Work in hr

I faked a military background to get my first job. What I did was Google cvs of former soldiers and just copy them. A low profile is key, people tend to fuck it up by claiming they were in special units, foreign deployments and such. When people ask you just be humble and say you asked for IDs at a gate all day and that it was boring. Don't claim to have gotten any medals or commendations either. Doing research on the unit youre pretending to be from and learning their lingo and in-jokes, if possible also helps. You can go on military/gun enthusiast forums and stalk people to do that sort of research.

After working there for a few years I got the experience I needed, deleted that stuff from my CV and got a better job.

so i am a solider without ever going to the army

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Every vet we hired has substance abuse and anger management or other emotional issues. Not everyone relies on government contract support for their business.

>huge amounts of drug problems
>have a habit of just fucking killing themselves randomly, often times taking others with them

nah I think I'll go with a real human not a retarded meat bag. Vets really should just take the shortcut and get done what we're all expecting of them.

Don't you have a service dog to abuse or something?

>solider
This typo has got me seething.

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Such BS
Stop watching TV & pretending to be in HR.
Where I work is 70% vets, most with combat experience. They are the calmest people in the world.
It is the only sons of single moms that worry about their Pokemon cards that cry all day

>describing robots

No, trust me. I work in an area with a heavy denisty of Gov. contractor circles. Of course managers and project heads tend to be college types, but they also really love ex military dudes.

so basically women?
>orgianlo

We have a lot of jobs with security clearances - damn near all vets
>been taking random drug tests since they were teens; background checks; often already have a clearance; psych screen to enlist, another when they get out
Sure, the boss has a Yale MBA, but the moneymakers all are vets

You are probably a diva just like them and you don't realize it.

Exactly, hiring a vet is really easy for them as they already can trust them to be good goys, for lack of a more fitting term. You will never, and I do mean never, get a clearance if you've done drugs before.

This
>psych screen + background check and drug screen to enlist
>random drug screening throughout enlistment
>psych screen when they leave, mandatory counseling
Herp derp they are all crazy drug users

And when I ask to see your military ID?

An alcoholic could pass all of that.

Let me gues.
You=
>single mother, no brother, public school, afraid of girl (the prettier they are the more scared you are), barely scraped through enough university to get a job, never been in a fight as an adult (maybe beaten up, but you did not fight), no gf, sarcastic, passive-aggressive, andafraid of guns
And a vet ignored your sarcasm, removing your only weapon.
Right?
Right

From
>they are all drug abusers with anger issues
To
>an alcoholic *could* slip through, even though there is no alcohol in combat zones
In 3 minutes

>have female "friend" who's in hr
>is LITERALLY fucking her boss
>when I ask her if she could help me get a job
>she says on the off chance she's able to pull a "rabbit out of a hat", whatever the fuck that means
>I'll also need to have a "solid resume"

All of this to be able to put a mop in my hand.

Fuck you too, cunt.

Thanks for reassuring me that I should trash all vet resumes. You should seek counseling for your anger issues.

This means she does not want to stick her neck out for you. Plain and simple.

Joke is on you
>I am not a vet
Thanks for confirming I was right, though

Yeah all those single moms that get into street fights hangout on r9k.

maybe one day i will be far enough up the foodchain to fuck hr roasties looking for job security

Child of a single mom, dumbass

>work in hr
AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHA
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAAHHA
AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

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No you dont, you're just looking for attention

sage

>(you)= single mother

for all you fags who complain about not being able to get a job, fucking here

i tried making like 2 threads around this on 2 different boards and posted it in other threads similar to this and it always goes unappreciated because it's actual, elaborate, step-by-step, detailed, realistic, down-to-earth pragmatic advice that will most likely work, seeing 's post triggered me to do it again on the off chance that someone actually has the willpower to get a job and might find it useful

i don't recommend faking military background though, low / middle-management
jobs with a focus on supervision are the easiest to get and maintain (self-explanatory)

if you're a paranoid faggot don't forge the degree and you'll be pristine because it's all legal, but i should tell you that if you are a paranoid faggot, literally just look at all the multi-billion dollar international corporation CEO's that got their job via resume / c.v and degree fraud and how scott-free they left, and think about just how many other sociopathic executives paved their paths doing the same thing, and now think about how silly small and minute a local small business / chain branch is and just how much grueling money, time, and effort companies let alone multi-million / billion big boys would have to go through to chase your ass for something that isn't even illegal beyond a shadow of a doubt in court, just how many years they'd spend, you'd literally have to destroy jeff bezos's life and topple his empire to trigger a response like that

