Feels Thread

Two great, useful languages to learn. Which do you have more fun with? I believe that the Japanese have three alphabets, it must be difficult however for some, fun.

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Gosh I saved the wrong version here's the .gif

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Life is pretty shitty right now. Not sure if I want to type things out because its late and I doubt anyone gives a shit. Im just under so much pressure.

I'm sorry that life is shit for you right now but I believe that you can find a way to turn things around in your life and that whatever is putting so much pressure on you will one day subside and it'll be as if it never mattered. Also it's okay, you don't have to type anything out but I will tell you that I do give a darn.

>Had the week off
>Games Done Quick on all week
>Got to talk to lots of anons
>Finally felt like I wasn't alone
>Now the marathon is going to end
>Going to be alone again
I don't like existing

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>got pulled over for running a stop sign 30 minutes ago
>on my bicycle

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user you can always try to make real life friends! If you are too autistic for that there will alwayd be the next time you marathon and get to be with some anons to look forwards too. I bet you will find some good friends to keep you happy soon. This butterfly can be your friend!

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You have to remember that a bike is a vehicle and you have to follow the law like any other.
Just mark this as a lesson learned. You'll be more conscious of these laws in the future and who knows, following them may save yours or someone else's life one day. Not all is bad.

Thanks user but talking to people on discord isn't the same as being part of a community.

Please be careful. I ran into a car that turned into an intersection I was going through and I broke my wrist. I believe I was going around 30mph.

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Thanks user, nice to know someone cares. Im a medical student one year away from graduating and becoming a resident physician, and medical school is just destroying my life. No time for my girlfriend so she is constantly and understandably frustrated. No time for hobbies or relaxation. I work 24hour shifts every 4 nights, plus studying for exams. And Im so exhausted and depressed that Im failing exams. Have a meeting with our academic advisor in a couple of days. Dont know how Im gonna turn this one around. I feel like Ive ruined my life.

>Thanks user but talking to people on discord isn't the same as being part of a community.
It's the same thing though I get it if you mean a real, in person community. Have you tried attending church or doing volunteer work? It's a great way to meet other good people, become a part of a community, and help others!
That's unfortunate, Med school can be hell on earth for some but you'll make it and in they end it'll all pay off! You will have lots of money, hopefully have a job you love, and with that money you can enjoy like. Keep fighting and you will find your peace. Your life isn't ruined until you give up.

I have a lot of things on my to-do list; not just short-term but long-term as well. I want to learn things. I want to do things. It's just that the universe seemed to conspire against me and gave me the shittiest resources and attitude to work with. I'm supposed to be studying music or Mathematics right now but I'm so damn demotivated I want to sleep the whole week away.

>It's the same thing though
I mean DMs. I don't have any active discord channels I'm in.

Sorry

Well why don't you try and join a channel or reach out to someone so you can start dming each other more?
Also does the bike count?

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The bike doesn't count.
I have mental issues and it's hard for me to talk to people about anything because I fear they'll hurt me.

I know people, myself included who are in that situation or have been. When you are in a rut like that self improvment is so tough. You have so somehow summon the strength to whip you into shape or have something happed that forces you to change. I hope that you can find some motivation user. I have faith that deep down you have it in you to say today is the day and follow through with that statement.

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What mental issues friend? You do not have to answer if you do not want to. Overcoming a fear is a tough tast and to be completely honest, if you talk to enough people more than likely one or more will hurt you. But learning to deal with hurt and learning from it is part of growing up! If you try and try again, one day you will find the bestest friend you could hope for. It may even be on your first try, you will never know if you never try.

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Diagnosed PTSD. I only recently started to realize how bad it was, and I already thought it was bad before hand.
I don't even like to be around my family because I'm afraid they'll get upset at me and hurt me.
I can't talk to anons online either because I don't want to be annoying. It's painful and I don't know what to do.
Sorry

Oh user I wish whatever gave you ptsd had never happened. I do mot think you are annoying and there is no need to be sorry! You are just telling me how you feel. The part that saddens me is how it has even caused you to fear your family. Is there anything you have done that made you feel more at peace from this illness in the past?

