Greentext Stories

We're bringing back the old Jow Forums, anons. Ignore anyone that says otherwise, and share your greentext stories.

Attached: 1521569251507.gif (500x282, 463K)

>Be me
>All the way back in middle school
>Have this kid with extreme autism in my grade
>We'll call him Gil
>Gil was definitely knowledgeable when it came to a few topics
>Such as Looney Tunes, and Calvin and Hobbes.
>He could also recite the entire preamble to the US Constitution from memory
>But Gil also had a thing for girls
>Since his autism caused him to have no self--awareness, he would regularly hit on pretty girls in class
>They knew they couldn't freak out about it so they'd just wait for the wrangler to step in
>One day, during social studies, he decides to say to this girl, Kathleen, who had the biggest tits in school at that time:
>"I'm going to fuck you in the ass"
>No idea where he heard such language
>Half the class bursts into laughter, the other half is mortified
>Not even the teacher can contain herself
>Kathleen is taken aback, says "What are you talking about?"
>He simply replies "You know what i'm talking about"
>Wrangler snatches him up, speaks with him in the hall
>Class tries to return to business

wasn't the last incident of Gil, I can tell more if it's desired

>Greentext thread
>OP doesn't post a story
wow great start

Please continue in the most original way possible.

>you know what im talking about
gil isnt autistic
he's just alpha af

pizzafag smiles on you user

Okay then. I'll tell of a few more tales. Nothing too fantastical, because these really happened. They're just kinda strange

>Ask the teacher for permission to take a piss
>She allows it
>I walk to the bathroom, but see Gil's tard wrangler standing outside
>She's asking him if he's "almost done"
>She can't go in to get him I guess because it's the boy's room
>Hear him say "almost!"
>Just think to myself "whatever" since anytime Gil's in the bathroom he's just sitting in the stall singing to himself while shitting, so I have no real fear
>But I should've
>I walk in to find Gil standing in the middle of the bathroom, completely naked with his clothes in a pile on the floor next to him
>Now, what you have to understand is that Gil is a very very pale, hungry skeleton
>I only see this terror for a split second before making an about-face out of there
>No idea why he was naked
>I tell the wrangler of the situation
>She uses her walkie talkie to get help
>I decided to use the upstairs bathroom instead
>I'll never know how they got him out of there

>Gil
Is that his last name? I knew a really autistic guy and that was his last name.

>used to ride schoolbus to school with mom
>mom was the busdriver
>1st week of 1st grade
>school goes into lockdown
>nobody allowed in or out
>stuck at school til mom can pick up kids
>parents advised to pick up kids personally
>waiting on mom still
>mom finally arrives hours later
>no other kids on the bus
>see big ass cloud of smoke going home
>It's the fucking Pentagon
>stopped every mile or so by MPs
>full military gear while searching every inch of the bus
>finally get back to mom's car
>go home
>crowding around TV while they play footage of the towers getting hit over and over again
>don't understand the full scope of what happened
>never really got to enjoy pre-9/11 life

I assure you he was very autistic. He just didn't realize it. But he for sure wanted that ass. Anyway, another story.

>Social studies class once again
>Learning about who wrote the Star-Spangled Banner, and why they wrote it
>It's explained that Francis Scott Key wrote the song while in a boat after a battle
>He woke up to see the US Flag still flying high, so he knew the battle was won
>Anyway, this southern girl Courtney was talking while the teacher was talking
>The teacher asked her if she knew what we were talking about, she said yes
>The teacher told her to come up to the board and draw a picture of what we were talking about
>Pretty retarded but whatever
>Courtney walks up and quickly draws a boat with a guy in it, with a flag next to it
>She does this in a passive-aggressive way
>One kid says "That doesn't look like a guy in a boat it looks like a cherry"
>I guess it kind of did but that's a weird thing to say
>Gil speaks up
>"Yeah, she has a nice cherry"
>Once again, the class begins to go apeshit
>All the dudes are cracking up
>The girls are sickened, finally losing their shit on him
>"OMG GROSS YOU CAN'T SAY THAT!"
>The wrangler once again removes him from the room for the remainder of class

Nah, fist name.

