What's the closest you've come to killing yourself and what was going through your mind...

I haven't gotten close yet, because I still have people that I feel I need to live for, but I'm noticing that my moods of feeling like I'd probably be better off dead seem to be getting longer before they go away for awhile.

People's behavior towards me remained unchanged. When me and my friends drink, they usually bring it up jokingly around new people that hang out with us or their friends to make them feel weirded out and spook them in some way. I don't understand it, but it entertains them so hey.
As for my family, my mom tries to be nicer and talk to me more, but I push her out passively because we never had a normal family bond with each other in my family. Don't get me wrong, we aren't disfunctional in any way as a family. No violence, substance abuse or such. We just always acted more like 3 roommates than we did as parents and their only child. My parents rarely called me "son" or by my name. It was mostly nicknames. So anyone in my family being nice and "familylike" puts me off and makes it feel forced. It's nice talking to you about this, user. It makes me feel like I can help you share the burden like you help me share mine.

I took 20g of paracetamol two years ago.I've been dealing with trauma and depression since childhood, and i was feeling particularly desperate. Away from friends and family, jobless and in a shitty relationship. I don't remember what was going through my mind. I eventually puked most of it but i was very sick for two weeks afterwards.

>they usually bring it up jokingly around new people that hang out with us or their friends to make them feel weirded out and spook them in some way
That is a bit weird. Thank God my friends don't do that, it would be a extremely embarassing.
As for my family, I was never close with my dad so I never even told him about anything. I wish we were closer...
>It's nice talking to you about this, user. It makes me feel like I can help you share the burden like you help me share mine.
Knowing someone out there has the same issues is therapeutical in a way. Thank you, user

Two people sharing their experiences always gets me in the feels.

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I overcame a lot of my confidence issues as I got out of puberty and got more Jow Forums, as well as got to the point where depression overtook me so I don't care about "being embarrassed". It's the only liberating thing I got out of it all.
Shame about you and your dad. Seems like you wish you had a more " normal " relationship so I imagine it's tough on you.

Oddly enough, this was the first time ever I posted on this board and maybe like the fifth time I visited it

the closest I ever got was pulling up a chair and testing the durability of some rafters
I also used to leave my windows open as a teenager during winter on the off-chance I'd freeze in my sleep

whatever that last hill is that people go over before they commit suicide, I never quite made it over

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>confidence issues
I know that way too well. I'm trying to move past it. Maybe I should try to be a bit more Jow Forums too. Not that I'm fat or anything but it could boost my self-esteem knowing I won't pass out after one push-up.

>I imagine it's tough on you
You imagine well. I wish we were closer...

>this was the first time ever I posted on this board
The first time I posted on this board I also had a super interesting conversation with an user and we're actually really good friends now. Funny how life works. However, I do advise you to leave while you can. This board can be comfy but it can also mess with your mind.

>>>This board can be comfy but it can also mess with your mind

Yeah, hugboxes and echo chambers ruin the soundest minds. This board is very toxic and it saddens me how it only brings ruin in the long term to lots of people on here.
I'm heading of to sleep as I have to be up for work in an hour and a half.
Good luck with your life and what you set out in life. I know it doesn't get easier, even if it gets better. I'll think of you from time to time in my days. Thank you for keeping my mind occupied for the past couple hours

>killing yourself over a love interest

I hope you'll get closer and closer, till you finally do it. You fucking mentally ill, retarded sack of shit.

Unoriginal edgelord.

I'll leave my contact information if you ever wanna talk again... Not intended to be gay or anything. If we don't speak again then good luck with your life, user!
[email protected]

>le edgelord triggered me

I hope you'll kill yourself over it, you fucking pathetic incel

I avoid hard decisions. Whenever I'm in a tight spot, I just go take a nap. This way I slept through the last year. I worked 90 hours a month max and I slept through the rest.

>o-o-oh shiiiit someone challenged me! um um um.....INCEL!! that'll fix em.
Try again.

Took 7 times the lethal dose of a prescription medication and walked into the North sea. Was found by a guy walking his dog.

Now I can't kill myself because since then I've hurt too many people and in general had a net negative impact on the world. I'll try to at least bring that to a 0 before I off myself again. It's the only thing keeping this machine going, even as my body and sanity is beginning to fail me. I puked blood yesterday.