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Having chat communities online like Steam, Discord, or IRC. That's about it.

Why do you think that helps you user? Is it the only thing that can distract you from your thoughts?

I'm feeling like shit. I'm a huge pile of garbage who shouldn't be alive. I'm a failure as a human and as a male.

Why can't I find someone to love me?

>tfw jew doc told me i'm crazy and need pills
i thought it might be a meme, but apparently not, they just want to shill out stupid fucking pills to anyone remotely different.

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Because it feels nice when there are multiple people who like and want to engage with you. Talking to close friends is nice, but it doesn't stop you from feeling isolated.
Invasive thinking isn't a huge problem. The biggest problem is that my entire perception of reality is skewed. Putting myself down is such a core part of who am I that I can't help but do it, even though I know I'm doing it and want to stop.

Stop it user, you're not garbage and you should be alive, you were put on this earth for a reason. Don't your parents love you? Any siblings or friends? Life isn't just about sex and women.
Sometimes these meds are important but I do agree that other times they are put on you out of greed. What did they say is wrong with you?
Of course it feels nice, everyone likes to feel wanted and everyone, no matter how introverted, like some attention from others. If not from friends/others than what do you feel isolation from? What do you want to be a part of user? I hope one day you can figure out how to love yourself in a humble manner. That struggle is a tough one when you want to change, you want to be happy, but it's so ingrained in who you are that you can't. All i'd have to say to that is you need to find some inspiration in your life so you can overcome these feelings. What that inspiration is I can't say. How long have you felt that way user?

Thanks user.
I've felt this way since I was a teenager. I got mocked often for years until I just stopped trying. I think I stopped in 2011 and haven't tried to fix it until this year.
Before 2011 I was more spastic and I was less mentally stable in general.
I don't want to take you away from other anons though. I'm not the only one who feel bad.
Thank you for talking to me. Have a good night user, I feel a bit better.

Well it's about time you tried to fix it user! I was in you're place around then too, spastic, bullied, and not too mentally stable but I was able to turn it around and so can you. It's okay you're not taking me away from them I've responded to each person in the best way I saw fit and will continue to respond to them for a but more. My pleasure and goodnight. I'm glad you feel better.

Not even about sex anymore, I just feel like I'm not even a human for them

>What did they say is wrong with you?
id rather not say but it's pretty dumb, i know i'm not crazy, and yet they're still going to slap me with a label that will ruin the rest of my life. it pisses me off so much, not even just because they want me to buy their stupid jew pills i can't afford, literally trying to bleed me dry and toss me aside

I am starting to become unable to feel. Not just pleasure, but sadness too. I find myself unable to empathize to anything and have lost all motivation for everything.
I don't know how to explain this properly, it feels as if I am slowly but surely disconnecting from my body; becoming an observer in a shell of meat.
I wouldn't necessarily say that I'm suffering, even though everybody around me says that I'm depressed. I kind of prefer being in this state. Logically there's (or at least for me - was) far more bad feelings than good ones.

I am curious, can you tell me what makes you feel that way user?

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Phycology is a scam and the sooner it is replaced with neruology the better and all phycologist are evil

Pretty fucking bad. I broke up with my girlfriend about 10 days ago and I fucking miss her. I made plans to hike with this girl I was interested in on the fourth of July but she just cancelled on me.

The one little thing I had to look forward to this month. Fuck.

