hurting myself in the process.
I have trust issues that make me see malice in people's actions. I have to stop, think about what they said, and figure out how it couldn't be about me. By default my brain thinks people laughing while they pass by, or yelling from the neighbors are because I fucked up, and that they're acting that way because of me.
If someone has the TV loud in the house and there's arguing on I have to put on music otherwise I get very stressed out. I used to freeze and listen to the yelling to make sure it wasn't because of me, but I realized that wasn't healthy and started to play music instead.
I have a sister, but I'm so paranoid about other people that I don't talk to her much either. I tend to keep in my room and only go out of it if I need to get something from somewhere else in the house. Being outside the house is extremely stressful for me. Work can sometimes physically hurt just from stress and anxiety alone.
I only ever had one flashback event. I was extremely stressed out (over what I forgot) and I was hiding under my blanket. I felt like I was 9 or 10 and being hit over and over through the blanket. All I could do was cry and curl up in a ball.

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diagnosed with OCD, bipolar type 1 and paraphilia NOS. been self-medicating with alcohol for most of my life.

50 days sober today.

surprisingly, I've been able to deal with the paraphilia a hell of a lot better, and was even able to go off of my antidepressant with my psychiatrist's help. the OCD is hell, though, and I'm not willing to do exposure therapy again to deal with the worst of the triggers. as a result I'm CONSTANTLY FUCKING ON EDGE, insanely irritable and obsessing over the smallest shit as badly as I did as a child. repressing compulsions is a nightmare, giving in to them is a nightmare, driving everyone around me nuts when I get fixated on something is a nightmare.

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i have played the game of getting diagnosed since i was in the single digits
Mother had a penchant for drugging her poor, little baby boy, you see
other things, as well
i've been labeled everything from Schizophrenic, ADHD, Bipolar, ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder), Inattentive ADHD, Narcissistic, and Schizoeffective (Bipolar type)
also, more that i can't remember or were never told so that i might have the luxury of knowing at all
those last three are the current
i'm also a genuine article Sadomasochist
more on the S than M, but I used to scratch myself and sometimes even pull out my own teeth just to feel it as the latter was truly the most pleasurable of my own pains
i obviously learned that i was at least a Masochist as a child
if i were to be honest, i'm fairly sure i'm some sort of Sociopath or Psychopath
i never hit all the marks or even half sometimes on theoretical tests i've taken to be considered such, but i'm mostly sure that's due to behaviors and ticks i have developed in response to trauma

anyways, you are like vermin to me, i would kill you all in a heartbeat, if only i could

since i can't, i'm as docile as a kitten
i could never kill enough to make it worth it, even if thousands, so i simply can't be asked to be bothered with it, considering as such
so, i will live in this world until i do not as a really, really shitty hedonist

i am also an audiophile who alternates between Mommy fetishism audios and daughter-giving-attention-to-father audios
please, clap

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Fuck, now i feel bad for asking. I relate so much about some of the things you said tho. My parents were alcoholics, so almost every day of my childhood ended with my parents arguing outside while i tried to just ignore them via music or vidya. The worst part is that they were usually arguing about me, or my sister. Fuck, man im really glad im out of that situation now, and im lucky that it didnt have that much of an effect on me as it did for you.

I've never been diagnosed with anything but I have a lot of these same issues, and I have a lot of symptoms of disassociative disorder. I was abused and emotionally neglected as a child, so I basically have textbook mommy issues now. Also don't remember about 75% of childhood, which I is your brain's coping mechanism for traumatic events iirc. I also have a hard time trusting people and expressing my emotions, to the point where I've never been able to have a gf despite being able to have some normie friends by putting on a fake persona.

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Sounds like PTSD. Though even if you get diagnosed it's not like it will do any good for you. Therapy doesn't really seem to help me. The best thing you can learn is to be extremely skeptical of everything you think you believe and know. You're probably wrong, especially if it's about yourself.

Glad you don't have those kind of issues, but it's probably why you're a robot.

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>How did you get diagnosed?
same as everyone else
>How is it affecting your life?
poorly
>Do you take meds?
no

I miss these threads from back before the redditors ruined this board.

Actually doing better now, but seems I cant have a job or live on my own and manage my shit at the same time.

Your experience with OCD sounds similar to my own. Ive suffered with it for years and years. For me the obsessions and anxiety made me feel like my insides were being wrung out like a towel all day and all night with no breaks.

I can tell you that it is possible for it to get better, and to find some peace. Keep hanging on.

>but seems I cant have a job or live on my own and manage my shit at the same time.
i can't do either, kek
at least, not to the point of maintaining my mind enough to do anything i'd consider worthwhile
i become a caricature of a caricature rather quickly

That sucks user, here have this picture of an animu girl

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THIS
A HUNDRED TIMES THIS

most of you guys are probably alright, you just need to get out more and eat better.

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>told my dad i plan on killing myself next month after i pay back the money he loaned me
>looks absolutely devastated

I feel like absolute shit but I'm doing it for the right reasons and prefer this over the alternative.

