>go to wipe my ass after my morning shit
>notice while wiping that I have a colon gremlin the size of a grape poking out my asshole
>tfw now a boomer dealing with ass cancer or hemorrhoids for 2 weeks now
haven't been bleeding while shitting or wiping, but my fucking assgoblin isn't shrinking no matter how much boomer cream I lather my asshole with
what the fuck do I do, Jow Forums?
This is not a medical board. Get it looked at by a doctor.
do you drink a lot of caffeine or alcohol or eat tons of spicy crap? those two always flare up my ass
Go see a doctor or you will be Totalbiscuit'd
>have some doctor fondle my bumhole
>have some doctor palpate my asscranker to see if it's cancerous
>have some doctor pat my ass after he's done having a go at my shit chute to bill me $5000 and to have more fiber in my diet
>also smoke weed 420 it cures cancer
i'm an AMERICAN I can't afford to go see my doctor over a fucking hemorrhoid, plus I'm not bleeding at all
yes to both, I stopped after this and have been taking prebiotics/probiotics and doing warm baths
guys it's gross, but I can push my hemorrhoid back in, it's like a prolapsed cyst or something
i never had it that bad
worst case scenario i get a tiny bit of blood after a night of heavy drinking
yeah, I don't have any bleeding and have never had any shitter issues up until nowadays with this itchy asshole sore poking out
Are you me? It's just hemorrhoids.
Just hemorrhoids. I get them bad for like an entire week. Then I'm good for a month or two. It's diet I drink a lot of coffee
I am you as you are me and we are all together. How are you holding up, me? Did you stop your ass apple from crawling all the way out? I don't know how I feel about swerving whenever I wipe just so I don't make ass jelly out of whatever's inside this cavernous vessel.
hammer hoid cream worked instantly for me, you should definitely get that looked at.
what's one feel like? my feels like a lump protruding out from the skin, like a zit blown out my asshole.
hammer hoid?
nigger...
I just ignore it and it goes away. No cream or anything.
finna tryin git dat hammer hoid on my EBT whitey
how long?
Dunno, like I said, I ignore it.
hemorrhoids fucking suck
Anal venous thrombosis
If you want a real close chair diagnosis from people on a mongol basket weaving forum, try to snap a picture.
Yeah that's how they feel. They get oily and feel like I have a grape sticking out my ass
>i'm an AMERICAN I can't afford to go see my doctor over a fucking hemorrhoid, plus I'm not bleeding at all
Seriously, how is your health and having peace of mind not worth $5000?
Hahahahajahahaha
I went to Hungary last year and IMMEDIATELY got severe fucking food poisoning. If you want to travel Europe I suggest Czech Republic, Bosnia, Serbia, Poland, Monte Negro, Slovakia and maybe Hungary if you bring your own food
I never suffered so much in my life, hear me out
>SEVERE pain and stomach cramps, literally fall to the floor
>it comes in waves every 5-10 minutes
>DIARRHEA
>ENTIRE asshole covered with hemorrhoids
>can’t feel my asshole because of them
>visit the toilet 30 times a day minimum
>blood every time I wipe
>PAIN every time I wipe
>lasted for a week
>visit Hungarian doctor
>”Yes... Hungary is not a good place for doctors”
>poor guy, he’s staying there trying to help this sub 90 IQ people who eat raw chicken and duck
>travel home, still infested with hemorrhoids
>suddenly notice THERE’S LITERALLY A SECOND ASSHOLE BENEATH MY ASSHOLE
>AASKSLANSMDMDMMSMDNND
>visit the doctor
>it wasn’t actually a second asshole
>the hemorrhoids were simply so large and swollen I had mistaken a crevice for a second anus
I laugh at it now and honestly I deserve much worse due to bad karma but still
I recommend coconut butter as a preemptive measure, every time I get the itch nowadays I smear it all over
>going anywhere in eastern europe apart from prague
yeah, no thanks.
Make sure you're getting in tons of fiber. Your want your shits to be effortless until that thing heals
resisting urge to pop it
If you had cancer you'd literally shit blood, and not just a red drop on your turd.
Prague is nice, Serbia is awesome. Monte Negro has VERY beautiful mountains. Eastern Europe is my favorite destination.
Croatia is crowded with britbong tourists pissing and puking in public
In Bosnia literally EVERY FUCKING GUY is 1.90 or taller. shit’s depressing. Nice country though with a tragic history.