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It's alright, you don't have to say. I don't think that giving you the label of has or had a mental illness will ruin you, it just shows to people what makes you different and because of it others can know more of what to expect when taking to you. And if you think it was a misdiagnosis isn't there some way to bring that up with them? The way the mental health industry works in the modern era is so messed up and corrupt.
user that must be scary, losing these feelings. When did it start, do you know of any root for this or is it all natural? I kind of understand what feeling you're trying to convey friend. If you prefer being in that state then there shouldn't be anything wrong but you likely wouldn't have put it in a feels thread. Are you sure that feeling near nothing is what you want in life?
Not all are evil I think but finding a good physiologist for you sure is like a needle in a haystack.
Gosh user that's rough. Love is a great feeling but it sue can be a bitch sometimes. Do you want to talk about why your broke up? At least it's only the early stages and hopefully you can figure out how to move on.

Tried to approach them by any means, always ghosted and meh reactions. This is tied with the fact that I'm shy, anxious and have no personality, in fact, I call myself the most boring dude on earth.

No girl has saw me or will ever see me as a man

She had anger issues and depression and hormone issues and It was all too much for me. We were dating for a year and a half, most of our relationship was us fighting with the occasional good day to look forward to.

I didn't want to let her go but it was just too hard for me. I was unhappy and so was she, I was anxious nearly 24/7 around her. She would get so mad at me sometimes she would hit me, and say its my fault for bringing her to that point.

I feel like the biggest fuckup, I caused our broken relationship.

I feel like my hatred towards women has increased today

I let my insecurity show to a girl I'm seeing and I feel like it's all going down hill because of my anxiety. She hasn't talked to me in several hours

>it just shows to people what makes you different
no, it's a way to segregate off certain types of people. if you tell anyone about any sort of diagnosis for almost anything (other than depression or ADHD or normie stuff) you become an invalid, your opinion no longer matters. it's a way to stop you from influencing anything, since you're defective by modern societal standards.

>isn't there some way to bring that up with them?
i sorta tried already but they dismissed me, i think it made them not like me since i was doubting their knowledge on the subject, now i doubt i'll be able to get a job.

anyways, thanks for talking to me. you seem very selfless.

In times like that I can see why you feel like no woman would like you. If you think it could be because you are boring and no one sees you as a man then why not trying to get started in some hobbies? You can go on adventures, meet new people, have more to talk about, and if it is physical, improve your health! I bet that there is a girl out there for you friend and being shy or anxious while it can slow things down, is something some girls even find cute!
If there was that much fighting then it was not meant to be. On the bright side must have had some good times and learned some things you can take into future relationships. I hope this is a new chapter for both of you and it will eventually lead to happiness for you guys. It does not sound like you caused the breakup user. It sounds like you both had problems, especially her. Abuse is a horrible thing to do, never in a healthy relationship should it occur.
Why do you say that user? There are reasons to dislike them but hate is a strong word and no happy person is a hate filled one!

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I'm feeling alright tonight. Lately I've been trying to improve myself by working out and focusing more on school. Only problem is that I haven't started hitting the gym yet.

Thanks

origamiasdasd

here

I don't think it's natural. I made some pretty bad decisions in my life simply to seem like a good guy. The worst of which being (and I consider this one the starting point of this condition) lying to a girl that I loved her for 7 years and end up marrying her just to divorce after a year. I've been slipping in this state half a year before marrying her. It started with me losing all motivation to life, except alcohol, and I guess ended in apathy and anhedonia.
>Are you sure that feeling near nothing is what you want in life?
Not really, I want to have motivation for the stuff that motivated me. My parents are the only thing keeping me alive right now - they depend on me financially and would most likely be utterly devastated as I'm their only son. I guess I'm not totally apathetic as of yet.