I started developing symptoms for schizophrenia back when I was 17. I'm 21 now so I've had schizophrenia for 4 years.

I've always been schizotypal. I've always been told I act stranger than normal. My psychologist diagnosed me as schizotypal and she described what it is.

My doctor tells me that my schizophrenia could worsen over time. It's only a matter of time until I can't grasp anything in this world. I'm scared, but I'm also prepared

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>only a matter of time until I can't grasp anything in this world
you clearly already have no self-awareness because you have a trip

What's schizophrenia like? What warning signs should I look for?

Shit gets fucky.

Like fucking garbage you waste of space.

>finds out hes not the only one in the picture
i will never understand cheating

you should try to get a diagnosis from a professional to be sure. If you show multiple symptoms there is a chance (also could be something you dont realise).

Anyone with schizoid PD here?

A psychiatrist told me I had that but the diagnosis of it didn't matter since there is no treatment. Why?

OCD, Depressed and Social anxiety also aspergers, i'm probably going to end it all soon i'm honestly afraid of life itself, i feel like no matter what i do i'll be a neet since dropped out young and haven't talked to anyone outside of family or internet in quite some time, i stopped talking to my therapist because she wasn't helping i only went because she knew for awhile, and i'm scared that i'm developing something schizo i keep hearing and seeing shit, i'm constantly turning arround look behind my back because flashes of light or a general feeling of presence behind me, i find myself talking to myself for no reason and laughing at my own stupid situations i write in my head but if i get any more diagnosis i feel like my life will just get harder to find a job etc

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same minus the paraphilia and plus add. i've also self-medicated with alcohol like mad, i'd drink at least a fifth of whiskey a day in months-long binges. i managed to stop, but i increased opiate and benzo abuse as a result to compensate. yes, it is as retarded as it sounds. even though i knew my limits very well i came close to dying from an OD several times, but stayed awake. addiction is fucking shitty, man... i would not call myself addicted to benzos, i am just highly dependent. i used them when i started getting into my first manic episode and i got up to the level of probably 8 xan bars a day, on top of drinking and opiates. i've reduced since then, went up some, reduced some... it's a struggle when the withdrawals are actually killing you. i think my excessive downer abuse kept me out of a psych hospital since my episode lasted for probably 4 months and it kept me sleeping normally and acting less erratic. massively damaging time period; i lost friends, lost 2 semesters of classes, got strained relationships, lost my job, blew several grand on stupid shit, came close to an arrest a couple times, standard shit really. ocd is not that severe for me, i'll triple check things, stare into space thinking if i did something wrong and need to fix it, wash my hands often and get a worse compulsion to wash them with bleach that i haven't acted on, and get intrusive violent/sexual thoughts that make me very uncomfortable, some other stuff too like probably the root of some perfectionist behavior and going off on people for "not doing it right". bipolar is kinda gay though, even with medication i get swingy but not as bad. it also is neurodegenerative and i can notice my brain not working as well anymore. it is still very on par, but there are a few things that are just... wrong. this is the worst part for me since my brain is my biggest asset and pride, and i just feel like a worthless fuck over some things that it feels like i could have done before.

GAD, ADHD

why did you label your trip with your diagnosis? it's as if you're proud and base your entire identity around it

don't forget to lock the door by the way

I only tripfag when I am on these mental health/NEET threads. I post on them all and would always enter the threads going, "hey guys, schizoaffective and schizotypal bot back again". Using a trip would just be easier. I only use it for these threads anyway.

I'm not proud of it. I just talk about my day to day struggles living as a schizophrenic. I am aware I'm not normal. You can be a self-aware schizo, you know. But in the future, I'll be crazy and won't understand a thing. You're not a schizo, so what would you know?

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I'm Not mentally ill but I did have to go to a pysch ward after vaping cannabis cartridge for a couple hours
couldnt think straight for like for like a month
was diagnosed schizoaffective
basically when I was crazy, I couldnt dismiss or block stupid thoughts about magic like cutting myself for a blood contract with my mom for house rules
when I was crazy I also has like a 5 second memory I would think of something and then poof didnt know what I was doing I also did alot of other stupid shit like burning a sword in the fire place and then putting it back in the sheathe
after an while I check my sword I forgot about putting it in a fireplace and when i look at it it has a rainbow reflection on it
so I instantly thought It was magic like it could kill someone if I swung in their direction
tried testing it out on my pc put on a youtube video and swung sword in its direction
it stopped (cause of lag) I thought It was magic forgot I had WiFi ( lags and doesn't work a lot of the time)
then It started playing and the person in the video started laughing so I got angry and actually broke my monitor
anyway It just got worse and worse until the cops arrived anyway I was prescribed invega injections ( first they were pills but they changed after I pretend to shoot another patient with my finger and the myself, finally got out after like 4 weeks its been a year and I have some crazy thought every once in a while and I gained 80 pounds from the invega

dont vape weed cartridges or oil trust me

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you probably totally fucked the structural integrity of your sword

Is it guaranteed to get worse? Maybe it will stay the same, or even get better. Isn't there meds that will help stabilize prevent it from progressing?

