Tell me, what killed you? i want to know the day you died. who is the corpse inside of you? whats his name? who was he...

I am very touched by your post user.
Because my mother is close to that too.
She is sweet and all, but when she got divorced, it was all a different story.
Everyone keeps telling her to take my father's money and pension, to be a bitch but she is not going to have that.
Her physical health got fucked and she is on the verge of just not giving a fuck anymore.
I am glad she is a strong woman.
Props to her,

I hope that both you and she are able to resolve your respective problems, user. Our mothers are not bad people, they just seem to have deep internal struggles to deal with, and we're collateral damage.

You too user.
God speed with you.

I was never like other people. I couldn't socialize or interact or bond with people. I have far too many horrible stories in my past where my best friends turned into the people who hated me the most. I am 90% sure I'm autistic or aspergers or something fucked with me. I dont know exactly when I died but eventually I just fully gave up. I figure before I go I'll either do something big or have to be killed. no motivation to do anything big, just need to wait for when theres a good time I suppose

Honestly? Circumcision. I've had severe depression and body dysmorphic issues over it, for a decade since learning the truth.

I continue to live because of singularity and transhumanist coping. Maybe tech will advance enough in my lifetime that I can get a new foreskin, or even a new, never mutilated penis.

>tfw don't go a day without torture fantasies
>tfw frequently jerk off to the thought of raping that one really hot girl from high school who was in the friend group that I orbited, sometimes it's the only thing that gets me off
>tfw want to tear the flesh off my old bullies with my teeth
>tfw want to tie them down and crush their bones one at a time starting with their feet and working my way up
>tfw want to rip out their jaws with my bare hands and jam them in their eyesockets
>tfw want to tear their ribs out one at a time and stab them with the broken ends

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I'd eat them. As the final humiliation in death. Being forced to merge with my body.

Got shitcanned from a job I enjoyed.

It wasn't a sudden thing, it happened slowly after she dumped me and I lost my job and independence.

For years afterward I tried getting a new job, a new gf, a new lease on life. All I could find are internet gigs and that can't even pay the rent for a broom closet in town.

Slowly my enthusiasm for my occupation and dream eroded until I truly died on the inside. I have no idea why I'm still alive and I suspect nobody except my family cares if I exist.

Meanwhile the ex who dumped me got everything she wanted in life. Thinking about that makes me want to vomit my heart out.

Interesting thread. Bump orig

something broke inside of me when my mom found herself a new boyfriend who was a total schmuck
he wasn't abusive or anything like that but you could tell he was slimy as fuck and had no class
the worst part was when she started forcing me to befriend him and go on trips together, I thought my family were the only people I can trust but it's like I didn't know who she was anymore
then she got really furious at him and broke up just because he threw up at her sister's (my aunt's) wedding
I was isolated and bullied for most of my childhood but at that moment I started feeling like not even my family gives a damn about me, I became extremely lethargic and gave up hope
things have been better since then but I'm still in and out of depression

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When I cared too much.

there was no specific day it happened, it was little by little over time. ultimately though i killed myself. i've been through a lot worse and looked better doing it than i do now, it wasn't until i let all hurt start to get to me, wasn't til i let myself be sad over everything that things were really over. i wish i could go back but i can't, even if things were marginally better before i thought why me that person is a joke to me now.

Extreme parental neglect from a single mother and being depressed from 12 to at least 24.

I'm trying to build up a life now after doing basically nothing through all my teenage years and early adult hood, but it's hard because it takes so long starting from scratch and it's hard not to compare myself to my peers who are already established and successful.