I already draw and you need money to go outside, thing that I don't have. Well... I've been walking on this earth for 20 years and I've never met a girl who likes shyness

Oh user. If it fails it fails but that just means you need to start working on your insecurities! Try to find a way to be a better person. You may have lost a girl but it's not the end of the world. And who knows, it's only a few hours she might talk to you again and you'll realized that you were just a little paranoid for nothing!
>your opinion no longer matters.
Since when? In my life I have never seen someone treated that way just for a mental illness any anyone who loses all of their respect for someone with an illness is a jerk. I also don't think the specific aim of diagnosing someone with a mental illness is to segregate them from society, I think it's so people know what's wrong and make it easier to find solutions to whatever is going on in your head.
>i sorta tried already but they dismissed me
That's very unfortunate but there is no reason you won't get a job, it's illegal to discriminate in the USA because of someone's mental condition. I have faith that you will get a job and if unethical psychologists can't help you then you have to help yourself (and those who care about you can pitch in).
>anyways, thanks for talking to me
No problem user, thank you for taking the time to talk to me too!
No problem friend.
Well it's great that you're alright. Better than bad that's for sure! Good feels are always welcome in this thread and it looks as though you're on the path to a happy, healthy, successful life! Let's hope you hit that gym soon and continue on that path.
>lying to a girl that I loved her for 7 years and end up marrying her just to divorce after a year
If it was for 7 years do you really think you lied? At one point you must've loved her.
>I've been slipping in this state half a year before marrying her. It started with me losing all motivation to life, except alcohol, and I guess ended in apathy and anhedonia.
user... now you're done with that marriage, there's nothing...

(Not the OP)
No girl likes shyness alone, if they say they do they are probably talking about slightly shy cute boys who would stop being "shy" after the first dates
No one likes people like you and me

Continued for you can do to change the past however you can ask god for forgiveness (if you're a man of faith) and try to make amends with the woman you married.
Alcohol is never the solution to a problem and in the long run, it only makes things worse. And I wouldn't say it ended, maybe it's the beginning of a new chapter and you just hit rock bottom so you can rise back up.
>Not really, I want to have motivation for the stuff that motivated me
What you need is to do what I've recommended to others and that is find whatever helps you collect your thoughts and meditate. Once you have some semblance of peace try to figure out what you're feeling, what you want from your life, and how you can get what you want. I pray that you can find that motivation you're missing friend. I'm glad you have your parents keeping you alive and the fact that they can do that shows that you can love. As you said, ".I guess I'm not totally apathetic as of yet."
Lets get rid of that yet because I hope that you'll never become totally apathetic.
Well drawing is something and you can always show a girl your art!
>and you need money to go outside
No you don't friend, it's always free to go out on a walk and see where it takes you! Yes some places cost money but many parks allow you to get a yearly pass for real cheap and if you have a computer you can always take up reading or learn something new for free! Who knows, through research you could discover some passion a girl might love!
>I've never met a girl who likes shyness
Really? I've met quite a few, they're out there user and you'll find one, one day!

Oh come on friend no need to have such a pessimistic outlook. They exist and while what you described has quite a bit of truth there are plenty of women who do like actual shy and reserved men.

I chose to do an 8 hour shift outside in the hot sun today because I hated my indoor coworkers and would rather put up with the heat than to have anyone around me.

Naturally, the customers who came were the ones who give me trouble for the day in their stead. Ruining my working relationships was just icing on the cake

>have feels for a girl I was close with in my grad program
>find out bro had a thing with her at one point late last semester
>don't think he knew I had feels whenever it began but I had at least two full-length convos about her with him during/after and he never mentioned it
I don't know how to feel about my bro. I feel like if I were with someone who my bro liked, I'd at least tell him so he could move on. What do you think?

Jeez user with the temperatures lately that's dangerous! However as an extreme introvert I feel you not wanting to be near your coworkers (however your dislike is likely more due to their personalities). The wagecuck life is a rough life. I worked 9 hours today and have 9 tomorrow and it's mostly customer service however I enjoy my job. Hopefully you can get a better one soon and at least your whole life isn't at your work place.
>What do you think?
Well it's tough for me to say as I don't know either of you. Are you close with your bro? Maybe he just though it didn't matter much. Anyways bros before hos and if he is a good friend to you otherwise I'd try to move on and enjoy what you have.

