Overcoming Sexual Anxiety

Assuming you’re on the spectrum of Jow Forums and normal, It seems like you can rule out physical ailments which is reassuring for the future .
The blowjob,for me, always caused even more anxiety because I think I felt out of control in the situation. Maybe you should get her to bind you or something kinky like that. I also suggest popping L arginine shortly before the act. It may help with the boner. I will say, I excluded the fact that, two months ago, I was diagnosed and treated for MEMES with Addy. My sex life has exponentially improved on or off the medication. Usually the sex occurs before ornway after I’ve taken it.The sexual anxiety has melted away. I know psych stuff isn’t smiled upon here, I try not to be a faggot about it. I tried for years to solve the problem; meditation, diet, all that. I can’t say the prescription is what solved the issue but there’s a strong correlation. It just seems like it straightened me out a bit overall.
Keep trying, u must fuck

I think you're absolutely right about the problem involving me focusing too much on her and not being selfish enough. Sometimes part of the anxiety comes from being focusing too hard on either "I GOTTA GET A BONER" or "I gotta get HER going while I get a boner." And the anxiety absolutely disappears once I make her cum/am not under pressure to please her. I don't live with my parents and have a good, low-stress job. her and I live together and honestly get along very well for the most part, too. Do you have any advice on how to calm myself down, stay in the moment and stop hyper-focusing on getting hard or pleasing her to the point of making myself anxious?

You're correct that I'm Jow Forums and healthy otherwise. I'm actually very happy with my body and appearance overall, I've been lifting for nearly 4 years and have a body I am very happy with and feel physically attractive. Likewise, I get morning wood and have zero trouble getting hard on my own, with or without porn, so I don't think its physical at all and Ihave a pretty high sex drive. I'll look into L Arginine. And that's interesting about your diagnosis and meds. I've never been to any type of psychological treatment or been on meds. But I do wonder at times if maybe something like that affects me; I do have somewhat mild social anxiety I think, but most of my anxiety is based almost exclusively around sex.

one and only answer:

>exposition therapy

What exactly is that?

Oh, you mean Exposure Therapy? Out of curiosity, serious question, how does one go about getting professional exposure therapy for sex, though? or do you basically just mean to do it on your own, i.e. keep having sex as much as possible till you get over it?

I used to think about war atrocities to distract myself from Cummings, probably won’t work in your situation at all, unless you get off on that kind of thing.

Yeah I didn’t go to the doctor because I was anxious because, like you, I’m not generally an anxious person. Nice, unexpected sex bonus though.

Definitely talk to her about it if you can. Maybe have her give you a super sensual body massage with oils. Real low and slow like, after taking her sweet time getting you relaxed and turned on she can just pop on top that dick while your eyes are closed my friend.
Sounds like you’re going to make it!

Ha, yeah, my problem is the opposite; if anything I need to think of things to get me really horny. Either way, I think more than that, I really just gotta relax; cause when i can, the boner comes and stays hard and strong, and likewise, part of the problem is that when i get this anxious, its hard to focus enough on what's making me horny, be it in front of me or in my head, to really let go and get hard. She knows about it and its been this way on and off our whole time together. She's very understanding but at the same time I feel like she "just doesn't want to deal with it" when it happens a lot of the time, so instead of then taking it slow and calming down she just is outta the mood then and is like "We'll try later instead."

Go and fuck an escort. Your first time will be awkward and disappointing anyway, might as well get it done with a hot slut.

As for anxiety, you have to work very hard on it - practice talking with everybody, make friends, be social, learn to defuse cringe with humor.

You can do it user. Go fuck that hooker.

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Same, feel like I wasted some of my best years due to this. Uncomfortable in my body uncomfortable letting someone come close emotionally

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You didn’t read the thread.
Op is a well adjusted individual, not a freakishly anxious nerd . Op I will give you that massage myself and we’ll see you straight.

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I didn’t read the thread either apparently.

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Smoke weed (indica) it'll chill you out.

I'm in the exact same situation. I'm treating it with Viagra + psychotherapy. It seems to be going better now when I'm not using Viagra but damn it's hard to get rid of that anxious feeling.