Working with my dad

From a young age my dad was a self employed builder and would regularly force my brother and I to work with him

Brother began rebel age and started saying no to working with dad so I was forced to become a builder at age 11

Dad would take out frustration of wanting to finish all duties at once but not being able to one me while also venting all his stress and frustrations on me

This meant he would regularly make me cry with his aggressions
Hit me
Shout and mentally abuse me from ages 11 to 19 when ever I tried to back myself up he would break me down further

This caused me to not understand that I could possibly be loved and caused me to be bullied as I had no retaliation anymore I just accepted my fate regardless if I could fight back or not

When ever I would get into a fight I would stop mid fight causing me to not hurt anyone and just get the shit beat out of me

This changed when I was 19 and told dad enough was enough as earlier that day he pushed me to the limit and had decided to off myself but pussied out

I only started repairing my self when I got a job outside of my family that showed me life really isnt that hard and that I can be a valuable member of the team without being aggravated or assaulted if I done something wrong by mistake

Self love started to set in when a girl showed interest in me but I didnt understand what was happening since I had resorted to using drugs from 16 to numb the world so when I was shown affection I was confused and lost on how to react causing me to splerg out and inevitably ruin it causing her to require new friends etc

After she broke up with me I started a few months of depression since only affection I ever received was ruined by my own hand

I then finally got shown the affection I dreamed of with the help of my brother but quickly left when I finally understood what I needed to do which began the period of self improvement

Still working on myself but happier now

24 years old boring boomer virgin loser with bad health, that's it. And the worst part is i can't blame anyone or anything for my problems, just me fuck up my shit

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My first work experience. I thought "finally I'll have a chance to socialize, maybe make friends, perhaps meet someone". Not only was literally everyone already married and talking about it all the time, isolating me even more, but I learned the hard way that it's a cutthroat business and everyone's out there to get you. Every word out of someone else's mouth is a carefully laid out plan to fuck you up. Nobody can be trusted. I already had trust issues, now I think it's gone permanent.

What industry? Originally

Puberty killed me. Life, while not perfect, was at least tolerable (and even enjoyable at times) before 6th grade.

it was the day my ex divorced me. i've never really been ok since then. i thought we were forever, but she left to chase a long lost love who showed back up, a missed connection. we were together 5 years.

it's ok frens, sooner or later it's will all go away.
try to be a good person, that's the least thing that we all can do
youtube.com/watch?v=sOjv4_1zz98&t=435s

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thanks fren. she left at a horrible time in my life tho. now im over the hill with no prospects and little hope for the future. it was more than 5 years ago.

>try to be a good person
HA
HAHAHAH
AHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHA
Absolutely hilarious. That's what I've done all my life. I have never once had anyone reciprocate. But it didn't matter. Until instead of either reciprocating or ignoring me, they decided to stab me in the back since they see kindness as weakness. I have obviously cut ties with anyone who has done it, and sowed the seeds of doubt among their community as I left, but there's no way this will ever be enough.

I have given up on being a kind person. My nature prevents me from switching off to being cold and uncaring, but you better believe every single day I'm training toward this goal. If that's what it takes to survive, then I'll do it. Just like I've toppled every other obstacle in my life. And if I succeed, you better believe there will be hell to pay.

My name, well you can call me.. Ah, we'll go with user.
>user loved to play with anyone he could, his neighbors, his friends, just, anyone.
>user was a bit odd at face, but was just trying to make jokes.
>He loved everyone around him.
>There was nothing truly wrong with his life.
>He was lost to a second side that developed from exposure to the internet.
>The childish, kind, sponge-minded side that he had was taken over by a hate-filled, depressed, shell of a human being.
>The things this user saw broke them both.
>The young boy grew, and hope, happiness and overall joy stretched further and further away.
>Friends left him.
>Things were lost.
>He fell into self-harm and suicidal thoughts.
>user began to feel as though he was useless, and that anyone was better than him. Everyone was better than him.
>He began to lose grip of feeling.
>Motivation was fleeting.
>Happiness like a toothpick at the end of a football field.
>It was all gone to hell.
>To this day, he still exists, but he's trapped.
>Trapped by me.
>I have to come to terms, every day, that I killed myself.
>I was the one to kill user.
>But if user is dead, who am I?
>Who am I?

the thing is, you be good to the wrong person
be good to the one that care about you.
wish you the best fren

Maybe i dont know the struggle that you been through, but i know that we all wake up everyday and question the meaning of our existence. Stay strong fren, maybe someday you will fine another girl

I guess its my turn then. I'll call him user, if everyone is cool with that.