>If it was for 7 years do you really think you lied? At one point you must've loved her.
I never loved her, but I wanted to because I believed I could change myself; force emotion; rewire my hardware. I was her first bf so I even lied to her that she was my first love in order to make our relationship more romantic. I continue to behave this way - not doing what I want to appear good to others. I don't really care for my parents, it's the ingrained thought that it is my obligation to care for them and to seem nice to everyone even if it requires willpowering through and lying a lot.

>you can do to change the past however you can ask god for forgiveness (if you're a man of faith) and try to make amends with the woman you married.
I don't believe in god, sadly. I consider religion the ultimate illusion of purpose, which is not by any means negative. I wish I could believe because I think it would somehow fill the void.
She loved me deeply but I kept on lying until the very end. I consider our divorce the most honorable thing I did. I talked to her a month ago and confessed for my lies and apologized to her and she did the same regarding her incorrect decisions when we were driving eachother insane. She still wants us to be together but I don't, never wanted.

>What you need is to do what I've recommended to others and that is find whatever helps you collect your thoughts and meditate. Once you have some semblance of peace try to figure out what you're feeling, what you want from your life, and how you can get what you want.
That's the thing, though. I am at peace with myself, I don't feel bad. I've been trying to figure out what I want and nothing comes to mind, except getting to know more people because I suddenly got interested in decoding the hardware of humans, but it's highly unlikely for me to achieve that, considering my current interests - I don't give a damn what others have to say about hobbies and interests.

I feel like shit I just smashed my headset and a bunch of glasses because I'm so fucking bored of everything and can't find anything worth doing
I want to smash enough stuff that my family institutionalizes me

Well... they like my art, but they don't like me. Man, I live in third world and traveling in here cost you a lung. I was serious, I've never met or heard of girls who like shy guys, all I've told is to talk more or die alone

>try and give other anons some positive words
>pray for you
dude come on... enough with this corny shit just kys already

Im doing ok. A little upset because im still having isues with knowing where I am at my new job and my boss is noticing it :/

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>I wanted to because I believed I could change myself
For 7 years, you must've been determined. A relationship built on lies however is not a relationship at all and it's impossible to force emotion. I believe you can feel the emotions you wish you could feel, it happened to me but it needs to be natural.
>I continue to behave this way - not doing what I want to appear good to others
Maybe it is time to change that user. If it's all an act then what you're doing is not good. I know it sounds stupid but have you tried to be yourself?
>I consider our divorce the most honorable thing I did.
I would agree with that. It is something that had to be done for the both of you even if it was late she had to know the truth. I'm proud of you for apologizing user. I feel like she want's to be together because she is clinging to the lie she lived however it's the best thing for both of you I think if you stay apart. You sound like a good man is trapped under a sheet.
> I am at peace with myself, I don't feel bad
That's good user I'm glad you do that and it's great that you found an interest for yourself. If you really invest in it, it can be one of the driving forces that keeps you going.
>but it's highly unlikely for me to achieve that
Highly unlikely but not impossible if you commit. If you really delve into it!
Goodness user how can someone become that bored? If you ever feel so on edge that you're going to hurt someone please try and communicate it with your family so they can get you help and no one will be hurt!
Darn why don't they like you and ohhhhh third world, that makes sense. Where abouts user? And no don't be so pessimistic you need to keep trying!
Why are you so negative? I just think r9k needs to be more positive.
I'm glad you're okay. And don't worry as you get further on in your career you'll be more noticed and learn the ropes.

I mean, they can be friendly, but none of them will see me as a man. They didn't before, why'd they do it now?

Man, I'm thankful you're trying to help, but I'm just a basket case. In 2 years I may become another Elliot rodger even if I don't hate women now

Maybe it is time to change that user. If it's all an act then what you're doing is not good. I know it sounds stupid but have you tried to be yourself?
It isn't stupid at all and yes, I did, multiple times actually but it always ends up me fortifying the past lies because I can't confess to some people that I've been lying to them the whole time.