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I usually just lurk but I never had someone to tell all this so here goes nothing.

It was last year, last week of November. Idk how I got there but I just snapped. I dressed up on the most formal clothes I had and prepared prescription medicine I stole (later realized this was a horrible tactic and tried hanging but the rope broke while I tried to off myself, i know it was hilarious). I gave my dear friend a note through a flash drive with the animes he asked. He had tried to save me. But he succeeded since I'm still alive. Yet afterwards, we never spoke again. He probably left because he didn't want a liability that threatened to kill himself every few weeks. Even though I'm filled with questions as to why he left, but I'm thankful he pushed me. I'm a bit closer to the edge now.

Hey Ray, if you're reading this. thanks bud. Sorry. I understood what you wanted to do. Don't blame yourself. Have a fun life my dude.

Won it.
Suck it.
Bitch.

Drug addiction and depression pretty much. Sat there with a gun in my mouth pulling the trigger ever so slightly. There have been a couple other times and probably more on top of that when i was black out drunk. Ive known since i was 16 i was gonna kill myself at some point. Im close to trying again unfortunately

>Tried with pills at 16, pills did fuck all because I was fucking stupid and took something not remotely lethal.
>Almost did at about 25, had a blade sat on my bed really drunk ready to do it in tears and shit, and a housemate walked in my room.

Been wanting to do it a lot recently but I doubt I'll try because I'm a massive fanny and I wanna get better and eventually actually try harder at life.

I have Schizophrenia. I have thought about suicide everyday for over literally 10 years. I simply do not have the capacity to kill myself, yet. If I did, I'd just stick a knife in my throat and be done with it. There is no 'trying to kill yourself'. You do it, or you do not. You clearly do not want to die that bad if you fuck up something so simple as ending your own life. 99% of people who survive suicide attempts are raging pussies.

I've never said anything will ever fix you, you mentally deranged incel

when i was 16 and one of my grandparents died and i realized there was one less person who actually gave a shit about me.
i actually started crying and was really close to just walking in the kitchen for a knife to self-harm as an outlet. it was around noon i think during august or so of 2013. remember it was really cloudy outside, and i was just anxious about everything and nothing could distract me at all.

most of the time though it's just a feeling of really not wanting to deal with any of these things anymore, more so than actually wanting to commit to suicide. i still feel like this often.

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I'm so stuck on the fence. There's ten different ways to go about it and I can't commit to any of them.

We live in pain for much of our lives, but that doesn't mean we can't enjoy love and pleasure when we feel it.

about a year ago my at the time girlfriend was going through shit with her depression. I talked her out of suicide to the point where my family started noticing the effect it was having on me. Also, around that time my father was in a fucking pit with rehabing. Shit was just bringing me down. I didn't "want to die". I wanted to get as far away as I could from everything.
Better now, but still usually taking whatever forms of escape I can (glued to screens most of day and ignore family, think about using drugs, excessive and dumb spending, etc.)

So how's your day going, Anons?

>board with virtually no moderation is "hugbox"
>toxic
self centered normals out

The closest I got to killing myself was one day where I spent the majority of time at my grandparents helping them around the house, I thought that it would be a good day to die as I was able to see them for the last time, I was drinking a fair abit as well with them just cause it's a common thing here. When I got home I was fairly drunk and decided to get even more drunk, I was talking to a friend about killing myself for abit then looked around the house and garage to find rope, I was looking for awhile and gave up when I couldn't find any then passed out in my bed. My thoughts during that time weren't really much just suicidal thoughts and the impossibility of changing. I still plan to kill myself I'm currently looking for pure helium which feels hard to find but maybe I'm a brainlet. I was also crying the entire time whilst I was looking for the rope.

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Everything was shit about my life.
Grades, parents social life etc.
Wanted to end it....

Then quickly realized that suicide is the most retarded thing anyone can do.

Seriously, you only fuck yourself over prematurely.

Eventually things got a little better after a few years.
And I got a window to improve my life, and did so swiftly.

