>bit a child in self defence today
>parents are freaking out and threatened to call the Police
>worst thing is, i know the parents too so they know where i live
How do i convince them that it was in self defence? The child is 6 and made me jump its me who got attacked
All you have to do is make sure they know you don't have AIDS. That's what they're really worried about. They might be too freaked out and not listen though, so you gotta repeat it over and over to make sure they not only hear you but also understand you.
>bit a child in self defence today
Damn, this is good.
>bit a child in self defence today
What the fuck is wrong with you?
user you cant say something like that and not give us the full story
>Man arrested outside of house today after biting a child, then screaming "I don't have AIDS," for several hours until police arrived.
>The deranged man when asked why he did this was quoted as saying, "They just need to understand. I don't have AIDS."
>bit
Do you mean "beat", right?
>bit a child in self defence today
>bit a child
>self defense
Motherfucker are you even listening to yourself? Unless you're 3, this shit ain't going to fly.
How in the fuck does one bite a 6-year-old kid in self-defense?
Op here
Listen i really need help, i dont know what to do, does anyone have experience of this???
And i was in town with the parents and my mum, they have a six year old she was playing around in the street. We stopped to go into a shop and the girl grabbed my legs from behind. So i panicked and bit her on the top of the head
I cant make them fucking understand that if you startle a predator then they will atyack. She attacked me first and i struck back and now im apparently the bad guy???
>i panicked and bit her on the top of the head
>The image of a grown socially awkward man biting a little girl's head is now with me
Holy fuck, thank you user. I'm having a really shitty night but that gave me a giggle
>im a predator
You sure are
You panicked, from a little kid grabbing your legs. First of all when a child does that they're just playing with you. And you must be hyped up on crack to panic at something like that. Besides even if you were attack by some nigger your response would be to bite them? You must be fucking autistic.
>im a predator
Just stop while you're only mildly behind.
>So i panicked and bit her on the top of the head
I can't stop fucking laughing originaltango
>grabbed my legs from behind
>so I bit the top of her head
how does that even work?
dude what the fuck man
oregano
Blame it on autism fag
I dont know that youre all laugjing at its serious. She grabbed my legs from behind so i swang around and bit her i dont see the problem, its me who was attacked! She provoked me! I
Is there any way i can press charges against the girl? She artacked me first
This. This is probably your only hope if they press charges.
>bit her on the top of the head
A-user why
Here user, I made this just for you
Nice, but you cut off the top
>bit a child on the top of her head in self-defense
I honestly feel for you, OP. I have done something similar to a relative. I don't know what you'd have to do, since it's a stranger, but they probably won't press charges if you lay low. Most of the time, people pressing assault charges do it immediately, since the evidence heals. If you aren't charged in say, a month, you'll probably be good, since the bite mark will have all but vanished.
Little kids heal fast
ThaNkyou user i saved this and its going straight in the chuckle bunker
>BIT A CHILD IN SELF DEFENSE
FUCKING
BIT
include me in the reddit screencap
we need more details OP. How did you bend over quick enough to not realize what you were doing?
>how OP thinks it went
Oh, man
I am laughing so hard
The return of funny arcanine would be great
No, the question is HOW?
Seriously, try biting an unsliced cantaloupe - no purchase.
Unless he has the worlds worst overbite it cannot be done.
That is why I am laughing so hard
YO HO HO
HE TOOK A BITE OF GIRL-GIRL
Good hunt user peace was never an option.
Where did you get the idea to bite a kid on the head?
Anime?
Did you watch too much anime?
Holy shit man.
>bit a child
>self deffence
>bit a child
Did she taste nice? Asking for a friend
>be me
>30 year old autist
>at park wit mommy
>kid jumps on the back of my leg
>panick
>do a fucjing 180 and bite that bitch on the top of her head
>you dont fuck wit nature
>IM THE ALPHA
>IM THE PREDATOR
>mfw i get charged with rape
im not op btw
So how hard did you bit her?
You BIT her. ON THE HEAD. For GRABBING YOUR LEG
Now this is good Jow Forums content
>Be little girl
>Playing around in the street
>See user
>user's gross, autistic, pale, and he smells bad but he seems like a nice guy
>Maybe he'll play with me
>Run up and hug him from behind
>Suddenly he lets out an ear piercing "REEE!"
>Bites me on the top of my head
>Start crying as blood runs down my head
>He runs off into the distance screeching "I don't have AIDS!"
>When parents finally confront him with the police he just sputters none sense about how he doesn't have AIDS and shit about him being a predator and it was my fault
Did you also use your hands to grab and get a hold of her head before you bite her as well
this seems a...hehe...
BIT
excessive
xDDD
It's these diamonds in the sea of shit that is this board that makes it still worth coming here.
How short are you that you can just bend down and bite her head?
originally Kek originally
This thread has to stay alive, everyone must know that OP dun fucked up.
Look at him!
Look at him and laugh!
Op here,
To answer the questions some of you fucking idiots keep asking
Numero uno: no i simply span around which span her off of me and then crouched down and bit her
Second of all i tried explaining that i diddnt have aids out of advice of some fucking idiot on here. I tried whten they had calmed down a bit but now they think im trying to cover the fact that i actually have fuckinf aids when i dont.
My mom is threatening ti kick me out no d i dont know what to do. I needed help from you guys
What kind of dumbass bites a kid. You are royally fucked op. Hope they dont press charges or your ass is going to the pen
This thread is so stupid. What is worse, OP thinking he is being clever with his fake story, or all the retards who prove him right by believing it.
-SERIOUS ADVICE HERE- Hire a lawyer, tell your lawyer how unadapted to society you are, tell them that you have social and mental issues, you don't know how to respond to things
>Has the audacity to call anyone an idiot when he's asking for advice on fucking Jow Forums
kek. I don't even know why I'm replying, clearly a larp
>predator
>op the child predator
>pressing charges on a 6 year old girl
Even if you could find a way to do that. the second your manchild autistic ass walks in that courtroom the judge is going to throw it out.
This is why i browse r9k. For the brilliant threads like these
>they think I have aids when I don't
Exactly what someone with aids would say
Just when I thought you couldn't possibly dig any deeper, you dig all the way to fucking Beijing.
Then wait a bit OP and tell just tell them that you asked strangers on the internet what to do. If they don't believe you, just show them this thread. Everything will be fine, just calm down.
I don't think even the scummiest of scumbag lawyers would take OP's case.
Dude, its only Self-Defense if your action prevented your Death or serious permanent injury. No one is going to believe a six-year old is capable of doing that to an adult unless it held a Gun.
I won't let this thread die, OP do you have diagnosed autism or something?
If cops arrive, make sure to very carefully explain to them that, as you told us earlier, you are a predator and thus cannot be held accountable for your actions. Be sure to repeat this as many times as it takes for them to get the message. This is a critical step toward making sure they are aware of your situation and understand that you did nothing wrong.
Don't say anything to the cops without a lawyer. Did they record it? Were there visible bite marks that could be traced to your dental records? If not, they probably won't be able to prove it.