How do I invest in trying to get to know people if I myself have no interests to talk to them about? I'm becoming pretty socially retarded when being myself, that's what drove me to pathological lying in the first place.

not doing so good lately. Im a pretty shy guy and socially awkward, I dont know how to start conversations or talk to anyone so I just dont. I just talk to myself mostly and that was fine for a long time but recently ive been so depressed that I just dont wana do anything but lay in bed. I dont even have a drive to look at porn anymore, I cant even think about porn without getting sad. It feels like im craving social interaction but im to autistic to talk to girls. I havent had a social interaction with a girl my age or in my grade for about 3 years, and im to autistic to start conversations.

>Maybe it is time to change that user. If it's all an act then what you're doing is not good. I know it sounds stupid but have you tried to be yourself?
It's not stupid at all and yes, I have, multiple times but every time it ends up me fortifying the past lies because I can't force myself to confess to others about me lying to them for so long. I find it too hard to destroy what I've built so far because I think I'll lose what little I have left.
How to commit to knowing people if I have no interests to talk about? I'm becoming socially retarded when I try to be myself, which I consider one of the possible reasons I became a pathological lier in the first place.

Been 7 months, but I'm still not over my ex. At 30 and get being my first and only, idk how I'll ever find another girl willing to tolerate a socially awkward near recluse like me. I miss having someone to talk to. I can't stop thinking about her because I constantly think of things I was too text her about, but then have to set my phone back down and cry instead. I wish I continued on my quest to become a wizard instead. I was only a couple years away and I threw it all away.

>If you ever feel so on edge that you're going to hurt someone
No I never feel that way I don't want to hurt anyone, especially not my family, I just want to get put in a hospital or something

Hey user, if u need an online friend I'm here (not a femanon tho sorry). Are you into music? Video games? What do you do when you aren't sleeping?

They didn't before, why'd they do it now?
I guess that makes sense and I don't understand the culture where you live but in the 3rd world may put more emphasis on manliness than here in the west. I guess if you want girl's attention you have to force yourself to be a "man." If what you prefer is being yourself to getting a woman than do that though it may be harder to find a girl. At least it won't be a lie that way. No problem, always a pleasure to help and I sure hope you don't become another rodge, murder is a heinous crime no matter how bad the person you kill is.
>I can't confess to some people that I've been lying to them the whole time
Why can't you? I get that it is tough but letting that off your shoulders might help you and they will hopefully understand.
>How do I invest in trying to get to know people if I myself have no interests to talk to them about?
Ask them about their interests, learn about them! People love to talk about themselves.
>I'm becoming pretty socially retarded when being myself, that's what drove me to pathological lying in the first place.
Well gosh user lying is far worse than being socially retarded. You can always try an learn, listen to people, observe their conversations, and try to improve your communication skills.
In 3 years? That's a long time user. Have you tried forcing yourself to talk to a girl or installing dating apps? I wish I could keep talking to people but I have to go. It's been nice talking to you all but I have to work real early and it's late here. Night!
I have faith that with time you'll find another woman to love you that you love equally as strong. Getting over a woman, especially your first love is a hard thing to do. If you can't find a woman you can always look for a man, a guy to be your friend and to talk to. Conversations with people you're not attracted to can be great because your thoughts are not as blinded...

I've been talking to a girl online now for the past 3-4 years. It absolutely kills me to know that I'll never be able to meet her. I think the worst part is that I think if I actually put mental effort in to trying to get a girlfriend in real life I probably could.

But she's always on my mind even though they live 20 some odd hours away for me. She's done a lot of nice and helpful things for me so it's not like I'm a total beta bitch orbiter I guess. I guess the only reason I haven't killed myself is the hopeful thought that one day we can be together.

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Happy days user. Happy days.