He's right, senpai
All we do on here is piss into our own mouth all day and keep saying something tastes salty

wasnt trying to but i made a noose and tightened it around my neck and firmly held the tip with my left hand behind a door that i had my back too and then lifted my legs up. in like 5 seconds i woke up on the floor and kept spasming for a few seconds. i literally couldnt remember what was going on except when i realised i had a rope on my neck i remembered what happened. dont try this.

and it felt kinda neat thinking if the end wasntied down id of died. what stopped me from actually doing it? i wasnt planning on it i was just seeing if it works.

there are 2 seperate incidents

july of last year i had to go to this week long leadership camp because i was class president at my high school (not very popular, only reason people voted for me was because everyone hated the lonly other person running). about a week before i had to go, i finally broke all communication with my gf at the time, and even though she was actively cheating on me, hid multiple social media accounts from me (including snapchat and twitter), and was just an all around cunt, i was still in love with her. i had already been suffering from depression and cutting off communication did not help. i had no one to talk to. i stayed in my room for the entire week other than to piss or eat the occasional poptart. i ended up losing around 8 pounds, which was extremely dangerous because i was already severely underweight at the time. i cried myself to sleep every night. the night before i left for this shitty leadership camp, i realized i couldn't fucking take it anymore. i woke up randomly at 3am and started bawling my eyes out. i then just got out of my bed, went into the garage, and sat in my mom's car. i spent over an hour sitting in her car with my fingers on the key, debating if i should turn it or not. then i just got out of the car and walked back inside. the only thing that stopped me was the fear that my parents would hear the car turning on.

it has been over a year since and i still struggle with suicidal thoughts almost daily. and though i haven't come as close to killing myself as that one night, i did write a suicide note a couple months ago, basically saying that i'm not gonna kill myself right now, but sometime soon. i still keep the note in my room.

i still haven't had a gf or bf since then, but i have been talking to this girl from the uk for 7 months or so which has really helped with my suicidal thoughts. i think what drove me to that almost kill myself that night was having no one to talk to, so it helps having her around.

k if it was a hugbox I would not be arguing with a samefag

>feeling suicidal over a dumb whore
Pathetic.

Closest I ever came was a couple years back. Didn't even feel that bad, was just immensely curious about what would happen.
Rather confident I'll be in that same position within 5 years.

she was a dumb whore, and i fucking hated her and still hate her

the problem was i told her everything, and i lost pretty much all of my friends because of her. she was the only person i had to talk to

and plus it was fun to have someone to fuck whenever i wanted

>oh boo hoo I lost all my highschool friends that I was about to lose anyway once we graduated
Woopty fucking doo, kiddo. Fuck off.

i was about to slit my wrists and bleed to death in my bedroom but had a moment of clarity and realized how stupid it would be. i had just lost all of my friends and im too autistic to make new ones easily so i decided the best solution would just be suicide but it was just stupid and i got back on track

When I was 18 I tried to hang myself with bedsheets in my room but they were too stretchy so I just pulled the chair back with my feet and untied myself. I don't want to die now but if I did I'd get a handgun instead.

Took a high dose of ibuprofen and became sick and had the worst stomach aches ever.

i was 26, i had just crashed my first year of law school with no survivors. had essentially tried to kill myself at the end of the school year with a massive, 5 day long bender of scotch / klonopin / xanax. didnt want to die but didnt want to be awake and sober at all period.

woke up in the ER was taken to detox. parents showed up both of them sobbing. got out of detox and went to rehab.

couldn't feel any pleasure for months, i had been an alcoholic for so long, had relied on xanax for so long.

dropped out of law school. had no plans. no idea what to do for the future. dad let me work at his office where i shuffled insurance papers around. lived in my childhood bedroom. had to deal with my mom crying and screaming at me almost daily for being an alcoholic.

i had a knife and was going to do it, but i was worried i would fuck it up, also was super scared of death right when i started to do it.

ended up getting on anti depressants and getting into a grad school for history.

my suicide attempts did not end there but that was the closest i ever came to it and i have gotten progressively better over the years and am going on 2 years with no really serious suicidal ideation.

i still dont really give a fuck about life but at least im sober and have a job that doesnt make me want to die. lamotrigine helps, so does propranolol as a non-addictive anxiolytic. smoking about 15 cigarettes a day. turning 31 soon.

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Kind of a long story,
I can green text and condense some but, I would really really hate to type it out and not get at least 1 (You)

Anyone here care to read?

In highschool I used a belt and a closet hook to try to kill myself. I ruined a perfectly good belt buckle.
I want to try again, how your vision goes to black, how you feel all fuzzy in your head. It was the most alive I ever felt.