No i understand. That attitude is really frustrating, I’ve encountered it. On the other hand it’s understandable from their POV because we’re supposed to be the bedrock and not the one in need of special care. I hate detest that “we’re done, lost your chance! Try again next time!” Does she ever blames herself for you not getting into it or is she aware of her allure ?

Yeah man, that anxious feeling is really the killer. I just gotta find out how to over come it, too.

Yeah, I totally relate to everything you said, man. like, I don't blame her for it, but at the same time I think it contributes to my anxiety strongly; since I already have it, this feeling of "make it work or lose it!" definitely plays a factor. That's not to say she's stingy with sex or anything, she is happy to put out but, considering this situation, its frustrating. But I totally understand it being a turn-off and mood killer as well. I feel like most of the blame falls to me, but not in a hostile way, just in a "its left to me to figure it out" and if I'm anxious at the start, she won't do much to work with it. She'll sorta unenthusiastically let me try for a couple minutes and then just say "We'll try again later." Tough situation in that regard, cause I understand how it would probably just make her awkward and unaroused too.

Bros, go to a Dr, tell them you're struggling sexually and they will prescribe you Viagra. Take it an hour before banging and you'll be rock hard for as long as you want until you cum. It's like a new person is fucking your gf's. Trust me. DO IT

Also, in regards to "does she ever blame herself?" I'd say .....maybe a little, sometimes, but really isn't willing to get to over-active to help resolve it. To be frank, though, my anxiety is the big issue. That said, she's not terribly active with foreplay and can be rather stoic until she's turned on; I've told her some dirty talk or whatever might loosen things up, but she says its awkward when things are already awkward.

Will it really help at all in this case though? I've been told multiple times that it doesn't do shit if the problem is anxiety or something mental not physical.

It increases blood flow. If youre turned on your dick will respond. Even though youre suffering anxiety the blood heading to your dick doesn't care. It is invented to help people who are mentally struggling with something.

I'm pretty sure its the opposite, it was invented for people with physical ED issues. And it doesn't work very well for mental issues because, for example, being nervous decreases blow flow to your dick anyways.

Protips for sex in 2k18
>casual sex isn't that good. A lot of people expect it to be great, it's eh. The confusion of why the sex isn't doing it for you sometimes causes anxiety and stress. Don't worry, casual sex isn't meant to be amazing. If it doesn't feel right for you, don't concern yourself with trying to change something to make it part of your lifestyle. Just stick with relationship sex only.
>Never fap or look at porn.
>Before sex with a girl, either eat her out and make her cum first, or if you feel you could bust at any second, TELL HER. "I didn't jack off before coming here, can you make me cum first to help me relax?"
>"heheh sure user :3"
>Nutting fast with a new girl is natural. it's your body trying to impregnate her as fast as possible. Just nut on her tits then do foreplay until you're hard again. You will lose the anxiety and sensitivity during your next erection and will be able to last as long as you want.
>Build up the heat of the moment. If you don't feel turned on, foreplay until you do. Don't rush penetration. Stick your dick in when you feel most hungry for it.
>Spread your legs during all forms of sex. Keeping your legs close together constricts bloodflow to your dick and adds unnecessary pressure on your balls which triggers you to orgasm. Spread eagle always, especially during head. Have her kneel or lay on her stomach in between your legs.

>
Bro it works for both. Relax. Yes its used to treat performance anxiety which is another name for nerves.
Just go see your Dr man. You won't regret it.

Former virgin here. My gf hinted that she wants me to use handcuffs. What the fuck am I supposed to do? I can't use them on my bed because thereis nothing to attach them to. Also what is she expecting me to do once I used them on her? Just fuck her like normal but she can't use her arms?

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rum helps me

Where do you get Viagra without a script?

>former virgin
pff what a fag

Honestly - phenibut
for real!

I never considered that, actually. There's actually several natural supplements on Amazon to reduce anxiety and stress, a few with great reviews, I might add one to my current multi-vitamin/supplement stack. I do prefer that over prescription drugs and would like to take something natural.

just get a script so you dont end up with bunk chinese shit that makes things worse for you

Like actually go to my doctor and have that shit in my medical records? Hell no. I'm trying to commission in 2 years. That's got to stay squeeky clean.

congrats on all the sex guys

Anons, help a current virgin (19 yo) here. I've had multiple girls want to take my virginity but I keep chickening out because I don't want to look like a fool when I'm with them.

