Childhood sexual abuse and You

>10
>female
>social anxiety, paranoia, body dysmorphia,
Therapy is slow to heal all this.

i remember seeing a porno movie when i was like 5 becuase it wasnt blocked but i dont remember what it was

My own experiences closely match others here. I've been in therapy for more than a decade and I'm going to a group about addiction tomorrow. Still, I've been able to hold down part time jobs. I plan to begin something full time soon. I have had a whole raft of diagnoses and problems.

>8
>male
>paranoia,absolute lack of confidence,schizoid, mild auditory hallucinations sometimes
I think i could have lived a normal life if it wasn't somebody close and it didn't keep happening for the length it did and didn't end the way it did

>How young were you when you got raped?
Around about 3- (almost 7)
>How was your life in hindsight?
Dad was a schizophrenic paedo so pretty fucked anyway
>How fucked up are you now?
Not as bad as I could have been

I was touched by a friend older cousin when i was about 8. Not really rape. Not sure how it affected me.

i don't know if this counts, but when i was 10 i tricked this faggot kid my brother knew into sucking my balls, lol
i farted right in his face and he kept sucking.
two years later i fucked his ass, told him it was a game or something.
to this day i still think about how sweet that ass was. if i ever saw that guy again i don't know if i could control myself, so it fucked me up pretty bad. i have to keep it from my wife, and all my friends, so it makes it pretty difficult to enjoy my work, even though i'm on a decent salary at 32.

I was 14, I'm a guy and I'm straight.

I was raped by a 20 year old guy I was friends with at the time. It was pretty good before that.

I'm really fucking depressed now. I've got tard powers now from it as well.

>At 23
> Before it was great
> Now I don't even know why I exist
I'm 25 and a girl.
By a fucking refugee in broad daylight at my job .
They never found him and it's been over 2 years .

what do you mean "tard powers"?

Yeah, but you still have your white privilege so get over it Becky.

If I was raped I would have had sex
Meaning I am not a virgin
Which means I'm not a Robot and shouldn't be hear.

Non-virgins are not welcome here? That's too arbitrary of a rule

Underrated origibiouly

*Dabs* gottem

its not a rule.

Maternal Grandfather ages 6-12
He raped all his children and his grandchildren
My grandmother helped by holding me down by the neck
He was 36 and she was 13 when my mother was born
Told my paternal grandparents and the helped get me away
My mother then provided him with my younger brother
When my brother was 10 he sat down in front of a freight train and was killed
My parents blamed me for his death since I told about being molested
Have not spoken to my parents since I was 16
Got made an independent minor on my birthday
I am 31 now
I have 6 loks on my front door, bars on the windows, I can barricade my bedroom door and have locks in my bathroom
I sleep with the lights on, always
I only get undressed to take a shower, no curtain
I sleep with clothes on and haves shoes ready to slip on in case I have to get out quick
I have never touched, as an adult, anyone in a sexual manner
I got my GED and work in a warehouse store doing night stocking
I will never have children, I don't go anywhere near children
I do not think I could ever hurt a child, but I'm not completely sure
I makes me afraid I might be a monster inside
I don't drink or use drugs, just in case I loose control
I would like to become someone who travels the roads killing people who molest children
My mother's father died after having a series of strokes, he was on hospice, the nurse was made aware of what he was, so she agreed with my cousins and he was not given pain medicine, after a while they stopped feeding him and giving him fluid, they hurt him for a while, he finally died in a lot of pain, he was cremated and his ashes were flushed down a rest stop toilet after the 7 of us shit and pissed on them
Thought it would help, it didn't, still have a massive hole inside
Wish I had asked him why
Sometimes I wished I had forgiven him
As I age I realize my brother might have had the right idea.

Do Hentai comics glorify sexual abuse of children?

Younger than I can remember. My mother prostituted me out as a baby.

My life has been a train wreck.

I want to die all the time.

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I've greentext'd this so many times I can't be bothered.

My dad's methhead friend fingered me at 12 because my dad was shit drunk.

