I DRANK TWO PITCHERS OF BEER LAST NIGHT AND AFTER MY COFFEE THIS MORNING I HAD THE LOOSEST MOVEMENT OF THE WEEK. MY HEMORRHOIDS ARE ABOUT TO BURST FROM ALL THE DRIVING I'VE BEEN DOING THE PAST TWO WEEKS. I'VE BEEN DESTROYING TOILETS SINCE I WAS 14! ASS CANCER 2019! BAD SHITS GANG UP IN HERE NIBBA, I TAKE A PLUNGER WITH ME WHEREVER I GO. I FLUSH WET WIPES AND CLOG PIPES NO BIG DEAL THOUGH! I WENT HOME TODAY TO TAKE A SHIT ANYBODY ELSE KNOW THAT FEEL?
>that thin liquid shit that makes your body wake up and get nightmares all through the wee hours every monday morning and you finally get up and have to go into work late because you're getting all the liquid beer shit from a three-day beer binge out of your body at one time
SHITTERS RISE UP
having my ice coffee right now I'll see you on the other side brothers
Adam Martinez
>been on a taco, ramen, and opiate binge for 3 days >constipated as all hell >take double dose of laxatives >nearly pass put on the toilet giving birth to the biggest, roughest, yet greasiest shit in my life >still having to get up to go rewipe every 15 minutes 2 hours later
>been constipated for whole life >literally nothing ever helped,suspect there's a mechanical blockage or something >laxatives are almost useless as well >have been recurring to enemas for years >last one had to go so deep and fill so much I nearly passed out while nearly vomiting from the smell
I want to get off this ride
Xavier Smith
>tfw dad always leaves massive skid marks on the back of the toliet bowl and under the toliet seat >he is too lazy to clean it up
Wtf is peoples problem?why are humans so disgusting? Clean up after yourself you fuck.
Justin Butler
guys I just finished a massive one. My legs are asleep and I can't stand up, but I feel good
Luis Wood
Give "We Want To Live" by Vonderplanitz a try
>t. years of nutritional research
Austin King
>Started lifting weights again >Eating more in order to bulk up >Decide to eat half a kilometre of cured meats before work for a bit of extra protein Holy shit, I don't know what the fuck happened, but I had to pooh at least a dozen times within 2 hours. It was like I was more pooh than man. A truly horrible day.
Chase Foster
Having diarrhea is way less annoying than constipation.Prove me wrong. >protip: you can't
Jaxon Watson
>We Want To Live" by Vonderplanitz thank you dude, promise it's not just meme material? I'd give an arm away in change of solving this problem.
Xavier Reed
I work a 9 to 5 job, I have to wake up at 7 every morning just so I can sit on the toilet and shit for an hour. Normally the first shit takes about 5 to 10 minutes to finally come out, and the actual shitting process doesn't take long. If I were to clean up and try to go about my day at that point though, I'd just need to shit again in another 20 minutes.
Even after my long ass morning shit I have to shit by noon, every day my lunch hour is taken up by me going home so I can take a shit in the comfort of my own home.
Trying to do anything with family or friends over the course of a few days is fucking impossibly frustrating. I normally try to get up much earlier than them so I'm able to take a long shit, but if I wake up too early I can't shit anyway. Stuff like camping, etc is pretty much completely out of the question. If I eat more than usual, or drink it just makes the problem worse. It's not out of the ordinary for me to shit 4+ times in a single day, and not little shit either.
I'm not even fat, 6'2 190lb. A bit chubby maybe, but not like obese. I need to go to a doctor, but I don't know if there's anything they can do. I've tried changing my diet but nothing seems to work. It fucking sucks.
>go to bathroom in my regular stall at work >everything comes out normally >go to new stall because someone was in the one I normally use >massive shit, bleed out my asshole too >this happens again but only in that specific stall.
What is happening and why is there blood in my poo.
If it's black you need to see a doctor. It usually means you're bleeding from further inside. Red is obviously bad but probably just hemorrhoids.
Jaxson Nelson
>constipated for a week and a half >trying to figure out why poo not come out >realize the turd is too big to come out my asshole >lubricate my donut with coconut oil >attempt to shove a fleet enema deep inside >a lot of resistance and pain >SQUIRT >closer observation reveals that i've jellyfilled my rock-solid shit with glycerol >negative pressure caused a good amount of shit to suck back into the applicator's bulb >end product is at least a foot long with some diarrhea >have to sit on the toilet for ten minutes until bleeding stops WHOLE LOTTA GANG SHIT
If I have ANYTHING that isn't high fibre or healthy in general then I have those annoying fucking shits that don't come out clean and I have to wipe forever or literally shove my finger up there and dig the rest out
Best way to cleanse I find is a nice homemade veggie pasta sauce with peppers, mushies, onions the works, topped with a fuckload of really hot sauce. Cleans me out good the next day.
Robert Walker
>poo either once everyday or once every 3 days >considered laxatives >hear laxatives actually damage your guts Is this true? >drink coffee >shit explosion >liquid and nasty Guess I'm going to have to drink coffee less, or when I'm constipated. >eat plenty of veggies >lots of leafy greens >poo is a nice, long, big sausage with a few pieces trailing out after it >extremely satisfying feels good man. guess I'm going to eat foods with superior fiber genetics then.
>have to take a shit >whole process takes at least half an hour I don't understand how normalfags take shits to quickly. 5 minutes and they're done shitting, wiping, everything. How?
um this doesn't make any fucking sense????? how would 0 work???? my toilet isn't that big and im not that small??? what about 7???? every toilet ive ever seen is up against wall so where legs go???????? 2 4 n 9 dont even make sense??????