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I'm not worried about girls thinking I'm a virgin; I'm worried about being extremely autistic

One girl basically dragged me into her dorm to "netflix & chill" and I put my arm around her and then I just started rubbing her shoulder and then moving my hand down her shirt and rubbing her nipples for a while. She eventually told me to chill and we went back to just watching the show. I got so red then and she asked me if I was okay multiple times.

I realized how retarded I was then and should've began making out like any normal person. After the show finished, we just awkwardly laid in bed next to each other and after some small talk, I just began humming. She eventually just flipped over on the bed and started making out with me. After that, I didn't know what to do and got up and tried to leave and she just jumped on me and started making out again and then blew me. After she swallowed, I started putting on my clothes and she asked me how it was and I just nodded my head and then left into the snowy, frigid night without any coat because I wasn't sure how to ask if I could stay the night. I felt extremely dirty after that too.

I don't really care if the girls think I'm a virgin. Their opinions don't mean much to me, only my male peers really. I've stunted in front of them that I get laid and they buy it because girls come up to me at bars and shit despite my autism.

I'm not going to lie, but I do feel sexually underdeveloped compared to my male peers when I'm basically ahead of them in everything else. I skipped some grades so I was a bit of late bloomer compared to my peers. I'm known as charismatic, extroverted guy with everyone including girls in social situations, but I go into full clock autism mode when left alone with a girl in a room.

I know I need to overcome this autism, but I really don't know how. I know my charades and lying can't keep up for much longer.

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Any thoughts on how to improve my situation?

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Just be yourself bro

>tfw 25 year old kissless virgin
>once i turned 21 or so i was so humiliated by being one that i never wanted to try to have sex on account of being humiliated by not knowing how to kiss/sex/anything so i kept putting it off
>now here

>"how was my bj user"
>*nods head*

holy fuck you autist

Are you serious? You think a Viagra prescription is going to affect anything? Its a drug for sex man, not anti psychotic medication.
Anyone ever even asked you about it you could just say its because you like to have sex 4 times a night and this helps that. stop being paranoid

it's hard to take that image seriously when the author can't even spell "then"

Try cognitive behavioral therapy. Read Feeling Good the New Mood Therapy for strategies. Basically, thinking your way out of mental complexes.

you gotta believe in yourself user
when you first went to the gym where you an absolute beast?
you gotta practice

Yes absolutely it could, because why would I need it of not for a)a psychological reason affecting my sex life or b)a physiological reason affecting my sex life. Both wouldn't be optimal when getting my entire life combed over for security clearance.

lol. ok so you're happy to actually have psychological issues affecting your sex life and do nothing about it as long as the people who don't want people with psychological issues finding out about you.
Enjoy your poor sex life, anxiety and being found out anyway when the time comes bro.

Weed. I had the exact same problem after my long term girlfriend from high school accused me of raping her (obviously falsely or I wouldn't be fucking talking about it). I had pretty insane depression and anxiety and while I fixed it for the most part sex stressed me out.

Then I hooked up with a chick while we were seshing and it was fucking amazing. absolute diamonds, I lasted longer, my moves were way better (first shotgun orgasm I've given) and I swear to god my mind melted when I came.

It sounds like dirty talk isn't what you need. You almost need to reset but try again immediately. If you know you can take a few steps back and get back in the mood you might be more relaxed. I would recommend cuddling/talking/flirting without tv or any distractions and if you two get back into it then have a lot more foreplay.

I've been having erection/anxiety problems for a long time but they get worse when I open my legs, did I fuck up my dick?

What are the odds that having successful sex with Viagra could fix sex without or will I become dependent on it?

I did dbt which is a branch of cbt and it worked wonders for my general anxiety and depression (even helped the minor case of ptsd) but it didn't change my sexual anxiety.

You’ll need to address the problem at some point but if anxiety is an issue knowing you’re not going to go soft mid bang will lift a massive burden off your shoulders.
Imagine taking that stress out of your life and being able to have good sex with your gf whenever you want?