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you don't talk about your bad childhood/life if it's that bad, bitch. You just keep walking.

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thats fucked user im so sorry

>I would like to become someone who travels the roads killing people who molest children

100% agreed.

I have fantasizes about that regularly since "then." I really want to beat one of them to death and watch them die as I repeatedly stomp their face with my steel toed boots. I want to see the blood pouring out of their mouth as I smash their teeth and pulverize their face.

I don't know how it isn't a regular thing in the US where they publish pedophiles addresses online, etc, but here in Canada
they are well protected and released back into our communities after serving short sentences.

whats your job that was allowed for that to happen

this does not sound real to me

there is an simple remedy for this you know

>played all kinds of dick games with me, and ended on the classically named game "who can stick it in the fastest?"
did you ever win?

>13 by an 18 year old girl, friend of my cousin
>17 by a 19 year old girl i was dating
at first i thought the first incident was nothing, but it fucked me up all of my teenage years unconsciously, the second one just destroyed me
i'm doing ok now but anything that starts looking like intimacy (physical or emotional) makes me gtfo and panic
inb4: "a woman can't sexually abuse a man" people who make posts like that are on the same level as roasties or even worse

where do you live ? and whats your job about?

>As I age I realize my brother might have had the right idea.
Not to sound rude but do you have anything to live for user?

>15
>pretty fucking nuts
>diagnosed sociopathic narcissist and possibilty to develop schizophrenia

Why the fuck are so many methheads pedos? I notice this is a recurring thing from what I hear on the internet.

my auntie made me do really bad stuff to her when I was like 6-8, I also got taken advantage of older girls when I was like 10. It made me explore this twisted sexual phase when I was 10 to 14 on family.
My life was really fucked up, but this stupid shit I've done and the stupid shit that's happened to me when I was young is awful.
Honestly, I didn't address to my grandparents who were raising me when it was happening at the time so I feel fucked

>>This does not sound real to me
His name was Eriberto, he was from Panama, came here as an illegal and received his citizenship joining the Army and serving in Vietnam
My grandmother, was Vietnamese, she and my mother ended up on a refugee camp after the US involvement emded, they eventually became part of "the boat" people and we're brought to the US
My father was a postman who met my mother on his route, my mother turned 16 a month after I was born, she eventually became an LVN
There is still a pretty real possibility that my mother's father is also my father
After my parents divorced my dad got remarried and found out he was infertile
My brother was from another guy my mother "dated", he had very obvious features that his dad also had

Lots of broken people around with worse stories, worse outcomes.

Something I didn't mention was that I occasionally have to wear a sanitary napkin, being raped as a small child caused some problems with my ability to hold waste in, I leak a lot
Certain foods I won't eat, tastes are a problem and so are textures, get freaked out sometimes

Just glad I never wet my bed p, hurt animals or started fires, most freak killers start off being molested

>>Not to sound rude but do you have anything to live for user?

Mostly I look at it as if I end my life they win, again, by staying alive I win, every breath, every meal, every moment, I win and they loose

I also intend to stay alive for my brother, if I hadn't said something then he might still be alive

Plus I have a really great dog, she is happy to see me, keeps me company when I sometimes cry, listens to all my complaining and groaning and is probably the only reason I go out besides for work, she likes to walk and walk and walk, sometimes I wonder if we should just keep walking and not go back,

>Certain foods I won't eat, tastes are a problem and so are textures
explain this more?

i think i may have repressed memories of my dead uncle molesting me but idk how to bring them to surface. they may not even be real but i have a gut feeling.

Around 8 or 9. Don't remember when it started, exactly.
It sucked. My brother and I had to move in with uncle because our parents sucked. Uncle badtouched me and fucked me. He'd smack my brother up the head sometimes, but only I got the uncle D. He didn't take care of us very much so I had to be parent to little brother. When brother got old enough for any sort of parental action to annoy him off I just sort of existed. I never got to be a kid. The way people describe childhood and seeing kids in the wild being carefree is alien to me.
Now I'm as okay as I'll ever be until I cave in and agree to see a shrink. My brother got an apartment and guilted me into moving in instead of staying with a junkie friend. It's really complicated with my brother and I don't leave the place often. I'm paranoid and I think I'm going to be a bad person for the rest of my life.