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Cont
And don't say you threw it all away. You tried something and while parts of it failed I'm sure you loved, made good memories and learned some valuable lessons.
I'm glad you won't hurt anyone, the damaging of property worried me but if you feel the need to be put into one you can always go to one and be self admitted. However if it's out of bordem I think it would be far more beneficial to find some new, productive things to do with your time!
3-4 years with no meeting and no future with that. That's rough user especially if you love her. Is she someone you can move on from? Also they? oh... user if she loves someone I know it's hard but I think what would be best (though tough) would be to drop her out of your life and go on a break with no technology so you can't contact her. It would be tough and I'm glad she saved you but this seems unhealthy for the both of you. I hope you find love with a girl who loves you romantically back user.
Happy day indeed my friend

Alright that's it for me (op) folks. Night, best of luck to you all.

reason I havent talked to a girl in 3 years is because im a senior at a private all boys HS. I dont like the idea of dating apps I would rather meet someone in person. Nice talking to you gn.

I'm pretty sure she's actually single. If her normanbook is anything to go off of. I just don't have the balls to say anything because I'm afraid of jeopardizing something. I just don't have heart to ghost someone like that.

Ha, I can't promise anything, especially when the supreme gentleman sign is calling me.

Btw have a good night

My depressants make me not so hung up on being single which I absolutely love

HARD TO UNDERSTAND FEELS
>be me recently
>go to GOD TEIR ambient experimental show
>go alone but feel so comfortable
>recognize 1 guy
>he was from a different local ambient experimental group I saw
>realize this is my 3rd ambient experimental show
>all of them were hella comf
>tf when no ambient GF

hypothetically, if someone were to livestream a suicide, what's a good pace for it
little to no moderation
hypothetically

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youtube.com/watch?v=Mr_DMGZ-JrY

i really want to get fucked up but i'm deathly afraid of losing all of my intelligence to drug/alcohol use.

i hope you anons are having a good night, r9k gets pretty quiet and comfy around this time.

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I spent one birthday getting blackout drunk and it was fun/not fun
>most important shots are deadly
also the cabbie stole all my money cause I puked (in a bag) which is a $100charge and I passed out on the porch when I got home
then the next week at work (aka the people I was drinking with) I needed to piece together what happened/what I did
somehow I got past a bouncer while blackout cause onitis knew the door person and the bartenders let me buy more shots

I decided to try discord and talk in a few chats and I just get ignored. It sucks because I had forgotten how socially inept I am and this reminded me.

It's okay, discord is for /soc/-tier faggots anyways. People are always going to form their little cliques and you'll always be an outsider. Discord structure is in a way, mirroring the social structure of real life. Most people heavily involved in discord aren't actual robots, or at least, what I would consider a robot.

Just don't play their stupid game, my dude.

i did similar, but i spent over 6 hours in voice chats more or less making fun of people and just generally being overbearing
outside of wasting time, i literally do not understand why people would want to talk to people
i am such a sociopath xD

Thanks man you're probably right. Its just I still feel the need to have some kind of human connection. I can feel myself slowly getting crazier. Idk how to stop myself from wanting to talk to people when ik its not a good idea

I am sick of existing as myself. I'll never live up to anyone's standards not even my own. I don't get why people insist on proping me up when they know I'll fail anyways. some people are just inferior and are meant to be that way. I hate it, but must accept it as fact. I never improve, never learn.

>I still feel the need to have some kind of human connection. I can feel myself slowly getting crazier.
And you do, I feel you man. I know it's old advice, but try finding some hobby you enjoy that will probably have a lot of people like you. A lot of hobby meetups will have people willing to talk. One nice hobby is stargazing, I've been to a few group stargazing events and everyone is super friendly, even though I'm an autistic mess, they get it.

chest has been hurting constantly since the 16th
i don't think it's cardiac due to how long it's been hurting but fuck this sucks