*first name.
>never really got to enjoy pre-9/11 life
same, user. I was like 4 when it happened

I remember it all vividly, being born in 1990. I also remember columbine being on the news live, they were marching the kids out with their hands on their heads.

Alright, the final tale of Gil

>English class this time
>We're reading Twelfth Night, I believe
>We're all taking turns reading and discussing what is happening in the story
>There's a scene where bear-baiting either occurs or is mentioned
>None of us know what that is
>Teacher explains that before we had modern ways to entertain ourselves, we would take a bear and put it's foot in a beartrap, then take 3 or 4 dogs and chain them up just within range of the bear, and make them fight each other
>People would make bets on the outcome
>Gil is visibly disturbed by this
>He loves animals and finds this practice abhorrent
>Which is fine, but it hasn't been done in like hundreds of years
>He starts to fly into a rage over it
>Screaming and swearing and smashing his fists into the desk
>All the while the wrangler is trying to keep him quiet
>She keeps saying "what did I tell you?" over and over
>Eventually a school security person comes
>He and the wrangler grab Gil by the arms and basically drag him out of class
>Gil keeps screaming "NO! NO! DON'T LET THEM TAKE ME!"
>Think he's just being weird and dramatic again
>But we never saw him in school again
>Figure there were other incidents I was unaware of and they were fed up with trying to integrate him
>No idea where they took him though
>Years later see him digging through the bargain bin movies at Best Buy, so he's alive at least

That's pretty much it
Yeah Columbine happened like a month before I was born, so i've pretty much always lived with this world of paranoia everywhere

You're right, I'll make one.

That reminds me of this autistic faggot that I went to college with. This guy was severely socially stunted. He made me look like a social god. Story incoming.

>5 years ago
>at a college in the mid-south
>there existed an autistic man by the name of J.P.
>he was a hungry skeleton man,19 years old, about 5'9, clean shaven, with a bowl cut of dirty blonde hair
>his trademark was a bright blue hoodie that he wore at all times no matter what temperature
>he hung out in the cafateria all day if he wasn't in class, and would go up to people and say the weirdest shit
>one day I saw him go up to a table full of hot chicks, and ask them if they liked Yughioh
>they looked disgusted, said no, and told him to leave
>then he would go to the next table
>he would bounce around every table trying to talk to people, but everyone would tell him to leave except for a fat black guy with schizophrenia
>like, the kind where you hallucinate, and talk to yourself
>the schizophrenic guy wasn't that bad of a guy, even if he'd ask people for change for the coke machine all day
>they would sit in the middle of the cafeteria and watch anime at full blast on J.P.'s phone
>everyone just did their best to ignore it
>one winter morning, J.P. went to the cashier of the cafe to order his usual breakfast
>a breakfast scrambler consisting of eggs, your choice of either sausage or bacon, and hashbrown
>the clerk informed J.P. that they happened to be out of hashbrowns on that fine morning, but they could give him a double helping of the rest for the same price
>J.P. just stood and stared at the indian woman who had just ruined his day
>hatred in his eyes, he stared for a good 30 seconds
>the woman, confused, tried to ask him what was wrong, but it was to late
>J.P. let out a punch with the fury that only a blue coat wearing autistic man could have
>he struck his mark, hitting the woman straight in the face
>she flew backwards into the wall and started crying
>a professor saw this, and quickly apprehended the young autist dragging him out of the cafeteria
>from that day forward, J.P. sat outside of the cafeteria
>banished from it halls, forevermore