You've only had sex once in your relationship?

I promise you your wife is getting deep dicked behind your back. Time to be a man and hide your emotions.

Based and alpha

Originalsjsjshkak

This may sound crazy, I dont think I was molested. But when I was around 8 I used to go to this Christian group and I remember one of the leaders wanted us to come to his house, I think to pick something up. The memory is really foggy, I cant remember for the life of me why we needed to go to his house, or why on Earth we needed to leave the group building to go down a several blocks to his house. And actually arriving to his house is completely blank. I have pretty bad selective memory, so it makes me wonder if I am blocking something out. It's probably nothing, but its weird to me how completely blank that part of the story is.

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What's your story, if you don't mind?

Your ass was probably desecrate, they are Christians after all

had something happen to me, I'm not going into details though, because I'm just not.

But I've felt like there's something wrong with me, because when I was locked in the room with him, something in my head just snapped and this voice started going:
You could kill him. The door's locked, he can't get out either, no one's around, he thinks you can't fight back, he thinks you won't fight back, he thinks you won't be able to do anything,
buthe
doesn'tknow
whatyou
aaaaaaare...

And I just had this urge come over me.
This urge to beat him to death, to rip into him, to feel his life end, and to see his blood on my skin.

That situation eventually ended, but I would see him around, being that same smug asshole.
He used to walk past my room and whistle, so that I knew he was outside my door.

One day though, I snuck out of my room, and stopped the door from slamming so he wouldn't hear. I'd heard his whistle and knew he was in the stairwell, and I slipped through the door behind him.

I knew he was fucking idiot and wouldn't notice that the door didn't shut like it was supposed to. I had just socks on so he wouldn't hear me, and I stepped just behind him on the top of the stairs.

And my mind did the same thing again.
Push him push him push him push him push him
No one would know
Youcould
doit
noooooooow...

And suddenly it was like my whole head was full of white light and sound.
I don't know if it was a seizure but it felt like time warped, and it felt like my mind melted.
I don't know if I made a sound but suddenly it stopped and everything was normal and I felt the edge of the door slip past my fingers.
It must have made a sound because he turned.

cont...

Does anyone else suspect that they were sexually abused but can't remember any specific incident?

He was so startled that I was standing so close behind him, that he actually jumped and stumbled down a few stairs.
He panicked and grabbed the rail, and started swearing.
He was breathing hard and looked terrified.
He just stared at me, trying to breathe.

It was the most satisfaction I've ever had.

I kept getting the same urge though, even later.
Things got worse for me later, and one night, during the worst, I stood outside in my big black coat, and waited for him.
But he never came out.
I'd have killed him in the dark that night, but he never came out.

I fantasize about it though. Years later, catching him unaware in some dark place.
And that voice in my mind still calls for it.

And now I get to live, knowing that deep inside, I'm a worse monster than the guy that raped me.

Reporting desu, I have my doubts but no really sure, may try with a therapist to see if there's something to explain why am I so fucked up

are you literally a woman

Can you at least specify your
>gender
>age when it happened/actual age
>sexual orientation

HELL FUCKING YES user
my life would make all of the sense if i had been abused as a child, but i can't remember a damn thing.

Unfortunately not original but probably.

>

Got free sex and got fucked up ?

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I had a happy childhood without abuse.
But I am still a failure

My cousin and her friends took advantage of me sexually from a young age. It began with exchanging favors for kisses and groping, teaching me to kiss and things like that. My family thought i just had a crush

One day she asked me if i wanted to go in private and get naked, i have a gap in my memory for about a year and then i remember the same kinds of things happening with her friends. They would tease me and kiss me, and often things would go further. They were in high school and i was still in elementary.