>user is born to loving parents
>Fjrst years of his life are forgotten at this point, maybe they died with him
>The only thing I can recall of a
>Then user's brother was born
>Right from the start he was a little prick, but user put up with it
>These were happy times for user, as he was growing up and learning of the world
>He had many friends and social opportunities in his preschool days
>But then, one summer, user went to a Jewish camp(he wasn't Jewish, but it was part of the place he got speech therapy for)
>user got the first stab, he was bullied
>Till the day he died, he never could think of himself as anything other than fat
>But he knew they were right
>user went to Kindergarten, and all was good for awhile
>Even a younger, sweeter brother joined his life
>But his elder younger brother forced him to a public school
>user for awhile was forced into isolation and loneliness, even becoming a bully and making another's life hell
>But that would stop when he realized they were in the same spot
>He and his friend would become much closer
>2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade went by
>user noticed a pattern, every friend he tried to make he would move away from
>All but his best friend he made years ago
>But middle school came, and his best friend moved from a neighborhood away to the other side of a big city
>all while starting middle school, he was left alone and confused
>School was easy and having little social interaction, user fell heavy into video games
>It was at this time he noticed small cracks in his family
>His father and especially his uncle had extreme alcholic problem, the ladder getting strokes from it
>His mom was very short tempered, but still good
> user is one day bullied by a gang in the barthroom stalls
>Called fat unlovable and worthless
>Soon he realizes the spiteful nature of the teachers, along with his mother
>His mother quickly enrolls him into private school again

Sorry this is taking so long, I didn't think I would go into detail. I'll call his brother I hate the younger brother and his brother I love the youngest brother.

>My younger brother never knew the pain I went through there, so of course he mocked me for it
>user was still trying to be positive, focusing on my strengths
>user was smart, a good writer(for a 12 year old), and semi athletic
>It all started to degrade even further with enrollment to private school
>user was generally like in the beginning
>He was a little awkward at first, but kind as always
>Puberty was beginning for young 13 year-old user
>He sooned realized his struggles with girls after being rejected 10 times
>His first real crush sprouted, we'll call her Annabell
>Annabell was a whore/slut waiting to be born, but she was one of user's closest friends
>user learned she had a boyfriend, right before he was going to ask her out
>He soon started to orbit her for all of 8th grade, showing what a loser he was
>He had abandoned any connections he had made with the football team, leaving him to be stuck with her friends
>All of them were toxic and hateful people, due to their "loser" status at school. Annabell especially.
>Even so, her guy and girl friends generally got along well with me
>Until that little faggot of a younger brother showed up
>user realized at this point how much more successful his brother was
>Much smarter, much more athletic, and had a much better social life
>His "Friends" soon realized this
>They made sure he knew he was inferior
>Annabell left the school before high school started, and user never got in contact with her
>But none of this made user dead
>He was able to survive, right until high school

I'll do pt3. in a second

fuck ive been through the same shit.

>quiet kid who likes watching cartoons and playing pretend with friends
>happiest time of my life
>cool kids laugh at me, I dgaf
>get to college (uk) at 16
>none of my friends there
>never learned to play social status game
>it begins
>oh look anons a virgin
>oh look user dresses funny
>oh look user does specific thing weirdly
>get depressed
>get anxious
>spend next ten years alone and isolated
>push friends away because they slowly turn into normies
>mind broken from years of isolation
>recovering slowly, no longer anxious or depressed
>can't form sentences properly, brain fog
>no motivation to "improve" myself and play this stupid fucking game that normies play
I just want peace and quiet and my old life back. I'm so fucking tired of the normie dick waving contest. I had everything I wanted, and now I'm expected to give a shit about some social hierarchy invented by retards.
I can't even greentext this properly because I just can't think straight.

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>stomach lining pierced by shards from Doritos over consumption

I was walking down the street and I got shot in the head. I died immediately. Now I'm dead

Oh fuck. I understand. That therianthropy shit fucked me up, especially when I told someone about it irl. I'm over it now, but my life is empty

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