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Thanks user, I saved it for future use. It might be fun just as an experiment
>buy a burner cellphone and pretend it is your boss
>answer in a made up voice every time and talk yourself up

>Thanks user
no problem
>I saved it for future use.
why not use it now? literally just right now, start and apply now, today, if you don't finish setting it all up then tomorrow
>It might be fun just as an experiment
lol, i guess, doesn't really sound like you're gonna do it though, even as "an experiment"
>>buy a burner cellphone and pretend it is your boss>answer in a made up voice every time and talk yourself up
lol, i don't recommend getting a burner phone because it can be potentially traced and is linked to your or someone else's name and you can't use a voice / pitch morpher, so get a VOIP line for maximum effect

Im going to use this to apply as an executive of another company. Wish me luck

>Im going to use this to apply as an executive of another company.
assuming you're not poorly baiting / being condescendingly sarcastic / ironic or whatever, i don't recommend that, i would rather go for middle-management, under 60k after taxes but ok
>Wish me luck
good luck user

if you want to go the extra mile, rent an actual office out or at least a virtual office and use that as the shell company address instead, make sure to have the fake shell company's company email with the domain and include a company email signature and shit if anything (also make sure the email is either "girl'sname", "hrinfo", "girl'sname.hr" or "girl'sfirstnameinitialthenfulllastname.hr) then @domain.com)

make sure to do your research on other executives's resume's / cv's and get a hold on the lingo / jargon, again if you want to improve your chances hire an actual reputable C.V / resume designer (make sure to make it an infographic) and get a professionally-shot picture of you in either a black suit jacket white oxford shirt plus dark collar pattern tie and tieclip or navy blue suit plus open top button mandarin collar white oxford at a park with a green shrub background or something in broad daylight, make sure you're clean shaven and have a business haircut (i recommend an ivy league, taper cut or low-volume side part), and if you have glasses get colored contact lenses instead (bright blue / green is best)

don't forget the watch, get either a fake high quality chinese rolex or the simplest metal chain or leather strap you can, and if you think it suits you, get a ring

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>work as hiring manager
>applicant has hr background
Into the trash it goes

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I already have a job though, but I might use it when my time here is done
Beautiful trips btw
And I will take your advice about the cellphone

What other stupid bullshit do people care about like the haircuts, wristwatches and suits?

>male hiring manager
LMAO

>I already have a job though
what's your job title, how much experience do you have, do you have a degree and did you attain it via cronyism and or nepotism?
>I might use it when my time here is done
alright
>Beautiful trips btw
that's...why are you even looking at digits this isn't b, the word "trips" shouldn't even be uttered on this board

are you from b?

ah well fuck, this entire board has now basically turned into a slightly less-spammed b

just please lurk more or...something

or not
>And I will take your advice about the cellphone
ok

it's always good to have some actual experience at a real company, a lie with some actual truth blended into it is the best lie

don't forget the voice morpher and make sure not to change the pitch too drastically to the point to where you sound like an optimus prime preset or something, just enough to where you sound just that much different

i also recommend you follow a few of the steps from , or if you really wanna go overkill, all of them

executive-tier preparation would land you any white collar / middle management job instantaneously especially if you're over 35 and can slap that "10 years of experience" on literally everything, absolute overkill but pretty cool to watch them drool over you i guess
>What other stupid bullshit do people care about like the haircuts, wristwatches and suits?
hair color, eye color, skin color, height, weight, physique, face / looks, eyebrow grooming (subconscious), baggy eyes / dark circles / acne / skin tone / blemishes (use makeup, yes just do it, get moisturizer with vitamins + minerals, concealer, primer, and color corrector, follow lifehacker.com/the-beauty-products-men-should-try-1825387495), hairline, body odor, sweat (talcum powder) and body hair of any kind (shave it all)

oh also clothe fitting (tailor all your business clothes and always get your exact size using measurements)

oh yeah and also hands and nails (manicure + very small amount of moisturizer + small amount of talcum powder wipe it off the nails)

I work in the US military as a personnel/pay clerk. I got my job based on...an open billet, opportunity, just like anyone else. And do not criticize me checking your trips- nobody does that, checking is perfectly acceptable and these days is more of an s4s thing anyways (bless those autists). I could call you a faggot redditor for your retarded spacing but you do not see me doing it so do not be mean to me!