There was a gap in us seeing each other, and now we both pretend it never happened, we havent ever even spoke about it. On the exterior I am absolutely normal but i lack something fundamentally relatable on the interior, a couple of screws loose

I confessed to a previous girlfriend about this, she asked me why i never said anything about it to my family. I liked it, i think. I think there was some mutuality there and so a part of me feels responsible, that's why i could never tell

I told some friends about it, one reacted by confessing how hot my cousin and her friends were... I dont talk to people about it anymore

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5 in school by an older kid. Every day i take the bus that goes past it. It a constant reminder. I was to young to know what any of that shit.
Depressed but for other reasons. Parents hate me. Have no direction in life. Have some friends though but, they have their own lives and it feels like i'm constantly getting left behind. Consider suicide every night before sleep and a fap.
Overall, i remember it and sometimes think about it, but i don't believe it effects me that much.

Not raped (not really), but molested twice at ages 7 and 9. Independently, by different people. I was apparently more fuckable pre-pubescence.

>walk into room looking for brother
>its his weird, really fucking strong and tall friend
>has his dick out
>completely erect
>tells me to touch it
>freeze
>scared as all shit
>touch it for a sec
>turn around and run

I don't even know if this really counts as sexual assault.

Can still almost literally feel it on my hand where I touched him tho

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Family was a home-away-from-home for disadvantaged children when I was a kid. I don't remember what age I was but when I was but a wee little kid I was told to diddle this 16-yo or whatever who were staying with us.

I still don't know how to feel about it.

Of course it was a bad thing, children should not be exposed to sexual activities, but then again I don't remember much other than touching a penis and just jerking my hand around in someones pants. Maybe it wasn't that bad, it didn't feel like *real* child abuse. I mean, I wasn't diddled myself as far as I can remember. It's kind of scary though, I have no idea how much this has impacted me, but a lot of things in my life is quite fucked up and I have a lot of trust issues, which isn't helped by being literally autistic.

I don't know man, makes me kind of anxious when I think about it.

Anyone else know this feel? Help

wot explain

rjntsjshtrrttrb

Thats not sexual assault its called veing gay he didnt force you

was molested a lot when I was a kid. Am a male. I liked it a lot. still jerk off to those memories

maybe this is too tame to count but when I was 4 I was playing with a neighbor who's a year older and his little brother and he told me to get naked and lie down and I just complied with everything and he started like smearing paint over me, rubbing it on my penis and in my foreskin and into my ears, he was trying to humiliate me in a sexually naive way and afterwards I had a strong sense of shame about it.
when I got older I stole a lot of his pokemon cards in revenge.

I was 6 or 5 i think my life was pretty shit lived in a basically 3rd world country pretty fucked up i think

I was scared of what he would do if I didn't user, I was like 8

My earliest memory is of me being sexually assaulted at age 3. I know I was sexually abused before then but I don't remember any of it.

My life has been very difficult, but I feel guilty to complain because I have many things others do not. I am a recovering addict, among many other things...

Do you live in Britain or Germany by chance?

>18
>male
>straight

Life wasn't good before but it tore me up inside and at its worst i couldn't be near a girl without being on the verge of a panic attack

i remember this story user. Dont you have a kid with the boss?did you get in touch with the kid like we suggested?

Rapped as an adult, in daylight by a random . Fucking larpers .stop trying to steal our pains.

>15
>female
>severe social anxiety, depression, body dysmorphia, non existent self esteem, paranoia

groomed online, still feel guilty as if it was my fault, have also been sexually assaulted a bunch of times in my later teens which hasnt helped

>be around 7-8 years old
>two teenage female cousins (15/16 respectively) hang out with me when our family comes to visit
>they're baby sitting me while the adults go out
>watching a movie with them
>they tell me to grab their tits and feel them up
>too innocent still, just think it's fun to play with them
>one of them leaves
>me and 15 year old cousin in the room
>she takes off her shorts and lays on her stomach with her ass showing with her thong
>tells me to pull her thong and it gives her a wedgie
>remember her moaning a little bit
Huh, I completely forgot about this until this thread. Never seemed to affect me emotionally or sexually in any way, but yeah guess it was repressed. Seems like one of the faded memories you're not sure is even real, weird.