>be me, obese 25 year old khv wizard with a terrible skin condition
>start working at a clothing company with lots of young and beautiful women
>against all odds get invited to a party with coworkers
>never been to a party before. This should be fun. Maybe I'll even get a hug at the end of the night
>awkwardly make conversation with coworkers for the first hour
>end up standing by myself watching others talk and flirt for the night
>wellthisisawkward.jpeg
>pull out Switch from laptop bag hung on my shoulder
>load up Splatoon 2 and sit down on kitchen chair
>cute girl: "what are you playing user?"
>show the screen
>"eewwww what the fuck is wrong with you, those are little girls and you are like 40"
>try to explain that the game is actually quite fun and that since all games are technically for kids this isn't any weirder than me playing a "mature" game like Bloodborne
>nervously overexplain
>now everyone is staring me as I talk
>I feel like I'm in court
>start sweating
>stuttering problem from middle school returns
>see people whispering to eachother while looking at me
>get called a pedophile
>chair that I am sitting on breaks
>drop Switch - screen gets cracked
>hit head on floor and start pissing myself
>I should never have came
>start crying on the floor in a pool of my own urine
>get asked to leave
>go back to work to work the next day
>awkward vibes
>HR tells me that the girls in the office feel uncomfortable around me and get asked to resign
Can anyone relate?
wow you freaked it user
i feel bad for you user PEEx4qT
>playing a nintendo switch at a party
kek
I feel like you'd get more play with this one on /v/.
No way this is real. Saged.
Theres no way in hell this real but kekd anyway youve reached max autism OP
OP here
>Decide I'm not gonna resign
>I know I'm gonna get fired soon, so I don't actually do work at the store anymore
>Browsing Jow Forums on my phone
>My hot milf manager comes up behind me as I'm right on a loli thread
>"user, again with this shit?"
>Oh God, no no no no
>Explain that loli isn't really CP and that I wasn't actually in the thread, I was just browsing past it
>"user, I will not tolerate one of my workers looking at obscene photos of little girls at work"
>Try and explain that I wasn't really looking at it and I haven't even jerked off to loli hentai in a few days
>She starts yelling at me, and now everyone in the little store is staring at me
>I get really red and run out, but not before tripping and falling on top of some little 12 year old girl
>Her mom screams and pepper sprays me, but thankfully misses one of my eyes for the most part so I can still see
>I run out as I hear my manager yelling for someone to call the cops
This story is fake but funny as fuck. Good read OP
>at work
>super autist
>decide I don't want to get fired again
>read How to Win Friends and Influence People
>try it
>holy shit it works
>make friends with one of the office factions
>also make friends with lots of people in the other office faction
>become the uniting force between 80% of the office against the asshole 20%
>people are talking about voting for me for union rep now
I honestly don't want to do it but I've kind of promised to do it already, and I don't want to burn my bridges. This is not what I thought would happen at all.
>browsing Jow Forums in public
kek
What type of stuff did you say to people?
Good morning [Name]!
How's it going [Name]?
If they have kids AND something related has happened, I'll ask how it went. For example, if I was told that this upcoming weekend was their son's birthday party and they'd been planning it, on Monday I'd ask how it went. Or if they were planning a family vacation, I'd ask how it was after they got back to show interest and give them a chance to talk about it.
Do anything fun over the weekend, [Name]? (Normies fucking love it when you say their name, I learned that from the book and it's true)
But really, after a week or two of that, people started approaching me to talk about their lives, so I just smile and nod and let them talk. You wouldn't believe how gossipy normies are, and basically they do no work whatsoever all day long. Even after talking to everyone all day, I'm one of the most productive people at work simply because I don't have facebook so I'm actually working when I'm not talking to other people.
The fakest part is Splatoon. Even the most autistic sperg retards know to bring Mario kart.
That's not op and that's shit. You ruined it
Aha
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
Should just went out for a smoke before the spaghetti was spilled
That what cigarettes are made for
>summerfags ITT lapping this up
Christ.
OP this didn't happen but you still had time to think about it and type it all out so it's still not looking good for you, friend
Yeah he fucking deserves it. I mean talk or gtfo he's so retarded.
for real, holy fuck people are retarded.
Just mocking you and your friends
>pull out Switch from laptop bag hung on my shoulder
you brought a laptop bag to a party? the fuck is wrong with you lmfao
You deserve it for being a nintoddler, fucking scum.
What you do when they ask about you and you're a robot without a life?
It wast almost believable at first, but you overdid it in the end.