Hashbrowns are serious business, i'd be pissed too

>Greentext thread
>15 posts
>6 posters
This board is dead

>be me
>18 yo kissless virgin
>out for drinks with a group of normie friends
>in the group there's a 8/10 qt3.14
>sit next to her
>we order drinks
>we get a small bottle of raki (a greek spirit) but they bring one less shot glass so we end up sharing the same one
>night goes on
>a few people have left the table, there's 5 of us left
>we're both drunk at that point
>alcohol has cut through me like a hot knife through butter so i excuse myself and go to the toilet
>she follows me
>i get out of the stall and go to wash my hands
>she's there and starts talking to me about some shit, can't remember exactly what, i think she mentioned her father
>goes in to kiss me
>autism.exe boots
>didn't realize she wanted to make out
>kiss her on the cheek and head back downstairs
and that's how i ruined my only chance to ever do something with a girl

post MORE POST MORE

jesus how embarrassing, user

Attached: 1531681596709.jpg (600x400, 28K)

>be me still
>19 year old kissless virgin
>normie friend and his girlfriend try to hook me up with a gril
>they arrange for the four of us to hang out
>meet her
>6.5/10 plays the guitar and has a nice taste in movies
>play the guitar together, go pick up food, overall have a good day the four of us
>the day after my friend asks me what i thought of her
>be delusional and have way too high standards
>say sorry but i didn't like her that much
>"well that's a bummer user, she's a nice girl and she seemed to like you, think of it"
>don't change my mind
>2 years later
i regret this every single day and hate myself for it

what a bozo you are

Attached: 1529044782488.png (647x594, 366K)

>Be me, 16 year old 237 pound friendless homeschooled loser
>left middle school in 7th grade
>from then until I was 16, work for my mom and listen to comedy
>I also was an atheist, but I had recently decided to become Catholic
>in denial about how obese I am
>get a job at Little Caesars, where I meet a girl who we'll call Stacy
>After about a month, Stacy is told that I have a crush on her by one of my friends, who is annoyed, rightfully so, that I always take her side on things
>she's a cunt, but that doesn't matter yet
>she starts making me a good orbiter
>I get her things
>my ChadDad catches wind of this
>essentially tells me that in all walks of life, I need to quit being a bitch, and that I should just not get her things when she asks
>probably the most important advice he ever gave me
>around this time, realize that I'm really fucking fat, and decide to change my lifestyle in seemingly small ways
>lost like 20 pounds within a month and a half
>boost of confidence
>one shift, Stacy is being extra cunty
>tell her that not only is she a total bitch, but I'm really not attracted to her anymore
>apparently this really affected her, because she starts going after me like crazy
>asking me to grab her and stuff
>I do
>starts asking me to have sex
>I say yes at first, and then realize that, hey, I probably shouldn't
>tell her that I won't go through with it, attach a meme about Captain Jack Sparrow
>this continues for a while, with us only escalating to mutual groping and sexting
>she keeps asking, but I always refuse
>anyways, I quit LC, and so does she
>here comes the breaking point
>I'd gotten down to 190 by then, I am currently 165
>I tell her that I'm getting a job at Safeway
>she says no, because she's going to get a job there
>Something just happens in my head, where I realize that I'm really tired of her telling me what to do like we're dating when we're not
>Block her and get the job anyway

Attached: abraham.jpg (599x759, 55K)

alpha and inspiring. is that the whole story?

this reminds me of a retarded guy back in high school, he asked the english teacher to seat pretty girls next to him and she felt sorry for him so she obliged

No, there are a LOT of other smaller things involved. Just weird drama shit. Stacy was the type of girl, in my opinion, who used other guys, in various ways, to make herself feel better about how she looked, basically as a validation tool. She'd have sex with a bunch of other dickheads all the time, as I found out, and anytime other girls would talk to me, if she perceived them as flirting with me, she would flip out on me later on. Not a healthy person.

There was also this Mormon white knight kid who would do anything for her, not realizing that it didn't work, and he grew to really hate me, which was a shame because I thought he was a cool guy, and I ended up having to block him because he would relay messages from her after I blocked her.

Apparently, Stacy thought I was talking about the Safeway near our house, and I knew that she thought that at the time, but it was the fact that she thought she could tell me what to do that bothered me. I loved walking into the Safeway when she was around, because I've been progressively getting more and more fit, and it was almost like a "Ha, see what you missed?"