It's different with each person. I have paranoid delusions that make no sense but can't help but believe that they're true and my mind is lying to me on purpose about them. I see shapes, monsters and other things I can't explain. I hear voices, conversations and occasionally I hear screaming. I also talk a lot of gibberish and talk about random things that race through my head when alone. I try and contain when people are around.

Schizophrenia is one hell of a mental illness.

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I already wrote a response for another user in

There are two main types of schizophrenics. Ones who take meds and ones who choose not to take meds. Ask any schizophrenic on meds and they'll tell you they act normal and that they feel normal.

Ask a schizophrenic not on meds and they'll tell you it made them feel like an emotionless zombie. I used to take meds but didn't feel any emotions. Tried multiple types of meds.

Taking meds is basically mind control. You don't experience schizophrenia but at the cost of your free will. Sure, it may help with the symptoms but at what cost? I didn't feel like me. I was something else.

My symptoms will go untreated as nothing will ever convince me to go back on meds. My schizophrenia will worsen and I will go completely insane. That's the way schizophrenia is. Most people don't "get over it" or "get better". Schizophrenia worsens over time

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My mother took her schizophrenia meds for 21 years and she was neither emotionless nor a zombie. And free will is a philosophical question anyway. And now it took her two weeks after ditching her meds to wind up getting picked up by the police and thrown into the psych ward for doing nutty shit in public. It may not seem that way to a schizophrenic, but medication is the lesser of two evils. It's very frustrating for a sane person to watch an acutely psychotic schizophrenic refusing to take meds, especially coupled with delusions of being smarter than everyone else.

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yeah its all bent and black now and the sheathe is cracked

Yeah I didn't mean to minimize it. I just feel like there's gotta be some room for hope. What about that new gen of drugs, like seroquel and them, A lot of people take them voluntarily who aren't schizophrenic, for this like depression and ocd. But I guess you probably already tired those ones.

I've had some paranoid episodes and they were some of the worst experiences I ever had. Not sure I could choose to go through that than taking meds. Though I know psych meds are fucked in their own way.

i hope you didnt pay much for it

no it was some cheaply made ceremonial sword I got from my sister as a present

The monitor was a 32 " though it was also a gift

better the monitor than a person tho

Yeah if It was a person i'd probably be in mental asylum right now

Hey guys I need some opinions

When I get stressed I start getting really paranoid and twitchy. There was this one time where I thought everyone could hear my thoughts and I had a freak out thinking everyone on the bus was talking about my thoughts and how I know they know that I know they can hear me.

Another one is that sometimes my thinking voice will scream insults at either me or people I notice around me. it just happens without warning but it's never other voices or voices I think I can hear outside my head it's just my thinking voice

Should I be worried about this or is it probably nothing?

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is that a regular occurence?

the fact that you know its your thinking voice is a good sign

Stuff like this occurs more when I get stressed

The screaming thinking voice happens rarely but if I'm stressed it happens more often depending on how stressed I am. I know it's my thinking voice because it sounds the same and doesn't sound like its someone talking in my ear

The thought sharing thing only really happened when I was very stressed but sometimes i start to get that feeling I had in my had when I first had that weird thought sharing moment. I never get to the point I was that first time though the feeling goes away before it does

Anyone else with DP/DR?

Every time I talk I don't feel like it's really me that's breaking through. I can't take it. Nothing feels real anymore, and I may as well just be dreaming. Nothing is impactful. There's almost no point to typing this even. Nothing I'm saying feels like me.

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I just realized how badly I worded this

That feeling I had in my head*

I never get to the point I was at that first time, the feeling goes away before it can get to that level*

you may want to get anti anxiety meds if this is because of "stress"
Im not a doctor
but if you dont want them to think youre crazy say you get stressed alot and anxious alot

>Ask a schizophrenic not on meds and they'll tell you it made them feel like an emotionless zombie.
...and or they didn't work, at all.*

nobody who posts in these threads has schizophrenia they wouldn't be posting that online.

had it for about 4 years, i dont remember how or when but eventually i just stopped caring whether or not i was "real" or how i felt like i was dreaming and it just kind of disappeared after a while. i dont really remember much of that time in my life but i feel you man, it's pure hell, but i really does get better. don't lose hope

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why not, motherfucker
you don't know me

Thanks man I appreciate the feedback

major depression with psychosis, long dissociative episodes, ptsd, and ocd has been my cocktail for 15 years
whenever I read about people with mental illness it seems their minds are rampant with anxiety, panic attacks, fear, or confusion

after having who knows how many mental breakdowns I haven't felt fear or panic since I realized that feeling fear implies I have a desire to protect myself from something. when hallucinations, incohorent thoughts, self-loathing, flashbacks, fucking whatever appear i just let them come

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